February Days Jokes
33 february days jokes and hilarious february days puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about february days that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest February Days Short Jokes
Short february days jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The february days humour may include short february 14th jokes also.
- girl answer when boy ask about valentines Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
Girl: Yes, February 14th. - What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th? There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
- For those without a date for Valentines Day... I have one for you!
It's February 14th.
You're welcome! Enjoy it! - I always thought my wife nagged me less un February because of Valentines Day. Turns out it's because it only has 28 days.
- Researchers have found that men complain less in the month of February. Because it only has 28 days.
- 2020 is a unique leap year... It has 29 days in February.
300 days in March.
And 5 years in April. - 4th July If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.
- My gay dyslexic friend is looking forward to the 14th of February. He thinks its Vaseline day
- Why do people who aren't able to celebrate Father's Day... ...get all of February instead?
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February Days One Liners
Which february days one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with february days? I can suggest the ones about valentines day and v day.
- Why do women talk less in february? Cause there's only 28 days
- Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day. It's February 14th.
- Which month do wives complain the least? February because it has fewer days.
- Why should you eat pork sausage on February 2nd? Because it is ground hog day.
- Why there should be a February 30th So dentists can have a day to celebrate
- How many days are there in Canadian February? About Twenty, eh.
- February 10th should be National f**... Day. Because it's 2/10.
February Days Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about february days you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean days of the week jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make february days pranks.
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cold war joke.
There's a sale on p**... at the New York Macy's store
An American woman goes to the checkout with 7 p**....
Cashier:" Only 7? They're on sale this week.
The woman replies,"No Thanks,7 is all. One for every day of the week."
Next in line is a woman from France with 5 p**....
Cashier:"Only 5? They're on sale.
"Thank You,but no. I have one for each weekday and on weekends I'm a free spirit(wink wink)
Next in line a great big burly Russian woman with 12.
Cashier: Well 12,that's a nice even amount.
Russian. "Yes 12.....Jan,February,March,April........
We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....
February 30, 2021
my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested
The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa
On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.
The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.
'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.
'Jem and I' responded the teacher.
'No, definitely Pisces' I said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on a date with a woman.
"When's your birthday?" I asked.
'13th of March."
"When's your mother's birthday?" I asked.
"24th of December."
"When's your father's birthday?" I asked.
"1st of October."
"Excellent," I replied. "So, when do you have s**... with someone for the first time?"
"Usually after four dates," she said.
"Ok, when's Valentine's Day?" I asked.
"Um...14th of February."
I said, "Perfect. Back to your place or mine?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father and his 11 year old son are walking through the pharmacy one day.
As they walk past the family planning aisle, the son points to the condoms and asks "Dad, what are those?"
The father realizes his son is old enough to learn about such things, so he tells him "Well, those are called condoms. Men use them when they have s**... to be safe and not get girls pregnant."
"Okay." the son responds. "Who are those for?" he asks while pointing at the 3 pack.
"Those" the father replies, "are for men in high school: One for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday night"
"What about those?" the son asks pointing to the 6 pack.
"Those are for college aged men: Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday?" the father responds.
"And what about those?" the son asks pointing to the 12 pack.
With an air of confidence, the father looks up and says "Those, son, are for married men: One for January, one for February, one for March..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy and his father are walking through a pharmacy when they pass by the c**... aisle.
Seeing the different packages and count, the boy curiously points them out and asks his father what they're for.
"Well son, the three pack is for the highschool couples so they can safely have s**..., once every other day."
He looks to the eight pack. "Those are for the college couples, twice a week."
Finally he looks at the twelve pack. "And those," he sighs, "are for the married couples. Once in January, once in February, once in March..."
Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven...
...he is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Forrest, to get into heaven, you're going to need to answer three questions.
1. How many days of the week start with the letter T?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
Forrest thinks long and hard about these three questions. Finally, he goes up to the angel and says, "I've got my answers sir."
Peter: "Okay, Forrest. How many days of the week start with the letter T?"
Forrest: "Why, today and tomorrow of course!"
Peter, slightly surprised, says "well, that wasn't the answer I was expecting, but that is correct. Next, how many seconds are there in a year?"
Forrest: "Twelve."
Peter: "Twelve?!"
Forrest: "Yeah, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..."
Peter's more astonished than before at these unexpected answers. "Again, not what I was expecting, but correct. Finally, what is God's first name?"
Forrest: "Harold."
Peter: "Harold?!"
Forrest: "Yeah, it says so right in the lord's prayer. 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... tries to get into Heaven
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. Are you ready? St. Peter asked?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugged.
Very well. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T.'
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg thought and thought. He furrowed his brows and looked at his boots. Finally, his eyes lit up and he said, Today and Tomorrow.
St. Peter couldn't argue with that, so he moved on to the second question. How many seconds are there in one year?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg looked stumped and broke out in a sweat. He paced back and forth, kicked plumes of golden cloud dust, counted on his fingers and toes. Then it came to him: Twelve! he exclaimed.
St. Peter asked, Twelve? How did you come up with that?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg replied, January 2nd, February 2nd… There are 12 months and each of 'em's got at least two days.
St. Peter nodded. I can accept that! Now, for your final question: What is God's first name?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg smiled. Well, that's easy. It's Howard.
St. Peter stared at him. Howard? Where did you get that?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg explained, "From the prayer...'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...'"