Fbi Agent Jokes
47 fbi agent jokes and hilarious fbi agent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fbi agent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Fbi Agent Short Jokes
Short fbi agent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fbi agent humour may include short secret agent jokes also.
- Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it... One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"
- The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled KGB . One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?
- If I were locked in a room with an agent from the CIA, FBI, and NSA and I had a gun with only two bullets... I'd shoot myself in the back of the head 3 times
- My wife, an FBI agent, left me because I'm a low level UPS dockworker. Soon enough, though... She'll be my FedEx.
- Spouses are a lot like FBI agents They won't ask you a question that they do not already know the answer to.
- I contacted and arranged for a meet with an undercover FBI agent to show my skills in deduction and reasoning.. Unfortunately,a 14 yr old girl showed up at the coffee shop
- How many incompetent FBI freedom of information agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [spoiler](/s"one")
- How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb? Maybe if they weren't so busy changing light bulbs, there wouldn't be so many school shootings.
- Welcome to the internet. Where the guys are guys, the women are guys, and the children are FBI agents.
- Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids? Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"
I'll see myself out now
Share These Fbi Agent Jokes With Friends
Fbi Agent One Liners
Which fbi agent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fbi agent? I can suggest the ones about fbi wanted and fbi open up.
- What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent? A Fed Ex
- What's it called when an FBI agent goes to bed? They go undercover
- What do you call a divorced FBI agent? Fed-Ex
- If you were dating an FBI agent and you dumped him, he would be your fed ex.
- What do FBI agents grill for the 4th of July? Hillary.
- What's an FBI agent's favorite feature on YouTube? The watchlist.
- Why do FBI agents always wear sunglasses?
- How do you get payed for doing nothing all day? Become an FBI agent!
Fbi Agent Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fbi agent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean investigator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fbi agent pranks.
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit:
"Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
The Tomato Garden
The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie
FBI Investigation.
The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding m**... inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no m**.... They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."
So there was a competition between polices...
(...) and the three finalists on this efficiency competition were: Interpol, FBI and Rio de Janeiro's Elite Squad.
The last assignment was really simple. They should retrieve a small rabbit after being released in a jungle. The group doing it in less time wins.
First went Interpol, with a few agents, smart interrogation techniques, good wits and in 15 minutes they were back with the rabbit.
Next the FBI invaded the jungle with helicopters, infra-red goggles, fast cars, etc., and in 10 minutes they were back with the rabbit.
Last the Rio de Janeiro's Elite Squad started the chase only with an old and rusty SUV, to come back with only 5 minutes passed. They showed a poorly dressed, beaten up, bruised black teenager dressed as a rabbit screaming: "I'm a rabbit, I swear I'm a pretty white bunny!"
An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...
He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
FBI Job Opening
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from
her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him
to death with the chair.'
Bubba applied to work for the FBI
Bubba was not a smart man by any stretch of the imagination, but he very much wanted to work for the FBI. He took a trip up to Washington to take the admissions test, and after the test was scored, the agent in charge pulled Bubba aside.
He said, "Son, this may well be the worst I've ever seen anyone do on this test. I'm sorry, but it doesn't look to me like you know a thing about criminology or history, which are critical to this line of work. You didn't even spell FBI correctly! I mean, can you even tell me who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Bubba thought for a moment, then shook his head. The agent continued, "All right do this. Go home, study, and if you come back up here and can tell me who killed Abraham Lincoln, I'll let you take the test again." Bubba agreed and took his return flight home.
When his friends asked, "How'd the FBI test go?" Bubba said "It went great! I've only been with the agency 12 hours and they've already got me on a m**... case!"
The FBI and the Blonde
The year is 2001, and it's post-9/11. The United States is devastated for the tragic event that happened in their country and wants to increase their security. In result, the FBI agrees with recruiting agents in the general public.
A blonde hears about this and signs up for FBI. She enters the room and their is a man in a black suit sitting on one side of the table. The blonde sits down. The FBI agent says:
"In this test, you be given a picture of a man. I will show you this for 5 seconds and you must describe everything that you remember of this man."
The agent pulls out a picture. It's a picture of the side of a man's face. He puts the picture down.
"What do you remember?" said the FBI agent
"Well... that man had one eye!" said the blonde
"No no no!" the FBI agent yelled frustrated. "Lets try this again.
The FBI agent pulls out the SAME picture of the man. Then puts it away.
"Now what do you remember?" he said.
The blonde thought for a while then said.
"Um... that man had one ear!"
"No no no! Wrong! I'll give you one last try"
The FBI agent pulls out the SAME picture of the man again.
"NOW what did you see?" said the FBI agent
"Um... That man wears contacts!" said the blonde.
"Uh.. What?"
The FBI agent pulled out a piece of paper and examined it for 10 minutes.
"Wow! He does wear contacts! I never knew that! How did you know?"
"Well with one eye and one ear, you can't wear glasses, duh!"
Attorney General
The attorney general decides to hold a contest to see which organization is the best at policing. SO he gets the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD together, and tells them "I've released a rabbit into the wilderness, find it, and bring it to me." So the FBI goes in, and two hours later, they come out, and the Agent In Charge says "We found the rabbit, but he had committed no crimes, so we let him go." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the CIA goes in, and 4 hours later, they come out, and the Director of Operations says to the AG, "We found the rabbit, interrogated him for two hours, and found the he was a t**..., so we flipped him, and released him back into the wild." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the LAPD goes in. 15 minutes later, a bloodied, beaten bear runs out of the woods screaming "I'm the rabbit, I'm the rabbit!"
So the FBI, the DEA, and the Chicago police are looking for a bear ...
This bear has been up to no good - it's suspected of running a major m**... lab, money laundering, and even m**... for hire. The authorities think the bear is hiding in some woods near Chi-town.
The FBI go into the woods first. After a few hours, the agents come out. "No bear in there," they say. "He got away."
Then the DEA give it a try. They search the forest for 24 hours but find no suspects.
Finally, the Chicago police take over. Two CPD officers walk into the forest. Muffled cries can be heard amongst the trees. About an hour later they walk out with a rabbit in handcuffs.
"Alright! Alright! I'm a bear," says the rabbit.
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
A female midget FBI agent went undercover to bust a drug gang by sleeping with gang members.
She was known as the Little Fed Riding Hood.
Planting potatoes in Chicago
So there's this old Pakistani man who lives alone in Chicago. One day he sends an e-mail to his son Ahmad :
"Dear son, I would love to plant some potatoes in the backyard but I'm old and lonely, I can't plow the land without your help. With love, your father."
Later that night, Ahmad responds :
"Dear dad, for the love of God PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE LAND ! I have buried "the thing" there. Your loving son, Ahmad."
That same night at 3 in the morning, 4 FBI agents broke into the father's house and investigated the backyard, inch by inch, without finding anything. They went away without being noticed.
Ahmad sent another email to his father : "Dear father, I am 100% positive that the land is now plowed. I couldn't have done it better myself. Ahmad."
So... Hillary Clinton is giving this FBI agent a b**... at the Democratic Nation Convention ...
Hey...Chill out man...It's politics, that's how it works !!!
The FBI is interviewing a bank manager who's been robbed 3 times by the same guy.
The agent says, "did you notice anything distinct about him when he came into the bank?"
Manager replies, "only that each time he showed up, he was much better dressed."
The net neutrality debacle is making me nostalgic for the good old days of the internet...
Back when the men were men, the women were men, and the children were FBI agents.
Ex-Bears CB Charles Tillman is now an FBI agent...
Little known fact he was actually working for the FBI all along, he was just under cover
An FBI agent tried to catch a t**...
But the terrorists used e**... is super effective.
Wait I just realised something !!!!
If everyone in the US has a Fbi Agent... that means that half of the US citizens are Fbi agent !!!!!
Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?
The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!
An FBI agent was called in to speak to the manager of a bank that had been robbed three times in a row by the same guy.
He asked what kind of distinguishing things can you describe about this man? Height, weight, distinguishing tattoos, clothes?
The manager said, "what I noticed was that he seemed to be better dressed each time."