Family History Jokes
24 family history jokes and hilarious family history puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about family history that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Family History Short Jokes
Short family history jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The family history humour may include short family tree jokes also.
- I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."
- Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
- Why did the white supremacist start a baking company? Because his family had a long history of being in bread.
- In history class today, I learned about Galileo... I already knew that he was a poor boy, from a poor family...
- My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo? I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."
- Why did Cersei Lannister sent princess Myrcella to Dorne? She knew her family history a little too well.
Myrcella had two brothers. - Two guys are talking about their family histories... GUY 1: Hey, I heard you're Einstein's distant cousin.
GUY 2: I'm not sure, really. It's just a theory of relativity.
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Fun-Filled Family History Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about family history you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family matters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make family history pranks.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
Last Names.
It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Dad you told me yesterday that we all came from Adam and Eve,
when I asked you about our ancestral history. "ok, then what" said dad. But mom was telling something different. She said that we all were monkeys and with passage of time and evolution changed us to human beings. Dad had a sigh of relief and replied, I was talking about my family, she was talking about her family.
Kris came from a family where it's a tradition to take out their giant boulder and put it in front of their house every year for a few days
Most of their neighbors were fine with it, but some were bothered by it, including an individual named Smith who had a history of conflict with the family.
This year, he was thinking of hitting the boulder to simply show disrespect to the family, but he was still considering it.
The question remains, will Smith slap Kris' rock?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I applied to the police academy
The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are b**...."
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My new doctor asked me if there was a history of s**... in my family and I told him no.
However, I told him that my wife's family were all a bunch of wankers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I sat my son down, and finally showed him a jar full of my baby teeth.
It's time he learned an o**... history of the family.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've got a long history of s**... in my family; the good news is it skips a generation...
so if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chris Pratt voting joke
Just ask any celebrity. They will tell you. Every day. Several times a day. To vote. But me? I will tell you EXACTLY who to vote for !
Lost Chapter In Genesis
Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rite of passage. [Dadjoke alert]
Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the c**... breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rite of passage
Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the c**... breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'
Did you guys hear about the Italian Chef that died recently?
>He pasta way.
>>We cannoli do so much.
>>>His legacy will become a pizza history.
>>>>Here today, gone tomato.
>>>>>How sad that he ran out of thyme.
>>>>>>Sending olive my prayers to the family.
>>>>>>>His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it.
>>>>>>>>You never sausage a tragic thing.
>>>>>>>>>I hope he wasn't Alfredo the end.
>>>>>>>>>>Did he die on the job? His family might be entitled to some compennesation.
>>>>>>>>>>>I doubt he'll see a penne of it.
Getting beat
(AP) - A seven year-old Philadelphia, Pa boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the ...degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia Eagles whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Superman grandpa
On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an empty bottle of whiskey, a knife and a gun. When he landed there were 20 enemy guards waiting for him. He killed fifteen men with the gun. Until it ran out of bullets. Killed 3 guys with his knife until the blade broke off, then killed the last 2 with his bare hands. Then the teacher reply's that was a very violent story and what was the morale?
Stay away from grandpa when he's drunk.