Father Jokes
189 father jokes and hilarious father puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about father that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh yourself silly with this collection of the best father jokes around! Featuring jokes about father in law, father son, father daughter, priest, father Christmas and more, this selection of jokes is sure to put a smile on the faces of all paternal figures.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Father Short Jokes
Short father jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The father humour may include short daughter jokes also.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
- Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
daughter: "I don't have a si-" - Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes. - My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
- My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places.... 24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
- Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
- Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
- A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
- My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
Share These Father Jokes With Friends
Father One Liners
Which father one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with father? I can suggest the ones about chairman and mom dad.
- What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
- Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
- Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
- My father is cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am...... .....
an Ice Cube
Cred: Russell Peters - The sonicare toothbrush is named after the words I never heard my father say.
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day? Extra Karma... I hope.
- Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
- Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
- Why is Darth Vader so famous? He was the first black man to admit he is the father.
- I'm so excited to finally get a dad bod It's the first time I've ever had a father figure
- My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.
- A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" "K, pop."
- A while back, my father told me an awful dad joke. He said he'd be right back
- I think Jesus is black Because he is our father and hasn't come back yet
Your Father Jokes
Here is a list of funny your father jokes and even better your father puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about. - Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
- When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
- "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
- 50s Soviet joke Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan. - "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
"We tried, but nobody would take you" - What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? You're the man of the house now
- My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
- My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men." Dad, you're using Uber.
- Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog! Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."
Father And Son Jokes
Here is a list of funny father and son jokes and even better father and son puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
- A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
- My son just became a father for the first time today… And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…
- A little boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, where did my intelligence come from? His father replied, well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine.
- A son says to his father... A son says to his father "Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?"
The father replies "No son, you're autistic." - I want to be a father someday But my son says I should start now
- I'm a proud father since 10 minutes My son is already 20 years old but he has been a disappointment till now
- Dad, why is my cousin called Porsche? Dad: Because her father likes Porsche cars.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: You're welcomed, young boy. - My father always said I was a bright kid... So bright in fact, he always called me son
- My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father
Father Of Two Jokes
Here is a list of funny father of two jokes and even better father of two puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I feel severely let down by two people in my life. My father, my mother, and my mathematics teacher.
- King Henry VIII had six wives. He beheaded two of them. Those were his axe wives.
(this joke is courtesy of my father) - When I was born my father said "Now I'm certain I want two children!" I was the third.
- I'm 37 years old, a husband, and a father of two pre-teens AND I don't tell Dad jokes... because he left when I was 2.
- Johnny's mother called his father at work... "Johnny just swallowed a nickle and spit up two dimes, what do I do??"
"Keep feeding him nickles!" - My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
- French dad joke of two potatoes. One of them is ran over, and the other says:
– Oh purée! [meaning both “Oh my goodness!” and “Oh, mashed potatoes!”] - Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings. 1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty. - Fighting Couple A married couple were fighting. Deciding it was time to go to bed, the husband says, "Goodnight, mother of six!" to which she replies Goodnight father of two!"
- Your insistence on having your father walk you down the aisle may seem odd to some Especially considering the two of you are only going grocery shopping.
_______________
I stole this joke.
Daughter Father Jokes
Here is a list of funny daughter father jokes and even better daughter father puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Father:You were ado.. Daughter : I was adopted?
Father : You were adorable as a baby
Daughter : Oh.
Father : That's why we adopted you. - A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself - A father goes to pick his daughter up from school There is another mother waiting there
She asks, "Are you expecting a child?"
The father replies with, "No, this is just from beer " - Dad Joke Don't care what my 10yo daughter does or says from this forward, I'll always be a proud Father…
She asked me what do you call a Elf that just won the lottery… Welfy - A father is yelling at his daughter's boyfriend for taking her. virginity The boyfriend replies: Sorry, it won't happen again.
- The 3rd child asked her mother Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath! - Daughter asks her father if she is showing too much cleavage. Father replies:"If you don't have chest hair, then yes."
- A dad joke which you can use.. Young Man: I've come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.
Girl's Father: You've got to take all of her or it's no deal. - Text conversation between father and daughter Daughter: Dad, I have a new boyfriend!
Dad: And I have a new gun
Daughter: I don't see how this is connected
Dad: Hopefully neither will the cops - My father in law said he felt so lucky that his daughter met such a great guy. But that relationship didn't work out so she settled for me.
Father In Law Jokes
Here is a list of funny father in law jokes and even better father in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
- When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"
- If your dad is a lawyer He's basically your father in law
- My father-in-law is a retired preacher. The put him out to pastor.
- My fiance's dad is a priest and he's going to take the bar exam soon. He's going to be a father in law
- I asked my incontinent father-in-law if he wanted anything from the store,he replied ... "Depends"
- I told my father in law we have something in common. "What's that?"
"Your daughter calls me Daddy too." - I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law
- A man gets married. Now, he has a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, a bother-in-law, a sister-in-law. And the wife? She is the law.
- So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer... Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is "inappropriate"

Hilarious Father Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about father you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter mother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make father pranks.
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a c**... if I ever had s**....
He said, Any person willing to have s**... with you will sleep with almost anyone else.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
A married couple is having a baby...
As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.
A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller.
"You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says. "That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!," says the man. "That's what you think," says the fortune teller.
Little boy in custody battle.
Hey mother and father were in a heated custody battle for their son. The judge asks the little boy,"Do you want to go live with your mother?". Little boy replied,"No she beats me." The judge says "Oh,do you want to live with your dad?". Once again the little boy replied " No, he beats me." so the judge asks,"Well who do you want to live with?". Little boy looks at the judge and says, "The Dallas Cowboys they don't beat anybody."
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
A boy asked his father...
"Dad, what's the difference between confidence, and confidential?"
The father thinks for a moment and says, "You are my son, and that I am confident of. Your friend billy is also my son but that's confidential."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
The new father
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Robin Williams' Favorite Joke
Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
Old Soviet Joke
Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
Peter is different
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**...'s father passed away in his sleep
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
Why is the number of black priests so small?
Most of them run away after being called father once or twice
The little black jewish boy...
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"
She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
A girl comes back home after many years to see her father before he dies...
She goes to his bedside and starts crying, "Dad, I'm sorry!"
He looks at her, smiles weakly, and says, "Goodbye, Sorry." He grins. "I'm *dead*."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having s**... in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
Two priests are out driving and get pulled over
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it
The kid runs up to a policeman
"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"
Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?
Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father!
So what am I supposed to call you?
Just call me Steve, like everybody else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**...
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest m**....
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called m**...," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
Catholic
Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
My father taught me the first rule of theatre
"Always leave them wanting more"
A great man. Terrible anaesthetist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum?
Dyson.
One day when I was young......
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital
*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?
P : my dad is still in the hospital.
T : wow, this must be serious.
*1 month later*
T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.
P : Indeed.
T: well, how come?
P : he's a doctor.
Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....
Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."
A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.
One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"
Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have proof that God is black
Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in bed with this r**... girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...
....and boy was he mad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
The Biggest Coward
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"
The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."
The husband says "Who is his father?"
The wife says **"You are."**
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.
I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"Yes, sir"
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"Yes, sir"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."
A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!

