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Fears Jokes

46 fears jokes and hilarious fears puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fears that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you ever feel like tears are the only way to express yourself? Is laughter the only way to cope? This article analyzes the complex emotions of tears and laughter and how they're linked. Learn how to use jokes and laughter to cope with your fears, while still allowing yourself to regain control of your emotions and growth path.

Funniest Fears Short Jokes

Short fears jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fears humour may include short fearing jokes also.

  1. The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
  2. My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house... I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
    She laughed, I laughed, the amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
  3. Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  4. I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear." "The fear of flying?", I asked.
    "No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."
  5. I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
  6. My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
  7. The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ... ... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.
  8. The only thing round earthers have to fear... ...is nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.
  9. If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia... why am I still afraid of failure?
  10. I've developed an irrational fear of escalators. I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

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Fears One Liners

Which fears one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fears? I can suggest the ones about feared and afraid.

  1. The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear..... Is Sphere Itself.
  2. I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear
  3. Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
  4. The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
  5. I have a fear of speed bumps But I am slowly getting over it
  6. The only thing that flat-earthers have to fear... is sphere itself.
  7. I'm terrified of elevators. So I'm taking steps to mitigate my fears.
  8. I have a fear of over-designed buildings. I have a complex complex complex.
  9. I have a fear of elevators... ...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
  10. I have a fear of negative numbers... I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  11. I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giant Feefiphobia…
  12. I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giants. Fee-fi-phobia.
  13. What is the fear of giants called? Feefiphobia
  14. I have a phobia of German sausage Yes, I fear the wurst
  15. How do you get over the fear of elevators? Just take some steps to avoid them.

Tears For Fears Jokes

Here is a list of funny tears for fears jokes and even better tears for fears puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Some people don't realize the original "Mad World" is by Tears for Fears I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
  • Shout out to tears for fears
Fears joke, Shout out

Howlingly Hilarious Fears Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about fears you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fear of bad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fears pranks.

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

A blonde buys a gun.

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

Next year we'll be laughing about the great Coronavirus fears of today

\-Not every one of us, of course...

A two person plane crashes into a cemetery.

Police have released a statement saying that its the worse tragedy they have seen in years. So far they have found over 600 dead with fears of the number increasing as digging continues in the morning.

I have a phobia of the square root of 2

It's just one of my irrational fears

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.

After a night of heavy drinking, when I woke up n**... in my sister's bed on New Year's day, I feared the worst.

When my brother-in-law kissed me on the cheek, those fears were realized.

What are the two biggest fears of Russian military?

That the Chinese learn how to fight like the Finns, or that the Finns learn how to breed like the Chinese.

What's a religious saying atheists can agree with?

He who fears god has nothing to fear

An pakistani in the US fears for his safety

Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.

When Canada abolished the penny there was no public protest at all...

...I guess Canada fears change

An endangered penguin escapes from its habitat, and manages to get into a swordfish tank.

The aquarium staff begin to freak out as the swordfish begins to attack the penguin, but their fears are dispersed as the penguin manages to get the upper hand, and beat back its assaulter.
As the staff look on in stunned silence, one turns to the other. "I guess it's true, the penguin is mightier than the swordfish." he says.

Yeah, the setup is lame, but the punchline is pretty good.
Besides, I have faith you'll like it.
After all, a good pun is its own re-word.

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.
Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

Blondes Joke

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up ... you're next!"

One of my biggest fears is getting married. I hear that 50% of all marriages...

...last forever.

An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.

A pessimist fears that this is true.

A cheating husband

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

Blondes with guns

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair. Distraught, neurotic even, she goes to a gunshop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun out of her purse, and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: Shut up … you're next!

Blonde fury

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She comes home to find her husband in bed with a hot redhead. Furious she grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde replies: "Shut up... you're next!" 

I told my therapist that I was scared of loosing my hearing....

...but it fell on deaf fears.

There's a new grillhouse in new York that's opening up a restaurant at the top of a skyscraper, though there are fears it could be unsuccessful

The steaks will be higher than ever!

What's the most fearsome hot sauce, for vampires?

Buffy-lo sauce.

A nice movie

Gf: whatcha doing?
Me:I'm seeing a movie right now.
Gf:Oh what is it about?
Me:Once upon a time a family is attacked in which the mother dies and son becomes physically disabled and then a few years later his son gets kidnapped and the rest for the movie is about the father overcoming his fears and how he rescues his son.
Gf:o**... such an interesting plot what is the title.
Me:Umm...it's Finding Nemo.

The devil

One day the devil came to a church Ina burst of smoke and flame. He ran up and down the aisles shouting "l**... is my name!" "I am evil incarnate, the sum of all your fears!" An old man faced him, said "you don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for the last 48 years!"

Why were Huma Abedin's darkest fears about seduction by Bill Clinton unfounded?

Because ultimately it was Hillary who ended up showing her the Huma door.

They told me to face my fears...

so I faced a speeding car

Fears joke, They told me to face my fears...