The Best 73 Feathers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Feathers jokes. There are some feathers nests jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these feathers beak puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Feathers Jokes and Puns

Penguin

One day a penguin decides to go to a party. He dresses in his usual tuxedo, and then drives over to the mansion. He eats his dinner and then it was time for dessert. Ice cream, the penguin's favorite! The penguin laps up the ice cream getting it all over his beak and face feathers. On his drive home his car breaks down and he calls for a tow. After the mechanic inspects the car he proceeds to tell the penguin "You blew a seal". To which the penguin replies "No, it's ice cream"

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.

difference between a crow and a raven

one has 4 pinion feathers and the other has 5 pinion feathers, so the difference is a matter of a pinion

Feathers joke, difference between a crow and a raven

Did you hear about the accident between the Mustang and the Thunderbird?

Nothing but horseshit and bird feathers all over.

Today in the stock market...

Feathers are down, while escalators have continued on their slow decline. The market for raisins has dried up. Scott Tissue reached a new bottom, while paper remained stationary. There is is some good news, however: helium is up, and elevators rose, as well.


Roosters

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.

The man somewhat nervously said, I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.

Suit yourself, the farmer replied, the hens are round the back.

How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

Feathers joke, How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call speed!!'

The second eagle, calmly replies 'Trust me. You would be flying that fast too if your sphincter was on fire.'

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

What weighs more a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?

The answer is feathers.

200 pounds of bricks is just a bunch of bricks, but if you try to carry 200 pounds of feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

Which side of the goose has the most feathers?

The outside

You can explore feathers cockerel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean feathers chicks dad jokes. There are also feathers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Idiot question and answer

Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.

Q: What's a flea's favorite way to travel?
A: Itch-hiking.

Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
A: Because Frost bites.

Why don't birds eat potato chips?

Because it RUFFLES their feathers.

Did you hear about the bird that lost all of its feathers in a volcano?

It was moltin'.

What happens When a Pigeoner and a Falconer move in next door

Feathers get ruffled

What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

Feathers joke, What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.

The more you know...

What happens when you sprinkle feathers on molasses and sell it?

Treacle down economics.

This one time, my friend said that he's as hungry as a feather...

I said, "That's ridiculous, feathers don't even eat."

So he says, "Exactly, imagine how hungry they must be!"


Which weighs more, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of bricks?

The tonne of feathers, because not only do you carry the feathers, you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds.

What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

What side do turkeys have the most feathers on?

The outside.

Whats the difference between being kinky and perverted.

When your kinky you mess with the feathers, but when your perverted you mess with the whole chicken.

What's the difference between a hawk and an eagle?

All birds have specialized tail feathers called pinions. An eagle has 8 pinions, while a hawk only has 7. So you could say the difference is only a matter of a pinion.

Which side of the chicken has more feathers?

The outside

Cambridge University just discovered a new species of dinosaur

They say it had a stocky build with orange scales and feathers on its head. They are naming it Grabsalotopuss.

Which is heavier, 200 pounds of brick, or 200 pounds of feather?

The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

What is the difference between a raven and a crow??

Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3.

So if you think about it, it's just a matter of a pinion

What part of the chicken has the most feathers?

The outside.

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

Which side of an Albatros has no feathers?

The inside.

What do you call a bird with no feathers?

A brrrrrrrrrd

Hey babe are you an angel?

Because I'm allergic to feathers.

A buddy of mine is working on a program to fit large birds with new clothes, but he only gives them to birds with black feathers.

I said "Wow, that's some ostracizing ostrich-sizing!"

I was awoken last night by a strange, "cluck cluck cluck" sound and feathers falling on my face...

Must have been a poultry-geist...

Overheard this in a bookstore

Guy 1: "Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?"
Guy 2: (After some thinking) "I don't know, what?"
Guy 1: "The outside."

Which weighs more? A ton of feathers? Or a ton of steel?

Feathers. You'll have to carry the weight of what you did to all those birds.

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."

What's heavier 10 lbs of bricks or 10 pounds of feathers

The 10 pounds of feathers is heavier. Because you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds.
You monster!

A man walks into a bar to find its full of black feathers.

Its a crowbar.

Do you know why ducks have feathers?

To hide their buttquacks!

The other day I bought a Harry Potter themed device that puts the feathers on the backs of my arrows, but it's made out of poo...

It's muh dungus fletcher.

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their assquacks

I drank seven cocktails in one night

The feathers don't blend well

What weighs more, a pound of gold or a pound of feathers?

A pound of feathers, because you also have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor chickens.

In response to the TIL about the difference between a crow and raven

Do you know the difference between a crow and a raven? Well, the feathers that are the long vertical feathers on the wings are called pinion feathers. They help the birds fly. A raven has 13 of these feathers and raven only has 12. So I guess you could say that the difference between a crow and a raven is the difference of a pinion. I'll show myself out now.

A woman gets on a double decker bus.

She steps onto the bus and begins her ascent to the upper deck and a hefty gust of wind comes in and blows her dress up.

The bus driver, looking up the steps at her says but airy up there ma'am

To which she replies, what'd you expect, feathers?

What's heavier? 200kg bricks or 200kg feathers?

The feathers of course.

200kg bricks it's just some measure of bricks. But, if you want to lift 200kg feathers you need also handle what you've done to all these poor birds.

I asked a partying man covered in feathers if he'd taken lots of drugs this evening...

Quoth the raver: "Never more"

Q: Which is heavier, 200 pounds of lead or 200 pounds of feathers?

A: 200 pounds of feathers because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those birds

What weighs more, a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers, cause you have to carry around the weight of what you did to those poor birds

What's heavier?

What's heavier; a pound of feathers or a pound of steel?
A pound of feathers because you have to deal with the weight of plucking a literal pound of feathers from all those poor birds.

When the UPS guy asked if I wanted the feathers under a birds exterior layer delivered to me,

I responded with ELO's ninth track on the album discovery

A joke from my grandad

Why is a duck filled with feathers.

To cover it's buttquack

What is black, white, and gray, has feathers, and weighs almost four and a half pounds?

Two-kilo mockingbird.

What creature has wings, feathers and beak, and sick of waiting?

A bored.

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

The outside.

What is heavier? A kilogram of rocks or a kilogram of feathers?

Apparently, not even scientists are sure about it these days...

I just found out that down is up.

Saw on the news that the price of feathers is skyrocketing.

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

Does anyone know how to easily peel a kiwi?

All those feathers keep getting in the way

My little brother told me this one

Why do ducks have feathers? He says grinning through his teeth

Why?

To cover there But-Quacks! He says absolutely dyeing

Why does a duck have feathers?

To cover its buttquack.

What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

A Rooster With No Feathers on His Rump Walks into a Bar.....

Bartender: Can I help you?

Bird: I understand you have cocktails

What weighs more: A pound of feathers, or a pound of dogs?

The dogs. A pound can house many of them and even a pomeranian weighs at least a few pounds.

My 7 year old told me this one (sfw)

Why does the duck have feathers?
To cover it's quack hole!

Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To hide their buttquacks.

I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material.

Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son!"

What did the bag of chips say to the angry pigeons?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers

Why does a duck have tail feathers...

To cover it's butt quack.

When you're feeling down

just remember it's only feathers

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the feathers geese jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working feathers quill piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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