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Family History Jokes

26 family history jokes and hilarious family history puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about family history that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Family History Short Jokes

Short family history jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The family history humour may include short family tree jokes also.

  1. I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."
  2. Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
  3. If Trump gets elected... ...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.
  4. Why did the white supremacist start a baking company? Because his family had a long history of being in bread.
  5. In history class today, I learned about Galileo... I already knew that he was a poor boy, from a poor family...
  6. My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo? I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."
  7. Did you know Kim Khardashian's dad was a member of OJ Simpsons legal team? So the whole family has a history of getting black guys off
  8. At the doctor investigating my stomach issues, I was asked if I had a family history of stomach issues I said why yes, diarrhea runs in my genes.
  9. Why did Cersei Lannister sent princess Myrcella to Dorne? She knew her family history a little too well.
    Myrcella had two brothers.
  10. Two guys are talking about their family histories... GUY 1: Hey, I heard you're Einstein's distant cousin.
    GUY 2: I'm not sure, really. It's just a theory of relativity.

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Fun-Filled Family History Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about family history you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family matters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make family history pranks.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.

Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta away
We cannoli do so much,
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today gone tomato.
How sad he ran out of thyme,
Sending olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset, Cheese still not over it.
You never saussage a tragic thing.
Because
some people just want to watch the world burn!

Dad you told me yesterday that we all came from Adam and Eve,

when I asked you about our ancestral history. "ok, then what" said dad. But mom was telling something different. She said that we all were monkeys and with passage of time and evolution changed us to human beings. Dad had a sigh of relief and replied, I was talking about my family, she was talking about her family.

Kris came from a family where it's a tradition to take out their giant boulder and put it in front of their house every year for a few days

Most of their neighbors were fine with it, but some were bothered by it, including an individual named Smith who had a history of conflict with the family.
This year, he was thinking of hitting the boulder to simply show disrespect to the family, but he was still considering it.
The question remains, will Smith slap Kris' rock?

I applied to the police academy

The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are b**...."

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

My new doctor asked me if there was a history of s**... in my family and I told him no.

However, I told him that my wife's family were all a bunch of wankers.

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

I sat my son down, and finally showed him a jar full of my baby teeth.

It's time he learned an o**... history of the family.

It's history...

One evening as my daughter was doing her history homework, she asked me to tell her what I knew about Galileo.
"Well honey all I really know is that ... he was a poor boy, from a poor family..."

History teaches us that people developed their last names in ancient times for doing what they were known for in a village.

If, for example, your last name is "Smith" then chances are your family line had some artisan blacksmiths to boot.
I wonder what the last name "Dickinson" meant for people back in those days?

I've got a long history of s**... in my family; the good news is it skips a generation...

so if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

Lost Chapter In Genesis

Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.