faucet Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious faucet puns

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

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Who won the race?

Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?

The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?

They're both off and running.

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The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today.

No wonder my water bills are so high.

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A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, That will be $200.
The surgeon was astonished. He says, I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.
The plumber says, Yeah, I know. Before I switched to plumbing, I was a neurosurgeon too."

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

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What do you call a faucet that won't give water to gay people?

A sbigot.

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Why did the faucet take a sick leave?

He wasn't filling so well.

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How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb

Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.

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A girl runs under a church awning to escape the rain.

A priest at the door greets her. "Are you all right, my dear?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine!" she exclaims. "It's just absolutely pouring rain!"

Suddenly, the sky opens up, and water begins to cascade down as if pouring from an enormous faucet.

"*Wow!*" the girl shouts. "Now it's *really* raining cats and dogs!"

All at once, the rain stops, and felines and canines begin pelting the ground from above!

"This is the devil's work!" cries the priest. "Quickly! Pray to God that this may stop!!"

Panicked, the girl falls to her knees and begins to pray.

"Hail Mary, full ofaaaAAAAAAUUGGHH!!"

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What kind of faucet is only Cold?

Farrah

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Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.

He asked his wife, Mary, if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet." The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00." Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet; certainly out of my price range." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom, the manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."

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how do you fix a leaky faucet?

....don't pay your water bill.

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The Science Teacher

A teacher walks by a lab table when a student turns to him and complains, "There's water all over my lab table!"

The teacher looks back at the table to see tape over the lab faucet and says, "It looks like one idiot taped the sink faucet, and another idiot turned the faucet on."

The student looks around sheepishly, and mutters "I wonder who that idiot was..."

The teacher looks back at the student and asks, "Was that idiot you?"

The student shrugs and says "Well yea, I wanted to see what happened."

The teacher looks thoughtfully at the faucet for a moment, before turning it on, watching water spray across the table.

The student looks back at the teacher, "Doesn't that make you an idiot too?"

The teacher looks at him and says, "No, I have a degree in science, we call that a scientific inquiry."

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What famous model controlled water in ancient Egypt palaces?

Pharaoh Faucet

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Michigan is the First State to Welcome Back Sub-$1 Gas

Just flip on your water faucet and you'll get it for free

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Plumber came to fix the faucet and grandma was reading the paper

When little Johnny came from outside

Granny : hey diploma, leave those muddy shoes outside

Grandson : whatever!

Later little Johnny went to kitchen

Granny : Hey diploma, don't scatter cereals on the floor

Plumber : I couldn't help noticing that you are calling your grandson diploma. Why is that?

Granny : that's his name

Plumber : really? That's one hell of a name

Granny : yeah, nine years ago my daughter went to college to get a diploma and returned with him.

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Man I hate shower sex...

Its hot, crowded, and i can never fit my junk into the faucet.

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The Italian faucet....

When it drips it goes wopwopwopwopwopwopwopwop.

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Did you know your kitchen faucet might raid your house?

Let that sink in...

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A drummer trips and falls on a sheep, a candy brand, and then a running faucet

*Baa Dum tss*

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You're so hot...

You could make hot water come out of a cold faucet

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It's not easy having sex with a tap

You really gotta faucet

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How many cats can drink from a faucet at the same time?

a mlem

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What do you call a racist faucet?

Spigoted

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A race between tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet

Tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet were having a race. The lettuce was a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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How do you rob a faucet?

You mug it.

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The Leaky Faucet

Why was the leaky faucet so bad at soccer?

It dribbled too much.

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I was trying to come up with a joke about taps...

but I realized I couldn't faucet

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How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.

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Why did the faucet turn on?

It was feeling _wet_.

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What are the most funny Faucet jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Faucet? Well, here are the best Faucet dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Faucet pick up lines to share with friends.

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