fat Jokes

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.

Yo Momma is so fat…
That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.

Yo mama so fat I thought of her in my head and I broke my neck.

Yo mamas so fat that she fought a war with her own farts.

Phones are getting thinner and smarter.
People, not so much.

Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.

There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".

You're so fat you tried to eat Eniemen at the Grammies.

Yo' Mama is so fat, the donut shop accused her of stealing their jelly rolls.

Your mama so fat, when you kill her you got a 5 kill streak.

You mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits next to everyone!

Yo mama so fat she don't take pictures, she takes posters.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise!

Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.

Yo mama's so fat the only alphabet she knows is her KFCs.

Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo?
A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.

Yo mamma so fat that why people think the earth is flat.

Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.

I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to contribute to cows having body issues.

Doctor: "Well, it looks like you're pregnant."
Woman: "Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!"
Doctor: "No, it just looks like you are."

Yo mama so fat even dora cant explore her.

I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.

Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale it says TO BE CONTINUED...

Yo Momma is so fat…
when she took her shirt off at the strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars.

A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist.
The woman asks for some good advices.
The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?"
"I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Yo mama is so fat when she left the room everyone could breathe again.

Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.

Yo Mommas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.

Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.

I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's at a garage sale.
They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.
So I asked the owner if he had a pair.
He shook his head.
"I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."

She's so fat that she ran down the street chasing a yellow school bus thinkg it was the largest twinkey ever.

Yo mama's so fat that when she jumped into the ocean a hurricane began.

I hope this gas station sells Father's Day cards.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

Yo mama is so fat she made all the dinosaurs extinct.

Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.

Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.

Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.

Yo mama so fat, she leaves stretch marks in the tub.

Q: Why don't fat people were turtlenecks?
A: Because turtles are now endangered.

Yo momma so poor when I walked through her front door I was already out the back door.

Yo mamma so stupid she brought a spoon to a super bowl and the fat one brought a bowl.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!

Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxipad.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a Nintendo GameCube and turned it into a Gameboy.

Yo mamma is so fat, her diet pills say M & M.

Your mother is so fat, that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!

Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she has a kickstand on her peg leg.

Yo momma so fat when she stepped on the scale it came up with my phone number.

Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she puts in tampons with a bazooka.

Yo Mama So fat...
She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.

Yo momma so fat that they had to install speed bumps at all you can eat buffet.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she couldn't identify a picture of her feet.

When some one told you that you have jelly rolls, you tried to eat yourself but your fat body stopped you from doing so.

Yo mama is fat, she got a triple-double chin.

Yo' Mama is so fat, politicians fight over redistricting her ass.

Yo mamma so fat she went to Japan and Godzilla said "DAMN" and ran away.

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you."
The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

My sister is so fat then when we go out to the local buffet they see her coming and pot out the speed-bumps.

Yo mama so fat when she went rolling down a hill no one could pick her up.

Yo' Mama is so fat, local night clubs had to put up signs that read, "Maximum Occupancy: 240 or Yo' Mama."

Yo mama is so fat Jesus can't hold her holy spirit.

Yo Mamma so fat I took a picture of her last month, and it's still printing.

Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.

Yo mama is so fat when she sat on WALMART she lowered the price.

Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"

Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.

She's so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!

Yo mama so fat when she went swimming, The Japanese harpooned her and took her back to Japan to sell her blubber.

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

Yo Momma's so fat she sank the Titanic!

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason.
The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?"
The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?"
"No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."

You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."

Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten.

Do you know how to lose weight... fast.

Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.

Yo' Mama is so fat, every time you smack her butt, you can ride the waves.

Yo mama's so fat when she stepped on a scale it said: "A.B.C.D.E.F.G get your fat ass off of me."

A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.

Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.

Yo momma so fat, she fell into a black hole and it clogged!

Why did God create black men? So fat white girls could dance (and get laid).

Scooters and fat girls are both fun to ride. Until your friends see you.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the weighing scale it said: "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.

Yo mama so fat she irons her pants on the driveway.

We shouldn't make fun of fat people because they already have enough on their plate.

Yo' Mama's so fat, her scale reads "Game Over."

Yo mama is so fat that when she asked, "Why is the grass always greener on the other side?"
Everyone replied, "'Cause you aren't standing on it."

Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.