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Faster Jokes

179 faster jokes and hilarious faster puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about faster that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover how to make your jokes faster than ever before! Learn the tricks to quickly deliver a punchline that packs a punch and make your friends laugh faster than ever. With these rapid tips, your jokes will be sure to keep everyone engaged!

Funniest Faster Short Jokes

Short faster jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The faster humour may include short quicker jokes also.

  1. When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat Is a warm toilet seat
  2. Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled? Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
  3. If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
  4. I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
    Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
    Now the whole system is corrupt.
  5. I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell... It only made it more sluggish.
  6. Tuna must age about five times faster than humans. This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.
  7. I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster... Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.
  8. I removed the shell from my racing snail. I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it's more sluggish.
  9. ...and the bartender said: we don't serve hypothetical faster-than-light particles here! A tachyon walks into a bar...
  10. A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark… ..So in a triathlon it comes down to who's the better cyclist

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Faster One Liners

Which faster one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with faster? I can suggest the ones about fastest and slower.

  1. Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother… Sudden Lee
  2. Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.
  3. What is faster than a calculator? A Calcu-now.
  4. Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
  5. Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.
  6. I painted my computer black last night Now it runs much faster
  7. What works faster than a calculator? A calcunow
  8. I painted my PC black to make it run faster Now it doesn't work
  9. Bruce Lee was fast But his brother, Sudden, was faster.
  10. Why are cars faster than motorcycles? Because motorcycles are two tired.
  11. I'm scared of 5G It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.
  12. So I painted my laptop black. I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.
  13. What Makes ISIS Spread Faster Than The Internet? An Airstrike.
  14. Heat or cold Which one travels faster, heat or cold?
    Heat, because you can catch a cold.
  15. What is faster, hot or cold? Hot, you can catch a cold.

Faster Than Jokes

Here is a list of funny faster than jokes and even better faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence' Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'
  • I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.
  • I wanted to make my racing snail faster.. So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.
  • You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell, But it's actually more sluggish...
  • Hippos can swim and run faster than humans. What does this mean? The bycicle is the only way to beat then in a triathlon.
  • How do you make a racing snail faster? I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.
  • I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster ...if anything, it made him more sluggish
  • Did you know that light travels faster than sound? That's why some people look bright until they start talking.
  • Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence" Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"
    Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"
    *Everyone dies*
  • did you know light travels faster than sound? That's why people look bright until they talk

Faster Speed Jokes

Here is a list of funny faster speed jokes and even better faster speed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You can tell the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound. Some people appear bright until you hear them talk.
  • What is the speed limit of love? 68 because any faster and you eat it.
  • Einstein says that anything with mass can't go faster than the speed of light, but... What if you aren't Christian?
  • There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.
  • Since light supposedly travels faster than the speed of sound..... Why can I hear the BMW driver behind me honk before the light turns green?
  • Whats faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon
  • If the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound Then how come I hear the horn way before the light turns green?
  • If light travels faster than the speed of sound… Why do I hear the car behind me honking before the light turns green?
  • What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*
  • BLACK SUPERMAN I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.

    Credits:Someones Tweet
Faster joke, BLACK SUPERMAN

Travels Faster Jokes

Here is a list of funny travels faster jokes and even better travels faster puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If light travels faster than sound. Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?
  • light travels faster than sound thats why some people appear bright til you hear them speak.
  • Why does light travel faster than sound? Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • According to physics, light travels faster sound... ... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
  • If it is true that light travels faster than sound Then why do we always first hear the BMW driver behind us honk before seeing the light turn green?
  • Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
  • It is a known fact that light travels faster than sound. That's why everyone seems bright until they speak.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people apper bright until you hear them speak.
  • The only thing that travels faster than light is... ....
    ...
    ..
    .
    Your weekend.
  • You know how light travels faster than sound? Thats why some people seem bright until they speak.

Coming Faster Than Jokes

Here is a list of funny coming faster than jokes and even better coming faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.
  • A shark can swim faster than I can... But I can definitely run faster than a shark.
    So really, in a triathlon, it would come down to who is the better cyclist.
  • A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is a better cyclist!
  • After 100 year, Tolkien's Beren and Luthien is coming out. Still faster than George RR Martin.
  • Success is something that always comes faster to the man your wife almost married.
  • A wife is like a boomerang – the harder you throw the faster she comes back.
Faster joke

Uplifting Faster Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about faster you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quicker than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make faster pranks.

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.

I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone...

Everyone knows the black ones run faster!

A Fireman See's a Little Girl

that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs t**....He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"

Snail Racing

My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish

What's faster than a black guy running with a stolen T.V.?

His brother with the DVR

A new Zealand joke

Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep

Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.

s**... geese.

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and.......

The coffin stops

I was thinking of buying the black iPad mini..

Apparently, it runs faster.

My girlfriend's black.

She's always in a rush, saying, "Come on! Let's go! We gotta move! We're gunna be late! Drive faster! Switch lanes! We gotta beat the crowd!" I look at her every time and say, "Leave it to you to play the race card."

What is a r**... v**...?

A 7-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

The lady walking ahead of me sped up...

...so I did. She began walking faster and faster so I did. She started running so I did. She started screaming so I did. I have no idea what we were running from but I was terrified.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops

I bought myself a snail to race other snails..

I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster.
If anything it just made it more sluggish

what do you call a Kentucky farm girl who can run faster than her dad?

A v**...

What's the difference between a h**..., a lover and a housewife?

A h**... says "Faster! faster!"

A lover says "Slower....slooower..."

A housewife says "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

I took the shell off my racing snail...

... thinking it would make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.

I'm so out of shape

Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me

I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster.

But it just made it more sluggish.

"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos here" said the bartender.

A neutrino walked into a bar.

What do you call a r**... v**...?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo?

The leaf, the rope stops the emo.

I almost took part in a g**... with some friends

Good thing I'm faster than them

What's the difference between a p**..., a girlfriend and a wife?

A p**... says "Faster, faster!"
A girlfriend says "More, more!"
A wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

What's the similarity between Nike and the k**...?

They both make black men run faster.

I thought removing a snail's shell would make it faster...

Turns out, it only makes it more sluggish.

If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster

Or maybe that's just super stichin'

A Jamaican is asked, use Dandelion in a sentence ...

He then says ...
"The cheetah is faster dandelion"

A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?
Nun: I would lift up my dress
Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?
Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down
Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?
Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.

But, unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.

If 9/11 had happened in July...

7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.
She started running, so I started running.
She started screaming, so I started screaming.
I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

Politics is like driving

No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a m**....

since light moves faster then sound..

People may appear bright until you hear them speak.

Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...

If anything he seems more sluggish!

Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.

All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"
Driver: Faster?
Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f
Driver: "You want me to go faster?"
Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"
Driver: I can't go any faster.
Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the f**..., Emily".

What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A v**....

What's the difference between black and white iPhones?

The black ones run faster but the white ones are easier to jailbreak

What runs faster than a burglar with a TV?

His cousin with the DVD

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word 'dandelion' in it.

Jamaican: Da Cheetah ran faster dandelion

How do you make an art student's car go faster?

Just remove the huge Dominoes sign on top!

With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeons deliver n**... faster than your service provider

Took The Shell Off Of My Racing Snail,

I Thought He Would Go Faster But It Only Made Him 'Sluggish'.

I removed my snail's shell because I thought it would make him faster

It seems it only made him more sluggish.

I removed the shell from my racing snail to help him go faster

If anything , it made him more sluggish

My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.

A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.

How do you know if a r**... girl is a v**...?

If she can run faster than her brothers.

The waiter says: Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.

A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..

He's actually more sluggish now.

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster:

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster. Moses makes the water split and walks on dry land to the other side. Jesus tries to walk on water, but glug... glug... glug... he starts sinking. "What's the matter?" asks Jesus, "I walked on the water quite well 2000 years ago..." "Well," replies Moses, "that was before you got those holes in your feet..."

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile.

Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.

I realized that whacking off helps me fall asleep much faster

This whole time the cure for insomnia was within my grasp

So, I was out walking at night

In front of me was a woman.
She looked behind her back, the started to run faster,
I got a little spooked so I started walking faster too.
she began to walk even faster.
I was really scared so I began walking even faster too.
suddenly she began to run.
I began running too.
She then began screaming, so did i.
I don't know what was behind us, but it was the scariest night of my life.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Faster joke, Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

jokes about faster