Following is our collection of Father jokes which are very funny. There are some father daddy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these father forgive me father puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
A father in law
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
He said, Any person willing to have sex with you will sleep with almost anyone else.
asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
Because his father grounded him.
You can explore father paternal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean father uncle dad jokes. There are also father puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"
Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
He was the first black man to admit he is the father.
The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"
Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.
The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!
The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
Cause he is our father, and he never came back.
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black bastards."
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan.
Dad, you're using Uber.
The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
Dyson.
But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
Son: Soy-milk
Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife.
The father says, "then hand me the one that my wife made!"
She said thanks for the baghdad
Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
The father says, "see those 4 trees over there? An alcoholic would see 8 trees"
The boy replies, "but dad, I only see two trees!"
You're the man of the house now
Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him
I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
....and boy was he mad.
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
"It means happy son." Replied the father.
Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"
"No son, I am married." the father replied.
My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."
The husband says "Who is his father?"
The wife says **"You are."**
The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
"We tried, but nobody would take you"
It's the first time I've ever had a father figure
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very sleazy, very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!
The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?
You.
Edit- Two Now
2nd Edit- One Now
3rd Edit- Nevermind
4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP
For I have synonymed.
I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.
Who? the son asks.
Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.
The salesman is shocked but he asks the kid: Excuse me young man is your mother or father home?
The kid looks at him, takes a drag from the cigarette and says, What do you think?
But it's okay, he told me that if I donated my entire inheritance that he could probably work something out.
A thief goes to a priest to confess his crime:
Thief: Father, I have committed a grave crime.
Father: What is it my son?
Thief : I stole the purse of a holyman. What should I do?
Father : You should return it to him, my son.
Thief takes the purse from his pocket and puts it in front of the priest.
Father: Don't put stolen items before me.
Thief: But Father, what if he doesn't take the purse back.
Father: Then you can keep it with you.
Thief: Thank you father.
"honey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
John turns to his wife and says, "do you remember 20 years ago when your father caught us having sex in the car?"
John's wife smiles at the memory and replies, "of course, that was my first time."
John looks at his wife and says, "well 20 years ago your father gave me a choice. Either I marry you or spend 20 years in prison."
"That was a long time ago honey, and your not in prison."
John again starts sobbing and says, "I would have gotten out of prison today."
A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!?"
*silence*
"If the thief does not admit i will do what my father did when his horse got stolen"
One guy stands up and said: "what did your father did when his horse got stolen?"
The cowboy said: "he walked home"
I prefer father figure
Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"
Him: That was your first problem.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the father father of two jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working father fathers day piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.