Fart Sound Jokes
39 fart sound jokes and hilarious fart sound puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fart sound that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fart Sound Short Jokes
Short fart sound jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fart sound humour may include short fart smell jokes also.
- I recently learned that humans farts have sounded the same since ancient Egypt. We share a toot in common.
- What sounds flat, but smells sharp? Farts. Now, all you musicians who got this joke; go practice.
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Fart Sound One Liners
Which fart sound one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fart sound? I can suggest the ones about elevator fart and grandpa fart.
- Where are the best sounding farts listed? Sharts.
- What sound does a rooster's f**... make? p**...-a-doodle-doo
- My f**... sounded like it was telling me a secret. Soft and short and in catoots.
- Just had a f**... that sounded like "oh, ah ah ah ah" I must be down with the sickness.
- After just one day in prison... When you f**..., it will sound like a wind tunnel
- One time I f**... and it sounded like the liberty bell It even had a crack in it
- I heard a strange sound from uranus. Certainly a f**....
Fart Sound Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fart sound you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sound effects jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fart sound pranks.
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It's only natural
My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push.
She gave it everything she had, until a f**..., that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was mortified.
"Don't worry," i said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn't that right nurse?"
"Yes," said the nurse gagging, "But it's usually the mother not the father!.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've never actually seen two women s**...
But I bet you it sounds like an arm pit f**... contest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking
Two truckers stop and pick him up.
They're driving along and the trucker driving farts. It's completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it's loud enough to shake the whole cab.
Both the truckers turn and yell "v**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor's know...
"Doc, there's something strange going on, it's not normal."
Doctor asks "What do you mean?"
"Whenever I f**... it sounds like I'm saying 'Honda'."
Doctor says "Go see your dentist, you've got a cavity."
So he goes to the dentist, and sure enough he has a cavity. Dentist fills it and, just like that, his farts sound normal again!
He calls his doctor: "Doc, you were right! I had a cavity, and once it was filled my farts were normal again! But you gotta tell me, how did you know?"
"Doctors know that abscess makes the farts go Honda".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man has to f**... in a bus..
He said oh s**... I gotta f**...! But i guess the people won't notice because the music is too loud. So I just gotta do it matching the rhythm of the sound..
He did it! After he's done,
the people clapped their hands and
his earphones alarmed battery low.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to drink absinthe
I used to drink absinthe, but it caused me bad indigestion and terrible wind, weirdly, it sounded like a Japanese motorbike.
I went to a doctor who told me it wasn't uncommon, that everybody knows "absinthe makes the f**... go Honda".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy in a train lets a loud f**...
He puts his two hands together, crossing his fingers and claps the palm of his hands to imitate the sound of a f**....
Another passenger asks: "How do you do the smell?"
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I f**... in a room full a hipsters...
Just to see them fight over who smelt it first.
If a hipster falls, and no one is around, does it make a sound?
Yes...but you've probably never heard it.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whenever I'm over at a friends house I pee directly into the water
But don't worry, I f**... loudly to mask up the sound
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike"
Doctor says "you have an abscess"
Man says "how do you know?"
Doctor says "because abscess makes the f**... go Honda"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man Periods
I'd hate to meet the girl of my dreams right now, because I, am on my man-period! No, let me explain: a woman would HATE to meet a s**... guy while on her period, because she knows it would mess up the part of her act where she pretends NOT to be berserk.
A man-period, is that special 2 to 3 days a month, when your unstoppable Juggernaut farts register on a seismograph. My last f**... sounded like a tornado went through a bassoon factory. I passed so much gas – Exxon called me up with an extraction lease, and the Department of Defense charted up a contingency plan.
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One night my mother in law came to our home.
In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.
She f**....
I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
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honda
this guy goes to the doc and complains that every time he farts it makes a sound like honda. The doc listens while he blows and sure enough it says honda. He asked the patient if he was on any medication, the patient replied only asprin, The doc says that explains it, don't you know that asprins make the f**... go honda.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst sound to hear through your noise-cancelling headphones?
The percussion of your own f**... in a quiet study room.
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f**... Cure
A lady walks into a doctors office. She says, " Sir I have a serious problem. I dont know when it started, but I lost control of my farts. Fortunately it doesnt sound or smell at all, but I f**... all the time. You must have not noticed, but I already f**... about 5 times since I walked into your office.
Doctor, silently listening, finally stood up and gave her few pills.
"One of these every day should fix you up in a week."
A week passed, and the lady returned.
She says angrily," I thought the pill was supposed to cure me, but it just made it smell horribly!"
The doctor, surprisingly happy with the result, says, "All right, lets move onto your ears then."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the other day I was hanging out with the old pharoahs of Egypt...
So the other day I was hanging out with the old pharoahs of Egypt. I must say, I was pretty pumped! I mean come on, they're old pharoahs!! I meet up with them, and MAN, they are hard to talk to! They don't agree with my view of the world, they're narcissistic and all act like they're some sort of god, and they don't even have ANY similar hobbies or interests to my own! We pretty much had nothing in common, and it was not going as well as I had hoped.
But as the day went on, I was still trying to find some way to connect with these chaps. There had to be something! So anyway, we were sitting down eating dinner, everyone chowing down, and... well... I f**.... But to my surprise, one of the pharoahs f**... at the SAME time! And I swear, it was the same length, same tone, same sound, everything.
So I looked at him and say "Well hey! At least we got a "toot in common"!!!" *Knee Slap!!*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a woman makes an appointment to see her doctor...
She goes to the doctor's office and during the examination she says,
"Doctor, I've got a problem that i am deeply concerned about. I keep f**... all the time, they don't smell or make a sound but I am constantly f**... all the time, in fact I've f**... 15 times since you've stepped in the room to exam me, I'm very worried that there is something wrong with me."
the doctor writes her a prescription and says,
"take 2 of these a day and see me in a week"
The woman comes back in a week and says,
"these pills aren't helping, in fact I'm even worse, I'm still f**... all the time, they still don't make any noise, but now they smell horrible"
the doctor says "good, we've cleared up your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing"
A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they go back to her place...
When they get inside, the girl asks the guy if they want to 69. The guy is a country boy come to the city, and has no idea what that is.
"Well, you put your head between my legs, and I put my head between yours."
The guy thinks this sounds fun, so he agrees.
They head to the girl's bedroom, disrobe, and get in bed. But right as the guy gets his head between her legs, she accidentally farts.
He pulls back and gasps: "Agh! What was that?" Embarassed, she tells him to keep going and try again.
Just as he gets his face between her legs, she accidentally farts again. The guy retches, stands up, grabs his clothes and starts to leave.
"Wait!" The girl yells, "Where are you going?"
"Ma'am, if you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American, Mexican, and Arab are in a plane...
They fly over America and the American drops a ball out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "This will make someone in my country very happy and I love my country."
They fly over Mexico and the the Mexican drops a flower out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "I love my country and wish to make it more beautiful."
When they fly over Iran, the Arab drops a bomb out of the plane. Seeing the shocked looks on the other's faces he says, "I hate this country."
When the American gets home he sees a boy crying on the street. He goes to see whats wrong and the boy says, "I was walking my dog and a ball fell from the sky and killed him!"
When the Mexican gets home he sees a woman crying holding her face. He goes to help and asks what the problem is. She cries out, "I heard a wooshing sound, looked up, and a flower stabbed me in the eye!"
When the Arab gets home he sees a man rolling on the ground laughing. He asks the man whats so funny and the man chokes out the worlds, "I f**... and the building behind me blew up!"
The Blind Clerk
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Woodcutters & The w**...
Three woodcutters were finishing up a hard, four-month stint in the forest. They had not seen or heard anything other than the trees and the sound of their axes that entire time. They packed up, and headed to the nearest town.
After getting sufficiently drunk, they decided to visit the town brothel. Upon entering, the madam became nervous at the sight of the three men because she had only two girls working that night. She thought on her feet, and decided to bed the drunkest looking woodcutter with a blow-up doll.
After all was done they met downstairs to compare notes. The drunkest woodcutter said: "She was okay at first, but a little too quiet. So I bit her n**..., then she let out a huge f**... and flew out the window."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday....
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had f**....
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel.
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says , "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00."
She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register.
And in the meantime the woman farts.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"