Fathered Child Jokes
137 fathered child jokes and hilarious fathered child puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fathered child that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Fathered Child Short Jokes
Short fathered child jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fathered child humour may include short parent child jokes also.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
"We tried, but nobody would take you" - A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
- A father goes to pick his daughter up from school There is another mother waiting there
She asks, "Are you expecting a child?"
The father replies with, "No, this is just from beer " - My father was never proud me. When I was child he asked, "How old are you now son?"
"I'm 5."
He replied, "When I was your age I was 6." - It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?" ".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."
- A child asks his father how to be happy. He replied, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married..." "...and then it was too late."
- The 3rd child asked her mother Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath! - A very curious kid Kid: Papa, are you growing taller all the time?
Father: No, my child. Why do you ask?
Kid: Because the top of your head is poking up through your hair. - If a grandpa has a child with his granddaughter he's a great grandpa... but a horrible father.
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Fathered Child One Liners
Which fathered child one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fathered child? I can suggest the ones about adopted kid and paternity.
- A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" "K, pop."
- What did the father say before he killed his child with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson
- I was a complex child My mother was real and my father was imaginary.
- My father only hit me once as a child. But he used a Ford Transit.
- Father asks child why they must be quite in Church. "Because of the people sleeping?"
- What are the worst 6 words to hear as a child? Wait until your father gets home.
- What did the African child say when his father left? Uganda.
- Question to a crying child Q: Why did the drunken father go to jail?
A: Beats me - If Odin is the All-Father... ..man, I bet he pays a fortune in child support.
- So my sister is pregnant with her first child. I'm so happy to finally be a father!
- Why did Luke Skywalker never really know his father? Because he was a child of da'force
- Why would the Divorced Father be anti-vax? He just doesn't want to pay the child support.
- What did the red dwarf say to its child? Like father, like sun
(OC I think) - "How do you know you are not this child's father" says the judge
- Who was the Father Buffalo's least favorite child? The Bison.
Fun-Filled Fathered Child Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about fathered child you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter father jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fathered child pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.
"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied.
"It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer.
"Christopher has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have s**... with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
A woman once wanted me to father her child no strings attached. In other words, "I like your genes, but I don't like what you've done with them." I agreed but with one condition. She had to put it up for adoption.
A woman goes into labor with her child.
The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A father wanted to name his kids with 'Ger' in their names. In succession, the first child was name Gerald, the next was named Geraldine. The father then had triplets.
That was Germany.
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
Poor Boy
A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.
A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"
"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"
The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"
Little Johnny and his ball.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."
A recently divorced couple were in court
battling over the custody of their child.
The mother spoke first, ranting and raving about what a terrible father her ex husband had been.
The judge asks the father if he had any comments.
The father simply replied:
"If I place a quarter in a gum-ball machine, who get to keep the candy? Me or the gum-ball machine?"
Kid runs away from home
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is going through labour...
...but there is a b**... and her car isn't working. Her husband attempts to deliver the baby. Their young daughter is asked to hold a torch so that her father can see.
After a long and stressful procedure, the baby boy is born. The man spanks the newly born child and the baby starts crying. The mother asks the daughter about what she just saw.
"s**... him again, he shouldn't of crawled up there in the first place."
A child and Human Origin
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A child asks his father:
Why is grandpa running daddy?
Shut up son, and give me another shell.
A couple has a child, but it comes out as only a head...
They go home and place the head on their living room table, where they care for it, feeding, teaching, and entertaining it. For twenty one years they do this.
Then, on the child's twenty-first birthday, the father decides that he wants to take his son out for a drink, so he moves the head to his car and drives it down to the bar.
There, the father tells the bartender to give him two shots. After downing one, he raises the second glass to his son's lips, and the head downs the beer in just a second. Suddenly, a torso appears below the head.
"Bartender! Gimme another shot!" The father yells excitedly. After downing that one as well, the rest of the body appears, and the father is ecstatic.
"Bartender! Gimme one more shot for good luck and to celebrate!" The father yells, amazed at this unexpected sequence of events. As the first bit of alcohol reaches the son's lips, he vanishes completely.
The father, distraught, doesn't know what to do. The bartender shakes his head and says, "Should've quit while he was a head."
What Does Your Father Do?
It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.
1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!
2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!
3rd Child: My dad is dead.
The teacher asks:
Well, what did your father do before he died?
3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"
Eddy and his crush
Eddy was just a regular guy. Except for the fact that he was an only child and the fact that his billionaire father was breathing his last. Since Eddy was a soon to be billionaire it only made sense that he should have a woman to share his riches with.
Eddy approached his childhood crush. Hey Sandra, I may look like a regular guy, but I'm soon gonna be a billionaire! Do you wanna come home with me?
Sure thing Sandra replied, I would love to come home with you.
And that's the story how Sandra became Eddie's Stepmother
A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers
The salses man asks, "Is your father home"?
"No, he was ran over by a tractor".
"I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"?
"No, she was ran over by a tractor".
"Do you have any big brother or sister at home"?
"No, they were ran over by a tractor"
"So what are you doing here all alone"?
"I'm driving a tractor"
Childbirth: Special Delivery
A woman goes to a hospital with her husband to give birth because she is going into labor. When she arrives, the doctor tells her, "Ma'm, we have a device that will transfer pain from the mother giving birth to the father. It's incredible! Would you like to use it?"
The woman agrees and they hook her up to the machine. They turn the pain transfer to 25% given to the father. Her husband says that he is not feeling anything, but the woman is feeling less pain. So, they turn it up to 50% and the husband still feels nothing. The hospital staff turn it straight up to 100% and the woman has a painless childbirth and leaves hours later with her child.
When they arrive home, the woman says to her husband, "That was great! It's incredible that we both went through without any pain." As they get out of the car, the family goes to the front door to find the mailman dead on the doorstep. *
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the old Russia, bevore USSR a small child comes home from the last day of school
and holding his grade sheet yells to his revolutionary father "Father! You know how you always say how bad our schooling system is? Now I have proof of it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
Man like Mum !!
A child asked his father: "What is a man?"
The father replies, "A person who takes responsibility for his family and his house and takes care of them."
Then the child said, "I hope I will be a man like Mum one day" !!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child asks his father: ''What is '**...''?''
He answers: ''Well son, it is something that two people that really like each other do to each others g**... with their mouths so that they achieve o**....''
The child: ''Okay... then what's ''written''?''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man goes to confess after 25 years
So the man walks into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, having nothing but bad memories about it from when he was a child.
So he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of p**... n**... calenders on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigars next to it, and he thinks to himself "Wow, this place has really improved over the years"
But then the Father opens the door and yells "Get out! that's my booth!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Indian...
...are at a hospital. All of their wives had given birth that day, but there was mix-up with the babies and the doctors were unsure who's baby was who's, and there was no way to tell so the three fathers had to pick a baby each.
The indian was quite sure which baby was his, because his child had brown skin, so he let the Englishman pick first.
The Englishman goes into the room with the babies and leaves with the brown baby, much to the Indian's t**... who says:
"what are you doing? That baby is obviously mine!"
to which the Englishman replies:
"Yeah, but one of those babies is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances."
Car son talks to car dad about a dance.
A car child goes up to his car dad and says "hey dad I don't know what tires to where to the dance" and the father says "don't worry son it's just attire.
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
A child asks his father
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child gets on a bus
So a child of seven jumps on a bus. The driver, noticing he's alone, tells him to sit in the seat closest to the front.
After the bus has started the kid says: "Hey mister driver?"
Driver:"Yes?"
Child:"Did you know, that if my mummy was a dog, and my daddy was a dog, that I would be a dog?"
The driver chuckles at this cute comment and says:"No, I did not"
After a while the child says again:" Mister driver, did you know that if my mummy was a giraffe, and my daddy was a giraffe, that I would be a giraffe?"
The driver laughs again, with a bit less enthusiasm and says:" No I didn't know that."
The child starts listing almost every animal that driver has heard of, and it starts to annoy him more and more, until finally he yells:"WHAT IF YOUR MOTHER WAS A p**..., AND YOUR FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC!!?!"
The kid looks up at the man with a small smile and says:"Well then I'd be a bus driver."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Maria is a devoted wife.
She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her f**... the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says"At last they are finally together".A man standing next to the priest asks,"excuse me Father,but do you mean Maria and her first husband or Maria and her second husband?The priest replied"I MEANS HER LEGS" Sorry for the grammar mistakes.
Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Rough translation from Spanish:
Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!
A young native child asks his father...
"Father, where did I get my name?"
To which the father replied, "well son, we name our children after the first thing we see when we come out of the teepee when you are born. That is why your sister is named Running River..."
"Oh, like how we live near the river!" the son chimed in. "But father, why am I named Twod Ogsfucking"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 11-year-old child walks in on his parents...
having s**... and his father stops and sees his son with a worried face. The father says to the son while nervously laughing, "Don't worry, it's ok, I just love your mom, go to bed now." The son then goes into his grandmother's room. The father then searches for his son and finds him trying to have s**... with his grandmother, who is still dead asleep. The son looks up to his father's horrified face and says, "It's not so funny when it is your mother, is it?"
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
Sorry, tuba players...
A father decides to put his son in a music class. The teacher assigns him the tuba and the dad goes home, leaving his kid there.
When the child comes home, the dad asks "What did you do today?"
The child said "I learned how to play the C Note!"
The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"
The child said "I learned how to play the G Note!"
The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"
"I joined the orchestra!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
One, day little Johnny asks his father,
"Daddy where do i come from?"
The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.
"Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much..."
After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,
"Well son, does that answer your question?"
"Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy."
A church father was riding a horse...
Or was it the child?
A church father was riding a child...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A truamatizing joke for a single mother to tell their child(ren)
"You look like your father, whoever he is."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to confession, tells the priest she has deviant s**... thoughts...
She says she cant help these s**... thoughts and doesnt know what to do. It has gotten so bad she even stopped wearing p**.... The priest says, "ok my child. I want you to do 10 hail marys 5 our fathers and 43 cartwheels."
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.
Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Father comes home from work
To find the tv broken and his wife looking furious with their child.
"What happened?" The father asked.
"Our son broke the tv playing the Wii" she replied.
"Did he have the s**...?"
"No, I thought Id let you punish him"
Two priests are out driving and get pulled over
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it
Divorce custody
A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child tells her mother "Daddy says he needs to borrow your typewriter"...
The woman smiles, knowing this is their secret code for s**..., but knowing she is on her period, tells her daughter "Tell Daddy that my typewriter only has red ink right now." So the child goes to tell her father.
The next day, the mother tells her child, "Tell Daddy he can use my typewriter now." When the child comes back, she tells her mother. "Daddy said he borrowed the neighbors typewriter."
A police officer See's two men fighting in the street...
He sees a small child crying in the sidewalk and asks him which one is your father? The boy replies that's what they're fighting about
A kid asked a priest...
"Father, besides praying do you have any other pass-time?"
The priest tapped the kids cheek & calmly replied:
"Nun my child, Nun".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a small boy. (Long)
He was always bothering his parents to tell them that he had to t**.... It bothered his father that he said t**.... So he came up with a code word for his child to let him know he had to go in public without saying t**.... He said tell me you have to whisper instead. And so he started to tell his parents he had to whisper. Then he went to visit his grandparents and eventually he had to go to the bathroom. So he told his grandpa he had to whisper. So the Grandpa not knowing the code word told the little boy to go ahead and whisper in his ear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...
...why isn't i**... called radioactive dating?
What do you call it when you bring your Mother to Father Child day at school?
A Faux Pa
If a father asked their child if they would like a tropical fruit, would the child respond,
Papa, ya
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Father Joseph, a m**..., was touring the African village in which he lived, when suddenly a man came up to him.
"Father Joseph!" the man demanded. "Everyone is black in this village, but my son was recently born white! You are the only white man within 200 miles! Explain yourself!"
Father Joseph sheepishly answered, "Now, uh, don't judge too harshly," and pointed towards the goats. "You see, goats are normally white and that one was born black! It's just one of nature's mysteries that you have to accept."
"Oh, I understand, Father Joseph," the black man said. "I stop talking about the white child, and you stop talking about the black goat, OK?"
What brand of Headphones does an abusive father give to his child on his birthday every year
Beats by Dad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it difficult to be the child of a gay couple?
Ask your father.
Why do you practice basketball everyday, son?
Why do you practice basketball everyday, son? the Father Nebula asked his son, Little Nebula, when he saw him dribbling a ball.
Because I want to be a superstar someday, Dad, Little Nebula replied.
Im proud of you, son. Father Nebula hugged his child.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three kids are in a park with their father
The first child approaches the father and asks,
"Dad, why am I named Dandy?"
Father responds,
"Because a dandelion fell on your head when you were born."
Second kid comes up and asks
"Dad, why am I named Rose?"
Dad responds,
"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born."
Third kid runs up screaming,
"HRJSOAOSBRBRJFIDISOSBBPPPBFFFSSSS"
Dad gets up and shouts at the third one, causing a scene,
"SHUT UP BRICK!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim father catches his son m**.... He says, "Don't do that my son, or Allah will strike you blind."
The child says, "Abu, I'm over here."
How are we going to raise the child???
I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby? Because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.
Living in D&D world
If my human father remarries and has a child with a halfling woman, would their child be my half-halfling half brother?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
One day, a child came up to her father and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
Later on, her younger sister came up to their father and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Lily?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a lily fell on your head."
Later, their brother came up to their father and said, "Ghigdsgjjo Hitsggdjkl."
He replied, "Shutup, Brick!"
An award is given to families who have 10 children. A man and his wife have 9 children, the husband tells his wife that he cheated on her and that he has another child, he'll go get him and then they can enjoy the money together.
When the man is back home with the child he sees no one in the house. He asks his wife where are the kids? She replied each father came and took his child
A child predator, a con-man, and a priest walk in to a bar...
The bartender says: Hey Father John!
An adopted child asks his father why he adopted him.
The father answers:
"Another man's trash is another man's treasure, amiright?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher in the Soviet union yells at her student - who's your father?
**Stalin** says the child.
Who's your mother?
**Mother Russia**
What do you want to be when you grow up?
**An orphan!**
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.