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Favorable Jokes

130 favorable jokes and hilarious favorable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about favorable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Favorable Short Jokes

Short favorable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The favorable humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
  2. I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?
    I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.."
  3. The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today. It is expected to dip into the teens.
  4. One time my friend said to treat him like a god... So now I only talk to him when I need a favor.
  5. Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
    A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
  6. My chemist wife refurnishes the dining room quite often She favors periodic tables over more permanent ones
  7. What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far? I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!
  8. In Feudal Japan, there was a system that determined who sat in the highly favored front position of carts. You had to call Shogun.
  9. Got into an argument with a colleague so I bought their favorite Indian food, to attempt to make up. I tried to curry favor but they were having naan of it. I only managed to tikka them off more.
  10. Helen Keller in court Helen Keller was in court. Why didn't the jury rule in her favor?
    They thought her argument was senseless.

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Favorable One Liners

Which favorable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with favorable? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What did one pamphlet say to the other when asked to do a favor? Brochure.
  2. A man asks his ninja friend if he could do a favor for him The ninja said, "Shurikan"
  3. 87% of Russians favor Vladimir Putin The other 13% is still missing.
  4. If I got $1000 every time I did someone a favor I could be mistaken for a politician
  5. What do you call it when a cephalopod returns a favor? Squid pro quo.
  6. All in favor of using homophones interchangeably say "eye".
  7. If fortune favors the bold.. How come I was arrested for streaking?
  8. What's the favored drink among coronavirus victims? Coughy.
  9. I asked a couple of Marlins for a favor, but they wouldn't help. They were two sailfish.
  10. To all my American friends: Happy hunger games... May the odds be ever in your favor.
  11. What does a polite Mexican order at Wendy's? 4 for 4, por favor!
  12. We should have a horse for president. All in favor say 'neigh'.
  13. A Spanish man was exfoliating his face... he was doing a pore favor.
  14. NASA does not curry favor neither does it favor Curry.
  15. I do hope the odds are in my favor... ...because I literally can't even.

Favorable Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about favorable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make favorable pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of i**....

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.

For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions.

He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a s**... favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a bl*wjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
Ҭ"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

A couple went to have their baby delivered.

.. Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.....
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband both were ecstatic...
When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!

The Godfather once came to Chuck Norris and asked for a favor.

Father, do you have anything to declare?

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, Father, may I ask a favor?
Of course you may. What can I do for you?
Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?
I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.
With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, Father, do you have anything to declare?
From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?
I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, God bless you, Father, go ahead.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He was asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try out for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.

I think it was just panda ring.

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!

A fighter pilot is shot down over Germany in World War II...

He wakes up in a German POW hospital. A German officer is standing over his bed as he comes-to.
"I'm verry sorry to inform you, but vee haff had to amputate your left leg," says the officer.
"Oh no," cries the pilot, "lost a limb? This is terrible news. Crutches for the rest of my life and all that. Listen, could you boys do me a favor? Could you drop my leg over my base, so it can receive an American burial?"
The German confers with his peers and answers, "Ziss vee can do."
A week later, the American awakens to find the officer standing over him again.
"Unfortunately, zee infection has spread, and vee must take your uzza leg."
"No! Crikey! I'll have to get a little cart, and sell pencils in front of the library. Listen; can you boys drop my leg over my base, so it can receive an American burial?"
Again, the German speaks to his fellows. "Ziss vee can do."
After another week, the American wakes to the German again.
"Vee are very sorry, but zee infection has spread to your right arm. Vee must take zat one as vell."
"Oh, cruel gods! No, no! Listen, can you boys do me a favor? Can you drop..."
"ZISS VEE CANNOT DO!!" the German interrupts.
"...but...why not?" asks the American.
"Vee sink you're trying to escape..."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A man goes to church to make a confession...

A man goes to church to make a confession to the priest.
"Look. I have a confession to make. During the war, a young, gorgeous woman came to my door looking for somewhere to stay hidden. And I accepted, on the condition that she would repay me every day with s**... favors."
The priest says, "Don't worry, young fellow. You have sinned. You were young and lustful, and God will forgive you."
"Good," the man said. "But I have another question. Do you think I should tell her the war's over?"

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

Marriage or Death

At my second wedding my buddy was giving a speech. He started by telling me he had some bad news - 50% of marriages end in divorce. That's not the worst part though - the other half end in death. So I started thinking, my first one ended in divorce, so the odds are in my favor. I wondered about the math, so I started doing the equation and it turns out I'd rather be single than dead.
- I'm writing a set, notes and critiques are more than welcome

Brewery managers go to a bar

In Münchens Oktoberfest, there was a meeting with international brewery managers. After the meeting they decided to go to have a drink at a local Bierstube, well known for their international selection of beers. Coronas head manager sat first on the bar and said:
- Por favor, Senor, could i have a bottle of Corona, the best beer in the world.
The bartender got a bottle, opened it and poured it to a glass.
Next up was Budweisers head manager, who ordered:
- A can of the king of American beers, Budweiser, Thank you.
The bartender gave him a can and a glass.
Then it was Guinness' head managers turn. He ordered:
- Could i get a large coke with ice, please.
The bartender gave him the coke while the two other brewery managers watched stunned. They had to ask:
- Why didn't you order Guinness?
The Guinness' head manager answered:
- I thought that if you fellows don't want to drink beer, I won't drink it either.

Ouch

A man (let's call him Bob) goes to his best friend who happens to be a doctor (let's call him Marv).
Bob: Marv, I need to ask you a favor.
Marv: Yea, Bob. No problem, what can I do for you?
Bob: I have here $5,000. I want you to castrate me.
Marv: But, Bob --
Bob: No, Marv, I've thought about this, I'm a little embarrassed, just take the $5,000 dollars and please don't fight me on this.
Marv, thinks and decides that he's not one to say no to $5,000 for a simple procedure and agrees. He conducts the operation.
In an hour or so Bob wakes up from the anesthesia.
Bob: Is it done?
Marv: Yea, it is. Also while I was doing the operation I noticed you weren't circumcised, and I really believe it's healthier, so I wanted to offer you that option now.
Bob: CIRCUMCISED! That's the word!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Doing s**... favors for spaghetti dinners

...makes you a pastatute

Nine researchers are stuck debating the findings of a new study.

The results are staggering, leaving the researchers split 5-4 in favor of the conclusion. Across all fields, at least one in two people are incompetent at their jobs.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.
After many days with no luck, and the female gorilla getting more frustrated, he decided to try his last option. So he tracks down the janitor of the zoo and says to him "Steve, I have to ask you a big favor... I need you to have s**... with the female gorilla. It's worth 2000 dollars."
The janitor agrees so long as three conditions are met.
"Condition the first..." says the janitor "is that no one cam ever know."
"Second... I don't have to kiss her."
"Finally... I'll need some time to get the 2000 dollars."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Is s**... work?

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the
colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and
he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the
question of just how much of s**... was "work" and how much of it was
"pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work .
A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in
favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the
time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC (Private First Class) who was in
charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be
100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A man is at home, laying on his death bed...

...he knows he doesn't have much time left. His wife is in the kitchen, his daughter at his bedside. His wife is baking, and with what little senses he has left, he can smell she's making apple pie. He asks his daughter, "Do you think you can do me one last favor?"

"Anything," she responds.

"Do you think you could see if your mother could give me a slice of her apple pie?" he asks.

She says she'll see what she can do, and walks out. She comes in not two minutes later and says, "sorry, the apple pie is for the f**...."

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar...

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,
"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"
"Agua, por favor."
"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."
"...Sí."

Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!

Go easy on me im drunk.
When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.

3 Russian prisoners in a Gulag discuss their crimes

The first says, "I'm here because I spoke out against Nikolai Yezhov"
The second says, "I'm here because I spoke out in favor of Nikolai Yezhov"
Then, the two of them look at the third and recognize him. The third says, "Yes, it's me--Nikolai Yezhov"

Another Iranian wife at the husband's deathbed

H: At this last moment, I have a question, have you ever cheated on me?
W: Only 3 times and all for your own good.
H: How so?
W: Remember in our town you wanted to join the soccer team and the coach rejected you but then later admitted you? That was in return of a favor I did.
H: Okay, I forgive that, what next?
W: Remember you played soccer and the team members did not pass you the ball, but then later they made you the captain? All the team members did that as return of my favors.
H: Hmm. And the the 3rd time?
W: Remember in Azadi stadium in Tehran, 100'000 spectators booed you, but then later everybody cheered for you? They all did that as return to my favors.

Got Change?

An elderly couple is in financial dire straits. Their pension is running out and things are starting to look desperate.
After several pointless job interviews and attempting to sell some junk from the attic, they reach the sad conclusion that the only hope they have is for the wife to sell her "favors" on the street.
And so, in the morning, the wife leaves the house and doesn't come back until late at night. Her husband is anxiously waiting at the door.
"So, how much did you make?" he asks.
"$719.25", she replies before collapsing on the couch.
"Wha...? Who paid you with a quarter?!?"
"Everybody."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you say to a German that is smoking p**... that did you a favor?

Danke

The custody battle

A Man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get
custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honour!I carried the child for
nine months and brought the child into the world with pain and labour.She should be in my
custody". The judge turns to the husband and says:"What do you have to say in your defence?"
The man sat for a while contemplating. Then slowly rose. "Your Honour! If I put money in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, Whose Coke is it, the machine's or mine?" "You", My Lord, in whose favor will you rule? the man or the woman?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How much of s**... is work?

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of s**... was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending on how drunk he was at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was your opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

Endangered meal

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

How long before I can get a haircut?

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar?

..."May the Ides be ever in your favor."

I DID YIUR MOM.

A favor
BY MAKING YOU.
a sandwhich.

The Horses decided to form a Senate to govern themselves...

But they could never get anything done. "All in favor, say Yay. All opposed, say neigh."

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop full of customers.....

....He asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

Baseball in Heaven

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."
The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.
A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."
"What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Wednesday."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I'm in favor of spanking children.

Their parents are not.

A low level member in a clan of cannibals gave some of his food...

...to the leader of the clan, in order to gain his favor.
It cost an arm and a leg, but it was worth it.

What do Overwatch and the justice system have in common?

Favor the shooter.

A guy rescued a genie.

To return the favor, the genie offered him a wish: he could have unlimited money, or unlimited wisdom. The man chose the latter. A few days passed by, his friend came to visit him, finding him crying very fiercely and screaming the sentence: "I should have chosen the money."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Slip of the Tongue

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"

The angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and said, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High."

Mary : I have a boyfriend

I went to the food court today.

And in the case of Pizza V Hamburger, the judge ruled in favor of the plantiff.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

[nsfw] I was telling my buddy about a girl I found at the train station late one night.

I told him how we really hit it off and I took her back to my place, I ate her out, and had s**... over and over until morning. He asked if she returned the favor and went down on me too, I said no. I couldn't find her head.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

sweaty palms make for good h**...

and that's the quickest way to turn an interview in your favor

What do the negative ion and the positive ion have in common?

They're both in favor of net neutrality!

The United States is calling for bids on who is going to build "The Wall".

Trump is favoring the company that makes Nomex.

My great grandfather once worked in a WW2 aircraft factory.

*"Our factory closed down on account of increased B-24 production"*, he said.
*"Why is that?"*, I asked. *"Did the military favor the B-24 over your aircraft?"*
*"The military hated the B-24!"*, he snapped back. *"It always flew above flak and our Focke-Wulfs couldn't hit them either."*

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I went to the store to buy some favors

Apparently they don't sell the s**... ones at Walmart

Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.

The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.

A proud father

A man asks a friend to come to his house and listen to his daughter sing.
After she is done singing the proud father looks at his friend and says " well how do you like her what do think of her execution"
His friend looks over at him and says "man, I'm in favor of it"

A bottle of Scotch

An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".

A pilot steps out of the cockpit and speaks to the cabin through the PA

"Ladies and gentlemen I need a huge favor from you. My wife just called me that her mother is on her way through security and needs a last minute seat to come with me to Atlanta for a last minute event. She flies for free with my buddy passes. I see some of you are still trying to find a seat. This flight is completely full, so if you could please store your bags, find those remaining empty middle seats and settle in and clear the aisle as quickly as possible, hopefully we can close the aircraft door and push back before my mother-in-law gets here".

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Apparently, there is a protest today in favor of d**... s**....

Now that's a protest I can get behind.

I asked my Hispanic friend to transfer my drink into a cup...

Then i told him thanks for that pour favor

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I once knew a man who was so s**......

He tried to pay a p**... with s**... favors.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Mike Pence

Mike Pence secretly favors m**... legalization.
I mean, how else would he stone the g**...?

A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?"

"Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.

The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."

Do you know the difference between Vladimir Putin and Hillary Clinton?

Vladimir Putin can win an election rigged in his favor

A Spanish guy is shopping in London...

A Spanish man went into a clothing store where the salesperson only spoke English. Walking up to the nearest sales clerk, the man said, Quiero calcetines, por favor. The clerk shook his head and said, I don't speak Spanish.
The sales clerk and the man walked around the store, the clerk pointing at jackets, sweaters, pants, and shoes, hoping to find what the Spanish man needed. Finally, the clerk pointed at a table of socks, and the Spanish man exclaimed, Eso, si que es! Wide-eyed, the sales clerk said, If you could spell it, why didn't you say so before!

At the company potluck, my boss asked me what the secret to my great curry was. I decided to tell him.

I curried favor with my curry flavor.

Two dogs are sitting outside

One is wearing the cone of shame and the other is not
The dog wearing the cone says to the other,
"Hey Bob, I'm going to have to ask you do me a favor"

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Having s**... is like being struck by lightning

It's never happened to me, and the odds are not in my favor

Why had 7 8 9?

Because they were dating and 7 owed 9 a favor.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do wepublicans favor small government?

They're always looking out for states' w**....