Famous Jokes

If Watson isn't the most famous Doctor -

- then Who is.

Did you guys hear about the C++ developer that wanted to become a famous actor?

He kept getting type cast.

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

If the Pilgrims were alive today what would they be famous for?

Their age!

A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital.

He finished with a cheerful greeting:
-Bye-bye , and hope you get better!
-Thanks, you too! replied the patients.

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

I've compiled a list of famous athletes who have spent time in prison.

It's a pros and cons list.

The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.

"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.
"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.
"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.

You know, Nikola Tesla was famous for changing his mind.

In fact, when his colleagues would ask his opinion on a subject he would often just reply, "Oh, I don't know. My thoughts on the matter are alternating currently."

Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?...

On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:

"Don't be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

A man in a cemetery sees a couple laughing over the tomb of a famous boxer

A bit taken back by the inappropriateness, the man approaches the couple who point to the boxer's epitaph:
"You can stop counting, I'm not getting up"

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying…..

"I must have taken Leif off my census."

Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu?

I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.

"I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said.

"OK," said the witch.
He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom.

As a famous scarecrow once said...

"This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.
Which knee is hurting you, Walt?
The famous film producer points to his left knee.
Disney.

I heard that Jeffrey Epstein never wanted to be rich and famous.

All he ever wanted was to settle down and have kids.

Sports Teams should be named for what their city is famous for

For example: Dallas is known for cowboys, San Francisco was the place for the miners, 49ers, to bring their gold and claims, Islignton was famous as being home of the Artillery Regiment, thus "Arsenal," Milwauke HAD brewing.
Washington should change their name to "Senators," and Cleveland could become the "Steamers."

If Teddy Roosevelt was still alive today, what would he be most famous for?

Being really, really old.

Edward Carrington Marshal, the only son of John Marshall, who was the original owner of the famous Liberty Bell, was found dead.

Police suspect Will Smith, since his fresh prints were found on the bell heir.

If Pepper isn't the most famous doctor...

...then Who is.

How does one get famous on Reddit?

Easy, it's a piece of cake

Since its my cake day

I used to work at a very large balery known for making some of the most exquisite and famous cakes.
These cakes required a very intricate and delicate process to make them and involved a lot of processes and a secret recipe.
However in all my 20 years, the head baker never told me the full recipe only my part required in the preperartion.
He always told me that Bakers only trade recipes on a Knead to know basis.

Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.

His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.
Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.
His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.
Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.

I went to Hawaii with my dad to get a taste of their traditional culture. They set out two bowls of their famous delicacy. When I couldnt choose which one to grab, my dad said,

"Pick your poi, son"

A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..

He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." —Henny Youngman

Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". 1906 - 1988

My cousin is obsessed with football (soccer). So when I entered his room...

When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...
That's a Messi room.

In the famous severed horse head scene in The Godfather they originally were going to use a Swordfish.

It didn't really fit in with the marlin brand-though.

Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks?

Minnesota!

A man comes home, sees his wife cooking and says watcha makin?

The wife says I'm baking a cake in honor of a famous Jamaican. It will have his face on it .
The man says yeah I know that. I asked 'what Jamaican?

Getting Alzheimer's is like being famous because you won't recognize anybody, but everybody will recognize you...

Plus, if there's just one positive from getting Alzheimer's... It's laughing at the brand new jokes in this subreddit all day, everyday!

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.
​
Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."

Did you hear about the English teacher who became a judge?

She was famous for giving out short sentences.