Favorite Child Jokes
37 favorite child jokes and hilarious favorite child puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about favorite child that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Favorite Child Short Jokes
Short favorite child jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The favorite child humour may include short jokes also.
- My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
- I remember my mother telling me, I have no favorite child. Harsh seeing as I'm an only child.
- My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up I'm an only child :(
- I asked my mother who was her favorite child... She thought for a second and said, "Do I have to pick one of mine?"
- Not being the favorite child, how did it affect me, you asked? It makes me want to have siblings.
- I asked my mom who her favorite child is She said could never answer a question like that but the dog was second.
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Favorite Child One Liners
Which favorite child one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with favorite child? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Turns out when asked who your favorite child is... You're supposed to pick your own.
- I lost my favorite ash tray. Child Protective Services took him.
- Its pretty easy to tell who my dad's favorite child is. Mostly because I'm an only child.
- My favorite book as a child was... ...'I Fell Off Mt Everest' by Eileen Dover.
- My mom used to remind me me all the time that she didn't have a favorite child.
- Who was the Father Buffalo's least favorite child? The Bison.
- What's a child psychologists favorite song? The kids aren't alright - The Offspring
- What's a zombie child's favorite game? The o**... Trail.
Favorite Child Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about favorite child you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make favorite child pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a m**... cow?
Beef stroganoff.
My favorite joke I was told as a child.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother has 3 kids
A mother has 3 kids.
The first kid goes up to her mom and says,
"Mommy, why I am I named petal?"
The mom responds, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The second child goes up to her mom and says, "Why am I named Rose?"
The mom says, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head
Finally, the third child comes up and says, "My favorite color is potato."
"SHUT UP BRICK"
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
my favorite joke I heard in school
Rudolph was a child adopted from Russia. One day Rudolph and his brother are arguing if it is raining or snowing outside. Rudolph says it raining and his brother says its snowing. They decide to ask their mother what she thinks. Their mother says its raining. When his brother asked why she agreed with Rudolph she said "Because Rudolph the red knows rain dear."
My favorite Robin Williams joke
U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.
As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappin' your hands!"
Thanks, Robin.
My father, who as a child loved baseball, once told me about a time that his dad broke his favorite baseball bat in half because he came home late one night.
When I was younger, and I loved video games, my dad smashed my Playstation after he found a pack of cigarettes in my room. Now, as a father myself, I told myself I'd never do this to *my* son. My son loves BMX and wants to be in the X-Games. Last night I caught him using my credit card to gamble online. I remembered how it felt when my Playstation was destroyed and that night I broke the cycle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favorite prank phone-call gag when I was a child: Call store, ask, "Do you have cotton-b**...?"
After confirmation that the store has cotton-b**..., "Does it tickle when you walk?"
Stay neglectful my friends
I adopted 3 kids recently and named them after my favorite beers; Bud Light, Miller Light, and Dos Equis. I work long days and am occasionally allowed to bring one child with me to the office. When faced with the decision of which child to take with me to work I always pick Dos Equis, because I don't always watch my kids but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.
Airline passenger safety brief
In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from above. If you're traveling with a child, please fit their mask first. If you have more than 1 child with you, please pick your favorite now.
So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.
One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."
-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.
The Inmate on Death Row
An inmate is on death row, waiting to be executed. The guard comes to his cell and asks him what his last request is.
"Since, I don't particularly have a favorite food, I'm going to request singing a song instead, one time, and without interruptions," the inmate replied. "This song was one my dad taught me when I was a young child."
The guard nodded, and allowed him to sing his song.
The inmate takes a shaky breath and starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
A doctor is getting ready to deliver a baby.
A doctor is getting ready to deliver a baby and the husband walks in. He says he's always wondered what child birth felt like.
The doctor says that they are testing an apparatus that would share the pain with the father.
He agrees and continues with the procedure.
The doctor first puts the pain at 10% the man feels nothing. He turns it to 25% still nothing. He puts it on 50% nothing. The doctor is getting curious wondering if the device works at all. He turns it to 100% and still nothing. The mother doesn't feel a thing.
After birth is all done they wrap it all up and go home.
When they arrive at home, the mailman is lying on the front lawn. The mailman says. 'I feel like I've just given birth.'
>I don't know if this has been posted before but this was my fathers favorite joke.
My favorite kids joke
One Sunday afternoon Rain Drop, the oldest child, grows curious and asks her mother:
"mother, why did you name me Rain Drop?"
"February 22, it was a winter night when I had you, me and your father took you out of the hospital as soon as you were born. It was raining outside and the first thing that touched your forehead was a clear cold rain drop, so we names you after that."
Rain Drop excited tells his brother and sister. Her sister, Snow Flake, asks her father:
"Father, why did you name me Snow Flake?"
"It was December 21, and you were just born that morning. Your mother and I took you outside from the warm hospital to the cold winter weather. As we let you see the sky a tender snow flake falls and vanishes in your pink lips. And that's why we named you Snow Flake"
Then bowling ball asks the mom
"Wysfodletlkqsquipeso!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Old Man and the b**... (long joke)
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male b**... sitting at the water's edge.He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."Miraculously, two shots rang out and the b**... fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that b**...."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my favorite nun jokes.
Three nuns are sitting with a priest. The priest says 'if all of you wish to be sure of access to heaven, tell me if you have ever had a s**... encounter.'
The first nun says 'I confess i once touched a p**....'
The priest says 'Blessed be all is forgiven.'
The second nun says 'I once s**... a p**....'
The priest says 'Blessed be all is forgiven.'
The third one says 'I was s**... assaulted as a child.'
The priest says 'God damnit Mary! I told you not to tell anyone!'