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Fear Of Flying Jokes

16 fear of flying jokes and hilarious fear of flying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fear of flying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Fear Of Flying Short Jokes

Short fear of flying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fear of flying humour may include short scared of flying jokes also.

  1. I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear." "The fear of flying?", I asked.
    "No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."
  2. It took 50 years before an attractive young woman asked me if I'd like dinner and a movie. I'm glad my wife finally convinced me to face my fear of flying.
  3. Why do people fear flying with United Airlines? Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.

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Fear Of Flying One Liners

Which fear of flying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fear of flying? I can suggest the ones about afraid of heights and fear.

  1. There is no such thing as a fear of flying... But a fear of falling on the other hand....

Hilarious Fun Fear Of Flying Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about fear of flying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flying jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fear of flying pranks.

The pilot and co-pilot are sitting in the cockpit of an airplane.

As they wait for the passengers to board, the pilot says to the co-pilot,
Why did you become a pilot?
To which the co-pilot replies, To overcome my greatest fear.
Flying? the pilot asks
No. says the co-pilot, Dying alone.

A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying

He is afraid of someone b**... the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.

A man goes to a psychiatrist over his fear of flying...

He says Doc I'm scared. With everything happening in the world I'm shaking and breaking out in hives just thinking about there being a bomb on my plane! What can I do doc?
Doc: here's what you do, go out and get a bomb and take it on board with you, the chances of Two bombs being on the plane are one in a trillion!

"Boy, those people look like ants!"

A man, riddled with fear, is in the middle of his first flying lesson. With a shaky voice, weak knees and pants that once were dry he shudders to the instructor "Boy, those people look like ants!!" and the instructor reluctantly replies "That's because they are. We haven't left yet Carl."

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.
When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with him forever.
Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, he felt personally safe enough to open the door and let her in.

A Statistician Refuses to Fly

His friend asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?"
"Irrational?" the statistician replies, "Not at all. I've merely calculated the odds of a bomb being placed on a plane and it's much too high for my comfort."
A few days later, the friend boarded a flight only to find the statistician sitting in the seat next to you. "What happened? Have the odds changed?" the man asked.
"No, the odds of a bomb being on a plane haven't changed. But I calculated the odd of two bombs being on a plane, and I found those odds much more acceptable. So now I just bring my own."

Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York.

About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.
A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New York.
At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!

Aunt Bessie figures it all out...

Aunt Bessie loves to meet and pamper her nieces and nephews, but she is limited only to her city, as she has a severe fear of flying. *"Who knows! Someone may be carrying a bomb!"*. Her relatives try and try to convince her how safe it is to fly nowadays, but 'she ain't gonna listen to nobody!'
One fine day, one of her nephews has a great idea; he invites a mathematician who lives a few blocks away to try and convince Aunt Bessie with numbers..
*"....and hence, Aunt Bessie, the chance of someone carrying a bomb in your plane is literally one in a million!"*, proves the mathematician.
*"Really?....and what would you say are the chances of...2 persons carrying a bomb in a plane?"*, she asks, curiously...
*"That would be less than one in a billion! C'mon, Aunt Bessie...you should go!"*
*"Huh...fine...I'll go!"*, relents Aunt Bessie, and from that day onwards, she merrily goes to all her nieces and nephews all over the world, with a bomb in her bag.

The Tribs

There is a land where Jewish people known as the Tribs live.
Now, there is a giant that lives in a big castle over the hill next to the Trib city, and any time the giant sees a Trib, he kicks it and sends the Trib flying across the land.
The Tribs got fed up with this, so they went to their Rabbi and told him to journey to the giant's castle to get him to stop k**... Tribs.
So the Rabbi journeys to the giants castle, musters up some courage, and knocks on the door.
A few seconds later, the giant answers, and as soon as he does, the Rabbi starts cowering in fear, but the giant just stares at him.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Well? Aren't you going to kick me?"
To this the giant replies, "Silly Rabbi. Kicks are for Tribs."

One in a million!

A famous Statisticians never flew on a plane. After months of research and hard work, he had deduced that there was a 1 in a million chance of having a bomb on any given flight, and would not accept that probability.
One day, he went to a conference far from home. One of his colleagues, who knew of his fear of flying, asked him:
"Hey, how'd you get here? By train?"
"No, I flew.", replied the statistician.
"But what about the bomb?" said the colleague.
"Well, I concluded that the chance of having two bombs would be (1/1000000 x 1/1000000), which is a much better probability, which I can accept. So I brought my own bomb."

A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas.
They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately.
The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job.
Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert.
Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around.
Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."