Feared Jokes
38 feared jokes and hilarious feared puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feared that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Feared Short Jokes
Short feared jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The feared humour may include short fearing jokes also.
- The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
- My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house... I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo - Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
- I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear." "The fear of flying?", I asked.
"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone." - I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
- My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
- The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ... ... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.
- The only thing round earthers have to fear... ...is nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.
- If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia... why am I still afraid of failure?
- I've developed an irrational fear of escalators. I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.
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Feared One Liners
Which feared one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with feared? I can suggest the ones about dreaded and terrified.
- The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear..... Is Sphere Itself.
- I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear
- Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
- The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
- I have a fear of speed bumps But I am slowly getting over it
- The only thing that flat-earthers have to fear... is sphere itself.
- I'm terrified of elevators. So I'm taking steps to mitigate my fears.
- I have a fear of over-designed buildings. I have a complex complex complex.
- I have a fear of elevators... ...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
- I have a fear of negative numbers... I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giant… Feefiphobia…
- I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giants. Fee-fi-phobia.
- What is the fear of giants called? Feefiphobia
- I have a phobia of German sausage Yes, I fear the wurst
- How do you get over the fear of elevators? Just take some steps to avoid them.
The Funniest Feared Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about feared you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frightened jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make feared pranks.
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
Did you hear about the pessimistic German vegetarian? He feared the wurst
After a night of heavy drinking, when I woke up n**... in my sister's bed on New Year's day, I feared the worst.
When my brother-in-law kissed me on the cheek, those fears were realized.
A man gets his test results back from his doctor
Doctor: I'm afraid it's bad news, as we initially feared I regret to tell you that it's terminal.
Man: Oh no, how long do I have left to live?
Doctor: Five.
Man: Five what!? Five years? Five months!? Five weeks!?
Doctor: Four.
What five letters are the most feared in the NCAA Tournament?
COVID
Machiavelli once said, "It is better to be feared than loved"
And that, your honor, is why I killed our dog in front of my children.
A fiery d**..., clad in sleigh bells, entered the chamber.
Gandalf immediately froze in fear. It was what he had feared since entering Moria.
With each horrific step, the bells jangled d**....
That's the jingle bell, muttered Gandalf.
Step.
That's the jingle bell.
Step.
That's the jingle Balrog.
There was a boy born without any eyelids
And it caused him terrible discomfort and to make matters worse, the doctors feared he would inevitably go blind one day.
Then one doctor came up with an ingenious solution. He planned to circumcise the boy and use his f**... to make new eyelids for him.
After a lengthy procedure, the surgery was a success and now the boy has two fully functioning eyelids.
The doctor says the boy is doing fine, he's just a little c**...-eyed
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible problem
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my farts. I can pass really loud gas, but no smell would come out of them.
That sounds serious. Can you try letting one out now?
So the man farts, and true to his word, it's so loud that the exam room's windows even vibrate.
Just as I feared. We must operate immediately.
My b**...?
No, your nose, you idiot!
Kim Jung Un is now the version of himself that he has always feared
A Vegetable
Who is the most feared spy in Vietnam?
Agent Orange
They have a lot in common
Both were loved by n**...
Both feared Americans
Both conducted regular bunker inspections
What is Mexico most feared 3 words for the last 24 years ?
Round of 16
Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out?
Because they feared a p**... ejectulation
Which profession is feared by terrorists more than any other?
Telemarketers.
What is the most feared tree in Israel?
*Juniperus deppeana*, better known as the Alligator Juniper.
As a vegan eating with the German side of my family at Christmas can be tough. I'm too scared to tell them I am vegan so I explained that I had a crippling phobia of meat.
I feared the wurst.
What's a mathematician's feared illness?
A sinusoidal infection.
I work as a funny clown.
For some reason, people still fear me. If I had a penny every time someone feared me, I would be rich penny wise.
What do you called a feared Hun army?
An army of hun-dread.
A man and a woman were married for many years
Everytime there was an argument, yelling could be heard by everyone, deep into the night. The old man would shout "WHEN I DIE, I WILL DIG MY WAY UP AND OUT OF THE GRAVE AND HAUNT YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE!!" Neighbors feared him and the old man liked it that way.
Finally at the age of 98, he died. After the burial, the woman's neighbors, fearing for her safety asked "aren't you afraid that he might actually dig his way out and haunt you forever?"
"Let him dig" she said. "I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."
Burial Plans
A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried face down, and I know he won't ask for directions."
