Farting Jokes

Laugh out loud with these hilarious farting jokes, pictures and memes. From a farting cow to the smelly emissions of the human body, you'll find the perfect fart joke here to make you smile. Enjoy the odor!

Playful Farting Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

I tried to donate sperm once, but they didn't accept it ...

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They said it had to be my own, and farting it into the cups doesn't count.

So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas

and she went to the doctor and she said, "This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of farting silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?" He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."

Another fart joke that includes a doctor

A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly farting as he tells the doctor about his problem.

At one point, the Doctor excuses himself, leaves the room and comes back with a six foot long pole with a hook on the end.

The man says "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT???"

The Doctor answers, "Open a window!"

Women and farting...

Why do women hardly ever fart...

Because they don't shut their mouth long enough to build up any pressure.

Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?

Arse-on.

**Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.

an old lady goes to the doctor complaining she is farting all the time

But at least they are silent and without any smell.

he gives her a pill and tell her to come back in a week.

after a week she returns and tells him "i still fart a lot but now they smell awful!!"

the doctor tells her "great... now that we fixed your smelling issue, lets address your bad hearing"

i am so so sorry.......

Funny things to say after loudly farting in a public toilet

I'll start with a couple I've heard:

"Systems check cleared - ready for drop..."

"Whups, I'm sorry, I need to get that fixed..."

Farting joke, Funny things to say after loudly farting in a public toilet

If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...

is doing it in the shower a German oven?

What comes after a farting competition?

Farty!

What do you call Muhammad Ali when he just can't stop farting?

Gassius Clay

A young Korean couple are lying in bed...

When the guy starts farting nonstop.

The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"

"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."

"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."

You can explore farting odor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean farting skidmarks dad jokes. There are also farting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work...

Well, that's what I tell everyone. I was really just farting around.

What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?

A tooter

The best part about owning a pet.

You can blame your dog for farting,
you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement.

Russian roullette at work...

Farting when alone in a room...

What do you call a farting Russian?

Vladimir Putin

~ You can thank my 65 year old grandfather for this

Farting joke, What do you call a farting Russian?

How Does Justin Bieber take his condom off?

By farting :)

A DARING NEW POSITION

Husband: Shall we try a new position tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.

What Egyptian King called for equal farting rights for all?

Toot-in-common

Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing

Why did the Pharaoh's tomb and the farting archaeologist get along?

They both had a Tutankhamun...

I'm not proud of it but I went out last night & got ridiculously drunk.

I woke up this morning next to a woman who was constantly farting & snoring.
It felt good to know I'd made it home safely.

How does a gay person take off his condom?

By farting.

What's the height of self confidence?

Farting when you have diarrhea.

"Farting"

What a Jamaican says when they spot something off in the distance.

I just won a farting contest.

The judges were blown away.

Farting joke, I just won a farting contest.

How does Laurent Ruquier take off his condom ?

By farting !

I've never actually seen two women scissoring

But I bet you it sounds like an arm pit farting contest

An old lady visits her doctor...

...and says to him:

"Doctor, I have a problem. I keep farting all day long, luckily they don't smell and are dead silent, can you do something to make it stop?"

"Take these pills and come back after a week for a checkup."

One week later she comes by and says:

"Doctor! Not only didn't the farting stop, but now they are smelly as a landfill!"

The doctor replies:

"Calm down, miss. I cured your sense of smell, now to do something about that hearing."

So my wife kept getting mad at me for not farting in the bathroom, but today I finally did it!

But I found out that she didn't mean while she was in it

What's the difference between a hooker and farting after eating spaghetti?

One gets paid to have sex and the other's a pasta toot.

What do you call farting and having diarrhea at the same time?

TMI DAVE, TMI

What do you call a lesson in farting?

A tootorial.

An old lady goes to the doctor

Says I don't really have a big problem, I fart all the time, but they're silent and they don't smell. As a matter of fact I farted four times while sitting here talking to you

Dr. Gives her some pills and says come back in a week

A week later the lady shows up and says not sure what you gave me, I'm still farting, but now they are really loud and it's quite embarrassing

Dr. Says good, now that we've fixed your hearing, let's work on your sinuses

Farting to the beat.

Once, I was at a restaurant and I wanted to fart so bad, that I couldn't even move.
Fortunately, the restaurant had really loud music so I thought I'd fart to the beats so that nobody would notice. After several moments, I noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I had been wearing headphones the whole time.

When I eat a bunch of a foreign food

my gas smells different, it's like farting in another language

Did you know, that 1 out of 2 recommends farting?

_toot_

Just invented mug repellant

It's called farting

What did the judges say to the winner of the farting contest?

Conflatulations!

Did you know back in the New Kingdom era, high ranking Egyptians were known for farting?

They all had a toot-in-common

When passing wind, farting if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate?

In otherwords, which way do you lean?

An old lady goes to the doctor.

"Doctor, i'm constantly passing gas. They're not loud and they don't smell. But I want it to stop."

The doctor gives the woman pills and says

"Take these and call me next week."

So a week later the old lady calls the doctor.

"Your pills didn't work, not only am I still farting, but they're also extremely loud."

"Good," says the doctor. "We've fixed your hearing, now lets fix your sense of smell."

What do you call a 'whore' with a thing for farting?

A prosti*toot*

With losing your sense of smell from COVID-19 being a symptom, I no longer call it farting in a crowded elevator.

I call it a free COVID-19 test

A man sees his doctor for his fart problems.

I've been farting a lot lately, doc, says the man. I've actually farted ten times since I've been in here. But they don't make any noise and they don't smell. Can you help me?

The doctor says, I think I see the problem. I'm going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take it and then come back and see me next week.

One week later, the man returns to the doctor's office. What did that medicine do to me, doc?! My farts smell horrible now!

The doctor says, Well, it looks like that medicine cleaned up your sinuses. Now let's get you a hearing aid.

The world's oldest recorded joke in history.

I'm a long-time fan of this sub-reddit and frequent up-voter, but I seldomly have anything funny to post, so here is the oldest joke in recorded history, dating back to 1900 BC (almost 4 thousand years ago from ancient Sumeria):

Q: What is something that has never before occurred since time immemorial?

A: A woman not farting in her husband's lap.

Farting under the bed sheets is no longer called a dutch oven.

It's now called a covid test. If you can smell it you don't have covid.

Farting under the covers is no longer called a Dutch oven...

It's a free Covid test. If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.

My coworker keeps farting and trying to convince me that it was me who did it.

I think he's asslighting me.

A guy gets to the doctor, farting over and over...

- Hi doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I can't stop farting. Luckily it has no smell!
The doctor looks at him, write down a prescription and say:
- Take this for a week and come back.
So the guy does. And returns still farting to the doctor:
- I took the pills, but I still can't stop farting and now they are really stinky!
The doctor:
- OK. Now that we took care of your nose, let's look into your fart problem.

The thing about farting in a lift.

It's wrong on so many levels.

This is something my dad told me.

A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little fart out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog farting so he farted again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man shits on you!

Why did the trucker stop farting?

He ran out of gas

Archeologists say that in very rare cases, you can experience a mummy farting in their crypt.

If you get the chance to experience this phenomena, you can call that toot uncommon.

In the olden days, we would often cough to cover up a fart

Post-pandemic, it's now better to cover up a cough by farting

Farting on an elevator

It's rude on so many levels

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the farting pooping puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working farting farting cow piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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