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Father Jokes

190 father jokes and hilarious father puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about father that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready to laugh yourself silly with this collection of the best father jokes around! Featuring jokes about father in law, father son, father daughter, priest, father Christmas and more, this selection of jokes is sure to put a smile on the faces of all paternal figures.

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Funniest Father Short Jokes

Short father jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The father humour may include short daughter jokes also.

  1. A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
  2. A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
  3. What does gay mean? asked a son to his father.
    "It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
    "Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
    "No, son, I have a wife."
  4. Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
    daughter: "I don't have a si-"
  5. Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
    Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
  6. My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
  7. My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places.... 24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
  8. A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father: It means 'to be happy'.
    Son: Are you gay?
    Father: No, son. I have a wife.
  9. My father is cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am...... .....
    an Ice Cube
    Cred: Russell Peters
  10. Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"

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Father One Liners

Which father one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with father? I can suggest the ones about chairman and stepdad.

  1. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
  2. Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
  3. Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
  4. Why do some people think Jesus was black? Cause he is our father, and he never came back.
  5. The sonicare toothbrush is named after the words I never heard my father say.
  6. I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
  7. What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day? Extra Karma... I hope.
  8. Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
  9. Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
  10. What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum? Dyson.
  11. Father: Hey son what are you drinking? Son: Soy-milk
    Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre
  12. American conservatives are pretty homophobic for people so proud of their four fathers
  13. Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
  14. Why is Darth Vader so famous? He was the first black man to admit he is the father.
  15. A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag She said thanks for the baghdad

Your Father Jokes

Here is a list of funny your father jokes and even better your father puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
  • A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
  • My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
  • A boy asked his father, "Dad, what does gay mean?" "It means happy son." Replied the father.
    Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"
    "No son, I am married." the father replied.
  • Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
    Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
  • Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
  • When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
  • "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
  • 50s Soviet joke Who is your mother?
    Our great Soviet country.
    Who is your father?
    Our dear comrade Stalin.
    What's your greatest desire?
    Becoming an orphan.
  • "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
    "We tried, but nobody would take you"

Father And Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny father and son jokes and even better father and son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
  • A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
  • Father: Son you were adopted Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
    Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes
  • Son: "Dad why was my sister named Madonna?" Father: "Because your mother always thought the world needed another Madonna"
    Son: "Thanks, dad."
    Father: "No problem, Holocaust."
  • Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
    They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off.
  • My son just became a father for the first time today… And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…
  • The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket
  • A little boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, where did my intelligence come from? His father replied, well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine.
  • A father says to his son, "Son, you're adopted." Son: "What? That's not funny, dad."
    Dad: "Yup, pack your stuff, they'll be here in an hour."
  • Son: Dad, what does it feel like being father to the best son in the world? Dad: Son, I can not answer that question, but I bet your grandpa can.
Father joke, Son: Dad, what does it feel like being father to the best son in the world?

Father Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny father day jokes and even better father day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior? Or am I just breadjudiced?
    Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
  • I told my wife she had to buy me a fathers day present. I mean, why should I suffer just because she had a miscarrage?
  • How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father's Day? Solo
  • Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
  • Valentine's day Mothers have mothers day, father's have father's day, couples have valentine's day and I have palm sunday
  • It's going to be a busy couple of months for Caitlyn Jenner Mothers' Day and then Fathers' Day
  • What did Dad say when he got a universal remote for Father's Day? This changes everything!

    Happy Father's Day!
  • When the Baltimore rioters looted the CVS, they stole everything except for the Father's Day cards.
  • In honor of father's day - one from my dad. A dungbeetle walks into a bar and he says to the bartender: Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?
  • Song you sing to your dad on Father's Day? Glad You Came.

Father Of Two Jokes

Here is a list of funny father of two jokes and even better father of two puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So a boy asks his father what's an alcoholic The father says, "see those 4 trees over there? An alcoholic would see 8 trees"
    The boy replies, "but dad, I only see two trees!"
  • I feel severely let down by two people in my life. My father, my mother, and my mathematics teacher.
  • King Henry VIII had six wives. He beheaded two of them. Those were his axe wives.
    (this joke is courtesy of my father)
  • A chinese couple had a baby The baby turned out to be white. The father looked sternly at the mother and said: "Two Wongs don't make a white."
  • When I was born my father said "Now I'm certain I want two children!" I was the third.
  • I'm 37 years old, a husband, and a father of two pre-teens AND I don't tell Dad jokes... because he left when I was 2.
  • Johnny's mother called his father at work... "Johnny just swallowed a nickle and spit up two dimes, what do I do??"
    "Keep feeding him nickles!"
  • My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
  • French dad joke of two potatoes. One of them is ran over, and the other says:
    – Oh purée! [meaning both “Oh my goodness!” and “Oh, mashed potatoes!”]
  • Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings. 1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
    2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty.

Father In Law Jokes

Here is a list of funny father in law jokes and even better father in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a priest that becomes an attorney? Father-in-Law.
  • If a priest became a lawyer, what would he be? A Father-in-law
  • I hate father in laws So I only date black girls
  • What do you call the priest who became an attorney? Father-in-law
  • My wife told me that I did not love any of her relatives I told her that is not true.

    I said, "I love your mother-in-law and father-in-law much more than I love mine."
  • What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? The answer is a father-in-law!
  • I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
  • My father-in-law's favourite joke. You can kiss a Nun but don't get into the habit.
  • When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"
  • If your dad is a lawyer He's basically your father in law
Father joke, If your dad is a lawyer

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about father can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of father puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Father Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about father you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean daddy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make father prank.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​

When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a c**... if I ever had s**....

He said, Any person willing to have s**... with you will sleep with almost anyone else.

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Little boy in custody battle.

Hey mother and father were in a heated custody battle for their son. The judge asks the little boy,"Do you want to go live with your mother?". Little boy replied,"No she beats me." The judge says "Oh,do you want to live with your dad?". Once again the little boy replied " No, he beats me." so the judge asks,"Well who do you want to live with?". Little boy looks at the judge and says, "The Dallas Cowboys they don't beat anybody."

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

Two priests are out driving one day..

when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

Old Soviet Joke

Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

Peter is different

A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

A r**...'s father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

The little black jewish boy...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!

A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."

Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

A teacher was giving a math lesson...

...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."

What's the best part about dating a black girl?

You don't have to meet her father.

A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today

"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having s**... in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."

Two priests are out driving and get pulled over

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it

My father has the heart of a lion...

And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?

Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father!
So what am I supposed to call you?
Just call me Steve, like everybody else.

My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."

Dad, you're using Uber.

m**...

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest m**....
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called m**...," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.

Catholic

Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."

A boy and his father are in an argument

Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"
Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"
Son: *Stomps up stairs*
Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*
Son: "Jim Morrison s**...!"
Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"

A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...

"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

One day when I was young......

I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog!

Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?
P : my dad is still in the hospital.
T : wow, this must be serious.
*1 month later*
T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.
P : Indeed.
T: well, how come?
P : he's a doctor.

An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...

Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

A doctor hands a new father his newborn baby and says, "I'm sorry, your wife didn't make it..."

The father says, "then hand me the one that my wife made!"

a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

You're the man of the house now

I have proof that God is black

Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him

An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.

"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.

Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking m**... !!!
The mother :
- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??
- He said he got it from his best friend.
The father, wiping a happy tear :
- My boy really said that ... ?

I was in bed with this r**... girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

Potato in bathing suit joke

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! 
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."
The husband says "Who is his father?"
The wife says **"You are."**

I'm so excited to finally get a dad bod

It's the first time I've ever had a father figure

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"




Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"Yes, sir"
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"Yes, sir"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."

Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."

Father joke, Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

jokes about father

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these father jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.