Faucet Jokes

What are some Faucet jokes?

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

Who won the race?

Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?

The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?

They're both off and running.

The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today.

No wonder my water bills are so high.

My wife began reading 'The Exorcist'.

She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier.

I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in the night table drawer by her bed. That night was the first time she ever screamed and fainted.

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, That will be $200.
The surgeon was astonished. He says, I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.
The plumber says, Yeah, I know. Before I switched to plumbing, I was a neurosurgeon too."

What do you call a faucet that won't give water to gay people?

A sbigot.

Why did the faucet take a sick leave?

He wasn't filling so well.

How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb

Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.

A girl runs under a church awning to escape the rain.

A priest at the door greets her. "Are you all right, my dear?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine!" she exclaims. "It's just absolutely pouring rain!"

Suddenly, the sky opens up, and water begins to cascade down as if pouring from an enormous faucet.

"*Wow!*" the girl shouts. "Now it's *really* raining cats and dogs!"

All at once, the rain stops, and felines and canines begin pelting the ground from above!

"This is the devil's work!" cries the priest. "Quickly! Pray to God that this may stop!!"

Panicked, the girl falls to her knees and begins to pray.

"Hail Mary, full ofaaaAAAAAAUUGGHH!!"

how do you fix a leaky faucet?

....don't pay your water bill.

What kind of faucet is only Cold?


Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.

He asked his wife, Mary, if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet." The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00." Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet; certainly out of my price range." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom, the manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."

Did you hear the news about the faucet?

It leaked.

The Science Teacher

A teacher walks by a lab table when a student turns to him and complains, "There's water all over my lab table!"

The teacher looks back at the table to see tape over the lab faucet and says, "It looks like one idiot taped the sink faucet, and another idiot turned the faucet on."

The student looks around sheepishly, and mutters "I wonder who that idiot was..."

The teacher looks back at the student and asks, "Was that idiot you?"

The student shrugs and says "Well yea, I wanted to see what happened."

The teacher looks thoughtfully at the faucet for a moment, before turning it on, watching water spray across the table.

The student looks back at the teacher, "Doesn't that make you an idiot too?"

The teacher looks at him and says, "No, I have a degree in science, we call that a scientific inquiry."

What famous model controlled water in ancient Egypt palaces?

Pharaoh Faucet

Michigan is the First State to Welcome Back Sub-$1 Gas

Just flip on your water faucet and you'll get it for free

How to make Faucet jokes?

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