The Best 76 Fart Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Fart jokes. There are some fart flatulent jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fart kids fart puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Fart Jokes and Puns
The Silent Fart
An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.
She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."
What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor (tooter)
Heard it from a guy on the street selling newspapers in front of the art institute in chicago.
Confucius say, man who fart in church.
Sit in own pew.
Old couple in church...
An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"
Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
An old woman decides to get a physical after a number of years.
While the doctor is examining her she mentions that over the years she has learned to fart silently and they never smell anymore. The doctor said "Ok, that's great", finishes up the exam, gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a couple of weeks.
When she returns, she complains that her farts now smell awful.
"Good" he said. "Now that we've cleared out your sinuses let's work on your hearing."
What does the US military and a fart have in common?
Air Force
an old lady goes to the doctor complaining she is farting all the time
But at least they are silent and without any smell.
he gives her a pill and tell her to come back in a week.
after a week she returns and tells him "i still fart a lot but now they smell awful!!"
the doctor tells her "great... now that we fixed your smelling issue, lets address your bad hearing"
i am so so sorry.......
I farted in a room of hipsters
I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone.
I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
You can explore fart stink reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fart smelly dad jokes. There are also fart puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...
is doing it in the shower a German oven?
An elderly couple was sitting together in church...
The wife leans over to the husband and says "I just let out a really long and silent fart. What should I do?"
The husband replies "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?
A fart.
*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*
An elderly couple sits in church
The old lady leans over and whispers, "I just let out a really big silent fart, what should I do? "
The old man says, "you should replace the batteries in your hearing aid. "
[NSFW] What's the difference between a woman and a Fridge?
A Fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
![Fart joke, [NSFW] What's the difference between a woman and a Fridge?](/images/jokes/fart-jokes-how-come-nobody-at-the-kings-table-laughed-when-he.jpg "Fart joke, [NSFW] What's the difference between a woman and a Fridge?")
A Guy Is In A Waiting Room When..
A guy is in a waiting room and has to fart, so he waits for the music to get loud and farts to the beat so no one hears him. He looks up for a moment and everyone is staring at him. He takes out his headphones and says "what??"
What do farts and children have in common?
You love your own, but hate everyone else's.
I farted in front of a Jewish friend
He got offended but i said " c'mon a little gas never killed anybody"
What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?
a private tooter.
Why do Farts Smell so Bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
An elderly couple are at the cinema...
About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
I farted in front of my Jewish friend...
He glared at me.
I said, "What? A little gas never killed anyone !"
An elderly couple are sitting in a church
The man lets out a silent fart while the priest is talking.
He then says to his wife "I've let out a silent fart, everyone here will smell it. What do I do?"
His wife then says to him, "You get your hearing aids fixed"
Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?
Because noble gases are nonreactive.
It's never EVER a good idea to fart during a 69.
That's how they found me underneath their bed.
I farted on the bus today and four people turned around
I felt like I was on the voice.
What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?
A private tutor.
Jesus may have been offended
Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says, "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"
An old couple is sitting in church
The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."
"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."
February 10th should be National Fart Day.
Because it's 2/10.
I just farted so hard that blood came out
of the person behind me.
I farted in my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
Farts are like children
I'm proud of mine but disgusted by yours
My Jewish girlfriend got mad when I let out a fart while watching tv.
I said, honey. A little gas never hurt anyone.
A virgin goes to a brothel for his first time.
The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."
He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge fart, right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.
A few minutes later, she rips another fart, bigger than the first one.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."
What do you call a Hooker's fart?
A prosti-toot.
I got a new stick of deodorant today.
The instructions said 'remove cap and push up bottom'
I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells wonderful
Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent fart what should I do?
Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids
I farted in a room full of hipsters.
They spent two hours arguing who heard it first.
Success is like a fart.
It only bothers people when it's not their own.
You should never fart in an elevator
It's wrong on so many levels
A woman turns to her husband sitting in church one Sunday morning and quietly says,
I've just let a silent fart. What should I do?
Her husband leans over to her and replies, Get a new battery for your hearing aid.
I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.
The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".
I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I fart, the room smells incredible.
A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.
She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.
The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a pound.
What do you call someone who helps you learn to fart?
A Tooter (my 9yo daughter made it up)
I purchased a deodorant stick today
Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I fart.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?
The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
Two old ladies were attending a church service
And about half way through one says:
"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:
"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"
Witches don't fart
They cast smells
What's the difference between a pun and a fart?
A pun is a shift of wit.
Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"
I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I'm outside in the fresh air."
Don't fart inside an apple store.
Because they don't have windows.
Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart.
Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
I just farted on my wallet
Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)
Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"
Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid."
Don't fart in an Apple Store...
They don't have windows. :)
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
(Before anyone gets their boxers in a twist, I'm a gay man myself and still think this is hilarious.)
The Queen was riding in an open carriage with the American Ambassador when one of the horses let out an enormous fart.
The Queen turns to the Ambassador and says "My goodness, I do apologise"
"That's OK Ma'am, I thought it was the horse"
Why shouldn't you fart in an apple store?
Because they don't have windows.
From my 6 year-old: Why shouldn't you fart in an elevator?
Because it's wrong on so many levels.
Confucius say: Man who fart in church...
Confucius say:
Man who fart in church, sit in his own pew.
I farted on my wallet yesturday.....
Now I have gas money
Bought a deodorant stick today.
Instructions say "remove cap & push up bottom"
I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
They say I fart like the pharaohs…
I guess you could say we have a Tutankhamun.
What did the mountain lion say when it had to fart?
Puma finger.
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor!
What happens when you fart quietly?
da-bum-tss
(sorry)
What's the difference between a wise guy and a butt sniffer?
One's a smart fella, the other is a fart smella.
What is a fart fetishist's favorite article of clothing?
Windbreaker
Knock knock (from my 6 year old)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Far Don.
Far Don who?
Fart on YOU!
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot-in-common
What's the scientific name of a fart molecules?
Farticles.
What's the difference between a fart and an Egyptian mummy?
One is common tootin' but the other is Tutankhamen
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?
Because, it would blow his cover.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fart wet fart jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working fart kid fart piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.