Fat Friend Jokes

You know you're getting fat when you say you're fat in front of your friends and nobody corrects you.

The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

Scooters and fat girls are both fun to ride. Until your friends see you.

What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common?

Both fun to ride just don't let your friends see you doing it.

Who are a fat person's two best friends

Ben and j**....

A group of friends went golfing one day...

-and after the round one of the men was very distraught after hitting a 107.
-He was so angry that he didn't even want to go to the bar afterwards to have a drink with his friends.
-So he decided to just drive home and take a load off.
-When he walked in the door his wife asked him how his round of golf went.
-He then punched her right in the face and said "I'm hitting everything fat today."

So, a friend of mine claims to be really body-positive, but...

...I saw him comment on a picture of a fat woman in Wal-Mart comparing her to a pachyderm. I told him to stop being so hippo-critical.

I asked my friend how he can date a fat chick...

He says she's grown on him

What do riding a scooter and having s**... with a fat girl have in common?

Theyre both kinda fun but you don't want your friends to see you doing it.

What do fat chicks, mopeds, and the k**... have in common?

They are all things the Republican party likes to ride until their friends see them on them.

Pregnant Woman

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of s**... his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop s**... his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.

"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.
"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.
"Granted," the genie says as he disappears, and the cat transforms into a handsome, muscular Brad Pitt clone.
The woman jumps into his arms. "Any words before we make sweet love?"
"Yes," says the man. "I bet you wish you hadn't neutered me."

Yo Moma Is So Fat

That a neutrino can't pass through her.
(Credit goes to my friend for coming up with that)

Every time a test comes up, my friends and I joke about how we should become trophy wives.

But it seems like a lot of work to be a trophy wife; always dressing up, keeping in shape, keeping everything plucked. If I married a rich guy, I would probably wear sweatpants, watch Netflix everyday, and get fat on pizza and cookie dough. So instead of being a trophy wife, I'd be an atrophy wife.

How are fat girls and mopeds similar?

They are fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to find out.

Yo mama so fat...

She takes up more mass than her thin friend.

What do fat girls and mopeds have in common?

They're fun to ride, but you don't want your friend to see you with one.

What do a moped and a fat chick have in common?

Both are fun to ride but you'd never want your friend to catch you on one.

I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, t**....

All he does is eat, drink and be Mary!!.

My friend's Mom and Dad are really fat...

He told me it runs in the family.
Nice try, but no one runs in your family

A friend once gave me a birthday card, and inside it was a big fat zero.

It meant nothing to me.

my fat friend went to culinary school and now he only weighs 140lbs

He isn't eating healthier he is just addicted to c**....

I'm texting my fat friend

I called him 'phat' to try and accommodate his size.

I had to kick my fat, cynical friend off the hot air balloon...

He was really bringing me down.

What does a fat lady and an electric scooter have in common?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out

My friend doesn't like how I tell fat people jokes.

I'm still not sure how their weight has to do with their sense of humor.

Saturated fats, unsaturated fats.. Even trans fats!

It's quite the progressive age, my friends.

What do fat chick's and motor scooters have in common?

They're fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you on one!

My fat friend got herself a r**... whistle just in case...

I told her that was very optimistic.

I was worried my fat friend was upset when I told him he needs to lose weight...

...thankfully he took it on the chins.

Riding a moped is like b**... a fat chick

They're both fun until your friends catch you

A slightly overweight transgendered person walks into a health food store

the manager instantly runs up and tells her to leave the store, "why?" she asks confusedly, the manager points angrily at a sign on the door
"No trans fats"
(I dont mean to offend anyone, I just heard this from a trans friend.)

A friend of mine did not know the difference between Latin and Pig Latin

He just thought Pig Latin was what fat Italians spoke.
(This is actually a true story.)

A man to his friend: Hey man, why are you so fat?

Friend: I don't know, it runs in the family I guess.
Man: Man, ain't nobody able to run in your family.

My fat friend said I'm fat because it just runs in the family

I responded with Ha! Nobody runs in your family

Fat friends are so cool

No matter where I go, they're always there with me

Johnny's dad was fat, and his son's friend was surprised

He whispered to Johnny:" Hey, your dad's a little on the heavy side."
Johnny snorted. "He's heavy on every side!"

I always wondered why my fat friend started the alphabet with an 'O' instead of an 'A'.

But then I tried singing it out loud and fast, and then I knew why.

Kids have the lowest standards

Everything is about b**... their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes

My friend called me.

Him "What are you doing?"
Me "Burning fat."
Him "You mean sport?"
Me "I mean barbecue."

I have two friends named Gene

One of them is fat, and one of them is gay. Everyone I know who believes in the fat Gene refuses to believe there's a gay Gene

I said to my Hong Kong friend, Your mother is so fat!

He shook his head in disgust. Sō Fá.

My friend phoned me.

He said, "My wife has lost her new puppy. It's a fat hairy thing with bulbous eyes."
I said, "Great description, but what about the dog?"

A Jew joke

So i was waking with my Jewish friend and I rip a fat one. Then he says bro, what the heck and I says back to him, bro calm down, a little gas's never killed anyone

My wife told me, Don't get upset if your friends keep calling you fat...

You are much bigger than that.

My friends keep calling my new puppy fat...

But he's really not.. He's just a little husky

Guys asks his friend if he's fat.

His friend replies: "man, I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them"

An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".
The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"
The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

Cowboy Jack

So I used to have this friend named Jack. He was pretty fat, and he thought he was a cowboy. He loved to ride horses. I was surprised they held him up. Well Jack just kept getting fatter and fatter. He refused to give up riding. Then one day he got stuck in his saddle. He tried to throw himself over one side, throw himself over the other, but nothing would work. Anyways, that was the day I had to help j**... a horse.

A Husband and Wife were messaging each other.

Husband: You are negative
Wife: And you are stubborn, arrogant, a low life, care about no one but yourself and your friends, all you are interested in is your own self, and in all your life you've not fulfilled even one of your promises. I'm the only one that has to put up with such a miserly and insensitive man. You good for nothing, fat, ugly man. Even your hair transplant failed.
Husband: I was just letting you know that your Covid test was negative.

halloween joke

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party, and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They'd come to the party together dressed as the number ten," he tells the bartender. "That's when I knew, she was the one."

My friend commented on my daughter's weight recently, I told him it's mostly puppy fat.

We should stop buying her pets, kid's a f\*cking pyscho.