Fat Jokes

Following is our collection of fattest humor and obese one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Fat puns for adults, dirty chubby jokes or clean fatty gags for kids.

There is an abundance of overweight jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 64 funniest jokes on fat. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lard witze you can hear about fat.

The Best jokes about Fat

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend

"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.

Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."


Yo mama's so fat

she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

Yo mama so fat. . .

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.

I'm tired of being fat every day.

How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat?

If she fits in your wife's clothes.

Yo mama so fat

Thanos had to snap twice.

On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…

Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a sexual deviant!

The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.


What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Amy Schumer gets mad when people describe her as fat, slutty, and disgusting..

because she doesn't like when people steal her material.

Two fat ladies walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very sleazy, very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."

The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."

Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny

They have enough on their plate anyway.

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.

Don't make fun of fat people with lisps...

They're thick and tired of it


Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un?

because they remember what the last fat man did to them

How to be insulting

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Finally my winter fat is gone

Now I have spring rolls

I went to the doctors with hearing problems...

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you.

Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

I bought a pug for my wife.

Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this

yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

Yo momma is so vegan and fat...

..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day.

If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.

A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.

They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"

"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"

Why are rich british people fat?

because they measure their wealth in pounds

Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".


She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".


The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.

Yo mama so fat...

I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell

no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate?

They don't like Fat Man and Little Boy

My girlfriend was standing nude...

in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time.

They have enough on their plate already.

Your mom so fat..

Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

Yo momma, she so fat...

there's people on the internet who believe she's flat, not round.

Yo mama's so fat

when she sat on a memory foam it forgot

What does Mr. T say when he sees a fat lady at a bar?

I pity the stool!

I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming

Because marches would definitely solve the problem.

I went to a bar last night

and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said "Wow, great legs."

She giggled and said "Really?"

I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now."

I like my girls like my file system...

FAT and 16.

Give me a compliment.

A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,

you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :

"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"

- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.

- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.

- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table...

I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"

The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

I said to a fat girl today...

I said to a fat girl today,

"You're a big girl!"

She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."

I said, "Salad tastes nice"

Yo mama so fat

I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Be careful of fat guys, ladies

They just want to get into your pantries.

What do you call a fat baby?

Heavy infantry

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...

'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'

'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

I told my wife she shouldn't get upset when people call her fat

Because she's bigger than that.

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp?

Because she's thick and tired of it.

How do you get a fat girl into bed?

Piece of cake!

My friend was called fat today.

I told him "It'll be okay, just keep your chins up".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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