Fare Jokes
48 fare jokes and hilarious fare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fare Short Jokes
Short fare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fare humour may include short firm jokes also.
- I'd never been on a London double decker, didn't have any money but told the driver I was dying to get on He looked me dead in the eye and said "Life isn't fare."
- My dad is so cheap. He scolded me for running home behind the bus once, and saving the *fare. He said I should have run behind a taxi, and saved a lot more.
- Why did the chicken walk to work instead of paying a bus fare? To feel a sense of pride and accomplishment
- Did you hear the one about the subatomic particle that refused to pay the bus fare? It just lepton.
- A kid comes up to a bus and the driver asks him if he has the money to ride.
The kid pulls a few coins out of his pocket. "Is this good?"
The driver nods. "Fare enough." - The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie.
- What's the difference between Bill Cosby and an anesthesiologist? At least Bill Cosby gives you cab-fare after he puts you to sleep
- How to be Insulting on Public Transportation: Pretend to be foreign when the conductor asks for your fare and try to give him the wrong denomination of money.
- What do you call an aggressive rivalry between two restaurants down by the quay? Masern wharf fare.
- I used to be a taxi driver, but one time I let someone remodel my kitchen counters instead of paying for his fare. I was fired for taking my customers for granite.
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Fare One Liners
Which fare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fare? I can suggest the ones about feat and fund.
- Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
- If Oskar Schindler was your Uber fare... ...you'd be Schindler's Lift
- A taxi driver was fired He didn't fare well
- I asked my illiterate friend how he was doing He said he was "feeling farely [sic]"
- Why did the taxi driver sue the man who died in his cab? Because life isn't fare.
- Took my first cab ride last night And I gotta say, the price was fare!
- Some people say taxis are expensive... But i think they're fare enough.
- Why did the cab driver get a divorce? Because he had a fare.
- Whats a cab drivers favorite song? Livin' on a fare!
- Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn't afford plane fare.
- Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
He didn't have the hare fare. - Why was the caveman scared of a Goat? It didn't fare well with his clothes.
- Man: What can I do you for? Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare
- What does a black whale do for a living He lives off of whale-fare
- Chuck Norris.. ..pays cash for Uber fares.
Howlingly Hilarious Fare Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about fare you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fell jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fare pranks.
Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night
- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"
- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"
- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"
- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"
- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"
The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.
- "What happened??"
- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"
- "and??"
- "Logical: he reached me.."
- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"
- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"
- "And what did he do??"
- "Logical: He dropped his pants"
- "god.... and??"
- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"
ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
On May 5th I woke up at exactly 5:05 AM.
At 5:55 I left my apartment (apartment 505 on 55 5th St), hopped on the number 5 bus, and paid a $5 fare to go to work.
5 minutes later, I arrived at 555 5th street and rushed to my office in room 505.
After I'd been working for 5 hours, I realized that I'd experienced a lot of 5's that day. So, I hopped on the number 5 bus again and went to the race tracks.
I paid $55 for my seat at the race tracks, which was seat 5, row E, section 5 of the stadium.
I bet $500 on the number five horse in race 5 (which happened at 5:00 PM). And you know what happened?
>!He came in 5th.!<
Drunk guy takes the bus
Drunk guy gets on a bus stumbling. The bus goes forward, drunk guy stumbles back. Each stop drunk guy stumbles forward. When he reaches his destination, bus driver says,
"Hey you didnt pay the fare"
Drunk guy, "what are you talking about I walked here!"
A tipsy man staggered out of Melbourne Hotel and entered a taxi. "Take me to Melbourne Hotel," he told the cabbie. The cabbie was momentarily confused. They sat in silence for minutes. The cab never moved. Then the cabbie got out, opened the back door and told the guy: "Look. (Pointing)"
"The Melbourne Hotel." "How much for the fare?" "No charge," replied the cabbie. "Thanks. Next time, don't drive so fast!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... guy was running to catch up with a bus
He gets on the moving bus just in time, just to find the passengers and the conductor to be staring at him.
"Never seen a n**... passenger before?" He asked, to which the conductor flatly replies, "nah, since ur palms are empty, wondering where you put the bus fare."
A little girl gets on the bus with her mom...
A little girl gets on the bus with her mom…
The mom pays a single adult cash fare.
The driver asks her "How old is your daughter?"
-- She's 5, answers the mother.
Now, turning to the little girl, the driver asks
-- And when will you turn 6, sweetie?
-- As soon as we get off the bus.
Crime
A bus conductor was making his rounds for collecting fares. On reaching a mischievous boy, the conductor asked the boy for his fare.
Boy: My name is crime.
Bus Conductor: Who cares?
Boy: Do you know that crime does not pay?
I was just reading about a guy who was arrested for a hate crime in the U.K. for suggesting that people with fare skin complexions are responsible for the degeneration of society.
That's a little beyond the pale.
Farewell to the last original piece of Joan Rivers...
her soul
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you say farewell to a pure, s**... fluid person?
Good Bi!
A Farewell To Arms
Had NOTHING to do with amputees. Very disappointed.
How do say farewell to a cat?
You ask him to have a mice day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets into a taxi...
... and asks the driver "Hey, can I help you steer?"
"Are you serious?" the cabbie replies.
"Yes but don't worry, I have my own steering wheel" the man says and takes an actual steering wheel out of his briefcase.
The cabbie shrugs but takes the fare. As they drive, the passenger turns his steering wheel in sync with the cabbie's, making it look like there are two drivers.
Just as another driver notices this curious sight, the man violently jerks the steering wheel in his direction, causing him to c**... into a light post.
"What did you do that for??" the taxi driver yells.
"Well, someone pulled the same joke on me and this steering wheel is all I have left."
The Taxi Driver
A taxi driver was driving a passenger across town, and the passenger tapped him on his shoulder and said " where are we going?" The taxi driver swerved and hit a parked car and almost hit a pedestrian. The passenger said " Oh I am so sorry I startled you!" And the taxi driver apologized and said " This is my first day on the job and your my first fare of the day." The passenger asked " what did you do before driving a taxi?" The taxi driver said " I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to be a huge fan of tractors.
When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.
11 years later standing in the doorway of a night club, surrounded by smokers my friend leans across to me and says:
This smoke is really unpleasant
I open my lungs, s**... up all the smoke and exhale it far in the other direction.
He says: Wow, how did you do that?
To which I reply: I'm an ex-tractor fan
