favorite Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious favorite stories

What are the best Favorite puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Favorite? Well here is a complete list of Favorite to have fun with:

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

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What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

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My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

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My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

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Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

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I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

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As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

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What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.

Pop Pop: What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

Me: I don't know...

Pop Pop: A Red dingle dangle of course!


Pop Pop: What's green and dingle dangles from the ceiling?

Me: A green dingle dangle!

Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.

Me: :|

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My new favorite sex position is called "wow".

It's where I turn your mom upside down.

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What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

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Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".


She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".


The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

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Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''

He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

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I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
"Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
"Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.
I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.

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If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have?

Someone else's pants on.

My grandfathers favorite joke.

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My favorite dad joke that I've only gotten to tell three times

You know how as kids get older, someone always says "It feels like just yesterday he/she was born"? Well...

I have three kids. The day after my first was born, I was holding him in the hospital rocking chair, and this joke just kind of popped into my head.

I looked up at my wife and said "Honey, he looks so big already." She smiled. I looked back down at my son with tears of love in my eyes and said, "It feels like just yesterday he was born."

She rolled her eyes at me and groaned.

I have a vasectomy now, so sadly I will no longer be able to tell this joke.

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My Favorite Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

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My favorite all-ages joke.

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.


"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

"I'll have a......





....



.....


....



....


....





...beer." the bear says.

"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.

"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

:)

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As blond woman, I've heard them all. But this is my favorite blond joke.

A blonde is driving down the highway when she looks out the window to see another blonde in a rowboat, in the middle of a field, rowing as hard as she can.

She pulls over, gets out of her car, runs to the edge of the field and yells as loud as she can, 'It's bitches like you that give blondes a bad name and if I could swim, I'd come out there and beat your ass!'

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Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar

im so sorry

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I like to call my favorite sex position WOW....

It's when I flip your MOM over!

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What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

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My favorite joke of all time.

Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to a lady who'd obviously been there for a bit. After a while they start talking and the conversation eventually turns to relationships. He says, "I'm actually here tonight because my girlfriend just left me - she thought I was too kinky in bed." Her eyes light up. "My husband just left me because he thought *I* was too kinky." They make eyes at each other and she asks him if he'd like to go back to her place, and he agrees.


They get to her apartment, she excuses herself to the bedroom to "slip into something more comfortable." She puts on a tight leather outfit, whips, chains, nipple clamps, the whole bit. She walks out just as he's about to leave. "Where are you going?!"


"I just fucked your cat and shit in your purse. I'm outta here."

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What's Bill Clinton's favorite instrument to play?

His whore Monica.

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My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

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One of my favorite blonde jokes

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Diane Perish

*How to Get Rich* by Robin A. Bank

*I'm So Greedy* by Jenna Russ

*How to Drive a Manual Transmission* by Otto Matic

*How to be a Great Pilot* by Mae Day

*Where to Find Wildebeests* By Sara N. Getti

*Raising Kids* by Bill E. Goat

*Warriors of Feudal Japan* by Sam A. Rye

*Woodwind Instruments* by Clara Net

*Tragedy at the Grand Canyon* by Eileen Dover

*The Human Brain* by Sir E. Brum and Sara Bellum

*Deep in Debt* by Owen A. Lott

*The World is a Big Place* by Mike Robe

*Confessions of a Mental Patient* by Justin Sane

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What's a pirate's favorite letter?

**ARRRR**


*NO!* His first love be the C.

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Three surgeons are sitting in a bar...

discussing which people are their favorite to operate on.

The first surgeon looks at the other two, and tells them that his favorite patients are librarians. The other two then ask him why.

"Well," he begins, "I like librarians, because their insides are always filed away in alphabetical order."

The other two slowly nod in agreement.

"My favorite kind of patients are electricians," the second blurts out.

"Why?" the others ask in tandem.

"All of their innards are grouped together and color coded."

All three nod before all eyes fall on the third surgeon.

The third muses for a moment before he says, "Lawyers."

"Lawyers?" the other two ask incredulously.

"Yup, they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

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What's a cokeheads favorite TV show?

Whose Line is it Anyway

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A Husband and Wife

Were watching a TV show on mixed emotions one night. The husband says "This is a load of bullshit. I bet there isn't anything you can say that could make me happy and sad at the same time." His wife turns to him, pats him on the knee and says "Honey, out of all of your friends, you have the biggest dick."

(Sorry if repost, one of my favorite jokes I tell)

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What's a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boookakke!

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What's a gay couples least favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe.

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What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit?

cantelope

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What's a pedophile's favorite drink?

Cherry pop.

See you all in hell!

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My favorite stupid joke to this day. I heard it when I was a young kid.

Two muffins were in an oven, the first muffin turns to the other and says "man it sure is hot in here!" The second muffin replies "Holy fuck!!!! A talking muffin!!!!!"

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My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one...

Why did the banana go to the hospital?


Because he wasn't peeling very well.

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My favorite joke from The Sopranos

A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?" says the wife. The husband replies, "honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine."

Credit to Uncle Jun.

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My favorite pornstar died last night.

I woke up today with mourning wood.

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Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day

Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]

A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.

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What is Hitler's favorite thing to eat?

Not seafood.

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My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.

At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "

His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."

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Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we're not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I've heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."

"My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore.
When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head." - Anthony Jeselnik

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One of my favorite Polish jokes

A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."

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My favorite pokemon joke

What did pikachu say when ash fell off a cliff? Pikachu, that's all he can say.

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My favorite sex position is the JFK...

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

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My favorite one liner. I've only told it out loud so I figured I'd type it type it vaguely.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist says "Well, I can clearly see youre nuts"

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A request...

So I found out this week that my mom has Leukemia, and is going into the hospital either today or pretty soon there after to start chemo and then hopefully get a bone marrow transplant. I've decided to send her a video of me telling a joke a day to help keep her spirits up, but I know my library of jokes she would appreciate will probably run out within the first week. So please, post your best or favorite relatively clean jokes here! Jokes poking fun at Baptists would be especially appreciated. Thanks guys (and gals!)

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Three blondes are walking through the woods...

They come across a pair of tracks.

The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"

"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"

The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"

Then the train hit them...

This is my favorite clean joke by far.

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A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best favorite jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty favorite gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these favorite jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

Can I save Favorite jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Like your favorite jokes so we can rank them by their likes count. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Favorite joke? You are free to share every Favorite joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

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