Feast Jokes
27 feast jokes and hilarious feast puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Feast Short Jokes
Short feast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The feast humour may include short dine jokes also.
- What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
- I got Grindr and Dominoes mixed up when I went to order Regardless there is an 8 inch meat feast on the way and I'm scared.
- Did you know Dracula had a brother who feasted on pancakes? His name was Count Spatula
(Tried this out on my kids the other day. It went horrifically bad) - Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for the feast? He was given the cold shoulder.
- Did you know that cultures with arranged marriages typically serve melon at the wedding feast? Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.
- Why wasn't Taco Bell featured at the White House's fast food feast? Because Trump would have expected them to pay for the whole meal.
- My little brother jumped out the window when I told him a cannibal clown was coming upstairs to feast on his flesh. I can't believe he fell for It.
- Next Sunday is the "Feast of the Circumcision"... ...the service that celebrates the circumcision and naming of Jesus Christ. As the organist, perhaps I should play "O Sacred Head, Now Wounded."
- Did you hear about the movie in which a young fat lady gets kidnapped? Its called "Beauty and the feast"
- Why do bird suddebly appear, whenever you are near? Because you've died and dozens of buzzards have come to feast on your innards.
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Feast One Liners
Which feast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with feast? I can suggest the ones about festival and feed.
- Which animal only feasts during Islamic ceremonies? A Mosqueato.
- If it's raining cats and dogs outside.. the Chinese are surely having a feast.
- Pickup up Line: Baby, I am So lucky I am Hungry... Because you are a feast for my eyes.
Amusing & Witty Feast Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about feast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fiesta jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make feast pranks.
Lost vulture
A young vulture flew away from his home for a bit and got lost on his way back. His parents searched and searched, but they couldn't find him. About a week later, he finally finds his way home, and his parents are so happy that they have a huge feast. His father places a plate in front of him loaded with his favorite foods. He asks his father "What's all this?" His father replies "Carrion, my wayward son."
Eat the watermelons
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "
3 Animals Feast
A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay;
The skunk didn't have a scent,
The deer didn't have a buck,
So they put the meal on the duck's bill
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
Moana decides she wants to visit Maui.
Maui, being a super nice guy, prepares a large feast for her arrival, with plans to treat her like a queen. Moana arrives and sees the massive feast, and she says to Maui, "You've done too much for me. I cannot accept these lavish gifts. Why did you do this?"
Maui responds, "What can I say? Accept your welcome!"
Two vampires meet in the street
One have the face full of blood and was l**... the corner of the mouth, so the other one said:
-Wow, what a feast! where do you find it?
-Well... do you see that tower behind the church?
-yes
-I didn't
This math joke usually leaves people speechless
What did the mathematician say after she ate a huge meal at a feast?
√[(-1)/64]
----
^I ^over ^eight.
It leaves the speechless because they usually look at me with confusion. Its hard to make this joke work, verbally.
After Thanksgiving a woman continually finds her husband rummaging through the fridge...
... ravenously devouring leftovers from their Thanksgiving feast. It gets to the point where she begins to get worried and asks, "Honey can you stop eating like that? You aren't even heating your food!" To which the husband replies, "Everyone knows it is futile to try and quit cold turkey!"
Whats the difference between a large meal you are given and a bird of the cloth?
One's a present feast and the other's a pheasant priest
Irish feast
What is a seven course Irish meal?
.
.
..
6 pack of Guinness and a baked potato.
Jesus party
When Jesus distributed fish and bread, he surely turned some water into red wine for the feast, being his blood and all, everyone knew he could do that party trick by then.
I'm sure someone must have went like:
"That's all good Jesus, but white wine would have been better with fish".
That person miraculously had food poisoning that day.
Three hobos are talking about last night...
The first hobo says, I was digging around behind a McDonald's last night and someone threw away a whole meal! I had a feast.
The second hobo says, I was scavenging by the liquor store yesterday and I found a full bottle of whiskey! I got drunk out of my mind.
The third hobo says, That's nothing. I was walking by the tracks and I ran into this woman. We had s**... all night long!
The other two hobos, admitting the third's was the best, say, That's awesome! Did she give you head?
The third hobo says, No... I never found her head.
Jesus is setting up for supper and he calls Judas
over to help. "Judas, please set the table. " Judas complies and sets the table. "Judas, put the food on the table." Judas places the food on the table. "Judas, please call everyone to the table. " Again, he does as he is told and gathers everyone.
As they are enjoying the feast Jesus planned and had Judas serve, Jesus gets really serious and says," This will be my last supper with you." He pauses and continues, " One of you will betray me."
At which point Judas throws his hands up in a huff," Why do I have to do everything around here?!"
Timbuktu
The chief poet of the town dies, so they have to elect a new one. The voting whittles the candidates down to two. The town holds a feast to choose the winner. The mayor stands up and declares that the winner shall be decided by voting on the poem the candidates can come up with on the spot based on a subject of his choosing. The mayor announces the subject will be "Timbuktu."
The first candidate stands up, thinks for a moment, and recites:
It came across a stormy gale
Broad of beam and wide of sail
Its keel was white, its hull was blue
Its destination: Timbuktu
The crowd erupts, they're cheering for the first candidate. The mayor calms the crowd, chiding them to remember they still must hear the other candidate's poem. The second candidate stands up, considers the crowd with utter solemnity, and says:
A-hiking Tim and I went,
When we came upon three girls in a tent
Since they were three and we but two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two
