Father In Law Jokes
69 father in law jokes and hilarious father in law puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about father in law that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Father In Law Short Jokes
Short father in law jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The father in law humour may include short parents in law jokes also.
- I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
- When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"
- My fiance's dad is a priest and he's going to take the bar exam soon. He's going to be a father in law
- I asked my incontinent father-in-law if he wanted anything from the store,he replied ... "Depends"
- My father in law said he felt so lucky that his daughter met such a great guy. But that relationship didn't work out so she settled for me.
- I told my father in law we have something in common. "What's that?"
"Your daughter calls me Daddy too." - I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law
- A man gets married. Now, he has a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, a bother-in-law, a sister-in-law. And the wife? She is the law.
- So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer... Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is "inappropriate"
- "I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding "Add some jam on it," he continued
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Father In Law One Liners
Which father in law one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with father in law? I can suggest the ones about mother in law and mom in law.
- What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
- If your dad is a lawyer He's basically your father in law
- My father-in-law is a retired preacher. The put him out to pastor.
- Success has a thousand fathers Failure has a mother-in-law
- Who is your's Your Father's- Mother's- daunghter-in-law's husband is your?
- How did the celibate Catholic priest become a father-in-law? He graduated law school.
- What Does A White Father Never Want To Call A Black Man? Son-in-law.
- My father-in-law insists on giving me clocks at every holiday. It's giving me a tic.
- Your father in law is so bad at chess... he traded a queen for a horse.
- I have a father in law He's a really c**... lawyer though..
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Father In Law Jokes
What funny jokes about father in law you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mother in laws jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make father in law pranks.
While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.
Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head.
The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.
His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."
The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.
My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister…
This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else!
One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cann’t overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have s**... with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word…
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her p**... off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"
Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town;
"Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father.
"How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monastery Life
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him b**... his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the **R**!
We missed the **R**!
*We missed the* **R***!'*
His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEB**R**ATE !!!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind, Deaf, Dumb...
The Pope was dying and his followers were given to believe that his life would be saved if he slept with a woman.
That's impossible,' said the Pope. 'I am the Holy Father and cannot contravene God's law.'
They spent a long time trying to persuade him. 'It is in order to save your life, so that you can serve God further,' they argued. And at last the Pope agreed.
'All right,' he said, 'but the following conditions must be fulfilled. In the first place, the woman must be blind, so that she cannot see me.'
'We shall find a blind one,' they answered.
'In the second place, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear my voice.'
'We shall find one who is deaf too,' they promised.
"Thirdly, she must be dumb, so that she cannot tell anyone what has taken place.
And fourthly, she must have big t**......'
Peanut
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the
middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when
he grows older?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Love Dress
A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by her son's house after he was recently married. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing n**... by the door.
"What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.
"I am waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law replied.
"Why are you n**...?" asked the mother-in-law.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law replied.
"Love dress? You are n**...!" said the mother-in-law.
"But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy, and he makes me happy. I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute."
Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home, she thought about the "love dress" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume, and waited by the door for her husband to come home.
Finally, the pickup truck pulled into the driveway, and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife n**... by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," the mother-in-law replied.
"Maybe you should iron it first," he said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Love Dress.
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple' s house.
She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing n**... by the door.
'What are you doing?' the mother-in-law asked.
'I am waiting for my husband to come home from work,' the daughter-in-law replied.
'Why are you n**...?' asked the mother-in-law.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law replied.
'LOVE DRESS! You are n**...,' said the mother-in-law.
'But my husband loves it when I wear this dress.
It makes him happy and he makes me happy,' said the daughter-in-law.
'I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute,' the daughter-in-law continued.
Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left.
On the way home, she thought about the 'LOVE DRESS' and got an idea.
She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume, and waited by the door for her husband to come home.
Finally, the pickup truck drove up the drive way, and she took her place by the door.
The father-in-law opened the door, and immediately saw his wife n**... by the door.
'What are you doing?' he asked. 'This is my love dress,' the mother-in-law replied. 'Needs ironing,' he replied.
One day an elderly Chinese grandfather gets a phone call from his son
"Come quick, I'm about to be a dad!" says the son.
So the grandfather rushes down to the hospital to see his daughter-in-law going into labour.
"It's twins!" says the son excitedly.
After many moments of screaming and pushing, the son is holding a beautiful Chinese boy.
"What a handsome boy!" says the son proudly. The father can't help but agree as he admires his first grandchild. The wife prepares to deliver the second child as the first baby is laid down in a crib.
After more agonising shouts and clenches, the son is holding a beautiful African boy.
"Well, it's not what I expected" says the surprised son, "but he is still a handsome boy."
The grandfather, however, grabs the African baby and runs to the bathroom.
"Dad! What are you doing?!" the son exclaims.
The grandfather opens the lid of the toilet and dumps the baby inside.
"Son," he says, "ancient Chinese proverb been told in family for many generation..."
He pushes the flush button and says "If it yellow, let it mellow..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man committed s**... leaving this note:
I married a widow with a grown daughter. My father fell in love with my step daughter and married her, thus becoming my son in-law. My stepdaughter became my stepmother because she was my fathers wife. My wife game birth to a son, who was, of course, my fathers brother in-law and also my uncle for he was the brother of my step mother. My fathers wife also gave birth to a son, who was, of course my brother and also my grandchild, for he was the son of my step daughter, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my stepmothers mother. I was my wife's husband and grandchild at the same time. And, as the husband of a persons grandmother is his grandfather I am my own grandfather.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer pulls over a car
A police officer follows a car for many miles, and surprisingly for him, the driving is just perfect. The driver obeys all traffic signs, blinks when necessary, does not speed. The police officer is surprised and pulls over the car. In the car there is a family - a guy driving, his wife in the passenger seat and his mother-in-law sleeping in the back seat.
The guy rolls down the window "Is there a problem officer?"
"Hello, Sir. I see that your driving is perfect and pulled you over to thank you. May I inform you that you won this months $ 5000 safest driver award. Here is the check. What do you want to do with this money?"
The guy: "Wow thanks man, I am going to buy me a driving license"
Guys wife: "Don't listen to him officer, he always acts s**... when he's drunk and s**..."
The mother-in-law wakes up and sees the police officer "Jack, I told you we wouldn't get far in a stolen car"
Suddenly, the trunk pops and the father-in-law appears "Are we over the border yet?"
A Mother-in-Law decides to test her three Son-in- laws for their good nature.
For this she goes for a walk by a river with the first son in law & jumps in. He saves her. Next morning he finds a Toyota corolla parked outside his house with note : from your Mother In Law.
Next she goes for a walk by the river with the second son in law & jumps in. He too saves her. Next morning he also finds a Toyota corolla parked outside his house with note : from your Mother In Law.
Next she goes for a walk by a river with the third son in law & jumps in. He just laughs and walks away. Next morning he finds a BMW M5 parked outside his house with note : from your Father In Law!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
joke from my father in law with prostate cancer...
whats the difference between a camaro and an e**...?
i can maintain a camero.
True Story.
My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time the luggage was bought so we decided to fill the suitcase with them, which my father-in-law rolled about with ease. As the day came to a close and we headed for the car my wife turned and said, 'You know what Daddy? We should take you and that bag with us every time we go shopping.' To which he replied, 'Don't talk about your mother like that.'
An old lady decides to check on his 3 son-in-laws
She wanted to see who respects/cares for her the most. She goes to the lake near the eldest son-in-laws place and jumps. The son-in-law dives in and rescues her. Next day, he sees a toyota corolla parked in front of his house with a letter -- Thanks from your Mother-in-law.
Then she goes to her second son-in-law places and jumps in a lake near his house. The second son-in-law also saves her. Next day he too gets a toyota corolla as a gift with a letter -- Thanks from your Mother-in-law
Now the old lady goes to her third son-in-law's place and jumps in the lake. He does not save her and she drowns. Next day he sees a Ferrari parked in front of his house with a letter -- Thanks from your Father-in-law.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Father-in-law's f**...
A man was sitting next to his wife at her father's f**... when someone sitting next to him let loose a "silent-but-*deadly*" f**... during the eulogy. Without thinking, the main blurted out, "Jesus, it smells like something died in here"
Girl farts at the dinner table
A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents. While they were having dinner the girl gently farts. Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells:
-Rocky!!
The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more rip. The boy's father is getting nervous:
-Rocky!! be careful now!!
Worried no more the girl fires another one. Feeling exasperated, the boy's father yells:
-Rocky! Get out of there fast! She's gonna sh*t on you!
I dropped this bomb on my Japanese father-in-law
"Who's your favourite US President?"
"Truman"
My father in law just told me this one.
Woman are like Roses. They flourish once they have had a good thrashing.
A routine call to an elderly patient..
A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients.
He asks, And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?
Mr. Johnson replies, I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!
The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on…
Mrs. Johnson yells, STEVEN! Daddy's peeing in the refrigerator again!
Father in law just made an accidental calculus joke
By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.
A dying lawyer
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
Clicking into place
"Everything's starting to click for me!" said my father-in-law at dinner. "My knees, my elbows, my neck … "
Was driving down the street when I saw someone getting jumped by 3 guys. I quickly pulled over and ran towards the scene.
I got there and the 4 of us messed him up good.
Source: 75 year old Mexican father-in-law
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If your father is poor, it's not your fault...
But if your father-in-law is poor, it is your fault.
Apparently the Dad jokes never stop...
I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...
We have mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law, but what is the wife?
The law.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Colds usually go from your nose to your t**... to your chest...
If they go from your chest to your nose, is it called a retrovirus?
(Courtesy of my future father-in-law at lunch today)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did I do wrong?
My father-in-law has been pretty depressed since losing his job last year. I wanted to help out so I pulled some strings and got him a job at the palm reading business where I work. I thought my wife would be thrilled but somehow here I am sleeping on the couch. That's the thanks I get for giving her dad a h**....
Little Jhonny asks his father: "Dad, why grandma is doing that weird dance in our garden?"
"Grandma to some, mother-in-law to others. Better pass me that box of ammo over there, son".
I never understood how a grown man could cry at his own wedding.
That was until my father in law prodded me with his shotgun.
I was riding to Thanksgiving with my Father in Law and we saw a homeless person. My father in law said "Quick, throw him a piece of ham"
At least he wont be hamless.
A married man goes to a motel with his lover
And all of a sudden finds his father-in-law's car in the parking lot. In an attempt to prank him, he keys the car all around. After that, he goes with his lover and stays a few hours at the motel. Later, he payes a visit to his father-in-law as a surprise, and finds him very upset.
-What's wrong?- the man asks, forcing himself not to laugh.
-Awful stuff-he replies- My daughter borrowed my car to go to church, and all of a sudden returned it keyed all around!
My Father in Law is hard of hearing, and he told me an original joke about hearing aids
Or at least he said he'd never heard it before.
A guy once dated a very nice girl, and had a fair relationship with her family.
One night after she proposed to me, her sister came up and said: "I know you liked my sister all the way, but if you'd like one wild time before the wedding, come up to my room.
He immediately headed to the front door, and was met by his father-in-law with tears: "I always knew you were the right choice for our daughter, Wellcome to the family!"
Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in your car
After talking with his girlfriend Kim, Steve reluctantly decided it was best to ask for her father's permission to get married.
"So," said Kim's father, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"
Not particularly, " Steve responded, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"
Today I'm working with my father in law
He's getting pretty good at it, I can just tell he's gonna be a lawyer in no time.
I made an IRL dad joke a few weeks back...
and it may be my crowning achievement.
We did a delayed Christmas at the in-laws a few weekends back (COVID happened) and my FIL is the kind of jokester that does things like wrap one boot in one present for his wife and the other boot in another.
Mom-in-Law says, "look at him, stretching one gift into two...."
Father-in-law then opens a gift from her and it's a winter vest. Without missing a beat I say, "look who's stretching gifts now, where's the box with the sleeves!?"
I never post so I had to build karma before sharing but hopefully it was worth the wait!
A man tells his friend that he has a dog in a suitcase who can play the piano.
The friend says ok let's see it . The man opens the suitcase and sure enough a small dog with a small piano comes out and plays the piano with great skill. As he plays a crowd gathers around to watch. After some time a female dog comes out from the crowd, picks him up by the scruff and carries him off. The friend asks what's going on is that part of his routine? The man says No that's his mother, she wants him to be a doctor.
(Translated from Hindi and relayed by my father in law)
