Fancy Jokes
132 fancy jokes and hilarious fancy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fancy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fancy Short Jokes
Short fancy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fancy humour may include short flashy jokes also.
- In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
- "Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively... "Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."
- For my wife's birthday I bought her the fancy new fridge that she wanted You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
- My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
- What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek? A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.
Credits: my bud - If mcdonalds sold fancy steaks they'd call them Filet Mc'gnons ...also it's my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!
- A black man walks into the doctors with a fancy parrot in his shoulder The doctor says "what a magnificent creature, where did you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa there's millions of them" - What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room Oh suite!
This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy. - My wife and I walked past a fancy restaurant She said "Ohh , something smells nice"
So I decided to treat her - I let her walk past it a second time. - What do you call a dinner at a fancy restaurant with your 3 year old? Whine & dine
I'll see myself out
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Fancy One Liners
Which fancy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fancy? I can suggest the ones about luxurious and sophisticated.
- How do you properly greet a very fancy duck as you walk by? M'lard
- What do you call a lion with a fancy hat? A dandy lion.
- I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!
- I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver. Turned a few heads.
- What do you all a fancy sea creature? Sofishticated.
- How did pharaohs get all the money for their fancy tombs? Through pyramid schemes.
- Why do arts graduates like fancy restaurants? Bigger tips.
- How do you tickle a fancy woman? Gucci Gucci Gucci
- I'm going to start selling fancy toilet spray I'll call it Chanel No. 2
- I told the girl I fancy next door I helped kill a man I was told women love accessories.
- What did the drunk say to the mirror? Fancy meeting me here!
- My friend made some broth from fancy sandals yesterday. It was a Birkenstock
- Why are the fruits going to have a fancy wedding? Because they cantaloupe.
- We didn't have fancy Survivor Bias when I was a kid... and I turned out just fine.
- Why do they serve snails at fancy French restaurants? Because it is not fast food!
Fancy Dress Jokes
Here is a list of funny fancy dress jokes and even better fancy dress puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a fancy dress party... A girl approached me and asked 'what are you meant to be?'
I said 'a harp'
She replied 'your costume is too small to be a harp'
I said 'are you calling me a lyre?' - The wife and I went to a bank robber-themed fancy dress party last night. Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.
- My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'.
- Me and the wife went to an 80's themed fancy dress party last week. She didn't want me to go as a pop star... ...but i was adamant
- I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a Pirate, the host said where are your buccaneers? I replied. Under my buckinghat.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to a fancy dress party dressed as Tchaikovsky However, when he found out that someone was already dressed as Tchaikovsky, he said "i'll be Bach".
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party? "I'll be Bach"
- i went to a fancy dress party dressed as a globe and didnt speak to anyone all night. I was in a world of my own
- A guy goes to a fancy dress party and one of the guests says to him what have you come as, and why is your wife on your back? He replies I'm a tortoise and that's Michelle
- I walked into a fancy dress shop and said to the woman, "I'm going to a party tonight, and I want to go as an A4 piece of paper." She gave me a blank look.
Howlingly Hilarious Fancy Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about fancy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fashionable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fancy pranks.
My friend had this really fancy business meeting...
He had this special outfit prepared, but he needed it to be properly fitted, to look nice. I offered to do it but he said he could do it himself
"Fine," I said...
"Suit yourself"
I'll never forget the day I met my wife.
We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate. They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.
I knew there and then, she was the one.
Black Joke
Why do black people have nice clothes, expensive jewelry, and drive fancy cars with rims but live in c**... houses/apartments?
-They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet.
Why do nuns wear fancy l**...?
Sheer habit.
Guy goes to a fancy dress party wearing dark-green Lycra and carrying a n**... woman on his back...
...
"What are you two supposed to be?" asks someone.
"Oh," he replies. "I'm a tortoise, and this is Michelle."
Needed directions in Hollywood last weekend
So last weekend in Hollywood i managed to get lost so i approached a fancy looking black couple and asked for directions . . .
They gave me their baby.
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.
"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.
"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"
"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."
Miley Gets Classy
One day, Miley Cyrus had a business suit on and was carrying a briefcase.
When she walked outside, a man noticed what she was wearing.
"Wow, you're looking fancy. Where are you even going?" the man asked.
She responded "Twerk."
A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...
...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.
"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"
"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.
'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"
Irish Catholics [and possibly some Jews] will appreciate this one
Q; How many Irish Catholic Mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A; Ahhh, don't you worry about that son, you just go out with your fancy women while I sit here home alone in the dark.
Magical Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The blonde goes up. I think– p**...!"
I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot.
The waiter just shrugged it off. "I'm sorry sir," the waiter told him. "All snails are final."
I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me...
I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,
"Sure," I replied. "If you let me choose."
"Okay," she grinned. "But how will you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent," I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"Okay," she giggled. "You can choose for me."
So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate."
I was having lunch with Boris, the Estonian IT guy....
He was telling me about the crazy night he had before moving to the US. He said
"I drank so much I go home with two Soviet prostitutes who live together with their fancy grey cat."
"Russian blue?"
"No but Ukrainian gave h**...!"
A recently married couple...
A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"
Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."
"You fancy my best friend, don't you?" asked my wife.
"If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have s**... with you then her."
"You mean 'than'."
"No."
I've really got into dating black chicks recently.
Not because they take my fancy but I'm really bad at meeting the dad.
A man walks into a fancy bar
A man walks into a fancy bar. The bartender says, "Sir, you cannot be in here without a tie." The man walks back to his car and finds some jumper cables, and makes a tie out of them. He walks back in to the fancy bar and gets a stern look from the bartender who says, "That will do, but please don't start anything."
Why don't boxers have s**... the night before a fight?
Cos they don't fancy each other.
Patrick's School
Mother: "How was school today Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was great mom! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Wow, they do really fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
A jewish couple where walking the streets of Rome on vacation.
They walk past a fancy restaurant and the wife says " mmm that place smells amazing!". The Husband replies " You're right it does smell really good. If you want on the way back to the hotel we can walk by this same place again"
What did you do in school today?
Mother: How was school today, Patrick?
Patrick: It was really great mom! Today we made explosives!
Mother: Ooh, they teach some very fancy stuff to kids these days! So, what will you do at school tomorrow?
Patrick: What school?
Couple in a Restaurant – Joke
Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…
As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.
Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.
Fancy Dress Party tonight. Going as a m**... guy with Leprosy
Hope I can pull it off.
"Honey," said a husband, "I Invited a friend home for dinner."
"What? Are you crazy?" The wife replied.
"The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal."
" I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner?" she asked.
he replied, "because the poor fools thinking about getting married."
A Filipino, a Korean, a Laotian, a Chinese, a Japanese and a Vietnamese go to a fancy restaurant. "Sorry" says the Maitre d' ...
"You can't be seated without a Thai."
Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent f**... what should I do?
Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids
Private investigator
(At a fancy diner with wife and her friend)
Wife's friend: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a private investigator
Wife: Kieth, you're allowed to say gynecologist
Me: People are eating, Linda!
The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
*On phone* Wife: Fancy coming home for a q**...?
Husband: It's pronounced "quiche"
I fancy having a bit of Rabbit for my dinner tonight.
Could anyone tell me if it's cheaper from a Butchers or a pet shop.?
Saw a guy walking with a n**... woman on his back. "You OK?" I asked.
"Sure. I'm headed to a fancy dress as a tortoise."
"And her?"
"Oh, that's Michelle."
I was staying at a fancy hotel....
...and it said in the Guest Services, "Dial *75 for Turn-Down Service". So, I dialed *75.
A woman answered the phone saying, "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth!"
It's nice that while I'm traveling, I can still get some things that remind me of home.
Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:
- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
The woman giggles.
- Of course I would!
- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?
The woman looks disgusted.
- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?
- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.
I was disappointed that my friend chose to bring hot dogs to my fancy p**...-luck dinner party.
But, I suppose he could have bratwurst.
Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint…
His mate Gauguin walks in to the bar and says,
Hi Vinny, fancy a beer?
Vincent says,
No thanks , I've got one 'ere… .
A man and a woman are on their fourth date at a fancy restaurant.
Things are getting pretty serious.
They look at each other and the man says: "I'm not sure how to say this."
She responds excitedly: "Just say it! Just say it!"
Him: "I don't know if I can."
Her: "Just say it!"
Him: "Wor-chester-shire sauce."
A jewish father was on his death bed with his family around him...
He whispered
"son, come close"
And his son leaned forward so he's inches away from his father. The father grabs a watch from his night stand, a very fancy one, and whispers
"son, this watch has been worn by multiple generations, your great grandfather, your grandfather, and me."
The son with tears on his face says
"Yes father, what about it"
And his father, with his last breaths says:
"We'll, son... Wanna buy it?"
First Date
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
I saw a man walking down the road with a woman on his back
I said "where are you going?"
He replied "Fancy dress party"
"What as?" I asked
"Tortoise" the man shouted back
"Who's she?" I questioned
To which he responded "That's Michelle"
I was at a fancy dress party, and I ran into a friend of mine, dressed as a turtle with another g**... her back
I asked who's the other girl
She said...
Michelle
Took my wife Mary out to a fancy restaurant last night. I had the filet mignon...
Mary had a little lamb.
A man walks into a 5-star restaurant...
A man walks into a fancy 5-star restaurant.
The host says to him: " Good evening sir. Do you have a reservation?"
The man replies : "Yes, actually."
The host asks: "Name?"
And the man replies: " Nah, the name is ok. It's just the atmosphere."
What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi s**... Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?
A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
Empty Glass
The barman says to p**..., Your glass is empty, fancy another one?
Looking puzzled, p**... says, Why would I be needing two empty feckin' glasses?
If you want to learn how to draw superheroes start with Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy
He's just a fancy stick figure
A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday
She drops hints to her husband:
"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."
The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale.
And that's when the fight started...
Action hero fancy dress ball...
Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.
They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.
When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'
Chuck Says: 'I'll go as Beethoven'
Arnie says: 'I'll be Bach'
Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....
Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress
Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise
Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?
Guy: That's Michelle....
As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed into botany bay the local Aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes. One of the Aborigines comments "s**... white man,
can't even play the didgeridoo".
I went to a fancy Italian restaurant but stormed out when I found bugs in my food.
Turned out it was the anty pasto.
A man with a wooden eye watches people at the dance...
After always being the b**... of jokes or bullying, he was scared to ask any girl to dance with him. He always had a fancy for Betsy, who was born with a hairlip. He always figured since they shared a similar fate, she might sympathize with him. He finally mustered up enough courage and asked Betsy, "Would you dance with me?" She sprang up excited and said "Would I? Would I?!". The man angrily says, "Well, hairlip! Hairlip!"
Why don't Boxers don't have s**... before a fight?
They don't fancy each other.
Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed
A t**... with my wife.
I got one of those fancy b**... sprayers for my toilet, but it never works at night...
I guess I can only use it bidet.
