The Best 73 Famous Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Famous jokes. There are some famous namesake jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these famous notable puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Famous Jokes and Puns

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

Did you guys hear about the C++ developer that wanted to become a famous actor?

He kept getting type cast.

I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers...

but I Kant.

Famous joke, I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers...

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Famous Last Words

List your favorite ones. The one I liked the most when I was growing up:

Tarzan: "Who greased the vine?"


Hugh Hefner

Today, famous playboy Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy Mansion, where they had been selling flowers.

Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we could've gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I had sex with both of the Olsen twins.

But that was before they were famous.

Famous joke, I had sex with both of the Olsen twins.

What famous actor is like a jail cell full of white guys?

Niggaless Cage

(My girlfriend came up with this today. We're not racist I swear. This just cracked me up.)

Famous Last Words

Post your own. I'll start-

"Nah, thats not a dragon"

"And it looks like clear skies over Hiroshima today"

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

Why is Darth Vader so famous?

He was the first black man to admit he is the father.

You can explore famous noted reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean famous benefactor dad jokes. There are also famous puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


the most famous person in the history of the world

The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick."
"Sorry Seamus, that's not correct."
Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon."
The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ."
"That's right, David! You win the five dollars. Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. But business is business."

A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital.

He finished with a cheerful greeting:
-Bye-bye , and hope you get better!
-Thanks, you too! replied the patients.

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

A famous armorer was called to court...

…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says "are you feeling all right?" The horse replies,"I don't think I am," *POOF* the horse disappears. This is of course a joke referencing the famous quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained this ahead of time but I didn't want to put *Descartes* before the horse.

Famous joke, A horse walks into a bar...

The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.

"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.

"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.

"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.

Robert Kardashian taught Kim an important lesson.

You can become famous if you help a black guy get off.

Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?...

On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.


Did you know Bruce Lee had a son other than Brandon? He was a famous vegetarian.

His name was Brock.

"I'm going to be famous one day"

-Unknown

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be famous for?

Old age

Since married famous people often mix names, shouldn't Hillary and Bill's be...

Hillbilly?

Who's the most famous jewish Pokemon trainer?

Ash

A man in a cemetery sees a couple laughing over the tomb of a famous boxer

A bit taken back by the inappropriateness, the man approaches the couple who point to the boxer's epitaph:

"You can stop counting, I'm not getting up"

Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

"Name a famous explorer that has been forgotten", asked my son

"Internet explorer.", I replied.

I wrote a book about famous pianists

It covers all the key players

So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.

It was a little condescending.

A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.

I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own funeral.

What's so funny about that?

I'm aΒ gynecologist.

4 famous beer owners walk into a bar.

The CEO for Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO for Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO for Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO for Guinness orders a Coke. They all ask him why he didn't order a Guinness to which he replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer then neither am I."

"I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said.

"OK," said the witch.

He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom.

There was once a great Mexican Magician...

There was once a great Mexican Magician. He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count;
uno
dos
and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.

The Great Wall Of China Is Famous

Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.

A broke man goes to a famous lawyer...

"I have no money but I can give you an original Picasso drawing"

"That sounds good! What are you accused of?"

"stealing a Picasso drawing."

A vegan, feminist and a famous rapper walk in a bar

I only knew because they told me 10 times.

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer...

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "I would like to ask a few questions", said the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "But I have to charge you $200 to answer 2 questions" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" said the suprised client. "Yes it certainly is", said the lawyer, "And what's your second question?"

Steven Spielberg's Next Movie

Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.

Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."

Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have experience playing the part."

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him, and states, "I'll be Bach."ο»Ώ

What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?

Eiffel

I can't believe Prince Harry, who's British royalty, is marrying African American actress Meghan Markle. Why would someone that rich and famous marry an obviously inferior genetic specimen? It's just unthinkable.

Though I suppose if Meghan wants to marry a ginger, it's none of my business.

You know that famous painter Rorschach?

Why does he only draw dicks?

As a famous scarecrow once said...

"This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

South Korea is famous for their R&B music.

They've really got Seoul.

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

My wife is a world famous pornstar.

She was furious when she found out.

What do you call the work of a famous cow?

Legend Dairy

A guy notices a crowd of women at the end of the bar

Curious, he walks toward the end and sees an immensely ugly guy being hit on by several ladies. He sits next to another fella and asks "So, what's this guy's deal? Is he rich or famous?" "Dunno," says the other guy, "he just sits there licking his eyebrows."

Why can't seals be famous DJs?

Because they're scared of club hits

There was a famous Mexican magician.

His name was Gustavo. His signature trick is he would say "Uno, dos," and *poof*! He would disappear without a tres.

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

Which knee is hurting you, Walt?

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

Disney.

Right, who was the most famous person in here until I arrived?

Three Surgeons meet in a bar...

Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys ass and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".

A horse walks into a bar...

... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.



See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

Get set.....

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...

Karl Marx

Karl Marx ia a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister and brother: Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol, and Skid, who was generally unpopular.

The art critic

A young painter is exhibiting his work for the first time, and a famous art critic is in attendance.

The critic has a look around and then finds the artist, saying to him: "Do you want my opinion on your art?"

The artist of course says "yes"

The critic replies "it's worthless"

"I know. But tell me anyway."

An alternate version of a racist joke

A black man goes to a club and hits it off with an attractive white woman. Eventually they head back to her place and start undressing. As the woman is taking the man's pants off, she says "now... show me what you guys are really famous for".

So a police offer knocks down the door and shoots him.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.

See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.

His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.

Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.

His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.

Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.

I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous.

You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.

A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..

He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.

The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."

The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"

"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."

Last summer I traveled to Paris with a buddy of mine. I suggested we could visit one of the famous parisian brothels, but he decided to spend the evening reading his philosophy books.

He really put Descartes before the whores.

Karl Marx is historically famous, but no one ever mentions his sister Onya and her contribution.

She invented the starting pistol.

What do you call it when an famous English actor goes on a big, long tirade?

A huge rant

A famous Hindi joke! Let's see if the translation works!

Once, Mahatma Gandhi was on a visit to the Mental Hospital. He bumped in a patient who had recovered by then

Gandhiji asked him, "So, how are you now?"

"I feel better. Tell me what's your name?"

"Mohandas Gandhi."

"I, too, was saying this before getting admitted to the hospital!"

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." β€”Henny Youngman

Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". 1906 - 1988

Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can you tell all of that just from listening to the ground?!"

"No", says Grey Owl, "As I listen for buffalo, the bastards ran me over."

My cousin is obsessed with football (soccer). So when I entered his room...

When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...

That's a Messi room.

I Want to Become a Famous Chess Player.

But I've got too much of a checkered past to do it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the famous broadway jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working famous dali piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes