The Best 68 Faster Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Faster jokes. There are some faster slow jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these faster faster than puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Faster Jokes and Puns

Snail Racing

My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish

Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.

Stupid geese.

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and.......

The coffin stops

Faster joke, This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

How do you make a racing snail faster?

I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.

The lady walking ahead of me sped up...

...so I did. She began walking faster and faster so I did. She started running so I did. She started screaming so I did. I have no idea what we were running from but I was terrified.


I bought myself a snail to race other snails..

I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster.
If anything it just made it more sluggish

I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

Faster joke, I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

I took the shell off my racing snail...

... thinking it would make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.

I painted my PC black to make it run faster

Now it doesn't work

Why are cars faster than motorcycles?

Because motorcycles are two tired.

I wanted to make my racing snail faster..

So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.

You can explore faster speed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean faster pace dad jokes. There are also faster puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster...

Now it just doesn't work.

"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos here" said the bartender.

A neutrino walked into a bar.

What do you call a redneck virgin?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

What's the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife?

A prostitute says "Faster, faster!"
A girlfriend says "More, more!"
A wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Faster joke, What's the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife?

What's the similarity between Nike and the KKK?

They both make black men run faster.

I painted my computer black last night

Now it runs much faster

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.


If light travels faster than sound.

Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?

A Jamaican is asked, use Dandelion in a sentence ...

He then says ...
"The cheetah is faster dandelion"

A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?

Nun: I would lift up my dress

Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?

Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down

Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?

Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"

Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"

Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"

*Everyone dies*

If light travels faster than the speed of sound...

how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.

But, unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.

If 9/11 had happened in July...

7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

Politics is like driving

No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a moron.

Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...

If anything he seems more sluggish!

So I painted my laptop black.

I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'

Light travels faster than sound!

That's why some people appear bright until they talk.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".

What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

Which runs faster, hot or cold?

Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.

You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell,

But it's actually more sluggish...

How do you make an art student's car go faster?

Just remove the huge Dominoes sign on top!

With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.

A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.

I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster

...if anything, it made him more sluggish

Did you know that light travels faster than sound?

That's why some people look bright until they start talking.

The waiter says: Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.

A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..

He's actually more sluggish now.

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile.

Trump made a time of 11:56

Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31

Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03

But Bush did 9:11

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?

One student raises their hand,

The cheetah is faster dandelion.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, What do you do? I responded, I race cars. Screeching with excitement, she shot back, Do you win many races!? I sighed...

No, the cars are much faster.

I decided to remove my racing snail's shell to make him go faster.

But if anything, it just made him more sluggish.

I'm scared of 5G

It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.

A teacher asks her students to use the word dandelion on a sentence

A boy raises his hand and says, the cheetah is faster dandelion.

What is faster than a calculator?

A Calcu-now.

What works faster than a calculator?

A calcunow

If Biden unfucks any more of Trump's mistakes any faster...

There'll be no Ivanka and Jr. by Sunday.

When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat

Is a warm toilet seat

My wife asked me why I was yelling at the pot of water on the stove.

I said, water boils ~~faster~~ hotter under pressure.

Tuna must age about five times faster than humans.

This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.

Bruce Lee was fast

But his brother, Sudden, was faster.

yes, sharks can outswim you.

but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.

Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?

Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.

If they had to dig their way out of a prison cell, who would be faster:

Ann Widdecombe, or Reese Witherspoon?

Why is a pregnant horse faster than a non-pregnant horse?

Because it has 2 horsepower.

Ireland takes the Lead

Did you know the population of Ireland is growing faster than any other country in the world?

The capital's been Dublin for decades.

How do you get a Russian soldier to retreat faster?

Give him a full tank of gas

A woman calls customer service..

"Hi, I bought a maternity dress through your site and I want to cancel the order." she says.

The service rep says, "Sure, I can do that for you.. but I'd also like to get your feedback; may I ask why?"

"Yeah," says the customer. "My delivery was faster than yours was."

You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell

It's actually more sluggish

Always use a lid when boiling water.

It'll make it boil a lid-le faster!

Light travels faster than sound

Which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak. 

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the faster quickest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working faster sluggish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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