february Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious february puns

My son is a man trapped in a woman's body

he'll be born in February

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Can February march?

No, but April may.

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Why do women talk less in february?

Cause there's only 28 days

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February 10th should be National Fart Day.

Because it's 2/10.

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I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

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How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

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Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."

"What about the 6pack dad?"

"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."

"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"

"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."

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Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?

December, January, and February.

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Why do women talk less in February?

There's only 28 days this month.

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I have a date for Valentines

February the 14th

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girl answer when boy ask about valentines

Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?

Girl: Yes, February 14th.

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I can't wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). .

We can call it... 2's day

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Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust...

Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming:

"I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"

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COUNTING CONDOMS

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

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My favorite kids joke

One Sunday afternoon Rain Drop, the oldest child, grows curious and asks her mother:

"mother, why did you name me Rain Drop?"

"February 22, it was a winter night when I had you, me and your father took you out of the hospital as soon as you were born. It was raining outside and the first thing that touched your forehead was a clear cold rain drop, so we names you after that."

Rain Drop excited tells his brother and sister. Her sister, Snow Flake, asks her father:

"Father, why did you name me Snow Flake?"

"It was December 21, and you were just born that morning. Your mother and I took you outside from the warm hospital to the cold winter weather. As we let you see the sky a tender snow flake falls and vanishes in your pink lips. And that's why we named you Snow Flake"

Then bowling ball asks the mom

"Wysfodletlkqsquipeso!?"

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February is ending today, but that's okay.

We'll March on.

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Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.

What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

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Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.


Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.


Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!


Q: Can February March?

A: No, but April May.


Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?

A: Homiecide


"Fish tanks are stupid!"

"Why?"

"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

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Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?

Yes February 14th.

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A man is at the supermarket with his 7 year old son when they walk past the condoms

The boy asks: 'Daddy, what are those?', to which the man replies 'Those are condoms son'. 'What are they for?', asks the boy. His dad replies 'To, ehhm ah eh, protect you from diseases'.
'Why do they sell them in packs of 3, 6 and 12?'.
'Well, the packs of 3 are for 16 year olds. One for friday, one for saturday, and one for sunday.'
'And the packs of 6?'
'Those are for 21 year olds. 2 for friday, 2 for saturday and 2 for sunday.'
'And what are the packs of 12 for?'
'The packs of 12, my son, are for married men like me. One for January, one for February, one for March...'

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❤ ALENTINES AY ❤

For all those that won't be getting the V or D on February 14th.

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Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?

Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?

Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!

Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?

Father: Sigh.... Those are for married men. One for January.... One for February..... One for...

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my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested

The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa

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A boy and his father are in the store

When they come across the section where the condoms are kept. The boy looks at them and asks his dad why they come in packs of 3, 6, and 12.

The father replies: "Well son the 3 pack is for the highschool kids, one for Friday, one for saturday, and one for Sunday. The 6 pack is for the college kids. Same principle, but 2 for friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for sunday."

"What about the 12 pack?" asked the son.

"Those are for the married men" said the dad proudly.

"Really?" asked the son.

"Yes indeed," said the father. "One for January, one for February, one for March........."

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women talk

A: Dude, Do you know why women talk less in February?

B: Nope, why?

A: Cause it has only 29 days.

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Court Hearing in Helsinki

The judge questions the culprit:
"Where have you been in the night of the 4th November to 11th February?"

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Will February March?

No, but April May :')

Sorry, IDK if this was posted before.

And yes, I know it's bad.

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Which is the month in which women talk the least?

February... because it has the least number of days

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Birthday

The Judge asks the defendant, When is your birthday Mr McKenzie?  
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February 20th, Your Honor.
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And what year?
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Every year, Your Honor"

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On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.

The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.

'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.

'Jem and I' responded the teacher.

'No, definitely Pisces' I said.

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You may have heard of No Nut November

But after I came twice in April what I'm really hoping for is a No Fetus February

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Shout out to Hotel Maids.

That have to change sheets February 15th

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February 1st, 1234 AD must've been the birth of the worlds best drummer

One / two / one two three four!

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4th July

If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.

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February 29th is just like a dead beat dad.

It only shows up every four years.

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What are the most funny February jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about February? Well, here are the best February dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and February pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes