Family Tree Jokes
85 family tree jokes and hilarious family tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about family tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Family Tree Short Jokes
Short family tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The family tree humour may include short family history jokes also.
- What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
- If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors... Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.
- What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynocologist? One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush.
- What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush. - I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork... ...it spoons.
She did not find it humorous - I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein. However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.
- You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid... In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.
- I've been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator. Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.
- I was researching the Jackson family tree. I got back as far as the civil war and then I hit a stone wall.
- Just looked into my family tree and found out both great great grand parents are related... It's not every day you get to learn about your incestors
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Family Tree One Liners
Which family tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with family tree? I can suggest the ones about family group and family reunion.
- How do you complete a family tree easily? Post on social media that you won the lottery.
- According to my family tree I'm the sap.
- What makes certain plants scientifically related to each other? The family tree.
- Why don't people from Alabama have family trees? Because it's just one long branch.
- Canada is a logging nation. Maple trees, spruce tress, and indigenous family trees.
- Yo mama so fat She broke the branches on the family tree
- How do inbreds trace their family tree? They go to incestry.com
- what do you called a insomniac's family tree Napkin
- Yoda's been tracing his family tree. It's an evergreen.
- What do people from Alabama have instead of a family tree? The circle of life!
- What do you call an insect on your family tree? An ANT-cestor.
- Yo mamma so fat she broke your family tree.
- In the south they dont have family trees... It's more like a family ladder.
- A tree fell on a family's house and killed everybody. It was rootless.
- What has more squares than a checkerboard? An Alabama family tree.
Rib-Tickling Family Tree Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about family tree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ancestry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make family tree pranks.
Yo momma so fat she fell out of the family tree.
Yo momma so fat, she broke the FAMILY tree!
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
Yo Momma is so fat…
That she broke a branch in her family tree!
Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
I don't like black jokes because I have one in my family tree. He's still hanging there.
I just researched my family tree and discovered that I am the sap!
A little boy opened the big, old family Bible
with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
You might be a r**... if...
1. You don't know the difference between your lawn and your driveway.
2. Watching j**... Springer reminds you of your neighbors
3. Your family tree is a circle
So I found some black in my family tree
He's still hanging there
Difference between Ravens and Crows
I work in a gift-shop up in southeast Alaska. Our store is right under a tree that houses a family of angry crows. Tourists often ask me how I can tell the difference between ravens and crows. I tell them this:
"All birds have specialized tail feathers that help with flight in Alaska's thin, cold air. These feathers are called pinions. If you look closely you can tell that ravens have four of these feathers while crows only have three. I guess you could say it's just a matter of a pinion."
So I recently discovered there's a black man in my family tree...
he's still hanging there.
Know any good anti jokes?
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
*He was hit by a bus.*
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
*He was dead.*
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
*He was stapled to the first monkey.*
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
*Pour gasoline on it and light it on fire, WOOF!*
How do you make a dog sound like a cat?
*freeze it and take a band saw to it, MRREEEOOOOOWW!*
How do you make a plumber cry?
*you kill his family.*
Did you know I have a black person in my family tree?
Yeah, he's still hanging there.
Today, the tree my family planted 15 years ago died and had to be cut down.
I'm mourning wood.
I have African Americans in my family tree
Yep, they're still hanging there.
What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?
A gorilla pooped on his face.
My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store
The man behind the counter said "are you going to put it up yourself?" Mom says "no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"
(Computer science) I asked a Texan if he's seen his family tree,
he said, "you mean family graph?"
How can you tell your i**...?
You're family tree is a Venn diagram.
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!"
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!"
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Yes"
"Well, I didn't"
What can you tell a black kid to do?
Go visit his family tree.
So, I just found out I got some black guys in my family tree...
Went to the backyard and found them still hanging there.
Hey don't be racist!
I have a black guy on my family tree...
And he's still hanging there
Three vampires make a bet about how many people they can eat in one night...
They agree to meet in the clearing late at night and show off what they did.
The first one comes up and he has blood all over his mouth. He says "you see that tree over there? Behind it is a trail that leads to a giant house with a family... I ate them all"
The second one comes up and he has blood all over his face. He says "you see that tree there? Behind it is a trail that leads to a village... I ate everybody in the village"
The third one impressed his friends, he had blood all over his face and neck and covering his shirt. "What happened?" They asked him.
"You see that tree right there?" He said, "cause I did not".
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pear.
Your mom is so fat
She's the trunk of the family tree
Who are the biggest Audi car fans?
r**... of course, they even make their family tree be intertwined circles.
Hey babe, are you from West Virginia?
Because your family tree is a circle.
A lawyer and a tree
There is an old joke, circulating around the Balkans, about a lawyer and a tree. The main case of the lawyer was the dispute between two neighbors about a tree placed at the common border of their properties. The case was going on for decades, the lawyer was mediating, but no solution came and eventually, the lawyer retired and his son took his office. A couple of days later the son came to his father and said I have solved the problem – I have cut the tree down. Then the father said That tree was feeding our family for decades, now you need to find something else to do.
My friend asked me to teach blood relations for aptitude test.........
I told him to watch game of thrones and figure it out the family trees
Why are some types of silverware so difficult to find in Tennessee?
Well since everyone there spoons, nobody's family tree has a fork.
A guy goes on vacation with his family
And asks his friend if he can take care of their cat.
Days into the vacation, he receivea a call from his friend, and he says:
"Hey, your cat just died..."
"Jesus, man! You just messed my vacation! How am I going to tell my kids now? And you should'nt say it like that! First, you'd call and say 'the cat climbed a tree'. Then you'd call and say 'the cat is still in the three'. Then you'd call and say the cat fell and is fighting for his life. Then you'd call and say that cat died!"
"You're right... I'm sorry, I should have done it like that"
Days later, he receives a call from his friend:
"Hey, your mother climbed a tree..."
My family is putting an electrical plug in our elm tree.
They were going to put it in the bushes, but I convinced them that a tree-prong outlet would be better for the ground.
---------
"Tree-prong outlet" stolen from an engineer I was talking to today, but joke format is all mine.
Why did Janeen go into the forest to look for her parents?
She wanted to find her family tree!
Why don't they have family trees in the south?
Because they just have family shrubbery.
Why do people from Alabama not have a family tree?
Because there it's called a family ladder.
Southern family trees are like palm trees...
No branches and the family members are fronds with benefits
He walks through the midday heat, an occasional shot clips through the trees overhead.
He and many men like him question their logic to sign up. They could be home, spending time with their families but instead they are outside, dehydrated, fighting a battle they probably won't win. Their frustration mounts as they realize it's nothing at all like all the games they played as kids.
He's on the 3rd hole of the tournament and he's already 7 over par.
Why are family trees not used in alabama
Because they end up being more like a family tumbleweed.
Little Timmy is skiing on a mountain with his family
At a certain point, he decides that it would be nice if he impressed his mother, so he shouts: "look mom, without hands!", then proceeds to drop the ski poles on the snow and go down.
After he manages to return on the top, he shouts again: "look mom, without seeing!" then puts his wool hat on his eyes and go down, but he crashes against a tree out of his family's sight.
Then he returns again up, and shouts to his mother: "look mom, without teeth!"
I can do anything better than you
Three Vampires trying to outdo one another. The first went away, come back with blood trickling out the side of his mouth. "I killed the whole family. The 2nd one went and comeback with even more blood. I killed the whole town. 3rd one goes away. Comes back, his whole body is saturated with blood. Wow look at you.
He goes, "You see those bunch of trees down there".
They go "Yes".
He goes "Well I f**... didn't".
Bible lesson
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.
"Momma, look what I found." the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered.
"It's Adam's suit!"
I sent that 'Ancestry' site some information on my Family Tree.
They sent me back a pack of Seeds, and suggested that I just start Over..
