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Fat Ugly Jokes

93 fat ugly jokes and hilarious fat ugly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fat ugly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Fat Ugly Short Jokes

Short fat ugly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fat ugly humour may include short bad ugly jokes also.

  1. Yo mama so fat... Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity
    But she so ugly people are still repelled by her
  2. Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
  3. Today my wife asked, "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?" Turns out "Yes I do" was not the right answer.
  4. I went to the doctor today. He told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He says, Okay, you're ugly.
  5. My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said:
    OK, you're ugly too.
  6. My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
  7. My doctor told me I was fat I told him I want a second opinion.
    So he told me I'm ugly, too.
  8. Thanks to my recent change to a healthier lifestyle, I am no longer fat and ugly Now I'm just ugly
  9. Today my girlfriend asked if I would still love her if she was ugly and fat Apparently "Yes I do" is the wrong answer...
  10. The doctor says to the patient "You are fat."
    "I'm gonna need a second opinion", replies the patient.
    "You are also ugly."

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Fat Ugly One Liners

Which fat ugly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fat ugly? I can suggest the ones about fat guy and fat pig.

  1. Wife: "I'm fat, old and ugly, what am I?" Husband: "Right"
  2. How To Lose 250 pounds of ugly fat in one day Get a divorce.
  3. Why is my girlfriend fat? Because I'm ugly.
  4. Yo moma so ugly... ... that we forgot she's fat.
  5. My landlord managed to get rid of 230 pounds of ugly fat... he evicted me!
  6. What is the easiest way to lose 200 pounds of ugly fat ? Divorce him.
  7. Yo mama so fat and ugly, She may be a planet, but she ain't no heavenly body.
  8. I asked my doctor how do I lose 35lb of ugly fat? He said cut your head off .
  9. Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? Because he was fat, ugly and no-one liked him.
  10. No matter how ugly, no matter how fat, you'd still sleep with her. Who is she? OP's mom
  11. I'm ugly and fat! Your mom shouted.
  12. Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.
  13. Want to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
  14. Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
  15. Yo Mama is so fat and ugly she and Godzilla are twins.

Fat Ugly People Jokes

Here is a list of funny fat ugly people jokes and even better fat ugly people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend has been going to the gym because people kept calling him "fat" and "ugly". Now they just call him "ugly".
  • Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
  • Apparently people keep mistaking me for their Mirrors because they keep saying I'm ugly or fat

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about fat ugly can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of fat ugly puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Ridiculous Fat Ugly Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about fat ugly you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean fat chick jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make fat ugly prank.

A male driver gets stopped by police, and is asked: "Have you been drinking?"
The man replies: "Okay, yes, I have... how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman, "...nothing else can explain that fat ugly woman sitting next to you."

A woman was standing n**..., looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.

Yo mama so fat that when god said let there be light.


When god saw her he said let there be darkness.

Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "

Godzilla".

Yo mama so fat when she looks in the mirror the mirror said: "oh no get out the way."

A man is walking through the wood and he meets a really ugly, big and a fat frog.


The frog says: "Hello, prince if you kiss me, I will fulfill you one wish. You can wish whatever you want."
The man says: "Ok, I will kiss you."
He kisses the frog, he has told her his wish but nothing has happened.
And the frog said: "Now you can see, such an old man and still believes in fairy tales."

An Amish family visits a mall...

...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

Apocalyptic Pootang

My fat, ugly mate said to me One good thing about the world ending today, at least I'll get laid finally
Don't be an idiot mate! I said
What, you don't think the world will end? he replied
No, there's no chance you'll get laid

(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...

A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."

The old dentist

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?"

My girlfriend was standing n**......

in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Fat ugly guy and a girl

A dad showed his son and daughter a photo of a fat ugly guy and a pretty young s**... blonde having s**....
He said to the son: "if you study hard enough and this guy could be you no matter how ugly you are."
He then went to his daughter, showed the same photo and said: "this is what happens if you drop out of school"

A woman is looking at herself n**... in the mirror

....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"

Your mum is so fat that when she entered an ugly contest they said, "sorry mam, but no professionals."

The Common Basement Dweller

What's fat, lives with their mom, worships some fat ugly dude & dwells in a basement 24/7?
The Answer: PC Master Race

I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly...

Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?

A guy is driving happily along in his car with

his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, Sir?"
"No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?"
"No," replies the officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat broad in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

My wife always says I am bullying on of our children

I don't know which one she means... John, Maria or the fat ugly one?

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...

'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

A woman looks at herself in the mirror in disgust.

Woman: I feel really horrible. Look at me, old, fat and ugly. I think I have lost my charm.
Man: Hmmm, well it isn't all bad.
Woman: What do you mean?
Man: At least you have perfect eyesight.

The Promotion

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.
"Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly" she said "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have s**... with".
"That's fair enough" I replied "When can you start?"

A man's wife is looking at herself in the mirror

She says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly. Can't you give me a compliment?"
To this the husband replies "well, at least your sight is working"

How do you make 10 pounds of ugly fat attractive?

Put a n**... on it.

I was in the bar, quietly enjoying a beer, when this big, fat, ugly broad came up an started talking to me...

I asked, "Excuse me, do you have a pen?"
She replied, "Yes, why?"
I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer realizes that you've escaped."

The wife looks at herself in the mirror and complain to her husband: I am so ugly and wrinkle and fat. Do I even have any good traits?

The husband put down his newspaper and slowly answer: Your eyesight is excellent darling

I went into a mirror shop. I said, "I wanna buy a mirror, you fat, bald, ugly man!"

He said, "I'm over here, sir!"

Every night I come home to an ugly, fat and disgusting man, if I see him one more time,

I'm gonna remove my mirror

My wife looked in the mirror one day and thought she was fat and ugly...

She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"

After twenty years of marriage, a woman looks in the bathroom mirror and sighs.

God, I look old, fat and ugly. She implores her husband; Pay me a compliment, dear.
Her husband replies, Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.

I'm happier and healthier now that I've lost 180 pounds (81.6 kg) of ugly fat!

Thanks Divorce^TM !

Why can you tell a girl she's pretty a thousand times and she'll never remember, but tell her she's ugly and fat just once she'll never forget?

Because an elephant never forgets.

What is fat and ugly and s**...?

Your mom!

Savage husband

Wife: I look old, fat and ugly. I need you to guve me a compliment.
Husband: Well your eyesight is perfect

I need a compliment

*Wife:* I'm so ugly, fat and poorly dressed honey, I need a compliment to make me feel better.
*Husband:* Well, you do have a perfect eyesight sweety.

Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

A woman, standing n**..., looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, " I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "your eyesight's d**... near perfect."
He never even heard the shot

A Husband and Wife were messaging each other.

Husband: You are negative
Wife: And you are stubborn, arrogant, a low life, care about no one but yourself and your friends, all you are interested in is your own self, and in all your life you've not fulfilled even one of your promises. I'm the only one that has to put up with such a miserly and insensitive man. You good for nothing, fat, ugly man. Even your hair transplant failed.
Husband: I was just letting you know that your Covid test was negative.

How I lost my Teeth

I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this b**... ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said how about giving me your number handsome
I looked at her and asked Do you have a pen sure! She said.
So I said, Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!
My dental surgery is this Friday!.

Q: Want to know how can you get rid of 16lb of ugly fat in less than 5 minutes?

A: Cut your head off

Doctors opinion

Doktor to patient you are too fat
Patient: I would like a second opinion
Doktor: you are also ugly

Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, old man. I need you to pay me a compliment.

Ok. Your eyesight is d**... near perfect!
- Norm MacDonald

Yo mama's so fat

When she goes to the beach the tide comes in, but she's so ugly that it goes back out
[Edit] typo

A woman is standing n**..., looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
Compliment."
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's d**... near perfect.'

My wife said that I always treat my kid unfairly.

I don't even know which one she means, Tommy, Tina or the fat ugly one.

„Honey, I feel so ugly and fat, I really need a compliment from you...

„Babe, your observation skills are really good.

jokes about fat ugly

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these fat ugly jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.