Fat Friend Jokes
79 fat friend jokes and hilarious fat friend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fat friend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fat Friend Short Jokes
Short fat friend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fat friend humour may include short fat husband jokes also.
- My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats "That's nut!" I exclaimed.
- I always make sure to call my Japanese friends before I go visit them... Turns out, they really don't like an unexpected fat man dropping in.
- A friend of mine lost 200 pounds of excess fat and obsolete tissue in a matter of months. Better still, he felt great about the divorce.
- A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs His friend refuses saying he won't assist in a suet side!
(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome) - I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
- My friend told he she thought she looked fat and needed a compliment I told her she had perfect eyesight
- My friend has been going to the gym because people kept calling him "fat" and "ugly". Now they just call him "ugly".
- My wife told me, Don't get upset if your friends keep calling you fat... You are much bigger than that.
- My friends keep calling my new puppy fat... But he's really not.. He's just a little husky
- How are fat girls and mopeds similar? They are fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to find out.
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Fat Friend One Liners
Which fat friend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fat friend? I can suggest the ones about fat picture and fat kid.
- My friend was called fat today. I told him "It'll be okay, just keep your chins up".
- My fat friend told me I have OCD. I told him he had OBCD.
- "My fat friend died on a set of moving stairs," said my wife. That escalated slowly
- How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out
- How is a fat woman like a scooter? She's fun to ride until your friends find out.
- A fat friend said baldness runs in his family I replied with nothing runs in your family
- My friend told me to run. I'm fat. I don't run.
Thats just how I roll. - My Zombie Friend was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer.
- Why didn't the fat duck have any friends? Because he was ostrich-sized.
- My friend rolled me a fat joint He called it his American joint.
- My friend said he was gonna be a fat suit for Halloween I told him you don't need one
- Fat friends are so cool No matter where I go, they're always there with me
- I asked my friend how he can date a fat chick... He says she's grown on him
- My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
- Why is Santa always a stoners best friend? He always got a fat sack
Happy Fat Friend Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about fat friend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fat guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fat friend pranks.
You know you're getting fat when you say you're fat in front of your friends and nobody corrects you.
The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who are a fat person's two best friends
Ben and j**....
A group of friends went golfing one day...
-and after the round one of the men was very distraught after hitting a 107.
-He was so angry that he didn't even want to go to the bar afterwards to have a drink with his friends.
-So he decided to just drive home and take a load off.
-When he walked in the door his wife asked him how his round of golf went.
-He then punched her right in the face and said "I'm hitting everything fat today."
There were a few sandwiches sitting on the table...
Although they were quite small, they looked absolutely titillating. The sign near them said they were free, so why not?
I grabbed a roast beef one, bit into it, and suddenly I heard a little voice telling me how good I looked, and how well I was dressed. I shortly realized it was coming from the sandwich. Confused, I grabbed another sandwich, this time ham and cheese. Same thing. It was telling me how nice I smell and how my hair is very well styled. Although very nice to hear, I was dumbfound. After all, how can a sandwich talk? Whatever.
I then noticed another tray of sandwhiches...but kind of out of view. I walked over and man...these looked like the best things ever made. I picked one up, but the moment I laid hands on it, it started cursing at me, called me ugly, fat, etc. Taken aback, I tossed the sandwich down and went to one of the caterers.
"What is wrong with these sandwiches? The first two I had were very nice and friendly...but the third was very rude and disrespectful..."
The caterer responded, "Oh, only the first two trays were complimenttray..."
So, a friend of mine claims to be really body-positive, but...
...I saw him comment on a picture of a fat woman in Wal-Mart comparing her to a pachyderm. I told him to stop being so hippo-critical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is diagnosed with a terminal illness...
He goes to his friend who is also a doctor for a second opinion.
Doctor says, "I've reviewed the test results- You've only got about 6 months left to live." The man says, "Doc give it to me strait is there anything I can do?!" Doc says, "As a your doctor or as your friend?" - "as a friend, doc."
This is what the doctor told him...
"If I was you, I'd move to North Dakota- Marry a fat German woman with a pig farm and 7 kids."
...
"What will that do, Doc? Will that cure me?"
He says, "No, but it will be the longest 6 months of your life."
A short collection of jokes....
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: homework!!!
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder..
Q: Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off.
Boy:say me
Girl:me
Boy: you forgot the d
Girl: there's no d in me
Boy: not yet there isnt :)
One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance... so i pushed her over
Failed my biology test today:
They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently "black people" wasnt the correct answer
Enjoy and post some funny ones i can havea laugh at...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do fat chicks, mopeds, and the k**... have in common?
They are all things the Republican party likes to ride until their friends see them on them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pregnant Woman
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of s**... his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop s**... his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.
"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.
"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.
"Granted," the genie says as he disappears, and the cat transforms into a handsome, muscular Brad Pitt clone.
The woman jumps into his arms. "Any words before we make sweet love?"
"Yes," says the man. "I bet you wish you hadn't neutered me."
Every time a test comes up, my friends and I joke about how we should become trophy wives.
But it seems like a lot of work to be a trophy wife; always dressing up, keeping in shape, keeping everything plucked. If I married a rich guy, I would probably wear sweatpants, watch Netflix everyday, and get fat on pizza and cookie dough. So instead of being a trophy wife, I'd be an atrophy wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a moped and a fat chick have in common?
Both are fun to ride but you'd never want your friend to catch you on one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, t**....
All he does is eat, drink and be Mary!!.
A friend once gave me a birthday card, and inside it was a big fat zero.
It meant nothing to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
my fat friend went to culinary school and now he only weighs 140lbs
He isn't eating healthier he is just addicted to c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm texting my fat friend
I called him 'phat' to try and accommodate his size.
I had to kick my fat, cynical friend off the hot air balloon...
He was really bringing me down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the fat kid buy his black friend some shorts?
Because that boy sure loves brown knees
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend doesn't like how I tell fat people jokes.
I'm still not sure how their weight has to do with their sense of humor.
Saturated fats, unsaturated fats.. Even trans fats!
It's quite the progressive age, my friends.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do fat chick's and motor scooters have in common?
They're fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you on one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My fat friend got herself a r**... whistle just in case...
I told her that was very optimistic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was worried my fat friend was upset when I told him he needs to lose weight...
...thankfully he took it on the chins.
A slightly overweight transgendered person walks into a health food store
the manager instantly runs up and tells her to leave the store, "why?" she asks confusedly, the manager points angrily at a sign on the door
"No trans fats"
(I dont mean to offend anyone, I just heard this from a trans friend.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend once asked me how to get a fat girl to fall in love with me.
I replied, "piece of cake."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A friend of mine did not know the difference between Latin and Pig Latin
He just thought Pig Latin was what fat Italians spoke.
(This is actually a true story.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My fat friend said I'm fat because it just runs in the family
I responded with Ha! Nobody runs in your family
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Johnny's dad was fat, and his son's friend was surprised
He whispered to Johnny:" Hey, your dad's a little on the heavy side."
Johnny snorted. "He's heavy on every side!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always wondered why my fat friend started the alphabet with an 'O' instead of an 'A'.
But then I tried singing it out loud and fast, and then I knew why.
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Kids have the lowest standards
Everything is about b**... their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes
My friend called me.
Him "What are you doing?"
Me "Burning fat."
Him "You mean sport?"
Me "I mean barbecue."
High school dance.
My friend James only has one eye and was embarrassed to ask anyone to his first high school dance. Since I'm taking wood shop, I agreed to make him a wooden eye. My girlfriend was an artist and she made this eye look perfect. I found him a date for the dance and he said, what does she like? I said, she's really pretty but she just has fat legs. James didn't mind. After all, he had his share of imperfections. So we get to the dance and James approaches the girl. Would you like to dance? She replies, Would I? And James barks back, Fat legs.
My friend phoned me.
He said, "My wife has lost her new puppy. It's a fat hairy thing with bulbous eyes."
I said, "Great description, but what about the dog?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jew joke
So i was waking with my Jewish friend and I rip a fat one. Then he says bro, what the heck and I says back to him, bro calm down, a little gas's never killed anyone
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Guys asks his friend if he's fat.
His friend replies: "man, I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them"
An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...
The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".
The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"
The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cowboy Jack
So I used to have this friend named Jack. He was pretty fat, and he thought he was a cowboy. He loved to ride horses. I was surprised they held him up. Well Jack just kept getting fatter and fatter. He refused to give up riding. Then one day he got stuck in his saddle. He tried to throw himself over one side, throw himself over the other, but nothing would work. Anyways, that was the day I had to help j**... a horse.
halloween joke
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party, and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They'd come to the party together dressed as the number ten," he tells the bartender. "That's when I knew, she was the one."
