Farther Jokes
31 farther jokes and hilarious farther puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about farther that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Farther Short Jokes
Short farther jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The farther humour may include short nearer jokes also.
- Grammar tip Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance - You know, i never really thought our daughter would go farther than our son. Yeah, turns out trebuchets are superior to catapults after all.
- What's the scandal when Tesla promises their cars can travel farther than they really can? Elongate
- I have a friend that is much taller than me Because of the height difference between us he can see farther than me in a crowd.
He has heightened vision - I will never forget the last words my farther said before he kicked the bucket... "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
- I recently lost 30 pounds and I finally lost my dickeydoo You know, when your belly sticks out farther than your dickeydoo?
- How can fat women do running jumps farther than skinny people? Because cows are aerodynamic.
- An astronomers wife asks what she can do to make herself look younger He tells her the farther away you are the younger you look
- Did you hear about the girl who got adopted by midgets while she traveled across the country? She got a little farther
- Just found out that I have a 'dinkie doo'... It's when your belly sticks out farther than your dinkie doo.
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Farther One Liners
Which farther one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with farther? I can suggest the ones about deeper and longer.
- What is the relation between a door mat and a door step A step-farther
- My grand farther died in a concentration camp. Yeah he fell off the watch tower.
- The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
- You have that far look in your eyes: the farther you are, the better you look.
- Why is a duck when it's round? Because the farther it flies, the fewer.
Hilarious Farther Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about farther you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean closer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make farther pranks.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Two sperms swimming
Two sperms swimming through a girls body. After a while one s**... looks at the other and says"we've been swimming forever! How much farther until we hit the ovaries?" The other s**... starts laughing and replies " ovaries?! We're not even halfway down the esophagus yet!"
Two blondes in Las Vegas were sitting on a bench talking at night ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?"
A father and his son are walking deeper and deeper into the woods...
... they get farther and farther and eventually the boy looks up at his father and says, Dad, I'm getting scared it's really dark. The father laughs and looks at his son and says, Your scared? I gotta walk back alone.
A tour guide is showing people around Washington, DC, when they reach the Potomac River.
"On this spot, right here," says the guide, "Abraham Lincoln threw a ten-dollar bill all the way across the river in 1863."
"That's impossible," says a tourist. "No one could throw a piece of paper that far."
"Well," says the guide, "it must be understood that money went a lot farther in those days."
First job
A teenager walks proudly home one afternoon to tell his farther dime good news.
Teen: Hey dad, guys what, today i got my first job!
Father: Congratulations son, I'm very proud of you. How much does it pay?
Teen: (confused) well, so far I'm out 20 bucks. But if she starts paying me, I may have found a career!
Florida and the Moon
Two Blondes living in New York are stargazing.
One looks to the other and asks "Which do you think is farther, Florida or the Moon?"
Her friend responds "You can't see Florida from here, duh."
After asking my girlfriend to marry me I spoke to her farther and told him I stupidly forgot to ask for his permission beforehand.
He replied Hi s**... lee, welcome to the family
A football coach addresses his team amidst rumors of his racism...
and says:
"I know people have been saying things, but those rumors couldn't be farther from the truth. The truth is, I don't care what color any of you are. I don't care if you're black. I don't care if you're white. It simply doesn't matter. So, I'll tell you what. From now on, you're all green.
"Now, everybody get on the bus. Light green in front, dark green in back."
The Bacon tree
p**... and Patrick have been lost in the desert after the war for a week with no food or water when they spot a tree in the distance ,p**... says to Patrick look its a bacon tree we can get a bacon sandwich its full of sides of bacon, Patrick says to p**... you go on and get me one as I can't go any farther, so p**... goes on after a few minuets p**... comes running back and shouts to Patrick quick run its not a bacon tree
it's a ham bush
Get farther away from the screen dude
It's an IQ test the closer you get, the betyer yu edd up typin b you got ofd im tha distan
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful", replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Jesus is Watching you.
A thief breaks into a house and starts to steal some things when he hears a soft voice.
"Jesus is watching you."
He hesitates, but moves farther into the house and keeps stealing. Louder this time he hears, "Jesus is watching you."
The thief moves into the living room, looking for the voice, and finds a room decked out in Christian pictures, sayings, and sculptures. In one corner, in front of a massive Jesus on the cross sits a parrot who says, "Jesus is watching you."
The thief laughs and says, "And I suppose your name is Jesus?"
The parrot replies, "No. My name is Moses. Jesus is the Rottweiler standing right behind you."
A young couple decides to have s**... for the first time.
As they're u**... each other, the woman removes the man's shoes and socks. "What's the matter with your toes?"
"Oh that, when I was younger I suffered from toelio"
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, no, toelio, it's like polio but it only affects the toes."
They go a little farther and she removes his pants. "What's wrong with your knees?"
"I had kneesles. It's like measles but it only affects the knees."
When she finally removes his underwear, she takes one look and says, "Let me guess. You had smallcox too!"
A man is flying in a hot air balloon...
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
