Familiar Jokes
90 familiar jokes and hilarious familiar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about familiar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along as you get to know some of the most familiar jokes around - the ones you can't help but blurt out suddenly as someone approaches you! See why these jokes are usually so satisfying!
Funniest Familiar Short Jokes
Short familiar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The familiar humour may include short comfortable jokes also.
- You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is? It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.
- Why are gay people so much better at fashion? Because they're very familiar with the closet.
- You guys are familiar with Freudian slips right? It's when you say one thing, but mean your mother.
- A vegetarian girl told me I looked familiar... But I was certain that I hadn't met herbivore.
- The word Algo may not sound familiar to English speakers. But in Spanish it really means something.
- Two Egyptians sailed far out, into the sea "We've sailed too far from the port! I can't see anything familiar" Says one
"We can't have sailed too far" Says the other
They were in de-Nile - I just got done playing Tony Hawk's Pro Masturbator 2. If you're not familiar with that game it's where you pretend you are Tony, while grinding away on a gnarly rail bro.
- It's no wonder Trump supporters can't figure out how they got through 650k emails in 8 days Everyone knows only liberals are familiar with hash.
- Mad Hatters Two Indonesians met in the Great Marketplace, and one said to the other: "I can't remember your name, but your Fez is familiar."
- Two cannibals are eating a corpse during a blizzard One sees a figure in the distance and asks, "You think that was Dad?"
The other says, "Yeah I thought that tasted familiar"
Share These Familiar Jokes With Friends
Familiar One Liners
Which familiar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with familiar? I can suggest the ones about close friends and experienced.
- I met this vegetarian and she looks very familiar Seems like I met herbivore
- What did the vegan say when he saw someone familiar? I've seen herbivore.
- A hot stove has something familiar to it but I can't put my finger on it
- THIS SEEMS FAMILIAR… Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Dejav.
Dejav who?
Knock! Knock! - Why do witches trust black cats? Because their familiar
- Are you familiar with Chomsky's work? Yeah I Noam.
- You familiar with ASMR? It's when a country boy has difficulty breathing.
- An ancient greek statue goes to Hawaii. He said, "This looks strangely familiar."
- What did the Lesbian say to the Fish? You smell familiar.
- What is the song badminton fans are most familiar with? The Chinese National Anthem
- What did the stripper say to the father figure? "Well you don't look very familiar..."
- "Hello World" "Hello World"
Sounds familiar? - Why did email come easy to the lumberjack? He was already very familiar with loggin'
:D - What did a termite said to another? All around me are familiar f**....
You Look Familiar Jokes
Here is a list of funny you look familiar jokes and even better you look familiar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend asked me if she was the first girl I ever kissed. I was completely honest when I told her that's why so looked so familiar.
- After a hot night of s**... a guy asks his blonde partner:" Am I the first man you had s**... with?" She looks at him long and says:" You might be the first one because you really look familiar!"
- p**... and Murphy find a mirror p**... and Murphy find a mirror. p**... picks it up, has a look and says to Murphy " that bloke looks really familiar ". Murphy grabs it off him " Its me you idiot "
- A s**... guy holding a mirror... While he's looking at his face...
He tells his friend: this face is familiar.
The other s**... guy takes the mirror...
And says: you idiot thats me.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Familiar Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about familiar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean relatives jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make familiar pranks.
As someone died, Saint. Peter gave him a tour to the new place.
While wandering he sees an old familiar guy who was accompanied by a very ugly woman.
He asks Saint Peter: "But how does the man walks around with a woman like that when he spent his life with the most beautiful women?"
"Oh my child, he killed a pigeon when he was alive and now he is being punished."
They walk further down, and meets another friend with a frighteningly ugly women.
"Holy God but he was circulated only by models when he was alive, how come he withstands this now?"
"O my child that man killed two pigeons when he was alive."
They continued wandering and suddenly he sees someone who was so ugly and s**... and never had any woman when he lived.
But he was accompanied by THE WOMAN!
Extra tall and hotty.
The man lost his mind.
"Holy God, but such an ugly face with such a gorgeous woman?"
"Yes my son, but this hotty burned the whole pigeon house, when she was alive!"
Everyone is familiar with the story of the Wizard of Oz, right?
Dorothy and her dog get flown away in a tornado, and end up in the magical land of Oz. Obviously Dorothy misses her family and home, but her dog, Toto, he misses the rains down in Africa."
Bagpiper at a f**...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;
"I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR TWENTY YEARS."
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.
She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
A new project has started in Egypt;
The government has begun to put more cars on the road, ordering them to beep occasionally. As a result, the familiar sounds of the city will be returned in order to calm the residents of Egypt.
They have called this operation toot-and-calm-em.
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
The day after Beethoven's f**...
The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
two blondes and a mirror
two blondes are walking along together when one of the pulls out her make up mirror, looking in to the mirror she says
"oh there is a face in there, wow that face looks familiar, where do I know that face from?"
Her friend grabs the mirror from her, has a long look and replies
"you idiot, that's me!"
Looking for a joke about being s**....
Sorry, there's no punchline, this isn't a joke.
I was hoping someone could help me here, though.
I'm trying to remember a joke that was told my a while ago by a Southern man after he passed out drunk. It was something along the lines of "Where is s**... in the dictionary? Between X and Y," where X and Y are two relevant words that start with "s."
Any ideas? Variations? Sound familiar?
Thanks!
Two Blondes on a Street
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You d**..., it's me!"
Two blondes walking
Two blondes were walking down the street when the came across a compact mirror laying on the sidewalk. One of the blondes picked the mirror up and looked in it. She said, "man, this chick looks familiar." The other blonde grabs the mirror, looks in it, and replied "you idiot, that's me."
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of...
...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."
HELP? I need help remembering a joke. Is it ok to ask this here?
There was a joke about a guy being pulled over saying he was a clown late for the circus, then he took out road flares to juggle to prove to the cop he was a clown, then maybe somebody else drove by or something... does this sound familiar to anyone?
Two dogs meet on the street and sniff each other...
Finally one says, "I don't recall your name but your f**... familiar."
M. Night Shyamalan
Mark: While grocery shopping last night, I noticed the overweight cashier looked really familiar. It wasn't until I left that I realized it was Chubby Checker. Irony, right?
Paul: What do you mean?
Mark: Chubby Checker was a chubby checker.
Paul: I still don't get it.
Mark: That's The Twist!
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.
Communist Nudists
These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.
The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"
To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"
Chinese Government Blames U.S. for explosions, will now send troops over to the U.S.
Sounds familiar though
Jared Fogle will feel a sense of familiarity in jail.
Even inside jail, he'll be enjoying fresh meat.
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...
...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?
She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?
No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher
Alcoholic Horse
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?
The horse ponders for a minute and responds, I don't think I am , and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
I'm not real familiar with who this Rorschach guy is...
...but he sure loves painting pictures of n**... dudes.
I learned the definition of 'Existential Nihilism' today…
Apparently I'm already familiar with its meaning…
All around me are familiar faces...
God d**.... One day in going to find my way out of this hall of mirrors.
Two men are walking side by side down the street
One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it, and says, This guy looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know him from. The other guy grabs it from his hand, takes a look at it, and says, It's me, you idiot!
Most countries around the world are now familiar with the k**... "daddy dom"...
But in India it's called papadom!
Of course.
Two blondes are walking along and they find a compact (for make-up) on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, opens it and looks in the little mirror.
Oh! , she says. This person looks very familiar!
The other blonde grabs the compact, looks in the mirror and says,
Well of course, you d**.... It's ME!
A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.
Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!
Why would pirates be great at fixing and drying clothing?
They're very familiar with patches and pegs
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
Jack walked into a bar...
He sits down and orders a drink.
He sees familiar faces around the bar, like his good old friend Gerald.
He tried to get up from his seat, but he was stuck.
Gerald noticed the commotion and went to help.
Gerald helped his friend, Jack, off.
Two cannibals are eating a relative. One says to the other:
"Does this taste familiar to you?"
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Two soldiers are out on a sabotage mission
One the soldiers asks the other are you familiar with the handling of explosives?
The other soldier replies I handled a bombshell once. Unfortunately she was married.
Have you heard about Cario's taxi drivers?
The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns.
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.
First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy s**... man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."
3 Docs needed…
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the t**..., and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play
On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.
What's wrong? he asked.
The dejected man looked up. You look familiar he said.
I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me
I am Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback the man said in between sobs.
Ah said Thi Xix Hao. So what troubles you?
Never made it as a wiseman. Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. And, Thi Xix Hao, you remind me…
As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face.
I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.
Milton, I asked, puzzled, how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?
I was in prison, he answered. You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.
That's not possible, I said. I wasn't even a judge then.
No, you weren't the judge, the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. You were my lawyer.
I was lost walking through a cemetery when I came upon a grave that looked familiar. I put my flowers on it and went to walk away.
A nearby man called out Hey! That's my grandmothers grave! Your Grandma's is a few over!
Startled and embarrassed I answered back Sorry! I've made a grave mistake!
I was lost walking through a cemetery when I came upon a grave that looked familiar. I put my flowers on it and went to walk away.
A nearby man called out Hey! That's my grandmothers grave! The person you're looking for must be further down! Startled and embarrassed I answered back Sorry! I've made a grave mistake!
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks the horse if he's an alcoholic because he's always there, and the horse replies, "I don't think I am." Then p**...! The horse disappears.
Some of you are giggling at this because you're familiar with the philosophical proposition of *cogito ergo sum*, or "I think, therefore I am."
I could have explained that beforehand, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!
Two lawn workers were taking a break in the yard
From down the block they heard a familiar mournful tune coming from the local church.
"Guess there's a f**... in town today," one man said. "Wonder who died?"
The second man said "I'm not sure but usually it's the one in the coffin."
