Family Bible Jokes

The blob.

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary and the baby sat on a recognisably donkeyish steed, led by Joseph. on the ground nearby lay a black blob. 
"What is that?" asked the teacher. "The flea," answered the artist. 
"What flea, dear?" asked the puzzled teacher. 
"The one the Angel told Joseph to take." 
Eventually, puzzled but not liking to challenge an imaginative child, the teacher checked out her Bible. And there it was : Matthew 2:13 "......the angel of the Lord saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt..........."

A family decides to invite their priest over for dinner...

They have a great dinner talking about religion and how it helps with their daily lives. After dinner when the priest leaves, the wife comes back to the table to find out that one of their silver spoons is missing. The wife asks her husband if it might be the priest but the husband says that it cant be as he is a righteous man. The wife decides to let it go.
The following year they decide to invite the priest for dinner again. This time as the priest sits down at the table, the wife cannot help herself but ask if the priest had taken their spoon last year. The priest looks at her and says, I left it between the pages of your bible.

This kid passed his driving test . . . .

This kid passed his driving test and said to his dad:
"How about me borrowing the family car dad?"
His dad said:
"You get your grades up to a B, read your Bible a little more and get your hair cut then we'll talk about you borrowing the car."
A month or so later his dad said:
"Congratulations, your grades are up to a B, plus I've noticed you reading your Bible a lot more but you still haven't cut your hair, so no car I'm afraid."
"But dad," the kid said, "in reading my Bible, I have learned that Samson wore his hair long, so did John The Baptist and probably Jesus did too."
"Very true" said his dad, "but did you notice they walked everywhere."

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.

Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

A Bible group study leader says to his group, “What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks left before the great Judgment Day?” A gentleman says, ”I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.” “Very good!” says the group leader. One lady speaks up and says enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.” “That's wonderful!” the group leader comments. One gentleman in the back finally speaks up loudly and says, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the four weeks.” The group leader asks, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?” “Because that will make it the longest four weeks of my life!”