Fastener Jokes
45 fastener jokes and hilarious fastener puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fastener that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fastener Short Jokes
Short fastener jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fastener humour may include short jokes also.
- Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
- My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using screws or nails as fasteners. I told her yes... and it's riveting.
- I never have a hard time remembering to buckle up in the car. Seatbelts are fastenating to me.
- My friend got a job fastening metal plates together. He hates it. He says it's not fun or interesting, which I dont understand. I think his job is riveting.
- My husband's new job fastening metals must be really captivating .. He says it's riveting.
- Accidentally locked my baby inside my hot Tesla Cybertruck and I can’t break the glass. Fastening a breaching charge to the windshield. Cover your eyes sweetie ..
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Fastener One Liners
Which fastener one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fastener? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I'm obsessed with seatbelts They're fastenating.
- I was just at a lecture about how to fasten metal together. Riveting stuff.
- Did you see the show about metal fasteners? It was riveting.
- What a frog's favorite fastener? Rivet
- I just finished reading a book on permanent mechanical fasteners. It was riveting.
- I really enjoy fastening bits of metal together It's riveting
- I just found out about this method that fastens two things together. It's riveting stuff.
- I'm going to open a gold-plated fasteners company It's going to be called Au Nuts
- Velcro is the original hook and loop fastener... Imitations of it are just rip-offs.
- Did you hear about the guy who fastens paper together? Eclipse.
- #1 Tip for both fastening metal together and streakers: Pull out your nuts and bolt
Fastener Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fastener you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fastener pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very respected Captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost.
On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men’s barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “Why is a camel tied to the barracks?”
The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural s**... urges, so when they do … uh … we have the camel ready for them.”
The Captain said, “Well, I suppose if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me”.
After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn’t control his s**... angst any longer.
He barked to his Sergeant: “BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!”
The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain’s quarters.
Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride.
“So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?” he asked.
The Sergeant replied, “Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town.”
A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.
When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,
"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."
The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"
She replied,
"Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the t**... by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "
Sir excuse me; your zipper is open."
So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper.
He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open."
Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open!
Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a misunderstanding
teacher to class: can anyone use the word fascinate in a sentence?
little johnny: my sister has ten b**... on her shirt but she can only fasten eight
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've adapted this from an old joke, I hope you enjoy.
A man was hiring for a factory, he called in the first applicant from the waiting room and asked him a few questions. Then, for his final question he asked him, "Will you make a sentence with the word 'great'?"
The applicant replied after some thought "Oh, I have a leather jacket and I think it's really great!"
The boss let him go and called up the next applicant. They talked for a while and then he asked him "Will you make a sentence with the word 'great' in it?"
Without any hesitation the applicant says "I have a leather jacket and I think it's really great!!"
The man realizes that they're catching on, so he calls the next applicant in. They talk for a while and then he says "I would like you to make a sentence", the applicant cuts him off
"with GREAT!"
"no, actually I would like you to make a sentence with the word 'fascinate'"
"Not Great?"
"No, fascinate."
The applicant pauses for some time.. then he replies
"I have a leather jacket, and I think it's really great. It has 11 b**..., but I only fasten eight."
An Israeli Joke
An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
An extremely close landing on an extremely short runway..
A plane is nearing its destination. The pilot turns to his co-pilot and remarks: "That looks like a really short runway." The co-pilot looks at it and says: "Yes, captain, its really short." 100 meters from the runway, the pilot communicates to the passengers and crew: "Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be an extremely close landing!" The plane touches down on the ground, engages maximum breaks, and with schreaching tires comes to a stop two meters from the end of the runway. "Phew, " says the pilot relieved. "That was the shortest landing I've ever made." The co-pilot looks out of the windows and answers: "And certainly on the widest runway I've every seen.."
Two pilots with white canes proceed to enter their plane's cockpit...
Two pilots with white canes are on their way to their passenger plane's cockpit. They tap here and there with the stick and enter the cockpit. One of the passengers , a business man , notices and exclaims , " Hey , are those two pilots blind?!" . This arises panic between the passengers. Soon afterwards , the pilot announces " The plane is ready to take off , please fasten your seatbelts." About 2 minutes later , the plane accelerates and prepares to take off. The passengers shout " This plane is gonna drown , after the runway ends , there's nothing but a vast sea ahead!" . Just moments before the runway ends , the passengers shout in unison , but they notice that the plane is actually airborne and managed to succeed in taking off. Meanwhile , in the cockpit , the first pilot says to the other , " One of these days , they aren't gonna shout and we're all gonna die.."
A cop pulls over a man and his wife
A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,
"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."
The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"
She replied, "Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."
A police officer arrests a drunk man
After minutes of hassle getting the man in the police car, they're finally ready to go.
The officers turns around and says "Please fasten your seatbelt".
The man smirks and says "It's ok. Nobody will pull us over"
A Young Driver Gets Pulled Over
The police officer comes to his window.
"I pulled you over because you didn't have a seatbelt on"
The driver replies:
"Excuse me officer, I did."
He motions to his seatbelt, fastened. The officer looks unconvinced.
"You did not have that on when I passed you"
The young driver pulls out his phone.
"I did officer, I just took a Snapchat of it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently traveled through time to hook-up with Queen Victoria, the famous n**...-queen of England in the late 1800's.
I was stunned to find out that she wanted me adorned in the latest fashions before we consummated our tri-millenium tryst. She made me wait until I grew large mutton-chop side-burns and a moustache. It took like three weeks. Meanwhile, she had a high fastening and tight fitting frock coat cut to my size with tailored shirts having high upstanding collars tied at the neck with large bow-ties. Finally, after a month, I'm adorned in the finest haberdashery of the day when I come to find out, it is now her time of the month. Since I looked like any gentleman of the era, we had period s**....
A joke from one of my friends who's an airline pilot
So he often says, right before take off "Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to thank you for choosing Jet Blue and would also like to thank the wonderful flight attendants for their professionalism and dedication to trying to make your flight as safe and comfortable as possible. However, you won't find any of those people on this flight. So sit back and please fasten your seat belts as we will shortly begin our ascent"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
b**..., but her b**... are so big she
can only fasten eight."