The Best 85 Favorite Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Favorite jokes. There are some favorite call jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these favorite bests puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Favorite Jokes and Puns

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

Favorite joke, My favorite blond joke of all time...

My Favorite Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

My favorite all-ages joke.

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

"I'll have a......

....

.....

....

....

....

...beer." the bear says.

"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.

"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

:)


What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have?

Someone else's pants on.

My grandfathers favorite joke.

Favorite joke, If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have?

Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".


The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar

im so sorry

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''

He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

You can explore favorite bestest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean favorite favorite drink dad jokes. There are also favorite puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My new favorite sex position is called "wow".

It's where I turn your mom upside down.

My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

Favorite joke, I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so

What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.

Pop Pop: What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

Me: I don't know...

Pop Pop: A Red dingle dangle of course!

Pop Pop: What's green and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

Me: A green dingle dangle!

Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.

Me: :|

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?

Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom


In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

My favorite sex position is the JFK.

It's where I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

What's a redneck's favorite dating website?

Ancestry.com

What's a gay man's favorite planet?

Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.

What's a terrorists favorite sex toy? [NSFW]

A blow up doll!

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.

What's a pirate's favorite explosive?

M80

What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero?

Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol?

Depends, what is yours?

What is Mr. T's favorite month?

April, fools

Purple is my favorite color!

I like it more than blue and red combined.

What's a comedians least favorite drink?

Booze

Letter to God

Dear God,

Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!

What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.

Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'

What is Samsung CEO's favorite movie

Total recall

Your favorite drink must be ginger ale.....

cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.

If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

My daughters favorite joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

What is an english teacher's favorite drink?

Tequila Mockingbird

My wife gave me some bad news today

"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."

"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"

I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.

What is a cannibals favorite restaurant?

Five Guys

Two wind turbines are talking to each other...

One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"

The other turbine replies, "Well...I'm a big metal fan."

What's a vegan's favorite animal?

A high horse

What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Customer,

Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing...

But it's up there.

My favorite sex position is the WOW

That's when I flip your MOM over.

What's a Communist's favorite video game?

*Don't Starve*

What's the police's favorite gaming console?

WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

My favorite joke I was told as a child.

What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil?

M'Ladle

*tips fedora*

Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook.

What's a lesbians favorite language?

Gaelic

My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil?

A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok

What was Hannibal Lecter's favorite Japanese food?

Rawmen

What does the Fox say?

We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

My four favorite things

My four favorite things are chicken pot pie and omitting commas.

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Your mom so fat..

Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

A guy visits his favorite dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.

Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!

She says This sub really loves reposts.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke

A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.

At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.

The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"

My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

An old man is at home on his death bed

When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the funeral."

Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?

Getting to vote in American elections.

6:30 is my favorite time of the day.

Hands down.

My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother

until my mom took the urn from me.

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I'll go on ahead.

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

What's Mitch McConnell's favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

What is Harper Lee's favorite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

What is an amputee's least favorite song?

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands

What did Forrest Gump say when asked what his favorite type of pasta is?

I love you Penne

What is a lawyer's favorite drink?

a subPOENA COLADA!

What are the Vikings favorite drink?

Mini Sodas

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite beer?

A double IPA because of it's high alcohol content he can get drunk quick, after dealing with those kids all day.
Oh... the the fact that it's extra hoppy is just a bonus!

What's a panda's favorite cooking utensil?

A pan.. duh??

What is the favorite boat of a sailor who really values the people in his life?

The friend ship

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the favorite preference jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working favorite advocado piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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