faster Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious faster puns

If light travels faster than the speed of sound...

how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

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I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

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Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster...

Now it just doesn't work.

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I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

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I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

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A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?

One student raises their hand,

The cheetah is faster dandelion.

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Light travels faster than sound!

That's why some people appear bright until they talk.

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Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'

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Light travels faster than sound,

which is why some people appear bright until they open their fucking mouths

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I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

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I wanted to make my racing snail faster..

So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.

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Usain Bolt's top speed was 27.8MPH.

During an orgasm, semen exits the penis at 28MPH meaning that the only thing faster than a Bolt is a nut.

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You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell,

But it's actually more sluggish...

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How do you make a racing snail faster?

I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.

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I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster

...if anything, it made him more sluggish

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What's the similarity between Nike and the KKK?

They both make black men run faster.

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Did you know that light travels faster than sound?

That's why some people look bright until they start talking.

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Which runs faster, hot or cold?

Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.

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I painted my computer black last night

Now it runs much faster

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Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"

Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"

Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"

*Everyone dies*

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I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

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[NSFW] Wonder Woman is laying naked, face down, on a rooftop...

...when Superman flies by and sees her. Her naked body has him feeling all types of ways, so he starts to think, "You know, I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in and out of there before she even realizes what happened."

So, Superman flies in, does his business and takes off.

Wonder Woman says, "What was that?" The Invisible Man responds, "I don't know, but my fucking ass is killing me."

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I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..

He's actually more sluggish now.

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Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...

If anything he seems more sluggish!

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Snail Racing

My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish

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The waiter says: Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.

A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

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A Jamaican is asked, use Dandelion in a sentence ...

He then says ...
"The cheetah is faster dandelion"

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What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

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The tale of the tortoise the snail and the slug.

A little tortoise is feeling sad because it wishes it could move faster, when he notices a snail. Feeling better about itself the tortoise offers the little snail a ride.

On the way they meet a slug, and the slug is also offered a ride.
Once on top, the slug meets the snail with bulging eyes:

"You better put your helmet back on, because this motherfucker is fucking reckless!"

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Teacher: "Use the word dandelion in a sentence"

Student: "De cheetah is faster dandelion"

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I painted my PC black to make it run faster

Now it doesn't work

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The lady walking ahead of me sped up...

...so I did. She began walking faster and faster so I did. She started running so I did. She started screaming so I did. I have no idea what we were running from but I was terrified.

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What do you call a redneck virgin?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

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With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

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If 9/11 had happened in July...

7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

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What are the most funny Faster jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Faster? Well, here are the best Faster dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Faster pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes