Fancy Jokes

What are some Fancy jokes?

Saw a guy walking with a naked woman on his back. "You OK?" I asked.

"Sure. I'm headed to a fancy dress as a tortoise."

"And her?"

"Oh, that's Michelle."

The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant

A few minutes later, the dinner was served.

Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.

Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.

Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.

"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

I saw a man walking down the road with a woman on his back

I said "where are you going?"

He replied "Fancy dress party"

"What as?" I asked

"Tortoise" the man shouted back

"Who's she?" I questioned

To which he responded "That's Michelle"

My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.

My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

"You fancy my best friend, don't you?" asked my wife.

"If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have sex with you then her."

"You mean 'than'."

"No."

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

A recently married couple...

A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"

Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."

A black man walks into the doctors with a fancy parrot in his shoulder

The doctor says "what a magnificent creature, where did you get that?"

The parrot replies "Africa there's millions of them"

Couple in a Restaurant – Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?

At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:

- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?

The woman giggles.

- Of course I would!

- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?

The woman looks disgusted.

- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?

- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.

What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room

Oh suite!

This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy.

Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent fart what should I do?

Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids

*On phone* Wife: Fancy coming home for a quickie?

Husband: It's pronounced "quiche"

Dirty Joke

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

My wife and I walked past a fancy restaurant

She said "Ohh , something smells nice"

So I decided to treat her - I let her walk past it a second time.

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.

"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.

"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"

"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day

The bill was huge!

What do you call a dinner at a fancy restaurant with your 3 year old?

Whine & dine


I'll see myself out

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.

Tiger says "you have to understand Stevie I am a pro golfer, it will be too much of a mismatch"

Stevie says" OK well tell you what, a million dollars says I win or are you chicken"

Tiger says "OK done, when do you want to play?"

Stevie says "any night this week"

Fancy Dress Party tonight. Going as a masturbating guy with Leprosy

Hope I can pull it off.

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.

"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"

"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.

'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"

The Lawyer's Car

A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car, and was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, "MY BENTLEY DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!"

"You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman.

"Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked.

"HA! You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed, "MY ROLEX!"

Three women started boasting about their sons...

"What a birthday I had last year!" exclaimed the first. " My son, that wonderful boy, threw me a big party in a fancy restaurant. He even paid for plane tickets for my friends."
"That's very nice, but listen to this," said the second. "Last winter, my son gave me an all-expense-paid cruise to the Greek islands. First class."
"That's nothing!" interrupted the third. "For five years now my son has been paying a psychiatrist $150 an hour, three times a week. And the whole time he talks about nothing but me."

Patrick's School

Mother: "How was school today Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was great mom! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Wow, they do really fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"

A man and a woman are on their fourth date at a fancy restaurant.

Things are getting pretty serious.

They look at each other and the man says: "I'm not sure how to say this."

She responds excitedly: "Just say it! Just say it!"

Him: "I don't know if I can."

Her: "Just say it!"

Him: "Wor-chester-shire sauce."

A man and a women meet on the elevator.

The man says "Where are you heading today?" She says "The blood bank." "How much do they pay?" asks the man. "$20" "Wow, I'm going to the sperm bank, they pay $100." Frustratedly, the woman leaves the elavator. The next day, both the man and the woman meet on the elavator. The man says "Fancy meeting you again, where are you off to today?" "The sperm bank" she says with her mouth full.

I'll never forget the day I met my wife.

We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate. They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.

I knew there and then, she was the one.

I was at a fancy dress party, and I ran into a friend of mine, dressed as a turtle with another girl on her back

I asked who's the other girl

She said...

Michelle

I've really got into dating black chicks recently.

Not because they take my fancy but I'm really bad at meeting the dad.

"Honey," said a husband, "I Invited a friend home for dinner."

"What? Are you crazy?" The wife replied.
"The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal."

" I know all that," he said.

"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner?" she asked.

he replied, "because the poor fools thinking about getting married."

Deaf At The Hotel

A deaf couple on their honeymoon spend all day traveling and then check into a tall fancy hotel late in the day. They get to the room, only to realize they've forgotten the champagne. The guy signs that he'll run out and get some. So he drives to the store and grabs the best bottle he can find. As he gets out of the car back at the hotel, he realizes that he's forgotten which room he's in. Thinking for a second, he gets back into the car and blows the horn nonstop for a good 20 seconds. All of the lights in the hotel light up.....................except 1.

Ask Jeeves

A rich married couple went out to a fancy dinner, leaving their butler Jeeves behind.

Halfway through the dinner the wife excuses herself and tells her husband she'll see him at home later.

Jeeves is suprised to see the wife home so early. She smiles and then directs him to her bedroom.

Once they're both in the bedroom the wife gets close to Jeeves and asks him softly to remove her dress for her.

He does so.

She then leans closer to Jeeves and gently asks if he could take off her bra and panties.

As asked Jeeves removes the bra and panties of his master's wife without hesitation.

The wife leans close enough to whisper into Jeeves ear, "Now don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again."

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me...

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.

"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,

"Sure," I replied. "If you let me choose."

"Okay," she grinned. "But how will you know what I want?"

"Well, it's kind of a talent," I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."

"Okay," she giggled. "You can choose for me."

So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate."

I went to a fancy dress party...

A girl approached me and asked 'what are you meant to be?'

I said 'a harp'

She replied 'your costume is too small to be a harp'

I said 'are you calling me a lyre?'

A man walks into a fancy bar

A man walks into a fancy bar. The bartender says, "Sir, you cannot be in here without a tie." The man walks back to his car and finds some jumper cables, and makes a tie out of them. He walks back in to the fancy bar and gets a stern look from the bartender who says, "That will do, but please don't start anything."

Why do nuns wear fancy lingerie?

Sheer habit.

A Hillbilly is the First in his Family to Attend Ninth Grade...

Jethro is the first in a long line of hillbillies and bumpkins to attend schooling beyond the eighth grade. After his first day of high school, the whole family is bursting with pride to see him swaggering up the driveway.

His father says, "Jethro, come tell us about that fancy high school! What'd you learn up there today?"

Jethro says, "Pa, they taught me some al-gee-bra."

His father is dumbstruck. "What is al-gee-bra, boy?"

Jethro says, "I ain't too sure. I think it's a math language."

His father says, "Well, speak some of that fancy al-gee-bra for us!"

Jethro says, "Pi R Squared."

Everyone in the family stops smiling. Jethro's father shakes his head. "No, boy. Pie are round. Cornbread are squared."

Guy goes to a fancy dress party wearing dark-green Lycra and carrying a naked woman on his back...

...

"What are you two supposed to be?" asks someone.

"Oh," he replies. "I'm a tortoise, and this is Michelle."

A man is dining in a fancy....

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you. "
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said,
"you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye. "

I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot.

The waiter just shrugged it off. "I'm sorry sir," the waiter told him. "All snails are final."

Why do arts graduates like fancy restaurants?

Bigger tips.

How do you tickle a fancy woman?

Gucci Gucci Gucci

The Needle

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies...






Wait for it...






It's coming...






The suspense is killing you, isn't it?






She says:






'You just happened to catch my eye!!!!'

Why don't boxers have sex the night before a fight?

Cos they don't fancy each other.

My friend had this really fancy business meeting...

He had this special outfit prepared, but he needed it to be properly fitted, to look nice. I offered to do it but he said he could do it himself



"Fine," I said...


"Suit yourself"

I was having lunch with Boris, the Estonian IT guy....

He was telling me about the crazy night he had before moving to the US. He said
"I drank so much I go home with two Soviet prostitutes who live together with their fancy grey cat."

"Russian blue?"

"No but Ukrainian gave handjob!"

Miley Gets Classy

One day, Miley Cyrus had a business suit on and was carrying a briefcase.
When she walked outside, a man noticed what she was wearing.
"Wow, you're looking fancy. Where are you even going?" the man asked.
She responded "Twerk."

Me and the wife went to an 80's themed fancy dress party last week. She didn't want me to go as a pop star...

...but i was adamant

An old man and young redhead...

A few old friends are drinking at a fancy pub in the finest country club in town, and a gorgeous young redhead walks in. She walks right over to their table and gives a big kiss to one of the gentlemen. "Guys, please meet my fiancΓ©e, we're getting married next week!"

"Wow! Congratulations!" they say and are all just amazed at her beauty and charm and intelligence. After she excuses herself to use the restroom, one of the friends says, "You're 70 years old! How did you get a young bombshell like that??"

"Easy, I lied about my age."

"What, you told her you were 50?"

"No, I told her I was 90."

Stevie Wonder calls Tiger Woods and asks, "How do you fancy a round of golf?" Tiger smiles to himself and responds, "I didn't know you were able to play, Stevie."

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can wear an earpiece which tells him the direction and distance to it.

Tiger says, "You have to understand Stevie, I'm a pro golfer, the best in the world! It will be too much of a mismatch!"

Stevie laughs, "Ok, well, tell you what, a million dollars says I win or are you chicken!?"

Angrily, Tiger mutters, "Ok, done! When do you want to play!?"

Stevie responds, "Any night this week."

Black Joke

Why do black people have nice clothes, expensive jewelry, and drive fancy cars with rims but live in crappy houses/apartments?

-They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet.

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a Pirate, the host said where are your buccaneers? I replied.

Under my buckinghat.

My grandmother told me this one...

So it happens in a fancy restaurant.

One day, the hygiene commission arrives to see if the criterias are respected and the restaurant is clean and safe etc.

They observe that everytime someone orders a coffee with sugar, the waiters take one sugar cube with their fingers and put it next to the coffee, on the little plate. The inspector is disgusted by that behaviour and tells to the boss : "you must never touch the sugar with your hands ! What if an employee has been to the toilet and didn't wash their hands ? Use sugar tongs instead."

So the boss gathers his employees and tells them : "Here, take these. We've been told we had to use them, because sometimes you might go to the toilet without washing your hands, or whatever..." and he gives each waiter a pair of sugar tongs.

Moments later, the boss is wandering around when he sees one of the waiters preparing a coffee, and taking the sugar cube with his hands.

"What did I tell you earlier ?! Where are your tongs ?"

The waiter takes them from his pocket ; "here boss !"

"Why are you not using them ?"

"But, boss... I use them, like you told us ! Everytime I go to the toilet !"

Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint…

His mate Gauguin walks in to the bar and says,
Hi Vinny, fancy a beer?
Vincent says,
No thanks , I've got one 'ere… .

A man at a fancy restaurant noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at the next table.

Suddenly she sneezed, causing her glass eye to pop out and fly toward him. The man caught it mid-air.

"I'm so sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner."

After charming dinner conversation, the woman offered to drive the man home.

The man was flattered. "You're the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she responded. "You just happened to catch my eye!"

Took my wife Mary out to a fancy restaurant last night. I had the filet mignon...

Mary had a little lamb.

A jewish couple where walking the streets of Rome on vacation.

They walk past a fancy restaurant and the wife says " mmm that place smells amazing!". The Husband replies " You're right it does smell really good. If you want on the way back to the hotel we can walk by this same place again"

I'm going to start selling fancy toilet spray

I'll call it Chanel No. 2

I was disappointed that my friend chose to bring hot dogs to my fancy pot-luck dinner party.

But, I suppose he could have bratwurst.

A panda goes out to dinner

A panda goes out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. After finishing his meal he stands up, pulls out his gun, shoots the waiter, and begins to leave. Frantically, the manager stops the panda and says, "what did the waiter do? ! Why did you shoot him? You can't just shoot people, I'm calling the police". Confused, the panda replies, "Um, I'm a panda. It's what I do. Look it up". So the waiter pulls out his smartphone and looks up panda. Sure enough, right there before his eyes he sees 'Panda - indigenous to southern China. Eats shoots and leaves'.

Magical Mirror

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth β€” if you lie, you disappear.

One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. POOF! She disappears.

The redhead goes up to try. I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. POOF! She disappears.

The blonde goes up. I think– POOF!"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party?

"I'll be Bach"

I told the girl I fancy next door I helped kill a man

I was told women love accessories.

One Eyed Redhead.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay

for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .....


*Wait for it ..... .....*



*It's coming ...... ......*



*She said .... ......:*

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

i went to a fancy dress party dressed as a globe and didnt speak to anyone all night.

I was in a world of my own

I was staying at a fancy hotel....

...and it said in the Guest Services, "Dial *75 for Turn-Down Service". So, I dialed *75.

A woman answered the phone saying, "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth!"

It's nice that while I'm traveling, I can still get some things that remind me of home.

My girlfriend went to the sex shop to buy a vibrator but came home empty handed.

She said that nothing tickled her fancy.

First Date

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."

A jewish father was on his death bed with his family around him...

He whispered
"son, come close"
And his son leaned forward so he's inches away from his father. The father grabs a watch from his night stand, a very fancy one, and whispers
"son, this watch has been worn by multiple generations, your great grandfather, your grandfather, and me."
The son with tears on his face says
"Yes father, what about it"
And his father, with his last breaths says:
"We'll, son... Wanna buy it?"

I walked into a fancy dress shop and said to the woman, "I'm going to a party tonight, and I want to go as an A4 piece of paper."

She gave me a blank look.

Private investigator

(At a fancy diner with wife and her friend)
Wife's friend: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a private investigator
Wife: Kieth, you're allowed to say gynecologist
Me: People are eating, Linda!

I fancy having a bit of Rabbit for my dinner tonight.

Could anyone tell me if it's cheaper from a Butchers or a pet shop.?

A guy goes to a fancy dress party and one of the guests says to him what have you come as, and why is your wife on your back?

He replies I'm a tortoise and that's Michelle

Irish Catholics [and possibly some Jews] will appreciate this one

Q; How many Irish Catholic Mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A; Ahhh, don't you worry about that son, you just go out with your fancy women while I sit here home alone in the dark.

What did you do in school today?

Mother: How was school today, Patrick?

Patrick: It was really great mom! Today we made explosives!

Mother: Ooh, they teach some very fancy stuff to kids these days! So, what will you do at school tomorrow?

Patrick: What school?

I bought my girlfriend lingerie

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

I wanted to order food from a fancy restaurant

I didn't want to leave the house, though, so I had them bring the food to me.

I ordered a medium rare steak and foie gras, but when the food arrived my foie gras was missing!

Furious, I drove over to the restaurant and demanded they give me my full order. They did, and before I left I asked them why they did not provide me what I asked for.

The chef said, "Well sir, you said you wanted your meal de-livered."

I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....

Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin

"The watch"

My dad just reminded me of this old classic!

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.

Two black eyes

A friend of mine was walking out of church service and I noticed he had two black eyes. I asked what happened. "Well, he said, "I was sitting behind Mrs. Brown, you know, the large woman with all those grandkids; the one that always dresses real fancy. Well, I noticed her dress had accidently got tucked in, well, you know... her back side, between her cheeks. So, I pulled it out and she punched me."

"How did you get the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured if that made her so upset, I'd better try and put it back."

A Filipino, a Korean, a Laotian, a Chinese, a Japanese and a Vietnamese go to a fancy restaurant. "Sorry" says the Maitre d' ...

"You can't be seated without a Thai."

I once met Bruce Willis

I once met Bruce Willis at a fancy dress party. He was wearing a really shabby looking nun outfit. I was told that he'd worn the same costume to every fancy dress party he'd attended for years. I suppose old habits die hard.

Why couldn't the old bike stay upright?

It was *two-tired.*

An oldy, but a goody, I hope you can *handle* it.

Changing *gears*, I *spoke* at a fancy unicycle conference and you know what's different there? *Attire.*

I'm just *pedaling* for upvotes.

How to make Fancy jokes?

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