Familiar Jokes
85 familiar jokes and hilarious familiar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about familiar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along as you get to know some of the most familiar jokes around - the ones you can't help but blurt out suddenly as someone approaches you! See why these jokes are usually so satisfying!
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Funniest Familiar Short Jokes
Short familiar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The familiar humour may include short comfortable jokes also.
- The word Algo may not sound familiar to English speakers. But in Spanish it really means something.
- Two Egyptians sailed far out, into the sea "We've sailed too far from the port! I can't see anything familiar" Says one
"We can't have sailed too far" Says the other
They were in de-Nile - Mad Hatters Two Indonesians met in the Great Marketplace, and one said to the other: "I can't remember your name, but your Fez is familiar."
- My girlfriend asked me if she was the first girl I ever kissed. I was completely honest when I told her that's why so looked so familiar.
- Why would pirates be great at fixing and drying clothing? They're very familiar with patches and pegs
- I learned the definition of 'Existential Nihilism' today… Apparently I'm already familiar with its meaning…
- Chinese Government Blames U.S. for explosions, will now send troops over to the U.S. Sounds familiar though
- ME: Hey, Flavor Flav. Are you familiar with molecular gastronomy? FLAVOR FLAV: Yeah! ElBulli!
Share These Familiar Jokes With Friends
Familiar One Liners
Which familiar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with familiar? I can suggest the ones about close friends and relatives.
- What did the vegan say when he saw someone familiar? I've seen herbivore.
- A hot stove has something familiar to it but I can't put my finger on it
- THIS SEEMS FAMILIAR… Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Dejav.
Dejav who?
Knock! Knock! - Why do witches trust black cats? Because their familiar
- Are you familiar with Chomsky's work? Yeah I Noam.
- You familiar with ASMR? It's when a country boy has difficulty breathing.
- An ancient greek statue goes to Hawaii. He said, "This looks strangely familiar."
- What did the Lesbian say to the Fish? You smell familiar.
- What is the song badminton fans are most familiar with? The Chinese National Anthem
- What did the stripper say to the father figure? "Well you don't look very familiar..."
- "Hello World" "Hello World"
Sounds familiar? - Why did email come easy to the lumberjack? He was already very familiar with loggin'
:D - What did a termite said to another? All around me are familiar f**....
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Familiar Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about familiar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pleasant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make familiar pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As someone died, Saint. Peter gave him a tour to the new place.
While wandering he sees an old familiar guy who was accompanied by a very ugly woman.
He asks Saint Peter: "But how does the man walks around with a woman like that when he spent his life with the most beautiful women?"
"Oh my child, he killed a pigeon when he was alive and now he is being punished."
They walk further down, and meets another friend with a frighteningly ugly women.
"Holy God but he was circulated only by models when he was alive, how come he withstands this now?"
"O my child that man killed two pigeons when he was alive."
They continued wandering and suddenly he sees someone who was so ugly and s**... and never had any woman when he lived.
But he was accompanied by THE WOMAN!
Extra tall and hotty.
The man lost his mind.
"Holy God, but such an ugly face with such a gorgeous woman?"
"Yes my son, but this hotty burned the whole pigeon house, when she was alive!"
Everyone is familiar with the story of the Wizard of Oz, right?
Dorothy and her dog get flown away in a tornado, and end up in the magical land of Oz. Obviously Dorothy misses her family and home, but her dog, Toto, he misses the rains down in Africa."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a hot night of s**... a guy asks his blonde partner:" Am I the first man you had s**... with?"
She looks at him long and says:" You might be the first one because you really look familiar!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bagpiper at a f**...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;
"I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR TWENTY YEARS."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bagpipes at a f**...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. Played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept. We all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.
She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Nagging Wife
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over n**..., drying his legs and feet and said "They're not hanging Wright tonight!"
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'
Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)
The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without a word, he heads out to the local bar and has a smoke and a drink and reads a good book, then returns home and gives his wife a passionate kiss. *That* is savoir faire!"
The second gentleman admires the amber color in his glass, puffs on his pipe and says, "No, no, here's what it is. A man comes home from work early. He heads up to his bedroom, opens the door, and he sees his wife in bed with another man. He waves nonchalantly and graciously says, '*continuez, monsieur!*' and walks around the block for an hour or two, smelling the crisp autumn evening. That, my friends, is savoir faire."
The third man rests his glass on the table and says, "Gentlemen. You've found yourself in a familiar situation. A glance across a crowded room, an accidental touch of the hand, and suddenly you're in bed with a woman you've just met. You hear footfalls on the stairs. The door opens and the woman's husband enters. He puts on his hat, gives a nonchalant wave of his hand and graciously says, '*continuez monsieur!*' And you are *able* to continue. That is savoir faire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
A new project has started in Egypt;
The government has begun to put more cars on the road, ordering them to beep occasionally. As a result, the familiar sounds of the city will be returned in order to calm the residents of Egypt.
They have called this operation toot-and-calm-em.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I played for a homeless mans f**...
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The day after Beethoven's f**...
The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
Uncle just told me this one.
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"
The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh, I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66. How bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where'd you go to college?" "Beloit, in Wisconsin." "No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this..."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you wont believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
two blondes and a mirror
two blondes are walking along together when one of the pulls out her make up mirror, looking in to the mirror she says
"oh there is a face in there, wow that face looks familiar, where do I know that face from?"
Her friend grabs the mirror from her, has a long look and replies
"you idiot, that's me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Looking for a joke about being s**....
Sorry, there's no punchline, this isn't a joke.
I was hoping someone could help me here, though.
I'm trying to remember a joke that was told my a while ago by a Southern man after he passed out drunk. It was something along the lines of "Where is s**... in the dictionary? Between X and Y," where X and Y are two relevant words that start with "s."
Any ideas? Variations? Sound familiar?
Thanks!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Englishman and p**... Irishman
p**... Englishman and p**... Irishman are walking along the beach together, when they come upon a lamp in the sand. Being familiar with such clichés, they picked up the lamp, rubbed it, and lo and behold a genie appeared before them.
"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you both one wish each."
p**... Englishman goes first, and thinks silently for a moment:
"Well, genie, I love my country, and I'm sick of it being ruined by lazy immigrants who do nothing but live off of state benefits and handouts. I wish all the immigrants were gone from my country, and that it was just us English that lived there. Furthermore, I want a giant wall built around the coast and borders of England so nobody else can get in."
"Done" says the genie, and **p**...** p**... Englishman is back in England with the rest of his compatriots
"Genie," says p**... Irishman, "tell me more of this giant wall surrounding England"
"Well, it's over a mile high and half a mile thick. Nothing can get in or out." the genie replied
p**... Irishman thought for a moment, then looked to the genie and said:
"Fill it with water."
I was standing in line at the supermarket checkout last week.
I turned around and saw a beautiful young woman who looked a little familiar. I told her that I thought I knew her, to which she replied, "Well you should remember me. You`re the father of one of my kids."
I had to stop and think, and then it hit me. "New Years Eve - 2008. That rooftop party in San Diego! Wow! We got so high together, didn`t we? That was some night, huh? I guess I should have stayed in touch."
She looked at me a little puzzled and said, "What are you talking about? I am your son`s pre-school teacher."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was an old cathedral in rural England...
There once was an old cathedral in rural England. It was near a small village and most of the people that lived there attended church every week. This was a sad time for the people of this village, as the much beloved bell ringer for the church had fallen ill and died.
The head minister of this cathedral had taken the death quite hardly, as he had been good friends with the man. Reluctantly, he put up a notice in the village square that they would be needing a replacement bell ringer. He knew that a man for the job was needed before the f**... of the old ringer.
Now, the day after notice was posted, the minister was in his study reading when a young man no older than 20 walked in. The minister looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, young man?"
The man, visibly eager to speak, replied, "I'm here about the posting you've made. I want to be the next bell ringer." There was an enthusiasm on this man's face that caught the minister's attention.
The minister, somewhat recognizing this enthusiasm, inquired, "Well that may be something we could discuss. But first, I must know, have I seen you here at the church or around town? You seem rather familiar."
"No, sir, I don't believe we've met before," the man replied.
"Ah, well then, it's very nice to make your acquaintance," said the minister. He reached out to shake the young man's hand, when he noticed something very out of the ordinary. The man had no arms! The minister pulled back his hand and apologized for the gesture.
"It's no problem, sir, I've been without them for my whole life, I'm quite used to that." The man redirected the conversation back to the job. "Now, I'd really like to talk about becoming the next bell ringer!"
The minister, slightly taken aback, wondered whether the armless man was serious. "My dear boy, surely you must be joking. You've got no arms! I mean no offense, but there is no way you could pull those heavy ropes to ring the bells."
The young man still had an eagerness about him, insisting that the minister give him a shot. "I can do it, let me show you! Please sir, I know I can do it. Come with me up the bell tower and I'll show you!"
At this point, the minister was wondering whether the man had some sort of brain damage as well. There was absolutely no way a man with no arms could ring those bells. But, being the generous man that he was, the minister decided to at least humor the man and go up into the bell tower with him.
Once they reached the top of the tower where the bells were held, the minister asked how the young man was going to ring them. "Like this," he simply replied with an odd smile on his face. The man took some step back towards one open arches that made up the bell tower, disregarding the ropes that hung next to him. He began walking slowly, then burst into a sprint, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
The minister couldn't believe it. This armless man had just mad the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard come out of that bell. Astounded, he turned to the man and exclaimed, "Dear boy, did you really just do that?"
Unfazed, the young man responded excitedly, "Yes sir! Would you like me to do it again?" Without waiting for an answer, the man once again stepped back to the arch, took a running start, jumped, and smacked his forehead against the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
Now, the minister was truly speechless. Although his previous thoughts about brain damage were almost certainly proven, he simply could not believe how beautiful the sound was that the bell made. He looked at the man, seeing no sign of harm to his head, but only a smile that showed how confident he was. The minister then made the final decision to make this young man the next bell ringer.
A few days had passed, and it was time for the f**... for the former ringer. Nearly the entire village showed up to mourn his passing. As the f**... dragged on as only funerals can, the newly appointed ringer made his way up the tower to give the bells a good BWONG-ing after the final eulogy had ended. This was his biggest break, his chance to show the entire village that he could be a great ringer. The excitement from that first day had swelled up until this point.
He listed for the sound of the last "Amen" from the congregation. It was his time now. The armless man closed his eyes to take it all in. After a deep sigh, he took some steps back, broke into a run, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell. Then, to his surprise, he tripped on a large old nail as he landed, stumbled toward one of the arches, and, unable to balance himself, fell out of the tower to his death.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG ... ... ... SPLAT!
The f**...-goers heard this strange sound and all rushed outside to see what was the matter. To their surprise, they found the newly appointed ringer dead on the ground. The crowd began talking among themselves, wondering who knew this man and whether any of his family was present. One man thought he had recognized the deceased man earlier with a family, but couldn't quite put his finger on it whether it was him or not. Everyone could agree that this man looked familiar.
As the minister finally reached the body through the crowd, he knelt down and wept beside him. A woman in the crowd asked, "Father, did you know who this man was?"
"No," he solemnly answered, "but his face sure rang a bell."
Familiarity on the job.
A manager in a large company noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Blondes on a Street
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You d**..., it's me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes walking
Two blondes were walking down the street when the came across a compact mirror laying on the sidewalk. One of the blondes picked the mirror up and looked in it. She said, "man, this chick looks familiar." The other blonde grabs the mirror, looks in it, and replied "you idiot, that's me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and Murphy find a mirror
p**... and Murphy find a mirror. p**... picks it up, has a look and says to Murphy " that bloke looks really familiar ". Murphy grabs it off him " Its me you idiot "
A elderly woman receives her invitation for the local doctor's next dinner party in the mail
...but unfortunately she can't make out all of the doctor's terrible handwriting, and therefore doesn't know what time to show up at. Not wishing to be rude by phoning the doctor, she reasons that the local pharmacist would be familiar with the doctor's handwriting and might be able to decipher the invitation for her.
At the pharmacists she gives the invitation to the cashier, explaining "the doctor sent me this today and I simply can't read what it says, do you think the pharmacist could have a look at it for me?"
"That's no problem at all" says the cashier, and makes his way to the back of the store. A few minutes later he returns with a bottle of pills, "The pharmacist has had a look at your note and says you're to take two of these three times a day for the next four weeks".
Jesus keeps an eye on the pearly gates.
St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.
After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."
Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"
The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"
Another Irish Joke
Two men are sitting at a bar in New York. Bartender walks up and says "What will ya have?" At the same time the two men say "A pint of Guinness." They look at each other and one says "You look familiar, are you from Ireland?" The man replies "Yes, Yes I am, from Dublin actually." The other man replies "Me too! What town!?"
The man says "I'm from Belcamp." The other man replies "Me too! What street?"
Man replies "Clonshaugh Road." The other man again replies "I grew up on Clonshaugh Road!"
So the two men carry on drinking and laughing and talking about the old country for a few hours and then go on their way. The evening manager eventually shows up and sees the bar empty. He asks the bartender if it has been slow. The bartender replies "We haven't had any customers yet except for the O'Brien twins."
HELP? I need help remembering a joke. Is it ok to ask this here?
There was a joke about a guy being pulled over saying he was a clown late for the circus, then he took out road flares to juggle to prove to the cop he was a clown, then maybe somebody else drove by or something... does this sound familiar to anyone?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two dogs meet on the street and sniff each other...
Finally one says, "I don't recall your name but your f**... familiar."
M. Night Shyamalan
Mark: While grocery shopping last night, I noticed the overweight cashier looked really familiar. It wasn't until I left that I realized it was Chubby Checker. Irony, right?
Paul: What do you mean?
Mark: Chubby Checker was a chubby checker.
Paul: I still don't get it.
Mark: That's The Twist!
Books Never Written
Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!
*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale
*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous
*Living Long* by Diane Perish
*How to Get Rich* by Robin A. Bank
*I'm So Greedy* by Jenna Russ
*How to Drive a Manual Transmission* by Otto Matic
*How to be a Great Pilot* by Mae Day
*Where to Find Wildebeests* By Sara N. Getti
*Raising Kids* by Bill E. Goat
*Warriors of Feudal Japan* by Sam A. Rye
*Woodwind Instruments* by Clara Net
*Tragedy at the Grand Canyon* by Eileen Dover
*The Human Brain* by Sir E. Brum and Sara Bellum
*Deep in Debt* by Owen A. Lott
*The World is a Big Place* by Mike Robe
*Confessions of a Mental Patient* by Justin Sane
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The s**... and His Father
Little Johnny s**... opened his eyes, in what seemed like hours of being passed out. He rubs his eyes and looks around to see anybody familiar. Luckily, he sees his father, old Matthew s**....
[Johnny:] Dad, where are we?
[Matthew:] I'm afraid I'll have to tell you when you're older.
[Johnny:] Why is that?
[Matthew:] It's because you're p**....
I hope this is funny, I just thought of it a minute ago 😂 If it isn't, help me find a better way to get to the punchline.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Communist Nudists
These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.
The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"
To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...
...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?
She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?
No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher
The surgeon
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All around me are familiar faces...
God d**.... One day in going to find my way out of this hall of mirrors.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... guy holding a mirror...
While he's looking at his face...
He tells his friend: this face is familiar.
The other s**... guy takes the mirror...
And says: you idiot thats me.
Two men are walking side by side down the street
One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it, and says, This guy looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know him from. The other guy grabs it from his hand, takes a look at it, and says, It's me, you idiot!
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office...
"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Most countries around the world are now familiar with the k**... "daddy dom"...
But in India it's called papadom!
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender asks the horse if it wants a drink (we're assuming horses wanting drinks in this bar is a regular occurrence), to which the horse replies "I think not." It promptly disappears.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of *cogito ergo sum*, or *I think, therefore, I am*.
Now, this concept could have been explained to the rest of the audience beforehand, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
Jack walked into a bar...
He sits down and orders a drink.
He sees familiar faces around the bar, like his good old friend Gerald.
He tried to get up from his seat, but he was stuck.
Gerald noticed the commotion and went to help.
Gerald helped his friend, Jack, off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals are eating a relative. One says to the other:
"Does this taste familiar to you?"
Two soldiers are out on a sabotage mission
One the soldiers asks the other are you familiar with the handling of explosives?
The other soldier replies I handled a bombshell once. Unfortunately she was married.
The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got done playing Tony Hawk's Pro Masturbator 2. If you're not familiar with that game it's where you pretend you are Tony,
while grinding away on a gnarly rail bro.
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.
First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy s**... man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."
3 Docs needed…
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the t**..., and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play
On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.
What's wrong? he asked.
The dejected man looked up. You look familiar he said.
I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me
I am Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback the man said in between sobs.
Ah said Thi Xix Hao. So what troubles you?
Never made it as a wiseman. Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. And, Thi Xix Hao, you remind me…
As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face.
I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.
Milton, I asked, puzzled, how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?
I was in prison, he answered. You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.
That's not possible, I said. I wasn't even a judge then.
No, you weren't the judge, the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. You were my lawyer.
I was lost walking through a cemetery when I came upon a grave that looked familiar. I put my flowers on it and went to walk away.
A nearby man called out Hey! That's my grandmothers grave! Your Grandma's is a few over!
Startled and embarrassed I answered back Sorry! I've made a grave mistake!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two lawn workers were taking a break in the yard
From down the block they heard a familiar mournful tune coming from the local church.
"Guess there's a f**... in town today," one man said. "Wonder who died?"
The second man said "I'm not sure but usually it's the one in the coffin."
