February Jokes

100 february jokes and hilarious february puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about february that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the best February jokes to help you celebrate the month of love, from February 1st to February 14th and February 22nd 2022, to the first day of March! Celebrate birthdays, April Fools Day and other special days with laughter.

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Funniest February Short Jokes

Short february jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The february humour may include short calendar jokes also.

  1. How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, august 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
  2. girl answer when boy ask about valentines Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
    Girl: Yes, February 14th.
  3. Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust... Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming:
    "I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"
  4. Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals. What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!
  5. Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Yes February 14th.
  6. What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th? There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
  7. For those without a date for Valentines Day... I have one for you!
    It's February 14th.
    You're welcome! Enjoy it!
  8. What did the French groundhog see on February 2nd? His chateau
  9. Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet. January — ABCD...
    February — EFG...
    March — HIJK...
    April to December — ELEMENOP.
  10. "Do you have a date for Valentines Day?" I said, "Yep!! It's February 14th."

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February One Liners

Which february one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with february? I can suggest the ones about february days and march.

  1. My son is a man trapped in a woman's body he'll be born in February
  2. Can February march? No, but April may.
  3. Why do women talk less in february? Cause there's only 28 days
  4. Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year Hers is in February and mine in July
  5. 2020 has a new calendar out January
  6. Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are? December, January, and February.
  7. If January threw a parade Would February March?
    No, but April May
  8. Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day. It's February 14th.
  9. I have a date for Valentines February the 14th
  10. Can February March? No, but April May.
    I'll see myself out.
  11. Can February march? I'm not sure, but April may.
  12. I can't wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). . We can call it... 2's day
  13. February is ending today, but that's okay. We'll March on.
  14. I have a date for Valentine's Day! February 14th
  15. Which month do wives complain the least? February because it has fewer days.

February Days Jokes

Here is a list of funny february days jokes and even better february days puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why should you eat pork sausage on February 2nd? Because it is ground hog day.
  • women talk A: Dude, Do you know why women talk less in February?
    B: Nope, why?
    A: Cause it has only 29 days.
  • What do you call February 22nd, 2022. Twos-day.
  • I always thought my wife nagged me less un February because of Valentines Day. Turns out it's because it only has 28 days.
  • Researchers have found that men complain less in the month of February. Because it only has 28 days.
  • Which is the month in which women talk the least? February... because it has the least number of days
  • 2020 is a unique leap year... It has 29 days in February.
    300 days in March.
    And 5 years in April.
  • 4th July If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.
  • Why there should be a February 30th So dentists can have a day to celebrate
  • My gay dyslexic friend is looking forward to the 14th of February. He thinks its Vaseline day

February 14th Jokes

Here is a list of funny february 14th jokes and even better february 14th puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • ❤ ALENTINES AY ❤ For all those that won't be getting the V or D on February 14th.
  • I finally found a date for Valentine's. 14th February.
  • The archeologist's office was closed early on 14th of February. For a romantic evening of carbon dating.
  • What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.
  • This is the Alaska State Police. Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 12th?
  • Girls are two types - the ones, who hate February 14th, and the ones, who have a boyfriend.
  • ALANTINES AY! (For those who won't be getting the "V" or the "D" on February 14th)
  • What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? I only have eyes for ewe, dear
February joke

February 29th Jokes

Here is a list of funny february 29th jokes and even better february 29th puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • February 29th is just like a dead beat dad. It only shows up every four years.
  • It must be weird to be born on February 29th You only age every 4 years and everyone else born the same year will grow up faster
  • I already know that this is going to be a long year... Thanks a lot, February 29th. >:(
  • My girlfriend is 6 years old And no, she wasn't born on the 29th of February
  • Why do guys with erectile dysfunction name their d**... February 29th? Because it only comes up once every 4 years

February 1st Jokes

Here is a list of funny february 1st jokes and even better february 1st puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Glass half full Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
    Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
    Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.
  • February 1st, 1234 AD must've been the birth of the worlds best drummer One / two / one two three four!
  • What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?

February Birthday Jokes

Here is a list of funny february birthday jokes and even better february birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Birthday The Judge asks the defendant, When is your birthday Mr McKenzie?  
    February 20th, Your Honor.
    And what year?
    Every year, Your Honor"
February joke, Birthday

Gather Around for Heartwarming February Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about february you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean celebrate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make february pranks.

Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."


A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the c**... display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one c**...?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.

The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.
'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.
'Jem and I' responded the teacher.
'No, definitely Pisces' I said.

Selling Condoms

An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

February 10th should be National f**... Day.

Because it's 2/10.

Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?

Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?

Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!

Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?

Father: Sigh.... Those are for married men. One for January.... One for February..... One for...

Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper

Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."
Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."
Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"
Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."
Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920

my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested

The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa

Do you know why February is black history month?

Because It's the shortest month of the year, and it's too cold to have a parade.

Court Hearing in Helsinki

The judge questions the culprit:
"Where have you been in the night of the 4th November to 11th February?"

A special day in February

I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.
"President's Day."
"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.
Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we get another year of b**...."

The date for Superbowl 2020 has been announced as Sunday, February 2 ...

They haven't yet announced who the Patriots will be playing.

My girlfriend just asked me when I last had s**... with someone that wasn't her

I said- "Back in 02."
It sounds much better than "February"

My girlfriend got her period in the middle of February.

I guess that makes her My b**... Valentine.

My wife's p**... are labelled 'Monday', 'Tuesday', 'Wednesday' ...

My underwear is labelled 'January', February', 'March'...

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover?

I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....

February 30, 2021

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.
When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.
"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."

Cold war joke.

There's a sale on p**... at the New York Macy's store
An American woman goes to the checkout with 7 p**....
Cashier:" Only 7? They're on sale this week.
The woman replies,"No Thanks,7 is all. One for every day of the week."
Next in line is a woman from France with 5 p**....
Cashier:"Only 5? They're on sale.
"Thank You,but no. I have one for each weekday and on weekends I'm a free spirit(wink wink)
Next in line a great big burly Russian woman with 12.
Cashier: Well 12,that's a nice even amount.
Russian. "Yes 12.....Jan,February,March,April........

My dad hasn't spoken to me since February

Sure, death could explain it, but I always thought if you really loved someone, you'd find a way.

Today is Wednesday, 2nd February 2022 (2/2/22).

For some reason, I kept thinking it was Tuesday.

Who was the funniest pope in history?

**Pope Hilarius** (or **Hilary**) was the bishop of Rome from 19 November 461 to his death on 29 February 468.

Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?

January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian

February joke, I always thought my wife nagged me less un February because of Valentines Day.

jokes about february