Faster Speed Jokes

57 faster speed jokes and hilarious faster speed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about faster speed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Faster Speed Short Jokes

Short faster speed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The faster speed humour may include short faster jokes also.

  1. If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
  2. You can tell the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound. Some people appear bright until you hear them talk.
  3. Einstein says that anything with mass can't go faster than the speed of light, but... What if you aren't Christian?
  4. There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.
  5. Since light supposedly travels faster than the speed of sound..... Why can I hear the BMW driver behind me honk before the light turns green?
  6. If the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound Then how come I hear the horn way before the light turns green?
  7. If light travels faster than the speed of sound… Why do I hear the car behind me honking before the light turns green?
  8. What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*
  9. BLACK SUPERMAN I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.

    Credits:Someones Tweet
  10. I thought it would be a cool idea to have sonic in real life But apparently speed doesn't make animals faster

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Faster Speed One Liners

Which faster speed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with faster speed? I can suggest the ones about quicker and travels faster.

  1. What is the speed limit of love? 68 because any faster and you eat it.
  2. Whats faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon
  3. What is the speed limit of love? 68 ... any faster and you need to turn around!
  4. Navy jet pilot: This is it! We're flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What?
  5. What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light? Does it matter?
  6. the only thing faster than the speed of light is the speed in which... I spend my money.
  7. What's faster than the speed of light? A jew with a cupon.
  8. I took a drug to make my brain run faster I'm still s**..., *but in high speed*
  9. Why does pornhub run faster than Netflix? Because speed throttling is there k**....

Howlingly Hilarious Faster Speed Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about faster speed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean faster than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make faster speed pranks.

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.

Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.

-Neutrino. Knock knock.

\-We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.
\-Hipsters liked neutrinos before they arrived.
\-I wrote a speed of light joke...but a neutrino beat me to it.
\-A. To prove particles can travel faster than light Q. Why did the neutrino cross the road?
\-I'm going to tweet my neutrino joke yesterday.

A man was speeding down the motorway...

When a policeman saw him and began chasing him in hot pursuit.
When the man saw the blue lights in his mirror he began to speed up, getting further and further away and faster he went.
The policeman finally caught up when they hit traffic and pulled the man from his car.
Officer: Why did you speed up when you saw me behind you?
Man: You see, I was married for a long time before my wife ran off with a policeman just like you!
Officer: Sorry to hear that but just because one of us is bad, doesn't mean we all are. Speeding is still an offence!
Man: Oh, it's nothing personal, I just thought you were trying to give her back!

So a man wants to buy a horse...

He sees an add in the paper (this was back when people read newspapers) for a horse. So, he goes to the seller's farm to ride the horse and see if it is a good horse.
"Now, this this horse is special," says the seller. "When you want the horse to go, you have to say 'praise the lord' and when you want the horse to stop you have to say 'amen'." The buyer, not being religious, nods but wonders if this horse is worth it.
So, as he goes to ride the horse, he says "praise the lord." The horse goes, but he wants to go faster, so he says "Praise the lord!". The horse speeds up, but he wants to go even faster, so he yells "PRAISE THE LORD!" and the horse bursts into full gallop. The man then sees a cliff in the distance. He can't remember what to say, but just as he is about to go over, he says "Amen!" and the horse stops right at the edge of the cliff.
The man wipes his brow, sighs in relief, and says "praise the lord."

As a Jew, I have heard many Jewish jokes, here are a few...

Why do Jews have big noses? because air is free...
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? Pizza's don't scream in the oven....
What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon...
How many Jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 6 million in the ash tray...
Why did h**... kill himself? he saw his gas bill...
Why did Moses split the red sea? He saw a nickle at the bottom...
If you all have any I find them hilarious so please share :)

So a man was driving home from work one day...

It's pretty late, so he decides to take the freeway to get there faster. He sees a 60mph speed limit sign and figures no one will ever know if he pushes it a little. 75 he decides he'll get home quick enough, not noticing the cop right behind him.
The cop, seeing him, puts on his lights. The man worriedly realizes "Oh no... I can't get another ticket, I just can't." He gets an idea and pulls over. The cop, shaking his head, walks up to the vehicle.
"Sir, did you know you were going 75 miles per hour in a 60 mile per hour zone?"
The man, thinking quickly, exclaims "My wife's in labor! I need to get her to the hospital stat!"
The cop looks in the vehicle and raises an eyebrow. "You're driving alone, sir."
The man looks around, panicked. "Oh my God! I forgot my wife!"

The president was being driven to an important meeting that he was running late for...

When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself. Speeding at about ten miles over the limit, he gets pulled over pretty quickly. The young deputy walks over to the car to give the ticket, and without a word comes back to the squad car, his face ghost white. "I'm sorry sir," he tells his superior officer, who's sitting in the passengers seat, "But I can't give the ticket to him. He's much too important." "What?!" he bellows. "I'm the chief of police 'round here!" Who could be so important that we can't give a ticket to him?!" "I don't know sir," the deputy replied, "But the president is his chauffeur!"

Lois lane broke up with superman...

...because in bed, he was faster than a speeding bullet.

What paradox was discovered when Roy Rogers accidentally shot his dog while it was chasing rabbits?

A speeding Bullet is not faster than a speeding bullet.

What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light?

Neither, it's diarrhea.
Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already s**... yourself.

Jacque the Snail

Jacque is a snail. Snails are not known for their excessive speed. Jacque has always dreamed of going fast, faster than any snail ever has before. Jacque has been saving his money for years so he can buy a super fast sports car and impress all his little snail friends.
Finally, Jacque goes down to the Porsche dealer. He sees a beautiful car, the Boxster. He tells the dealer, "I like that one." The dealer laughs and says, "My dear snail, don't you want to go fast? You need the Porsche Boxster-S!" He seems very proud of the S. Jacque agrees, and finally he is sitting in the car of his dreams, a Boxster-S. He pays for it. Cash, because this snail don't play around. He's ready to take his brand new sports car for a speedy run down the coast.
As he is driving, going well over 100 mph, much faster than any snail in the history of snails has ever gone, he flies past two French people walking on the side of the road. One Frenchman says to the other, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

If I was a hero, and I had a girlfriend...

I'd be Super Jealous! Overthinking faster than the speed of light!

An old ditty about a lady named Bright

There was a young lady named Bright
Her speed was far faster than light
She set out on day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive"

Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"

If nothing is faster than the speed of light

Why did I see that Asian lady turn before I saw her blinker

While wandering through the woods....

I came upon a rabbit who said he could jump over the moon. So I shot him. Then I happened upon a deer who said he was faster than the speed of light. So I shot him. Then a bear appeared and said he was in the Russian space program. So I shot him.
Remember, only you can prevent forest liars.

Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight...

Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight. Lady asked which would be faster. I said the swordfish can reach speeds up to 60mph, shark 42mph...

What do you call it when shakespeare travels faster than the speed of sound?

A sonnet boom!

ELI5: Why are download speeds so much faster than upload speeds?

Is it because of gravity?

A blonde was driving faster than the speed limit in her new red car.

A blonde was driving faster than the speed limit in her new red car. A police officer, who was also a blonde, asked for the blondes license.
The blonde searches through her purse and gets more frustrated when she finally asks the officer "what does it look like?"
The officer says "it's a rectangle and it has your face on it".
Finally, the blonde takes out a small mirror and says "here you go". The officer looks at it and says "you can go, I didn't realise you were a cop".

I think school zones should have faster speed limits.

You need to drive though it as fast as possible in case there's another school shooting.

(adult) What's the max Top Speed a girl can have s**...?

Because any faster she'll flip over and blow a rod.
*Wonder how many "hi my name is rod" replies..

Some American pilots challenged their Russian counterparts to find out whose planes are faster.

The Americans took the latest supersonic aircraft, but the Russians managed to get only an old, decommissioned Kukuruznik and tied it to the American plane with rope.
After takeoff, an American crewmember said to his commander:
"Sir, the Russians are right behind us!"
"What is our speed?"
"400 mph!"
"Raise to 500!"
"Sir, the Russians aren't falling behind!"
"Raise to 600!"
"Sir, I'm afraid we will lose!"
"They still haven't retracted their landing gear yet!"

Scientists have discovered the only thing faster than the speed of light is...

...the speed at which someone will tell you they're a vegan.

The bartender pours him a beer

A man who can move faster than the speed of light walks into a bar.

A man is driving the car with his family in it

He gets bored and begins going faster and faster. His wife taps on his shoulder and says:
"Can you please slow down, you are going too fast"
The man responds:
"Don't worry, God will keep us safe"
And he speeds up even more. After a few seconds his kids tap on his shoulder and say:
"Dad please slow down"
The man starts to get annoyed and says:
"I told you not to worry, God will keep us safe"
He once again speeds up even more. After a few seconds he feels another tap on his shoulder. He asks angrily:
"What the h**... is it this time?"
"This is God. Can you please stop the car for a moment, I need to get out"

Heaven clocks

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he arrives there an angel is waiting for him to give him a tour. They enter through the golden gates and go inside a big bright building. There were a big number of clocks running at different speeds and the man was puzzled. He asked the angel what they were.
The angel said: "Here are the clocks of every country, they measure corruption. The more corrupt the country is the faster it's clock goes!"
Amazed, the man wanders around the room but he notices something and asks the angel: "Where is the US clock?"
And the angel says: "Oh, God is using it as a cooling fan!"

The Bikers

A biker with a racing bike brags before chopper bikers and dares them to race. Despite he's obviously faster, the oldest of the chopper bikers agrees. The racing biker wants to bet $1000, but the chopper owner has no money so they agree to race for the honor of the victory.
They get ready for the uneven race. A countdown is proclaimed and the racing biker speeds away. The old biker shuts off his bike and returns to his beer.