Fans Jokes

What are some Fans jokes?

Telltale Games will shut down...

*Fans will remember that*

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.

Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They're huge metal fans

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

England fans must be pretty happy right now.

They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

I hate One Direction fans...

Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.

Q: What do Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

A: Turn off the XBox.

How to anger Lord of the Rings fans?

When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

All the fans left

You know why Trump fans are called Trumpettes?

You only have to learn how to press three buttons, and then you can play 'em all day.

How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb?

They don't... they just talk about how good the old one was.

What kind of music do windmills like?

They're huge metal fans.

Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich?

Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They seem to be big heavy metal fans.

The inventor of the air conditioner has died

Thousands of fans are attending his funeral

What kind of music do windmills listen to?

They're all big metal fans.

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.

Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"

How many NASCAR fans does it take to change a tire?

None - they took the wheels off their homes years ago.

How to reclose an opened bottle of champagne?

I don't know, ask Falcons fans.

Why do pornstars never overheat?

Because they keep their fans turned on

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.

The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower?


1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.

A guy is in the front row of a basketball game.....

He is enjoying the game when suddenly someone yells, ''Steve!'' He looks over his shoulder, looks around but cannot see anyone in the mass of 15,000 fans. He continues to enjoy the game. He again hears ''SteveO,'' Now he gets up and looks around but eventually sits back down. He is taking a drink from his beer, then again ''hey steve'' he becomes increasingly upset stand up and scans the the bleachers but nothing. Near the end of the game, he hears ''Steve'' finally he stands up and yells, ''my name is John, Dammit''

Did you hear NASCAR and Formula One we're trying to make an Ultimate Showdown race but it got cancelled due to controversy?

Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....

4 football fans were in a plane crash

They all survive, until one day. The barcelona fan dies. So the 3 remaining fans decide they should eat the part of him depending on what team they like.

The first guy likes Liverpool, so he got to eat the liver.

The second guy likes Manchester, so he got to eat the chest.

The third guy starts to cry.

Whats wrong? Asks the other 2.

I like Arsenal..

How many dubstep fans does it take to wash a car?

One hundred and one. Two to wash it, one to dry it, and ninety eight to talk about how dirty it was.

How many long-time fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change it and one to complain that the old one was better.

Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex...

They chew 'bacca

Three England fans on their way to the world cup fin a magic lamp..

Three England fans on their way to the world cup find a magic lamp on the road, the first one picks it up and a genie comes out!

"England fans?!" says the genie, puzzled at how they made it to the world cup.. "Well I guess you get one wish each like everyone else. What do you choose?"

The first England fan blurts out, "Rooney! I want Wayne Rooney to break his World Cup curse and finally score!"

"Done" says the genie.

The second England fan thinks for a second and says, "our captain, Stevie G, he usually under performs, I want to see him play for England like he did for Liverpool this season."

"Done" says the genie.

The third fan says, "Guys, you aren't thinking big enough! We have got a real chance here - I want England to play like Spain!!!"

"Done" says the genie, and vanishes.

I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god

Especially Star Wars fans

I find your lack of faith disturbing

A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas

The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:

"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"

Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:

"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. Why is that?" Little Suzy responds:

"Because I'm a 49ers fan!"

"A 49ers fan?," the teacher asks incredulously, "Why on Earth are you a 49ers fan?"

"Because my Mommy is a 49ers fan, my Daddy is a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan."

The teacher doesn't like Suzy's answer:

"Little Suzy, that's no kind of logic. What if your Daddy was a drug dealer and your Mommy was a prostitute?"

Suzy doesn't blink an eye:

"Well then I'd be a Raiders fan!"

Obama Fans - Little Johnny

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican." The teacher asked him why he was a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my mom is a Republican and my Dad is a Republican, so I am a Republican." Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

Two old baseball fans

Two old guys, Bob and Steve, are huge fans of baseball. As in, that was all they ever talked about. Bob was on his deathbed, when Steve told him something.

"Bob," he said, "When you get to Heaven, could you let me know if they have baseball in Heaven?"

Bob said "yes" and then passed away.

Three weeks later, as a still-grieving Steve was falling asleep, a sudden light from high up in heaven (!) shined down on him, and an angel from the lord was sent to Steve.

"Hey Steve," the angel, who was revealed to be Bob, said, "Great news!"

"Bob! What is it?!" Steve said.

"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that they *do have* baseball in Heaven."

"Whats the bad news?"

"You're pitching next week."

Where do Star Trek fans work out?

At the He's Dead Gym.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears (American Football Fans Will Understand)

Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce after the fiasco with Goldilocks, but they must decide custody of baby bear.
The judge takes baby bear aside, and asks politely, "Would you like to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear answers, "Papa Bear beats me!"
"Oh no." the judge replies. "Then you can live with Mama Bear."
"No!" Baby Bear exclaims. "She beats me too!"
"Oh dear." Says the judge. "Well then, who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears because they never beat anyone!"*

*This isn't true as the Bears are the best team ever.

A plane is about to crash, there are 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes...

The first passenger, Steph Curry, says "I am the best player in the NBA! The Warriors and my fans need me!" and jumps out with the first pack.

The second passenger, Donald Trump, says "I am the most respected and intelligent US president in history! My country needs me!" and jumps out with the second pack.

The third passenger, the Pope, turns to the fourth passenger, a little boy, and says "My son, I don't have many years left in this world, but you have so many years ahead of you. You can take the last parachute." Then the little boy replies "It's ok your Holiness there's still a parachute left for you, Mr. Trump took my backpack."

Twilight's like soccer

Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.

The Bravest Football Fan

Three football fans, an Arsenal fan, a Chelsea fan, and a Manchester United fan, are caught gambling in a country in which gambling is illegal. They are brought before a judge and sentenced to be whipped 50 times each. Right before the judge releases the men, he tells them they each can have one request. When brought before the torturer, the Arsenal fan requests to have 3 pillows strapped to his back. After 15 hits, the pillows are completely gone, leaving the man with 35 more unprotected hits. The Chelsea fan requests to have 6 pillows strapped to his back. After 30 hits, the pillows are in shreds and he endures 20 more hits. The torturer takes a look at the Manchester United fan and says "You look like a brave man, I have decided to take mercy on you and give you an extra wish". Upon hearing this, the Manchester United fan smile and asks for four times as many hits. The torturer looks at him in awe and says "I was right, you are a brave man, now what is your second wish?". The Mabchester United fan smirks and says "I' like a Chelsea fan strapped to my back."

Why was the baseball team hot?

It didn't have any fans!

Was cold at the stadium today.

Too many fans.

Wow. Those Spaniards are some die hard Ozzy fans..

..cause they really went off the rails on a crazy train.

For Star Wars and Star Trek fans

A stormtrooper and a red shirt are in a room.

The stormtrooper shoots the red shirt, but misses every shot.

The red shirt dies anyway.

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.

You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.

Fans around the globe are rockin' out to Mariah Carey's latest hit single ...

"*The Monitors Are Down ...*", performed live for the first time today in downtown New York City, has been praised for a unique nihilistic style and pertinent statements regarding the internet-induced apathy of today's youth.

Brad Pitt, Donald Trump, an old man, and a young boy are flying on a plane that's about crash but there are only 3 parachutes.

Brad Pitt, grabbing a parachute, says: "I'm sorry, guys. My kids need me, my fans need me, I'm outta here." He jumps.

Donald Trump says: "I'm sorry, too, but I'm going to be the smartest president to ever govern the United States." He jumps.

Finally, the old man says to the boy: "You know what? I lived my life to the fullest, now it's your turn. Go ahead and take the last parachute." The boy looks at the man and responds: "There's no need for that. The smartest president ever just took my school bag."

What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?

They can both live off a dead bear for years.

I only date Patriots fans

Because they don't care if I cheat

Many Saudi women are fans of the Second Amendment.

They would like a right to bare arms.

Why did Logan Paul return to Youtube?

He didn't want to leave his fans hanging

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival...

Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.

For all you boxing fans out there

Eighty year old woman, huge boxing fan, decides to get a couple of tattoos of her favourite pugilists done.
One of Mohamed Ali on the inside of her upper right thigh, one of Mike Tyson on the inside of her upper left thigh.
Pleased as punch, she goes home to her husband, lifts up her dress, spreads her legs and says, ' Well, what do you think of these?'
Husband replies 'The one on the right could be Mohamed Ali, the one on the left might be Mike Tyson, but the one in the middle is definitely Don King.

What music do wind turbines listen to.....

They're huge metal fans.

Ba-dum chi

Why is it so cold in San Francisco?

Giant fans.

Sun Devil Fans

What is the difference between a Sun Devil fan and a pet rock?

About 3 IQ points

Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?

There are too many bugs

What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?

Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III.

Why are wheelchair users fans of Liverpool FC?

Because they'll never walk alone.

About yesterdays Alabama vs. Auburn game…

I feel bad for all the Alabama fans who drove their houses to the game yesterday.

Its a wonder how stadiums get so hot

When they're filled with fans!

World War 2 fans have their own set of complaints....

"I can't believe Hitler blew an 11 country lead!"

Twilight is like the world cup.

They run around for a couple of hours, nobody scores, and millions of fans claim you don't understand.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just wait for it to burn out and follow it around the country for 20 years.

I wonder how the stadium gets so hot

Even though it's filled with fans

How many Toronto Maple Leaf fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nobody knows.

They always say they'll do it next year.

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

Why was the stadium so cool?

it was full of fans.
Thank thank you for your time

Most people are blaming FIFA for awarding Qatar the 2022 World Cup because of the Extreme Heat.

Well I am not worried about it because of the fans.

Superbowl LIII is the only superbowl I've seen where fans of both teams got along and agreed

That it was the worst superbowl ever

Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans

Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"

Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"

Sister: "Sirius Black"

Took me a minute.

"Wow you went on a 2 week honeymoon trip to London, Paris and Venice, what all did you see ?"

Newly married bride : Ceiling fans

Edit : this joke is funnier in India as they have taboo on premarital sex

ATTN: Brazilian football fans

Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown.

So I heard wind turbines enjoy listening to rock music..

Apparently they're big heavy metal fans.

Since the success of The Rock, fans suggest more wrestlers should participate in acting.

They are. It's called wrestling.

Roger Federer was doing an interview...

... when the interviewer asked him how he felt about his countries flag being displayed by so many of his fans in the arena he replied

"Well, it's a big plus"

Star Wars Fans Want The Last Jedi To Be Removed From The Star Wars Cannon

They are Separatists!

49ers Fan

On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'

Some football fans are stranded in the woods

There are 3 of them.
One liverpool fan, one hartlepool fan and an arsenal fan.
They decide that they are going to need some food if they are to survive.
They set a trap and manage to capture a bear.
"We can't eat bear meat!" the arsenal fan shouts, "we're going to die if we don't" the liverpool fan replies, the hartlepool fan agrees with the liverpool fan.
They then decide how they are going to split the bear.
"I'll have the liver since I'm from liverpool" says the liverpool fan,
"I'll have the heart since I'm from hartlepool" says the hartlepool fan, and the arsenal fans shrieks "I'm not hungry".

What do Toronto Maple Leaf fans and Palestinians have in common?

They both wish it was 1967.

How to make Fans jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Fans to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Fans? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Fans pick up lines to share with friends.

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