The Best 85 Favorite Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Favorite jokes. There are some favorite call jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these favorite my favorite puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Favorite Jokes and Puns

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

My Favorite Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

My favorite all-ages joke.

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

"I'll have a......

....

.....

....

....

....

...beer." the bear says.

"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.

"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

:)

jokes about favorite

If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have?

Someone else's pants on.

My grandfathers favorite joke.


Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".


The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

Favorite joke, What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''

He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

My new favorite sex position is called "wow".

It's where I turn your mom upside down.

My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

You can explore favorite bestest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean favorite favorite drink dad jokes. There are also favorite puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.

Pop Pop: What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

Me: I don't know...

Pop Pop: A Red dingle dangle of course!

Pop Pop: What's green and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

Me: A green dingle dangle!

Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.

Me: :|

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Favorite joke, In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

What's a gay man's favorite planet?

Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.


What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol?

Depends, what is yours?

What is Mr. T's favorite month?

April, fools

Purple is my favorite color!

I like it more than blue and red combined.

What's a comedians least favorite drink?

Booze

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!

What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.

Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'

What is Samsung CEO's favorite movie

Total recall

Favorite joke, What is Samsung CEO's favorite movie

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.

If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.


What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

My daughters favorite joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

My wife gave me some bad news today

"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."

"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"

I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.

What is a cannibals favorite restaurant?

Five Guys


What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Customer,

Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

My favorite sex position is the WOW

That's when I flip your MOM over.

What's a Communist's favorite video game?

*Don't Starve*

What's the police's favorite gaming console?

WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

My favorite joke I was told as a child.

What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil?

M'Ladle

*tips fedora*

Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook.

My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil?

A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok

What does the Fox say?

We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

My four favorite things

My four favorite things are chicken pot pie and omitting commas.

Your mom so fat..

Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

A guy visits his favorite dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.

Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!

She says This sub really loves reposts.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

An old man is at home on his death bed

When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the funeral."

Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?

Getting to vote in American elections.

My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother

until my mom took the urn from me.

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I'll go on ahead.

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

What's Mitch McConnell's favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

What's Sisyphus' least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?



Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

Communist jokes aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them.

My favorite joke for my cake day

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

Sincerely,

Your Internet Provider

For my cake day, I'd like to share my favorite joke of all time.

Three guys were walking down the street.

Two of them walked into a bar.

The third guy ducked.

When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

I have heard that a pirate's favorite letter is "R" or sometimes "C"...

but when I took one's "P" away they became irate.

What was Tasha Yars' favorite job?

Data Entry

My favorite type of bra

is algebra.

My favorite thing about Vladimir Putin...

... is that he has managed to take Russia's military from being the second most powerful in the world *allllllll* the way to being the second most powerful in Ukraine.

my 12 year old just got me: what is a kidnappers favorite shoes?

White vans.

What's a pirate's favorite musical note?

The High Cs

What is a lesbian's most favorite chocolate?

Her/she's kisses.

what is Amber Heard's favorite board game?

**SCATAGORIE**

My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans

The dog says, Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.

The cat smiles and says, You're not really going to win this one you know.

What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill?

Walking.

…

j/k…rolling.

What is a pirates favorite letter?

The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.



Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains

A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"

I said "Why not?"

He said "You have to cremate him first!"

I see, said the blind man

As he ordered his favorite frozen drink from 7/11.

What was Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

(Inhales) HAND EEEEYYYEEE

What's a trans woman's favorite kind of chocolate?

Her/she

What's a gold digger's favorite kind of cheese?

Aged Cheddar

What's the favorite drink of every British serial killer?

Casual tea

What is a car's favorite dessert?

Petroleum Jelly.

My mom's favorite joke [clean]

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?

A: Put a lil boogie in it.

What a frog's favorite fastener?

Rivet

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the favorite bests jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working favorite comedians favorite piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes