Fart Joke Jokes
48 fart joke jokes and hilarious fart joke puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fart joke that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fart Joke Short Jokes
Short fart joke jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fart joke humour may include short jokes also.
- My first dad joke My step daughter told me she wanted to write a book called The Language of Farts. I said knowing her it would be a New York Times best smeller!
- A joke from Italy -Dad, have farts a weight?
-I don't think so
-So....well, I guess I pooped myself - What sounds flat, but smells sharp? Farts. Now, all you musicians who got this joke; go practice.
- What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies? A f**....
*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.* - Classic church joke An old couple was sitting in church when the wife says, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?" Her husband responded, "Change the batteries in your hearing aids."
- This is the first joke i remember from the 70s 2 flies sitting on a p**..., one fly farts and the other one says "Do you mind, i'm eating".
- What's the difference between a Gay man and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't f**... when you pull the meat out of it.
(Old joke some guy on a bus told me many ears ago.) - A joke from a substitute German teacher (who was later fired) What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy?
-Refrigerator doesn't f**... when you take the meat out of it. - I promised myself I would never tell another f**... joke... ...but sometimes they just sneak out.
- As a kid, f**... jokes are always funny... But as an Adult, for a f**... joke to be funny it needs more substance.
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Fart Joke One Liners
Which fart joke one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fart joke? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Courtesy of my son's joke book. What's invisible and smells of bananas? Monkey farts...
- jokes are like farts. if you force them, it's probably s**....
- If butts didn't want to be laughed about They wouldn't make so many f**... jokes.
- Life is a f**... joke It'll pass.
- Mummy joke Did you know mummies f**... alike?
I guess you could say they Tutankhamun. - That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up f**... accidently.
- f**... Joke Why don't women f**...?
They don't get an a**... until they get married!
Fart Joke Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fart joke you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fart joke pranks.
A joke from my childhood
Three men boarded a plane, a farmer, a teacher, and a soldier. Their plane crashed and released their luggage, but they survived. The farmer was looking for his suitcase full of watermelon when he saw a little boy crying, when asked why he responded
"because a watermelon fell on my dads head and he died."
The teacher was looking for her suitcase filled with books when she found a little girl in tears, she asked what was wrong and she said,
"A book fell on my daddy's head and he died."
The soldier was very worried looking for his suitcase with a bomb when he found a little boy in hysterics.
"What's so funny son?" he asked
"My dad f**... and then he exploded."
Topical Jokes (5/21)
Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.
First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.
More movie news, the trailer for the new "X-Men" flick shows that Wolverine will potentially face grave injury. The harrowing injury comes about when our hero forgets to retract his claws before wiping.
This is a cool story, a US Airways flight safely made a belly landing at Newark Airport. The plane was evidently taken down by heavy turbulence originating from Governor Christie's farts at a nearby Long John Silver's.
TV news, ESPN has been forced to take major layoffs and budget cuts. You can tell things are getting cheap as now the only athletic event they now can afford to cover is Tiger Woods dodging heels thrown by his exes.
In the political sector, Vice President Biden recently ribbed the president for always using a teleprompter. However, nobody seemed to ridicule Biden when he read his recent speech on healthcare reform off the back of a h**... napkin.
And finally, the new Xbox will utilize "the cloud" - so no matter where you are in the world, at any time, you can look up the fact that you lost a brave Call of Duty battle to a 13 year-old user named "GeneralFatPenis69".
Thanks for reading again, folks. I really appreciate it!
Another f**... joke that includes a doctor
A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly f**... as he tells the doctor about his problem.
At one point, the Doctor excuses himself, leaves the room and comes back with a six foot long pole with a hook on the end.
The man says "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT???"
The Doctor answers, "Open a window!"
A joke my mommy told me :)
Once there was a woman sitting in the doctor's office, complaining of incessant gas. She says to the doctor.
"I've been having silent farts all day. I had one in the harris teeter, one in church and...um, one right now."
The doctor replied, "I think you need to get your hearing checked."
Chemistry jokes
1. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to -273.15°C? He's 0K now.
2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.
3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO
4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" He doesn't react.
5. What do you call a king's f**...? Noble gas.
6. What did the scientist say when he discovered 2 isotopes of helium? He He
7. What's the chemical formula for water? HIJKLMNO
8. I would post more but all the good ones Argon.
3 men board a plane.
As the plane was flying over their destination, one of the men threw a apple out of the plane. The second man threw an orange out of the plane and the third man threw a bomb out of the plane. When the plane landed, the men got out of the plane and went their separate ways. The man who threw the apple sees a girl crying and asked her what was wrong. She replied with "an apple fell from the sky and hit my head." The second man sees a small boy crying. He asks him what happened and he replied with "an orange fell from the sky and hit my head." The third man sees an old man laughing as hard as he can. He asks him what was so funny and the old man replied with "I f**... and that building over there blew up!"
Not sure if repost. It's one of my favourite jokes.
Tell your favorite f**... joke growing up. More terrible the better.
Three men jumped out of an airplane. The first one jumped and dropped a penny. When he landed, he found a boy crying, and asked him why he was crying. He of course said, a penny fell on his head.
A second man jumped and dropped an apple. He found another kid crying, and he asked why. The boy said an apple hit him in the head.
The third man jumped and dropped a grenade. He found a boy laughing his eyes out when he landed. He asked the boy what was so funny and he said, "When I f**..., my house blew up."
Third grade forever
So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...
The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.
New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.
Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.
Chuck Norris doesn't f**..., because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute.
When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap.
Netflix marathons Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would.
If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.
Since we're translating Russian jokes...
A tiny little car, made out of a beer can, pulls up at a gas station.
A tiny little man inside the car honks his high-pitched horn to call over the attendant.
The attendant arrives and asks what he can do for the little man.
The little man asks for 5 drops of gasoline. The attendant carefully pumps 5 drops of fuel into the little car using an eye-dropper and asks if there's anything else.
The little man asks for 2 drop of radiator coolant. The attendant is getting aggravated but complies, and adds coolant using a teaspoon and asks if there will be anything else.
The little man asks to have the pressure in one of his tires checked. The attendant very agitated at this point replies, how should I fill that, with a f**...?
Everything can be reduced to a f**... joke ...
Even physics:
We know that everything on earth falls at the same rate of acceleration, 32 feet per second per second. The difference comes down to mass and wind resistance, as shown by a flat piece of paper and one balled up. This means that the determining factor in your total decent is how much wind you break!
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial...
a young woman did not f**... in her husband's lap.
~~~~~~~~~~This is the world's OLDEST joke! It was dated to around 1900BC!
I f**... on the train and 4 people turned around.
Felt like I was on The Voice.
(Not an original joke)
Funny f**... Jokes (family friendly)...
A boy comes home proudly announces to his parents "Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!"
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny! And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys says, "Who f**...?"
As a comedian, I was performing in Israel.
The idiots threw me out when I got to f**... jokes.
A man goes to his doctor about his terrible farts
"Doctor, I have terrible gas. I keep making these weird farts: they are constant and really loud but they don't smell."
So the doctor says: "Alright, take these pills and come back and see me in a week."
A week later the man comes back.
"Doctor, these pills have just made the farts worse! Now they are the foulest things I've ever smelt in my life!"
"Great, now that we've fixed your sense of smell, we can start to work on stopping your farts."
-----
This was my grandpa's favourite joke. He was a big fan of f**... humour.
Boyfriend, farts and jokes
Me: I have a f**... joke in my mind for you.
Him: I have a f**... in me for you.
How romantic........
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
I wanted to bring back toilet humour...
...So I set out to write a new f**... joke. I decided not to share it because it was too long winded.
With all the recent posts it is my turn too to see if this French joke translates well to English
I f**... in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time
Silent and not smelly..
Saw another joke here which reminded me of this one so posting...
A man goes to see a doctor and says, doc I f**... a lot, like constantly, but they are silent and not smelly. In fact, I have f**... at least a dozen times here already but you wouldn't have even noticed . The doctor gives him meds and tells him to follow up in week's time. Next week the man comes back pretty upset and complains, what did you do!!! While my farts are still silent, they sure as h**... smell freakishly disgusting . The doctor calmly replies, Okay, so now that we have cleared your sinuses, lets work on your hearing .
Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi
My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses f**....
Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.
Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"
The world's oldest recorded joke in history.
I'm a long-time fan of this sub-reddit and frequent up-voter, but I seldomly have anything funny to post, so here is the oldest joke in recorded history, dating back to 1900 BC (almost 4 thousand years ago from ancient Sumeria):
Q: What is something that has never before occurred since time immemorial?
A: A woman not f**... in her husband's lap.
This joke about Covid circulating around Chinese web boards...
If someone walking ahead of you farts and you can can hear it, that means you're not practicing correct social distancing.
If you can smell it, that means you're not wearing your mask properly.
If you are wearing your mask properly and can still smell it, then congratulations, you don't have covid-19.
I was telling my friend in the pub about how I was having s**... with this woman and she f**....
"I imagine that doesn't happen very often," he replied.
"No," I joked, "I didn't even know women did it."
He said, "I wasn't referring to that part."