Father Jokes

Funniest Father Short Jokes

Short father jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The father humour may include short daughter jokes also.

1. A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
2. A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
3. Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
   daughter: "I don't have a si-"
4. Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
   Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
5. My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
   
6. My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places.... 24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
7. Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
8. Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
9. A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
10. My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

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Father One Liners

Which father one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with father? I can suggest the ones about chairman and mom dad.

1. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
2. Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
3. Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
4. My father is cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am...... .....
   an Ice Cube
   Cred: Russell Peters
5. The sonicare toothbrush is named after the words I never heard my father say.
6. I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
7. What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day? Extra Karma... I hope.
8. Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
9. Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
10. Why is Darth Vader so famous? He was the first black man to admit he is the father.
11. I'm so excited to finally get a dad bod It's the first time I've ever had a father figure
12. My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.
13. A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" "K, pop."
14. A while back, my father told me an awful dad joke. He said he'd be right back
15. I think Jesus is black Because he is our father and hasn't come back yet

Your Father Jokes

Here is a list of funny your father jokes and even better your father puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
  Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
• Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
• When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
• "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
• 50s Soviet joke Who is your mother?
  Our great Soviet country.
  Who is your father?
  Our dear comrade Stalin.
  What's your greatest desire?
  Becoming an orphan.
• "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
  "We tried, but nobody would take you"
• What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? You're the man of the house now
• My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
• My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men." Dad, you're using Uber.
• Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog! Grandpa: Why would I do that?
  Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."

Father And Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny father and son jokes and even better father and son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
• A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
• My son just became a father for the first time today… And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…
• A little boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, where did my intelligence come from? His father replied, well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine.
• A son says to his father... A son says to his father "Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?"
  The father replies "No son, you're autistic."
• I want to be a father someday But my son says I should start now
• I'm a proud father since 10 minutes My son is already 20 years old but he has been a disappointment till now
• Dad, why is my cousin called Porsche? Dad: Because her father likes Porsche cars.
  Son: Thanks dad.
  Dad: You're welcomed, young boy.
• My father always said I was a bright kid... So bright in fact, he always called me son
• My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father

Father Of Two Jokes

Here is a list of funny father of two jokes and even better father of two puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I feel severely let down by two people in my life. My father, my mother, and my mathematics teacher.
• King Henry VIII had six wives. He beheaded two of them. Those were his axe wives.
  (this joke is courtesy of my father)
• When I was born my father said "Now I'm certain I want two children!" I was the third.
• I'm 37 years old, a husband, and a father of two pre-teens AND I don't tell Dad jokes... because he left when I was 2.
• Johnny's mother called his father at work... "Johnny just swallowed a nickle and spit up two dimes, what do I do??"
  "Keep feeding him nickles!"
• My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
• French dad joke of two potatoes. One of them is ran over, and the other says:
  – Oh purée! [meaning both “Oh my goodness!” and “Oh, mashed potatoes!”]
• Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings. 1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
  2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty.
• Fighting Couple A married couple were fighting. Deciding it was time to go to bed, the husband says, "Goodnight, mother of six!" to which she replies Goodnight father of two!"
• Your insistence on having your father walk you down the aisle may seem odd to some Especially considering the two of you are only going grocery shopping.
  _______________
  I stole this joke.

Daughter Father Jokes

Here is a list of funny daughter father jokes and even better daughter father puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Father:You were ado.. Daughter : I was adopted?
  Father : You were adorable as a baby
  Daughter : Oh.
  Father : That's why we adopted you.
• A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
  The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself
• A father goes to pick his daughter up from school There is another mother waiting there
  She asks, "Are you expecting a child?"
  The father replies with, "No, this is just from beer "
• Dad Joke Don't care what my 10yo daughter does or says from this forward, I'll always be a proud Father…
  She asked me what do you call a Elf that just won the lottery… Welfy
• A father is yelling at his daughter's boyfriend for taking her. virginity The boyfriend replies: Sorry, it won't happen again.
• The 3rd child asked her mother Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
  Mom angrily:
  I wanted neither.
  I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath!
• Daughter asks her father if she is showing too much cleavage. Father replies:"If you don't have chest hair, then yes."
• A dad joke which you can use.. Young Man: I've come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.
  Girl's Father: You've got to take all of her or it's no deal.
• Text conversation between father and daughter Daughter: Dad, I have a new boyfriend!
  Dad: And I have a new gun
  Daughter: I don't see how this is connected
  Dad: Hopefully neither will the cops
• My father in law said he felt so lucky that his daughter met such a great guy. But that relationship didn't work out so she settled for me.

Father In Law Jokes

Here is a list of funny father in law jokes and even better father in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
• When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"
• If your dad is a lawyer He's basically your father in law
• My father-in-law is a retired preacher. The put him out to pastor.
• My fiance's dad is a priest and he's going to take the bar exam soon. He's going to be a father in law
• I asked my incontinent father-in-law if he wanted anything from the store,he replied ... "Depends"
• I told my father in law we have something in common. "What's that?"
  "Your daughter calls me Daddy too."
• I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law
• A man gets married. Now, he has a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, a bother-in-law, a sister-in-law. And the wife? She is the law.
• So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer... Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is "inappropriate"

Hilarious Father Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about father you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter mother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make father pranks.