Fearing Jokes

35 fearing jokes and hilarious fearing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fearing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Fearing Short Jokes

Short fearing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fearing humour may include short feared jokes also.

  1. The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
  2. My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house... I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
    She laughed, I laughed, the amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
  3. Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  4. I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear." "The fear of flying?", I asked.
    "No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."
  5. I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
  6. My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
  7. The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ... ... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.
  8. The only thing round earthers have to fear... nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.
  9. If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia... why am I still afraid of failure?
  10. I've developed an irrational fear of escalators. I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

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Fearing One Liners

Which fearing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fearing? I can suggest the ones about afraid and frightened.

  1. The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear..... Is Sphere Itself.
  2. I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear
  3. Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
  4. The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
  5. I have a fear of speed bumps But I am slowly getting over it
  6. The only thing that flat-earthers have to fear... is sphere itself.
  7. I'm terrified of elevators. So I'm taking steps to mitigate my fears.
  8. I have a fear of over-designed buildings. I have a complex complex complex.
  9. I have a fear of elevators... ...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
  10. I have a fear of negative numbers... I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  11. I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giant Feefiphobia…
  12. I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giants. Fee-fi-phobia.
  13. What is the fear of giants called? Feefiphobia
  14. I have a phobia of German sausage Yes, I fear the wurst
  15. How do you get over the fear of elevators? Just take some steps to avoid them.

Fearing joke, How do you get over the fear of elevators?

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Fearing Jokes

What funny jokes about fearing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terrified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fearing pranks.

A woman sees her doctor about ongoing abdominal pain and cramps.

She's nervous during the examination, fearing that she may be pregnant. The doctor brings back her test results and says, "It looks like you'll have to get used to changing diapers from now on."
"Oh my god, I'm pregnant?" she asks, nearly in tears. "Am I pregnant?"
The doctor replies, "No, you have bowel cancer."

A woman was playing a round of golf

A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.
Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.
He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.
He replied "your stance is too wide".

I think I've developed a phobia of German sausages

I keep on fearing the wurst

A man has been ill for some time. Fearing that his end is near, he calls his wife to his bedside.

"I have a last wish," he says to her. "Promise me that 2 months after I die, you'll marry our neighbor, Ken."
The wife is perplexed. "But, my dear, I thought you hated Ken," she asks him.
"I do," says the man.

A man goes to his rabbi.

He says to the rabbi, "I think my wife is trying to poison me but I have no idea why". The rabbi, concerned about the distress the Jew was experiencing says "Don't worry, I will talk to your wife." A few days pass and the man returns to his rabbi still fearing for his life. The rabbi sits him down and says to him "My child, I spent several hours speaking to your wife, follow my advice, take the poison."

A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested

When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, first, are you a Democrat or Republican?
The man says, what? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, if you're a Democrat you've got Covid. But if you're a Republican it's just a hoax.

So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom...

"Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!" she says excitedly.
"Oh dear" the mother answers, fearing the worst "what did you two do?"
"Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company."

A village of mathematical functions is slumbering

when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential operator calmly replies: but I am d over dt, and proceeds to s**... the poor exponential.

Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly.

Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly, fearing it was a sign of Alzheimer's disease I asked him what he was holding in his hand. He snapped back "Of course I know it's a spoon, but who is that old guy in the reflection? "

TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Three crazys try to escape a mental hospital

Three crazys try to escape a mental hospital when they suddenly notice a guard
Fearing that he might hear his footsteps, the first crazy says meow
The guard thinks it's a cat and doesn't bat an eye
The second guy does the same and the guard again doesn't bat an eye
When it's third guy's turn he says
"I am also a cat"

As a true God fearing Catholic man, there are only two things I hate in this world....

Homosexuals and super hot attractive young men.

Now I'm a god fearing man, and I sure am against slavery and racism,

An old carpenter was carrying a coffin on his head

An old man was carrying a coffin on his head in his bicycle during midnight. He saw a cop standing near a check post who stopped him. The cop asked him why he was carrying coffin on his head. Fearing he might have to bribe the cop he said It was so hot wherever I was buried. I am trying to move to a new burial ground with my coffin . The cop fainted.

fearing prople because of their appearances or color doesn't make you racist


So the United States federal government was going to release a Donald Trump postage stamp...

But decided against it fearing people wouldn't know which side to spit on.

Dirty Johnny Vocabulary Lesson

The teacher is going around the room giving each student a letter. "Name a word that begins with that letter and then use it in a sentence," she instructs. She's worried that Johnny will come up with something lewd, as he usually does, so she tries to give him a letter that is more obscure. "OK, Johnny, your letter is U."
Johnny thinks for a minute, then says, "U - Urinate!"
The teacher sighs, "OK, Johnny, use it in a sentence," fearing the worst.
"Urinate. If your t**... were bigger you'd be a 10."

A man and a woman were married for many years

Everytime there was an argument, yelling could be heard by everyone, deep into the night. The old man would shout "WHEN I DIE, I WILL DIG MY WAY UP AND OUT OF THE GRAVE AND HAUNT YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE!!" Neighbors feared him and the old man liked it that way.
Finally at the age of 98, he died. After the burial, the woman's neighbors, fearing for her safety asked "aren't you afraid that he might actually dig his way out and haunt you forever?"
"Let him dig" she said. "I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."

A family lives in the middle of nowhere...

Being in the middle of nowhere, they have pets. One day there dog starts to scratch more than usual and they taking him to the vet, fearing fleas.
The vet, after being told the situation, looks the dog over for a little bit and says, I think it's ticks actually. Go ahead and shave him right here and I'll show you why I think that.
So they shave the dog at the location indicated by the vet and they see these little tiny check marks that look like they're made by the world's tiniest sharpie.
See those? The vet says, Those are tick marks!
Apologies if this is a repost, haven't seen it on here yet and thought of it today at work.

President Trump and ex-President Obama go to the Barbershop...

They each enter the establishment, and take their seats with different barbers. Neither says a word, and even the barbers dare not speak, fearing that any conversation would soon turn political.
At the end of the service, as each man got ready to leave, Trump's barber offers him the aft**e**rshave.
Trump is quick to stop him: "No thanks, buddy. My wife will smell it and think I've been at a w**...".
Obama's barber turns to him and offers the same.
Obama replies: "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like".

Fearing joke, President Trump and ex-President Obama go to the Barbershop...