fall Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious fall puns

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman:

"Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?"

The woman answers:

"I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for one night, why don't pretend we are married?"

The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies:

"Yeah of course!"

And so the woman says:

"Good. Then fucking get it yourself you lazy ass."

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Men's Helpline

Men's Helpline

"Hello, you have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"

"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"

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i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home

apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

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I woke up to a blowjob this morning.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the subway with my mouth open

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I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

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How to Fall Down the Stairs

Step 1

Step 2

Step 5

Step 9

Step 12

Floor

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I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

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Why did the blind woman fall down the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

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Instructions how to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 14

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Why did the hipster fall into the lake?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

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How to find out if you're old or not:

Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old.

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A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff...

ba dum tss

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A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

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Today I saw a poor, old woman trip and fall.

At least, I assume she was poor. She only had $4.75 in her purse.

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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice..

At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

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Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower of meat all over the place."
Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.


The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars
"Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"

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My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"

My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"

I replied, "my life."

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Today i was woken up with a blowjob..

i will never fall asleep with my mouth open anymore.

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Why girls don't have willys

Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"

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Why did the blind lady fall into the well?

Because... she couldn't see that well.

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TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water

Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

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How to fall down stairs

* Step 1
* Step 2
* Step 4
* Step 15

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An English man meets a Chinese woman in his travels...

They fall in love and live a happy life in England. The woman, however cannot speak in English and has to have her husband translate for her. One day, the man was rather busy and asked her wife to make duck breast. She goes to the butcher but then realizes she doesn't know how to tell him what she wants. As she is about to leave in embarrassment, she comes upon an idea. She points at her breasts, and the butcher understands, giving her the duck breast. On the next day, seeing how the previous day turned out, the man asked the woman to go to the butcher to get chicken legs. When she gets there, after a bit of thinking, raises her skirt and points at her thighs. The butcher gets the message and gives her the chicken legs. On the next day, the man asked the woman to go to the butcher to get sausages. Unable to think of anything, she decides to bring her husband to the butcher with her.

Upon arriving, the husband says "I would like some sausages please".

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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his dumb asphalt

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Woke up to a blow job earlier.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..

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I just got my prostate examined.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.

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One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

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Why did the blind woman fall into the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

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The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

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A Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff

Baa-Dumm-Tsss

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Why did the blind man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

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This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is lucky he takes it to vegas. Put it all on 00 on roulette. Doing so the man hits it for a million. So he rents the presidential suite and they bask in the hot tub for a while and lay on the bed. The man says wow, you've done so much for me I wish there was something I could do for you. The frog says kiss me so he soes and poof! The frog turns into a beautiful 17 year old girl and I swear to god that's how she got there your honor.

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My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...

... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.

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Why did the blind lady fall into the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

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An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?

The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.ο»Ώ

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I went to the liquor store on my bike...

... and bought a bottle of vodka, put it in the basket on the front. It then occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it right then and there, it's a good thing I did because I fell 6 times on the way home.

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A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff

ba-dumm-tss

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Gender Equality

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.

The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.

"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."

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What do men do after orgasm?

1% Do it again
1% Go Smoking
1% Fall Asleep
97% Clear History

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How to fall down stairs

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 11, 12

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You know that tingly sensation you get when you fall in love with somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

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A falling battery killed a man today.

It was charged with murder.

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Why did the polynomial tree fall over?

It didn't have any real roots

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I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

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A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff...

Baa dum tssssss

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Two blondes fall down a well

One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see

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a sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a cliff....

Baaah-Dum-tsssss

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A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

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A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.

One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"

Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall

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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk!

At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

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why do scuba divers go in the water backwards?

because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.

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So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day

...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."

Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."

And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"

And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."

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My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with a bike helmet on...

Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during sex.

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A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff

Baa dum tssssss

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Why did the blind lady fall into a well?

Because she couldn't see that well.


*crickets, crickets*

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Three men are standing at the edge of the roof on a tall sky scraper...

There is a strong wind blowing up the side of the building from below.
One guy says, "This wind is so strong, it will bow you right back up if you happen to fall off, watch!" He steps off the edge and falls about 30 feet before spreading his arms and legs out to catch the air. He slows, then rises back up to land gently on the roof again.
The second guy says "That's awesome, I'm going to try". He steps off the roof and falls 120 stories to his death.
Third guy says "Superman, you are a mean drunk".

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Using the word definitely in a sentence

Someone told me this one today. Hopefully, it's not a repost.

A kindergarten teacher asks her class, "who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

A little girl raises her hand and says, "the sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "sorry Susie, but the sky can also be red at sunset and black at night."

A little boy says, "trees are definitely green."

The teacher says, "sorry, but trees change colors in the fall."

Johnny stands up suddenly and blurts out, "does a fart have lumps?"

Horrified, the teacher exclaims, "Johnny, of course not!"

Johnny sits back down and says, "ok, then I've definitely shit my pants."

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Mens Help Line

MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected
for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs:
if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the
girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home
but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the
shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car
buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and
slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I
noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that
something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

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How to fall down stairs

Step 1

Step 6

Step 7,8,9,11

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A goat, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.

Bah dum tss!

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Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

it'll leave me too.

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The one thing that all women find attractive

...a man who doesn't fall for clickbait

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I woke up to a warm, luscious blowjob today...

That's the last time I fall asleep on a train with my mouth open...

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A father was sitting at the table with his two daughters

Petal and Fridge.

Petal said, "Dad, why is my name Petal?"

Her dad answered, "Because a flower petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born."

Then Fridge said, "HUURRGRRUWAHGUWAAAAAH!"

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What's the difference between IKEA and Theresa May?

A cabinet designed by IKEA doesn't fall apart so easily.

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Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg

Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.

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Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

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Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

Retail store. I know I'm lame.

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I was suddenly awoken with a blowjob this morning.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.

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I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today

Atleast I think she was poor. She only had $.75 in her wallet.

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I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some vodka

But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home

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Why did the old lady fall in the well?

Because she couldn't see that well

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Damn girl, did you fall from heaven?

Cause you're Satan.

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What's the difference between light and hard?

You can fall asleep with a light on.

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Humpty Dumpty always had a terrible summer.

At least he had a great fall.

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Why did the old lady fall into the well?

She didn't see that well

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A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff...

*Baah Dum Tssssss*

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Two ladies meet in heaven

Woman 1 turns to woman 2 and says, "Susan! You're here too? How'd you die?"
Susan: "Beverly! Yep, I'm dead. I froze to death."
Beverly: "That sounds horrible..."
Susan: "No, actually it's quite peaceful. Once you get past the cold, you just fall asleep and die. What about you? How'd you die?
Beverly: "Oh, I had a heart attack."
Susan: "Really? What happened?"
Beverly: "I was certain my husband was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But when I got home, I found him in the den, watching TV."
Susan: "And...?"
Beverly: "I was so sure there was another woman, I ran around the house frantically searching. I checked the attic, the basement, under all the beds, in all the closets. Eventually, I just keeled over and died from a massive heart attack."
Susan: "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive."

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My new girlfriend just said...

"After an orgasm, I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each others arms. What about you?"

I said, "I usually delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away.

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Communism's fall shouldn't have come as a surprise

There were many red flags

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I keep falling off my bike.

It's a vicious cycle.

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I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

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What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer?

Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.

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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his dumb asphalt…

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So, Bob shot a duck and it fell into Tom's property...

...Bob quickly hopped over the fence and went into Tom's backyard to get his meal, but Tom walks outside and finds Bob trespassing.

"Hey, Bob! That duck is in MY property, and it is MINE."

"No way, Tom! I shot this duck fair and square. I shot it, so I eat it!"

"How about this," said Tom. "We both kick each other in the balls, back and forth, back and forth, and the first person to fall on the floor, loses, and has to give up the duck".

"That sounds reasonable. I have a high pain tolerance! Hit me with your best shot!" yelled Bob.

**BOOM**, Tom kicks Bob as hard as he can in the balls. Bob yells in pain, but he is still standing.

"Alright, so you kicked me in the balls, now it's my turn!" exclaimed Bob.

"Nah, man, it's cool, you can keep the duck."

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I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane.

Until he hit the ground.

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Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up."

Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forward they'd still be on the boat. :D

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A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

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I woke up today with a blowjob...

that's the last time I fall asleep on a train with my mouth open

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Why do Scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat

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I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious today.

Well, I'm assuming she was poor because she had only a dollar in her purse.

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Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not going to fall for that one again.

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Who knew that learning Morse Code would change my life forever?

Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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After a disappointing summer,

Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall.

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Why do scuba-divers go in backwards?

Because if they went forward they'd fall in the boat.

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Church

Molly and Charlie were at Sunday school at their local church, and Molly, being tired, began to fall asleep. The Sunday school teacher then proceeded to ask:
''Who came down from heaven to save our souls?''
Charlie sticks a pin in Molly's arm as she wakes up with a start:
''Jesus christ!''
''Well done Molly, thats correct''
Molly then goes back to sleep. The teacher asks her another question:
''Who lives up in heaven and created the earth?''
Charlie again sticks the pin in her arm as she again wakes up:
''God almighty!''
''Correct again Molly''
Molly then goes to sleep for a third time, as the teacher asks her another question:
''What did Eve say to Adam after their 23rd baby?''
Charlie again sticks the pin in her arm as Molly wakes up and shouts:
''If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll snap it in two!''

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Today I was woken up by a blowjob.

I hope I'll never fall asleep in the train with my mouth open again.

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Why did the old man fall in the well?

He couldn't see that well.

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One soldier.

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, Drill sergeant?"

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So my girlfriend is getting a bit older and her teeth are starting to fall out.

It's okay, though. They'll grow back.

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

'cause if they fell forward, they'd still be in the Fuckin' boat!


I'll show myself out.

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Why did the blind lady fall in a well?

because she couldn't see that wellο»Ώ

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Where do animals go when their Tails fall off?

The Retail store

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Adult joke

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. Mother, where do babies come from? The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex. The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey. The child seems to comprehend. Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.

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Why do scuba-divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards they'd fall back into the boat.

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A step-by-step guide: How to fall down stairs

Step 1

Step 6

Step 7,8,9,11

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Me: It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up.

Cop: That's not how sobriety tests work.

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Church is like sex

I fall asleep right after I come

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Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity?

The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

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A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor

A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)

P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"

Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English

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So I woke up to a blowjob this morning...

That's the last time I fall asleep with my mouth open

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I went skydiving today.

The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?

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I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

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Little Mary

Little Mary never did very well in church. She would always fall asleep when the priest was speaking. One day, while Mary was happily sleeping, the Priest said "Mary, who created the Earth as we know it"? The little boy behind Mary got bored, took out a pin, and poked Mary with it in the back. Mary jolted awake and screamed "Oh good Lord"! "Good job"! said the priest. A little later, the Priest asked sleeping Mary "Mary, who was born on December 25th and is celebrated for Christmas?". The little boy stuck the pin in her back again and Mary screamed "Oh Jesus Christ!". "Good job!" said the priest. After Mary yet again fell asleep, the priest asked "Mary, after having their 23rd baby, what did Eve say to Adam?". The boy stuck the pin in Mary's back and she screamed "If you stick that thing into me one more time, I will rip it in half!".

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A little girl comes home with $20

And runs straight to her mum

"mummy look! A boy gave me $20 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"

The mum replied

"honey, he's just doing that so he can see your underwear. Don't fall for their tricks!"

The next day the girl comes home with $50

"mummy look! The same boy gave me $50 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"

The mum replied

"didn't i tell you not to! He's just doing that to see your underwear!"

The girl responded

"don't worry mum, i took my underwear off this time"

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Why did the almost blind man fall into a well?

Because he couldn't see that well

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How to fall down the stairs:

Step 1
Step 6
Step 7
Step 8
Step 9
Step 11

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Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?

Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat.

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Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

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A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit

After a couple days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.

The wolf turns to the moose and says "Look, the bear and I are both carnivores. It's been a couple days without food. You understand, right?"

The moose says "Yeah, I guess you're right. But, listen before you kill and eat me, can I just ask for one last request? There is this birthmark under my tail that supposedly looks like a word, but I've never known what it says. Do you think you could take a look and tell me?"

The wolf says "Of course"

So the wolf and bear get close to the back of the moose and lift up his tail. Right at that moment, the moose gets up on his front legs and kicks both the wolf and bear in the chest.

The wolf is killed instantly. The bear is fatally wounded, and with his dying breath says "I don't even know why the hell I looked. I can't even read."

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The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

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Two nuts were hanging out in a tree. One slipped and started to fall.

The other one said Don't worry man, I'm a cashew

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An emo and a leaf fall from a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The leaf.

The emo is stopped by the rope.

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Many people can't fall asleep due to some obsessive thoughts.

Been thinking about this all night.

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A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff

BA-DUMM-TSS

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I dont know why its called kidnapping,

Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep

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(NSFW) The whole truth

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. Mother, where do babies come from?

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

The child seems to comprehend. Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Jewellery, my dear. Jewellery.

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What do you drive in the fall?

An Autumn-mobile.

I came up with this when I was six :)

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My wife tells me I look uncool wearing a bike helmet

But I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during sex.

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Why did the cat fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

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How to fall down the stairs

Step 1.

Step 2.

Step 5.

Step 8.

Step 13.

Step 17.

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A friend once asked me how to get a fat girl to fall in love with me.

I replied, "piece of cake."

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A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff

Ba - Dumm - Tss

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Why did the black boy fall off his bike?

He didn't. He fell off your bike.

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Falling Bricks

A man is starting his new job at a skyscraper construction site and he is a little nervous. He introduces himself to the other workers.
"H-H-Hello... M-My name is Peter." The Men grunt and continue working. When it's time for lunch, all the men sit on the edge of the building. the man walks over and sits next to them.
"W-What do you do around here for fun?" he asks. A rather large man turns around and says:
"Falling Brick."
"W-Well what's that?"
"Take a Brick and throw it off the edge. while it's falling yell falling brick. It's hilarious watching all the people below scatter."

The man reluctantly takes a brick from the pile. He tosses off the edge of the building.
"F-F-F-F..."

"F-F-F-F..."

"Fffffff..."

"F-F-Fucking got him."

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A man is sitting in a bar just looking at his drink for half an hour

Then this really big truck driver looking guy steps next to him and takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life you show up and drink my poison."

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Irish Gas Station

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Rory McIlroy drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is...
"Top o' the mornin to ya"
As Rory gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
"What are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Rory.
"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Rory.
"Aw, Jaysus, Maryan' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything..."

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Instructions how to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4









Step 16

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Mother explaining where babies come from to her daughter

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

Mother, where do babies come from?

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

The child seems to comprehend. Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth.
What do you get when you do that?

Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.

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I came up with a clever strategy to get my girlfriend to like my wordplay-loving family....

....but she didn't fall for my punning clan.

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So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head in front of heaven..

and in order for them to enter, they must climb 100 steps of stairs. They may take 1 step at a time whenever God tells them a joke and they cannot laugh, otherwise they will fall down to hell.
The Red head falls down on the 55th stair, the Brunette falls down on the 70th stair, and the blonde falls down on the 99th stair.
God then asks the blonde, "You were so close! Why did you laugh?"
And the blonde woman answered, "I just got the first joke.."

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Friends are like trees

They fall down when you hit them with an axe

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Mama whale and Papa whale ...

... swim and look upon sailors coming towards them. The sailors are on small boats and have their spear in hand.

Papa whale says to mama whale:

-"They're hunting us, we should make bubbles and tip them over."

The mama whale agrees. They dive underneath the ships and blow so many bubbles that the ships capsize and the sailors fall into the water, but they still have their spears in their hands. Papa whale is still weary.

He says to mama whale:

-"We should eat them".

Mama whale says:

-"Listen, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing seamen."

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I know a hypnotist who could control the whole audience.

He'd enter the room, say 'sleep' and everyone would fall asleep.
He'd say ''laugh'', the audience would burst out laughing.

One day, he entered the room where he would make his show as usual, but tripped in the stairs; and yelled ''shit''!

The room took three hours to clean.

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Pride is like the summer...

It comes before the fall.

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Why do lions only mate in the summer?

Because the pride cometh before the fall

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How to tell if you are old?

Pretend to fall down. If people laugh, you are not old yet.

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A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs"...

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 10, 11...

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What are the best Fall puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Fall? Well, here are the best jokes about Fall to have fun with.

Joko Jokes