Faster Than Jokes
149 faster than jokes and hilarious faster than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about faster than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is about how to write jokes that are funny and fast.
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Funniest Faster Than Short Jokes
Short faster than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The faster than humour may include short quicker than jokes also.
- When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat Is a warm toilet seat
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt. - I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell... It only made it more sluggish.
- Tuna must age about five times faster than humans. This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.
- ...and the bartender said: we don't serve hypothetical faster-than-light particles here! A tachyon walks into a bar...
- A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark… ..So in a triathlon it comes down to who's the better cyclist
- Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence' Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'
- You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell, But it's actually more sluggish...
- Hippos can swim and run faster than humans. What does this mean? The bycicle is the only way to beat then in a triathlon.
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Faster Than One Liners
Which faster than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with faster than? I can suggest the ones about slower than and coming faster than.
- Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother… Sudden Lee
- What is faster than a calculator? A Calcu-now.
- Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
- Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.
- I painted my computer black last night Now it runs much faster
- Why are cars faster than motorcycles? Because motorcycles are two tired.
- So I painted my laptop black. I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.
- What Makes ISIS Spread Faster Than The Internet? An Airstrike.
- What’s the difference between an accordion and a bagpipe? The bagpipe burns faster.
- I'm so out of shape Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me
- Your first time is like a box of chocolates You finish so much faster them you thought
- I was thinking of buying the black iPad mini.. Apparently, it runs faster.
- What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster? A hurricane
- What runs faster than a burglar with a TV? His cousin with the DVD
- I'm done with Ramadan! Other muslims are still fasting, but I was faster.
Eid Mubarak!
Coming Faster Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny coming faster than jokes and even better coming faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.
- A shark can swim faster than I can... But I can definitely run faster than a shark.
So really, in a triathlon, it would come down to who is the better cyclist. - After 100 year, Tolkien's Beren and Luthien is coming out. Still faster than George RR Martin.
- Success is something that always comes faster to the man your wife almost married.
- A wife is like a boomerang – the harder you throw the faster she comes back.
Falling Faster Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny falling faster than jokes and even better falling faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Which falls faster, a ball of wool or a ball of steel? Neymar
- A Jew and a Black fall out of a building... The black hits the ground first because chains fall faster than ash
- What's the only thing in the world that falls apart faster than Ikea furniture ? Sweden's defence against England
- List of things falling faster than Joe Hart The British Pound
Change Faster Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny change faster than jokes and even better change faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What changes faster than technology? Taylor Swifts boyfriend
Dropped Faster Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny dropped faster than jokes and even better dropped faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What gets dropped faster than an unruly passenger? $900 million in market shares.
- What animal is faster than a cheetah? A cow dropped out of a helicopter.
Share Hilarious Faster Than Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about faster than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean faster speed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make faster than pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?
A v**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a r**... v**...?
A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons
You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeon deliver n**... faster than your service provider
If 9/11 had happened in July...
7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Politics is like driving
No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a m**....
"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos here" said the bartender.
A neutrino walked into a bar.
Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night
- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"
- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"
- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"
- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"
- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"
The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.
- "What happened??"
- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"
- "and??"
- "Logical: he reached me.."
- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"
- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"
- "And what did he do??"
- "Logical: He dropped his pants"
- "god.... and??"
- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"
ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)
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what do you call a Kentucky farm girl who can run faster than her dad?
A v**...
A new Zealand joke
Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep
My momma said "Life is like a box of condoms..."
Runs out faster than you expect, and your mistakes will outlive you.
What's faster than a black guy running with a stolen T.V.?
His brother with the DVR
Einstein says that anything with mass can't go faster than the speed of light, but...
What if you aren't Christian?
A snail decides he wants to be a racer...
So he employs a pit crew, a coach, and a designer. The designer paints a big 'S' on the side of his vehicle which the snail highly approves of.
He tries out at a local track, and starts overtaking all the other amateurs much faster than anyone else.
The coach stares and says 'Look at that S-Car-Go!"
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I almost took part in a g**... with some friends
Good thing I'm faster than them
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Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
A woman calls customer service..
"Hi, I bought a maternity dress through your site and I want to cancel the order." she says.
The service rep says, "Sure, I can do that for you.. but I'd also like to get your feedback; may I ask why?"
"Yeah," says the customer. "My delivery was faster than yours was."
There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light
It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.
Degree
I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
I lost all my money betting on horse races.
Turns out they can run WAY faster than I can.
Whats faster than a speeding bullet?
A Jew with a coupon
A rookie carpenter is on his first day of a new job...
The foreman greets him at the job site and tells him his first task will be to nail some sheathing on a roof. The rookie grabs a hammer and nails and gets to work.
The foreman watches the rookie work for a while, and when he's finished he calls him over. The foreman says, "I think your nickname in this jobsite will be 'lightning'." The rookies face lit up, and he asked, "Why's that? Am I faster than everybody else?"
The foreman shakes his head and says, "No, it's because you never strike twice in the same place ."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an idiot and a m**...?
An idiot is someone who drives faster than you... a m**... is someone who drives slower.
Google just called, they want to put a camera on your mom...
... they heard she makes it around the block faster than their street view cars.
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What do you call a female Lannister that runs faster than her brothers
A v**...
A doctor was visiting a patient
She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?'
Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.'
The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.'
The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'
The only thing that travels faster than light is...
....
...
..
.
Your weekend.
What's faster than the speed of light?
The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*
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BLACK SUPERMAN
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.
It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.
A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."
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While wandering through the woods....
I came upon a rabbit who said he could jump over the moon. So I shot him. Then I happened upon a deer who said he was faster than the speed of light. So I shot him. Then a bear appeared and said he was in the Russian space program. So I shot him.
Remember, only you can prevent forest liars.
You know what they are saying about 2020
It went viral a lot faster than people thought it would.
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Nothing ruins s**... with a monkey faster than...
Remembering you work in an AIDS research lab.
Ireland takes the Lead
Did you know the population of Ireland is growing faster than any other country in the world?
The capital's been Dublin for decades.
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Blowing up a Balloon.
My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.
Oldie but goodie
Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24
It works...you should try it out
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Appalachian Dictionary
v**...: (noun) - A 12 year old girl that can run faster than her brother.
Inuit and American tourist walks near far-north village.
Suddenly the polar bear starts chasing them. American starts crying, Inuit starts to warm up and takes running position.
American - What are you doing? Don't you know, that polar bear runs faster than any human? We can not outrun polar bear!
Inuit - I don't need to outrun the polar bear, I need to outrun you
A guy was buying mangoes at a junction from a street vendor and while waiting for his change he saw an old woman and a little girl.
The little girl was walking a bit faster than the old woman which made the old woman shouting; " Degree wait for me". The guy was astonished after hearing such an unusual name. So to satisfy his curiosity he walked closer to the old woman and asked; "Mam, why do you call your granddaughter Degree?"
The old woman laughed and said; " I sent her mother to university for education and this is what she brought home."
A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID
Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a loss as to how to combat them.
These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information, and yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive."
Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive"
Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
I hear there's a guy from Africa who can punch even faster than Bruce Lee
Sudan Lee
We were travelling far far away in space. Moving through time faster than the universe itself.
But i still got a traffic ticket in the mail.
I was catching up with an old friend.
When I thought, "This guy is faster than he looks."
Why are French snails faster than American snails?
L'ess cargo
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What's the definition of a gypsy v**...?
A 6 year old girl that can run faster than her dad.
Sea lions can run and swim faster than humans
Which means when you compete against one in a triathlon you really need to make up time on the cycling.
Why couldn't the physicist understand how boats work?
He thought nothing could possibly travel faster than sea.
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Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today?
We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death.
An intelligent young lady, Miss Bright
She travelled far faster than light,
Leaving one day in a relative way,
Arriving home the previous night.
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How do you find a v**... in West Virginia?
Find a girl who can still run faster than her 12 year-old brother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Who's faster than Christopher Walken?
Christopher Runnen
Who's slower?
Christopher Crawlen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I heard Protest Churches can travel faster than light...
... since they have no Mass.
Two hunters are out hunting
Suddenly, they see a bear racing towards them. They start running, but all of a sudden one of them stops and starts to take off his hunting boots and put on running shoes.
The other hunters says to him: "What are you doing? Those will not make you run faster than the bear."
The first hunter replies calmly: "No, but they will make run faster than you."
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Q: Why can't g**... drive faster than 68mph?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Words of mouth
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Steven
Scientists have discovered the only thing faster than the speed of light is...
...the speed at which someone will tell you they're a vegan.
ELI5: Why are download speeds so much faster than upload speeds?
Is it because of gravity?
I think the ancestors of my family may have been British...
...I can spark up a conversation about bad weather faster than any other topic.
Beware the SATA of March
Much faster than the IDEs
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Fast Thinker
Guy's first time parachuting... yada yada c**... fails, reserve fails. He's falling. But he sees a speck coming up toward him, faster than he's falling. He realizes it's a guy and figuring he has nothing to lose, he yells,
"Hey do you know anything about parachutes?"
and as they pass the other guy yells back,
"Sorry man, I don't . Do you know anything about propane BBQs?"
Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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According to a recent survey,women with big b**... climb up the career ladder faster than
Men with big b**....
The bartender pours him a beer
A man who can move faster than the speed of light walks into a bar.
If I was a hero, and I had a girlfriend...
I'd be Super Jealous! Overthinking faster than the speed of light!
What swims slightly faster than a shark?
The Little Mermaid on her period.
New York City is the only place where sound travels faster than light.
I always hear the horn before the light turns green.
What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?
A newborn with osteoporosis.
