The Best 58 February Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest February jokes. There are some february calendar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these february year puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny February Jokes and Puns
You may have heard of No Nut November
But after I came twice in April what I'm really hoping for is a No Fetus February
February 1st, 1234 AD must've been the birth of the worlds best drummer
One / two / one two three four!
Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.
What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?
December, January, and February.
Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust...
Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming:
"I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"
Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
John was about to play an April Fool's joke on his friend, Don.
Then, he realized it's the middle of February. This was posted late.
COUNTING CONDOMS
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are stupid!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.
The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.
'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.
'Jem and I' responded the teacher.
'No, definitely Pisces' I said.
You can explore february april reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean february dec dad jokes. There are also february puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is Iron Man's favorite month?
FE-bruary
Thanks :D
What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?
It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?
girl answer when boy ask about valentines
Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
Girl: Yes, February 14th.
❤ ALENTINES AY ❤
For all those that won't be getting the V or D on February 14th.
February 29th is just like a dead beat dad.
It only shows up every four years.
Which is the month in which women talk the least?
February... because it has the least number of days
Why there should be a February 30th
So dentists can have a day to celebrate
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
The archeologist's office was closed early on 14th of February.
For a romantic evening of carbon dating.
My son is a man trapped in a woman's body
he'll be born in February
"I can closely relate to the LGBT community, as my own child is a man trapped in a woman's body ..."
Fortunately for him, he'll be born next February.
Will February March?
No, but April May :')
Sorry, IDK if this was posted before.
And yes, I know it's bad.
The March for Life is all fine and well.....
But why are we forgetting the January and February for Life?
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
Yes February 14th.
February 10th should be National Fart Day.
Because it's 2/10.
Which "real"* months are the quickest? *February is fake news
The ones that get to 31st.
Why do women talk less in february?
Cause there's only 28 days
What do you say when someone dies between February 19 and March 20?
Rest in Pisces
4th July
If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.
Birthday
The Judge asks the defendant, When is your birthday Mr McKenzie?
-
February 20th, Your Honor.
-
And what year?
-
Every year, Your Honor"
women talk
A: Dude, Do you know why women talk less in February?
B: Nope, why?
A: Cause it has only 29 days.
I can't wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). .
We can call it... 2's day
Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?
Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?
Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!
Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?
Father: Sigh.... Those are for married men. One for January.... One for February..... One for...
February 7, 1938: Harvey Firestone, founder of Firestone Tire and Rubber Company, dies
Leaving his family feeling deflated
I have a date for Valentines
February the 14th
I finally found a date for Valentine's.
14th February.
Shout out to Hotel Maids.
That have to change sheets February 15th
February is ending today, but that's okay.
We'll March on.
my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested
The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa
Do you know why February is black history month?
Because It's the shortest month of the year, and it's too cold to have a parade.
Court Hearing in Helsinki
The judge questions the culprit:
"Where have you been in the night of the 4th November to 11th February?"
A special day in February
I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.
"President's Day."
"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.
Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we get another year of bullshit."
For those without a date for Valentines Day...
I have one for you!
It's February 14th.
You're welcome! Enjoy it!
The date for Superbowl 2020 has been announced as Sunday, February 2 ...
They haven't yet announced who the Patriots will be playing.
What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?
There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
My girlfriend just asked me when I last had sex with someone that wasn't her
I said- "Back in 02."
It sounds much better than "February"
2020 is a unique leap year...
It has 29 days in February.
300 days in March.
And 5 years in April.
2020 has a new calendar out
January
February
Lockdown
December
My girlfriend got her period in the middle of February.
I guess that makes her My Bloody Valentine.
Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year
Hers is in February and mine in July
Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.
January — ABCD...
February — EFG...
March — HIJK...
April to December — ELEMENOP.
Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Which month do wives complain the least?
February because it has fewer days.
Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover?
I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.
We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....
February 30, 2021
What did the French groundhog see on February 2nd?
His chateau
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the february sep jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working february jul piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.