Farted Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Farted jokes. There are some farted flatulence jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these farted odor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Cheeky Farted Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he farted?

Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

3 gay men resting inside a jacuzzi

Then suddenly a condom floated...

The 3 gay men looked at one another seriously.

Gay man 1: Ok,Which one of you farted?

So three gay guys are sitting in a jacuzzi....

A condom them floats up from the bottom of the jacuzzi. At that point one of them says, "Who farted?"

Once there were three fish who lived in a market.

Their names were Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Green Fish.

One day the Red Fish said to the Blue Fish: "Hey, I think that Green Fish is stinky."

The Blue Fish said: "You're right, that Green Fish is stinky."

And the Green Fish said: "Sorry guys, I farted."

Four gay guys are sitting in a hot tub

When a condom floats up to the surface.
One says, "Who farted?"

How does a blacksmith know you farted?

He smelt it

I farted in a room of hipsters

I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

Farted joke, I farted in a room of hipsters

A bunch of gay guys are sitting in a hot tub...

They see some sperm floating around, and one guy asks "ewwww who farted?"

George stops at red light...

A beautiful blonde stops just beside him.
George pull down his window.
She also pull down her window.
George smiles and asks with a grin on his face " you also farted?"

Farted in front of my Jewish boss today.

He wasn't impressed.
It's not like a little gas ever killed anyone.

Did you hear about the teacher who never farted in class?

It turns out she was a private tooter.

You can explore farted pooping reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean farted peed dad jokes. There are also farted puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

What did water say when ice farted?

Ice melt it.

I farted in front of a Jewish friend

He got offended but i said " c'mon a little gas never killed anybody"

Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me

It's not my fault they don't have Windowsο»Ώ

I once farted in an Apple Store...

I once farted in an Apple Store. They got mad at me and I said it's your fault, you don't have windowsο»Ώ

Farted joke, I once farted in an Apple Store...

I farted in front of my Jewish friend...

He glared at me.

I said, "What? A little gas never killed anyone !"

A man farts in public in a small city...

He is so embarrassed that he leaves the city. 10 years later he thinks well, it has been a long time and nobody remembers what I did... It's time to go back home. He is back and meets a kid. Asks him how old he is. The kid answers I don't know but everybody says that I was born the same year Joe farted.

Four naked guys are sitting in a hot tub.

All of a sudden, a condom floats to the surface. After a few seconds of stares and silence, one of the guys asks, "Alright, who farted?"

When I went to church today I farted

So I sat in pew

Two pharaohs farted at the same time.

They had a toot in common.

I farted on the bus today and four people turned around

I felt like I was on the voice.

It is said that Bill Gates once farted in an Apple store which stank up the entire place.

But after all, it's their fault for not having Windows.

I just farted so hard that blood came out

of the person behind me.

I farted in my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

How can you tell if a fly has farted?

It flied straight for a moment

Farted joke, How can you tell if a fly has farted?

I farted in Apple and they kicked me out

It's not my fault they don't have windows

The queen of England farted and quickly looked for someone else to blame.

"Bidwell!" she shouted to a servant, "stop that this instant!"
"Of course, your majesty," he replied. "Which way did it go?"

I farted in a room full of hipsters.

They spent two hours arguing who heard it first.

What happened when the king farted?

Nothing, noble gases don't cause reactions

What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?

Looks like we've got a Tutankhamen.

I farted in front of my female friend..

She got mad and I said "what?! a little gas never hurt anyone"

Apparently you cant say that to a Jew...

When my grandpa died he farted and we thought he was still alive...

...turns out, he just let one R.I.P.

I thought I was on The Voice this morning

I farted on the bus and four people turned around.

What did one Egyptian guy say to the other when they farted next to each other?

We have a Tutankhamun!

An Egyptian guy and I were hanging out one day...

We both farted at the same time. We have a toot-n-common

5 gay guys are sitting in a hot tub

When all of a sudden a condom comes floating up.

One of them laughs and asks okay guys seriously, who farted?

An elderly couple was sitting in a church...

An elderly couple was sitting in a church and the woman turned to her husband and said "I farted silently, what should I do now?"

The husband replied, "You need to change the batteries for your hearing aid"

Why did the apple Tech get fired?

He Farted and then to get rid of the smell he tried opening windows..

Which number farted?

Two did.

An elderly lady goes to see the doctor about her flatulence.

Doctor, can you please help? I pass wind all the time. They don't smell, they don't make a sound, but I've farted three times already since coming in here.

The Doctor prescribes some tablets and asks the lady to return in a week.

Doctor, help! My gas has gotten worse! They still don't make a sound but now they stink, it's disgusting!

The Doctor replies, Good, we've fixed your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing.

What did the Pharaoh say to his buddy when they both farted?

It looks like you and I Tutankhamun

An old lady goes to the doctor

Says I don't really have a big problem, I fart all the time, but they're silent and they don't smell. As a matter of fact I farted four times while sitting here talking to you

Dr. Gives her some pills and says come back in a week

A week later the lady shows up and says not sure what you gave me, I'm still farting, but now they are really loud and it's quite embarrassing

Dr. Says good, now that we've fixed your hearing, let's work on your sinuses

Johnny came home from school feeling very proud of himself, his mum says Johnny why are you so happy? Johnny replied I got a question right that no one else could answer, mum says what was the question? Johnny replied.

Who has farted?

I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

Today in math class I had to fart. I thought if I dropped my book and farted at the same time, no one would hear it.

I dropped my book and everyone looked at me. Then I farted. Loudly.

God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?

God: So he can know how far or close danger is

God's assistant: why two ears?

God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right

God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.

God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who farted in the room.

So my girlfriend farted...

And she said, we've got to get Trump on the line, I'm Pootin.

Today I was on the bus and I farted, four people turned around and looked at me.

Felt like I was in The Voice.

A loud fart is heard, and everyone in the coffee shop is subjected to a putrid stench

A guy then approaches a gay man, and angrily accuses "I know you're the person who farted."

Insulted by the accusation, the gay man defends himself.

"I did not! You're accusing me just because I'm gay; you homophobic pig." the gay man retorts.

The man yells back, "Pig? Your condom hit my face!"

because when the king farted no one laughed?

because noble gases do not cause a reaction

Why did no one in the King's court laugh when the king farted?

Because noble gases don't cause a reaction

I just farted on my wallet.

It's ok, I needed some gas money.

"Doctor I haven't farted in 5 years."

A woman goes to the doctor and she reluctantly tells him, "Doctor I haven't farted in 5 years."

The doctor looks puzzled for a moment and he writes her a prescription. "Pick this up at your local pharmacy, and come back in a week."

A week later she comes back and says, "Doc I don't think those pills helped at all, and worse now everything stinks to high heavens!"

"Good!" he says. "We've unplugged your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing."

An old lady is sitting with her doctor

I've been having the most terrible flatulence, doctor. I just can't stop passing gas. Luckily, they're silent and they don't smell at all. Why, you couldn't tell but I've farted at least five or six times in the few minutes I've been here with you.

The doctor pulled out his prescription pad and began writing.

Are these pills to help with my stomach?

The doctor replied, no – your sense of smell.

I just farted on my wallet

​

Now I got gas money.

Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?

Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I'm outside in the fresh air."

Yesterday I farted in a lift.

It was wrong on so many levels.

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.

Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"

Guy stops the car at the red light

Looks around and notices a beautiful girl.

He waves, she waves back. He winks, she winks.

He opens the window, she opens the window.

Then he asks "What's up? You also farted?"

A man sees his doctor for his fart problems.

I've been farting a lot lately, doc, says the man. I've actually farted ten times since I've been in here. But they don't make any noise and they don't smell. Can you help me?

The doctor says, I think I see the problem. I'm going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take it and then come back and see me next week.

One week later, the man returns to the doctor's office. What did that medicine do to me, doc?! My farts smell horrible now!

The doctor says, Well, it looks like that medicine cleaned up your sinuses. Now let's get you a hearing aid.

I was queuing to go into the supermarket when the man in front of me farted.

Before I could say anything, he said, "If you heard anything it means you're not following social distancing. But if you can smell it, luckily for you it means that you're covid negative!"

I farted at work the other day..

then my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one β€” we work on a submarine.

my wife accused me of being immature.

I farted and ran away!

Hear about that woman who farted so hard she died.

Her epitaph read: "Let her RIP!"

On Sunday, I farted in church

I had to sit in my own pew

I farted in the elevator today

Which was wrong on so many levels ..

It was a bad idea doing tacos the night before the big meeting. Everyone looked shocked when I accidentally farted loudly.

I looked back at them, just as shocked. After a moment, I broke the awkward silence, and said,

"Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"

What did Steve Jobs say when he farted?

ifarted

I just farted on my wallet

Now I have Gas Money!

*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)

when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, How dare you fart in front of my wife! I said, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was her turn next.

when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly,

How dare you fart in front of my wife!


I said,
I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was her turn next.

I was telling my friend in the pub about how I was having sex with this woman and she farted.

"I imagine that doesn't happen very often," he replied.

"No," I joked, "I didn't even know women did it."

He said, "I wasn't referring to that part."

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.

Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

what do you call a hooker that farted

a prostitoot

Did you hear about the teacher who farted on their first day?

Yeah, they were so embarrassed that they quit. Now they're a full time tooter.

I farted in an elevator full of people, but no one reacted

It must have been a noble gas.

I farted on my wallet yesturday.....

Now I have gas money

This is something my dad told me.

A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little fart out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog farting so he farted again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man shits on you!

Two gay dudes are making out in the shower.

Just as they are getting hot and heavy the phone rings.

The first one says "I'm going to answer the phone, don't do anything until I come back"

He answers the phone and returns a few minutes later.

When he gets back in the shower he sees sperm all over the wall.

Angrily he says " I told you not to do anything till I came back"

The other guy answers

" I didn't I just farted "

A man has serious a Gas Problem.

Then he came to visit a doctor, saying he has a serious problem, but every time he farts there is no noise and Smell.

Then added " i have farted 20 times while talking to you"
Then doctor prescribed some medicine and said to visit him after 2 weeks.

After 2 weeks, he came to visit the doctor, saying that the medicine solved one problem. Everytime he farts, it has a serious bad smell, but still no noise. Your medicine didn't work

Then the doctor said, " medicine did worked it solved your nose problem, now i am prescribing new medicine for your hearing problem"

There used to be a pharaoh who wouldn't let people into his throne room until they farted

His name was toot and come in

Chuck Norris has farted only once in his life.

It was during a vacation to the Sahara forest.

My dad farted on an elevator.

It was wrong on so many levels

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the farted tutankhamun puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working farted gas piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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