Father And Son Jokes
64 father and son jokes and hilarious father and son puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about father and son that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Father And Son Short Jokes
Short father and son jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The father and son humour may include short dad and son jokes also.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- What does gay mean? asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife." - Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes. - My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
- A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife. - A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
- A boy asked his father, "Dad, what does gay mean?" "It means happy son." Replied the father.
Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"
"No son, I am married." the father replied. - Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
- A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
- A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
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Father And Son One Liners
Which father and son one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with father and son? I can suggest the ones about father and daughter and mom and son.
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- Father: Hey son what are you drinking? Son: Soy-milk
Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre - I want to be a father someday But my son says I should start now
- My father always said I was a bright kid... So bright in fact, he always called me son
- Why did the father laugh at his son? It's good to laugh at your mistakes.
- Son: Am I Adopted? Father: Not Yet. Nobody Wants You.
- Fathers' Day may happen every year... But Son Day happens every week!
- A father was washing his car with his son And the son says, dad, can't you use a sponge?
- A father asked his son how baking school was going "I knead some dough."
- A son asks his old man... "Dad, are you gay?"
"Who told you? Was it your father?" - I still remember the words of my late father... "Hey, son, sorry I'm late."
- Famous last words of the father, when he killed his Son with a vacuum cleaner Dyson
- What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved? He grounded him.
- My son said my dad jokes are terrible. I told him that couldn't be father from the truth.
- God took a paternity test He found out he was the father, the son and the holy spirit.
Comical Father And Son Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about father and son you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dad and daughter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make father and son pranks.
A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.
His young son said, I have no naughty books!
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, When I was your age, I didn't have such books!
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, Oh, you are truly father and son!
The machine quickly hit her.
A father and son go fishing...
Son: Dad, what do we do first?
Father: We get this clickbait here and we throw it into the ocean.
Son: Then what happens?
Father: What happens next will shock you.
There was a father and son..
The father is a war veteran. He also has a prosthetic leg. One day, his son asks..
"Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"
The father responds, "No, I got shot in the leggy"
Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
A r**... family was visiting the city...
...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."
Father and son during checkout at d**...'s Sporting Goods...
Dad: Hang on a second, I need to use these coupons.
Son: Are these coupons only for d**...'s?
Dad: No, they work for normal people too.
Cashier -- laughing too hysterically to continue for a bit...
(True Story)
Father and son
A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance."
A minute later the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance. Next time you ask, I'll come up there and s**... you."
"Dad! When you come up to s**... me, can you bring me a glass or water?"
God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit are going on vacation...
God the Father says "Let's vacation in Israel".
God the Son, Jesus, says "Too many bad memories there. Let's vacation in Berkeley."
God the Father says "I'm not into the Mother God, hippy v**...."
The Holy Spirit says "I know, let's go to Rome and visit The Vatican"
God the Father and Son ask - "Why?"
The Holy Spirit shrugs and replies "I've just never been there."
It's all in the position.
A father and son were standing in the front yard one day and the son notices two dogs having s**.... He asks "dad what they are doing?" The father replies "they are making puppies." A few nights later the son walks in on his mother and father having s**... and asks " dad what are y'all doing?" The father says "we're making babies." The son quickly replies " well turn her over, I want a puppy!"
What's the difference between confident and confidential?
A father and son were having breakfast one morning when the son asked: "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?" Thinking about it for a bit, the father replied: "Well... You are my son, and of that I am confident. Now, your friend Johnny is also my son. That's confidential."
Animals getting frisky
A father and son are standing on a hill looking out over a plain. Seeing a pair of animals getting intimate, the son turns to his father and says "Dad, why is that buffalo getting on top of another boy buffalo? Is it gay?"
The father turns to the son to admonish him.
"You shouldn't be judgemental of another person or animal for the sexuality!"
While he says this, the same buffalo mounts a female.
"Anyway, it's bison."
Spanish Dad Joke
A mexican father and son were at the mall and the son finally convinced his dad to try Chinese food.
"But it's so dry!" said the father.
"No it's not, they put lots of stuff on their plates," replied the son.
"Like what?" the father asked.
"Soy Sauce" he answered.
The father stared for a minute and then said, "Hola Sauce... *soy Dad*"
Green Thumbs
A father and son are walking through a park when the kid asks his dad "dad, why do they say gardeners have green thumbs? they're not green!" The father replies "oh, it's just a saying son... like when some one is caught stealing, we say they have been caught red handed, even though their hands are actually black."
*BUDUMM PAA*
Taken from some random (and clearly Racist) Newspapaer
A visit to the zoo.
A father and son were observing a tiger in its cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and his son was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," the son said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up .....…"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take to get back home?"
A gorgeous blonde is stranded on an island...
Two cannibals, father and son, find her.
The son says to the father: Wow dad! She is beautiful! Are we going to eat her?
To which the father replies: No son. Don't be silly, we're keeping her. We're eating your mother.
Eat your mother
Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by.
The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let's eat that girl that just passed by."
The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let's take this one home and eat your mother instead!"
A father and son pass by a cemetery...
The father asks the son, "How many people do you think are dead in that cemetery?" The son responds "I'm not sure, about 300 or so?" The father says "No, all of them."
A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...
The Son dragged a h**... out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the h**... looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this h**... will last?" His Father took one look at the h**... and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."
A father and son walk into a gas station...
After grabbing a few snacks they walk up to the register to pay for everything.
The cashier says "sorry sir, but you have to swipe your card again."
Son: "dad, don't."
Father: *sweats profusely*
Cashier: "sir?"
Father: "but I'm not wearing a cardigan!"
A father and son were out walking one humid summer evening
Taking note of the weather, the son said, "Man, it sure is muggy out."
"Yeah," replied the father "I lost my wallet five minutes ago."
Father and son are watching a formula 1 Grand Prix
And the father says, You know I used to be the guy who waved the cars off at finish line.
Son : I did not know that dad.
Father : you could say....
Son : Dad plz no...
Father : ... that I have a bit of a checkered past!
Fatherly love
A father and son were watching TV together. The son turns to his father, "Hey dad, if I told you I was gay would you still love me?" The father turns and smiles, "Don't be rediculous," he replies, "you were an accident I never loved you. "
Two cannibals, father and son, catch a blonde
The son "Dad, will we take her home and eat her?"
Dad "No, we will take her home and eat your mom."
Jewish father and son
A Jewish boy went to his dad and asked for fifty dollars.
His father said, "Forty dollars!? What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
Father and son are drinking fruit juice. ....
And after seeing how the juice is made....
Son: Is there any machine where we put in juice and it gives out fruit?
Father: Ofcourse there is!!! You are the fruit of that machine!
So a father and son are sitting outside an icecream shop.
And three women walk out, one l**..., one s**... and one biting the icecream cone. The father asks the son, "which one of those girls is married?" The son replies "obviously the one s**... the cone"
"No son, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
Sorry for grammar. I smart
Father and son talking:
- Daddy, is it true that in some parts of Africa and Asia a man does not know the wife until marrying her?
- Here too, my son. Here too ...
A father and son...
Son - "dad. I'm cold"
Father - "go stand in the corner then"
Son - "why?"
Father - "because it's 90° there... "
A father and son are walking across a small stream
The boy slips falls. His body gets wedged between two boulders, effectively blocking the flow of water. Father says "Dam son" before quickly helping helping him to his feet and they continue on their way.
Father and son are having discussion who is smarter
"Dad, do you know who invented AC motor?"
"Of course I know! Nikola Tesla"
"Yep Dad, Nikola Tesla, not his father."
At a pig farm a father and son come across two pigs mating. The boy asks what they are doing.
To which the father replies "giving him a piggy back ride"
Father & Son
A father and son are going for a walk.
The son turns to the father, and asks "did you know cows can give milk?"
The father replies "so do some sheep."
They walk a bit more, and the son asks "did you know trees can grow fruit?"
The father replies "so do some bushes."
They walk a little further down the trail and the son asks "did you know pickles come from cucumbers?"
The father replies "so do some girls!"
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
a father and Son were spending some quality time washing a car,
the son looked up to the father and asks;
"why can't you just use a sponge?"
Father and son talking.
- Dad, can you be more quiet with mum next time?
- What!?
- Don't be silly. I know what is the sound of people having s**....
- I had a night shift yesterday...
A Jewish father and son were fleeing from Germany to America
After a while, the kid asks "Dad, are we there yet?", and the old man answers "Quiet and keep swimming!"
A Jewish father and son are in their living room
The son approaches his dad and asks "Dad can I borrow $20?"
The Dad replies: "Ten dollars? Son, why do you need five dollars?"
Two crudely translated Persian dad jokes
Dad: Say skill.
Kid: Skill.
Dad: The frog is your height!
Or
Dad: Say bicycle.
Kid: Bicycle:
Dad: Your mustache spins!
Explanation: I grew up with these Persian dad jokes and they always make me laugh when my dad says them. The "punchline" is that the word the dad tells the kid to say and the word in the "punchline" of the joke rhyme in Farsi. They're meant to be nonsensical and the words sound silly and it's a laugh that the father and son can share. Just thought I'd share some Persian culture with you :)
A cannibal father and son
A cannibal father & son
A cannibal father and son were out looking for food in a local park.
A obese guy comes by and the son ask dad should we eat him, father answers no my son, he have to much fat, we'll get to tired for days .
A little while later a skinny man comes by and the son ask what about him dad, should we eat him the father answers no my son, he is nothing but skin and bone, we'll have to hunt again to soon
After a while a gorgeous woman comes by, the son asks what about her dad, she look delicious, she look edible and the father answers no my son, we take her home and eat your mom instead
Father and son are shopping in a grocery store and the son asks dad what are these for?
*pointing at the condoms*
Dad: oh well son, remember the birds and the bees? Well those are something you use for protection
Son: what's this 3 pack?
Dad: those are for high school kids, just getting starting.. 1 Friday, 1 Saturday and 1 Sunday
Son: this 6 back?
Dad: These are for college students.. 2 Friday, 2 Saturday, and 2 Sunday
Son: and these?
Dad: oh the 12 pack? These are very special. These are for married folks.. 1 January, 1 February, 1 March...
A father and son walk in the park
A father is walking with his son through a park and they see two dogs mating. The son asks the father what they're doing.
"They're making puppies", he replies.
Later that night the son hears something in his parents room and goes to investigate.
He walks in on his parents having s**..., and immediately asks, "Father, what are you doing?"
After a seconds hesitation the father responds, "we're making a baby"
To which the son says, "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
r**... and the elevator.
r**... Magic Elevator
A r**... family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old b**... blonde.
The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
A father and son went on a camping trip
An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip.
They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father : "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?"
Son : "I see millions of stars."
Father : "And what does that tell you?"
Son : "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"
MORAL : Too much education can spoil or common sense.
Truth Assessing Robot
A father gave his son a robot. "The robot is always able to tell if you're speaking the truth. If you lie, the robot will slap you."
One night the son comes home really late. The dad asks, "Where were you?"
"At the library." Bam! The son gets slapped.
"Where were you really?"
"At the movies."
"What movie were you watching?"
"Ten commandments." Bam! He gets slapped again.
"What movie were you really watching?"
The son gets on his knees. "I'm sorry dad, I was watching an adult movie."
The dad gets angry. "When I was a kid, I never did that kind of stuff!" Bam! The dad gets slapped.
The mom walks in. "You two are so a like there's no doubt you're father and son." Bam! She gets slapped.
A father and son are having the talk about s**...
After a few minutes, the son says, "Dad, I know all that stuff. We went over it in Health class."
Dad says, "Well, do you have any questions?"
"Yeah, I have one about condoms."
"What do you need to know?"
"When I was in the drugstore, I saw that they sell them by the dozen. Who needs that many at once?"
"That's an easy one, son. You saw that they sell packages of three. High schoolers buy those. One for Friday, one for Saturday, one for the rest of the week. They also sell packages of six. College students buy those. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, two for the rest of the week."
"OK dad, but what about the dozen?"
"Married people buy those. One for January, one for February..."
You Never Learn Nothin'
A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious about things in general and started asking all sorts of questions. He asked his father, "Why does the boat float? The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son."
Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father replied, "Of course not, if you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat.
They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came a little old man.
The son said, "Oh Dad, there’s one."
"No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait."
A little while later, along came a really fat man.
The son said, "Hey dad, he’s big enough."
"No," the father said. "We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait."
About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her."
"No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."
