Farmer Planting Jokes
28 farmer planting jokes and hilarious farmer planting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about farmer planting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Farmer Planting Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good farmer planting joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the s**...t
when a m**... plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the p**... calling the cattle black"
A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...
So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."
An old farmer writes his son...
An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all the money he stole. Well, the cops read that letter and the next day the cops sure dug up that field good and proper. The same day the cops got to digging, the son writes his dad again telling his dad to go ahead and plant his potatoes and that is the best he can do from in here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the over-fertilized plant say to the farmer?
>!"I'm fed up with the s**... you've been giving me."!<
A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".
# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where he first had s**...
A Welsh farmer is out in a field with his son preparing the soil for planting. The farmer points to a corner of the field and tells his son
"Boy, that's where I had my first woman"
"Really?" replied the son
"Yup" said the farmer "and her mother was watching"
"What did she say" the boy asked
and the farmer told him "baaaaaaa"
My farmer grandpa died this time last year. This was his favourite joke...
My grandpa who lived on a farm always used to say that if he won the lottery he would buy Disneyland, bulldoze it to the ground and plant crops...because he's used to struggling.
I hope this made you smile as much as he made me smile.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Timmy goes to a farm with his school
The farmer there was talking about how manure helps the plants by nourishing the soil. Timmy immediately asks the teacher to call his mother. When the teacher asked why, He said
"I heard mom saying she got a lot of s**... on her hands right now".
What did the hippie farmer plant in his backyard
Some sweet peas
I heard about this disorganized farmer...
...he was operating by the seed of his plants.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
Why do cops make good farmers?
They're good at planting evidence.
A farmer planted a crop of puns
They were home groan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can a man who sleeps with a p**... be called a farmer?
Because he uses a h**... to plant his seeds?
Why does the farmer hate his job?
because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.
So a city dandy decided to become a gentleman farmer...
And on his farm he decided to raise chickens. So down to the coop he goes to buy 50 chicks to raise on his farm.
Problem was that two weeks later they were all dead. So back down to the coop he goes. The man at the coop asked him why he was back for more chicks.
The dandy says "I can't say. Either I'm planting them too deep or too far apart".
How many crops could the farmer plant in his mile long garden?
5 tomatoes.
City Farmer
A city type moves to the country and decides he wants to be a farmer. So he goes to the local farm shop and tells the man: "Give me 100 baby chickens."
The farm shop worker complies. A week later the man returns and says: "Give me 200 baby chickens."
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says: "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow," the farm shop worker replies. "You must really be doing well."
"Nah," says the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart."
The chicken farm
A farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a chicken farm. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn't say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer returns in another two weeks for another two hundred chicks.
When he returns for the fourth time, the owner's curiousity is too much for him, so he asks the farmer why he keeps coming back for so many chicks.
The farmer says, "Well, I guess I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. I think I'm either planting them too deep or too close together."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A. D. E. A. Agent shows up looking for plants.
Agent : we have evidence that m**... crops may have been planted on your property. May I have a look around?
Farmer : sure, just stay off the back 40 acres.
Agent : slightly perturbed, holds up his badge. "You see this badge? It means I can go anywhere I please.
Farmer : yeah, but I'm warning you, don't go back there.
So naturally the first place the agent goes is the back 40, a few minutes later the agent comes running out with a 1400 pound bull chasing him.
At which the farmer yells "show him your badge".
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Farmer Planting One Liners
Which farmer planting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with farmer planting? I can suggest the ones about farmer and fruit farmer.
- What did the hippie farmer plant in his backyard Some sweet peas
- I heard about this disorganized farmer... ...he was operating by the seed of his plants.
- Why do cops make good farmers? They're good at planting evidence.
- A farmer planted a crop of puns They were home groan.
- Why does the farmer hate his job? because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.
- How many crops could the farmer plant in his mile long garden? 5 tomatoes.