Fall Guys Jokes
128 fall guys jokes and hilarious fall guys puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fall guys that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fall Guys Short Jokes
Short fall guys jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fall guys humour may include short fall break jokes also.
- I was at the airport when I saw a guy fall unconscious on the baggage carousel. He came around slowly.
- I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
- What's the difference between 'Light' and 'Hard'? Guys can fall asleep with a light on....
- What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building? 20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!*
1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!* - Two Melons Fall In Love The guy says, I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don't want to wait. Let's run away to Vegas together.
The girl replies, No, baby. I cantaloupe. - I was walking along and I saw a guy fall into a nest of mosquitoes... ...it was malarious!
- A window pops out of a skyscraper and falls on a guy, completely slicing off the entire left side of his body. He's alright now.
- What do you call the action where a dead guy falls out of a car and you have to put him back in? A rehearsal
- Two guys are walking through Africa when one of them falls in a river... "Hey, you fell in de river!" Says his friend
"No I didn't!" he says
"Oh you just in de-Nile!" - A man was spotted carrying several stolen flannel shirts and scarves, as well as two gallons of cider when stopped by police the man claimed that he was "just a Fall guy"
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Fall Guys One Liners
Which fall guys one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fall guys? I can suggest the ones about fall season and fall.
- I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.
- I'm in a gaming clan and our favorite season is Autumn We're the Fall Guys
- How do you make a guy with one arm fall out of a tree? Wave
- What do you call a guy who falls into a yellowstone hot spring? Stew.
- Did you hear about the guy who survived going over Niagara Falls? He barrel-y made it.
- Why did the blind guy almost fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well
- Did you hear WHO is going to be the fall guy for the Covid-19 situation? Who is?
WHO! - What's the most embarrassing level on Mario Kart? Shy Guy Falls
- What do you call the guy whose feet always fall asleep? Comatoes
- Falling for a guy you have a warm feeling in your gut for #justdarthmaulthings
- Why did the guy fall over after walking into a bar? He couldn't hold his drink
- What do you call a Greek guy falling off a cliff? Condescending .............
- Two guys walk down the street And one falls through the window
- A Guy Rides A Motorcycle And he falls over.
- Bicycle joke Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?
Because I threw a microwave at him
Fall Guys Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fall guys you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gravity falls jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fall guys pranks.
A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to bl*w me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts bl*wing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says, "Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says, "Sure," and the other guy says, "Okay, just don't hit me that hard."
A guy falls down in the street. To make sure he is not embarrassed in front of the neighbors, he crawled all the way home.
Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.
The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.
The robbery begins.
The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash.
Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," he said.
He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.
About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.
As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!"
The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up.
I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.
Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.
Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"
"That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig.
"Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist.
In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.
Two guys were out hunting. . .
Two guys are out hunting and while they were walking one of them grabs his chest and falls forward
Panicked the other guy calls 911 and says I think my friend is dead . . .
The operator says "ok calm down first lets make sure he is dead."
It goes silent on the hunters end and then you hear a gunshot. . .
The guy gets on the phone and says "okay, now what?"
Two Men Go Hunting
A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Dreams.
3 guys are camping, and after a night of drinks & laughs around the fire, they climb into their tent and fall asleep side by side.
The next morning, the guy on the left wakes up smiling. "I had a dream I was getting j**... off all night by a supermodel!"
The guy on the right chimes in. "Me too, but it was my hot neighbour!"
The guy in the middle looks a bit dejected. "Lucky b**.... I just dreamed I was skiing."
An Odd f**......
A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual f**... procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.
"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a f**... like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"
"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.
"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."
"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"
"Get in line." answers the guy.
Two friends are talking...
and the first guy notices his buddy is looking like he has something bugging him.
He asks his friend, "Man, you look like you got something on your mind. What's up?"
"I just had a rough night. I went to the bar, got falling-down drunk, and when I got home, I wrecked my car into the tree. What's even worse is when I went inside, I started blowing chunks." Man number two explains.
The first friend says, "That's terrible about your car. How is that not the worst part?"
The second man says, "Chunks is my dog."
The memo
An older man hires a guy every fall and his only job is to use my leaf blower and get the leaves out my yard.
He only pays in checks though. Just so he may write "thanks for the blow" on the memo line.
The time Newfoundland went to war with Quebec
One time Newfoundland and Quebec went to war. A Newfie, being patriotic, signed up to fight and went into basic training. Now, Newfoundland was a poor province and the army didn't have enough guns so the guys was told to just pretend to have gun and shout "bang, bang".
Eventually he finished training and his unit was deployed. He still didn't have a gun so when they went up against the Quebeckers he did the only thing he knew, he pretended he had a gun and went "Bang, bang." Amazingly, when he did this the Quebeckers he was aiming at would fall down. So he kept going "Bang, bang" and was very effective as a soldier. He was a good shot.
Then, he looked up and saw a big Quebecker coming down the hill towards him. So he aimed and went "Bang, bang". The guy kept coming. "Bang, bang" - no effect. "Bang, bang" - no effect.
Eventually the Qiuebecker ran right over him and continued down the hill going "Tankity, tankity, tankity".
A guy is out hunting...
He sees a bear and shoots at it. He misses, and suddenly slips and falls down the mountainside. His leg is caught in a bear trap, and the bear is coming right towards him. He cries out, "Lord, I know I've done some bad things in my life, but I promise to repent now if you make this bear a Christian!" The bear skids to a halt, drops to his knees, clasps his paws together and says, "O Lord, I thank you for the food I am about to receive!"
Stable bulls
One for the old folks...
Along the coast in California, there is a large dairy herds that graze the hillsides. The sun and the rain produce wonderful pastureland. The best eating was at the tops of the hills, but when the ocean breezes turn to gales, the cows are often blown right off their feet. So mostly, they huddled in the valleys, picking over what they could find.
The bulls on the other hand, enjoyed the tender shoots at the top of the hills. The wind, and even the occasional tremor seem to have no affect on them. This caused not just a little muttering and consternation among the cows.
One particularly windy day, the bravest (and hungriest) of the females struggled to the top of the hill to talk to the bulls. She fell over twice on the way up, but she was determined to find out their secret. "How do you guys stand up here?" she asked.
Looking up from a particularly sweet patch of clover, the oldest one said "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."
Two friends are fishing for carp...
...when one of them stands up and as he does, his wallet falls into the water and slowly starts to sink to the bottom of the lake.
As he feverishly attempts to retrieve it, two huge carp appear and both grab the wallet in their mouths and start fighting over it.
The second guy turns to his friend and says, "First time I see carp to carp walleting."
A skydiver jumps out of a plane...
He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."
(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)
Two guys are out hunting
Two guys are out hunting and one of them falls down a ravine. The other one run down to him, can't find a pulse, and calls calls 911 and says "Help me my friend is dead! I don't know what to do!" The operator says "That's okay just calm down I'm going to help. Now let's start by making sure he's actually dead." There's silence on the line and then a gunshot is heard. The guy comes back on the line and says "Okay now what?"
Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...
They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.
(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)
Good news, Bad news joke
Doctor: I have good news, and I have bad news. Which do you want first?
Man: I want the good news first.
Doctor: Well, you have 24 hours to live.
Man: That's the good new?! What's the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is that I should have told you yesterday.
Man: *Falls over, and dies*
Do you guys have better good news, bad new joke?
Three Aussie guys...
Three Aussie guys, Gazza, Bazza and Wozza, were working on a high-rise building in Woolloomooloo. Unfortunately, Gazza falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bazza says, 'Someone should go and tell his wife.'
Wozza says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bazza says, 'Where did you get that, Wozza?'
'Gazza's wife gave it to me.'
Bazza continues, 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?'
'Well not exactly,' Wozza said. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Gazza's widow".'
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Beer you are.'
Fast Thinker
Guy's first time parachuting... yada yada c**... fails, reserve fails. He's falling. But he sees a speck coming up toward him, faster than he's falling. He realizes it's a guy and figuring he has nothing to lose, he yells,
"Hey do you know anything about parachutes?"
and as they pass the other guy yells back,
"Sorry man, I don't . Do you know anything about propane BBQs?"
Falling Down In Life
So there is this guy whose life is not going very well. He's lost his wife and his job and spends all of his nights in a bar. One night he is strolling home, totally wasted. As he is walking, a non crosses his path on the sidewalk and when they cross, he hits her in the face, really hard. The non goes down to the floor and he gives her a few more punches and kicks. While she is grasping for air, bleeding from her face, he just stands there. Struggling to maintain balance he slurs: 'Not so tough tonight huh Batman...'
A guy at a bar is just looking at his drink... (Long)
...He stays like that for about half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes his drink, and drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another one.' The man says, 'No, its not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep and got late to work. My boss is outraged and fires me. When I leave to go to my car, I found it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.'
Another jewish gag
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
A l**... is sitting at a lunch counter eating soup.
Suddenly the tip of his nose falls off, *plunk*, right in his bowl. Yet he keeps on eating.
The guy to his right starts gagging.
Then one of the l**...'s eyelids falls off, *plunk*. Again he goes on slurping.
The guy on his left starts dry heaving.
Suddenly the l**... stops and says, "I'm sorry gentlemen, am I making you sick by eating here?"
"It's not that," replies one of the fellows. "It's the guy behind you dipping chips in your back!"
Box of condoms fall onto v**...'s lap on the way to the drive-in...
v**... - "What are these?"
Guy - "Umm.. those..those are cigarette holders!"
v**... - "Where do you get these cigarette holders?"
Guy - "At the pharmacy."
(The next day the v**... goes to the pharmacy to get herself some cigarette holders)
Pharmacist - "How may I help you?"
v**... - "I'd like a box of condoms, please."
Pharmacist - "Okay, what size do you need, Miss?"
v**... - "I'd say big enough for a camel!"
Alright guys lets make a thread about the sickest most twisted dark humour joke you've ever heard.
What's the difference between a small child and a bag of c**...?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of c**... fall out of a window.
A guy walks into a bar...
.... with a giraffe.
They sit down at the bar and start drinking beer after beer and shot after shot.
Finally, the giraffe passes out and falls to the floor. The guy pays the tab and is just about to leave when the bartender says: "Hey! You gonna leave that lyin' there?" - "Not a lion, a giraffe!"
The struggle
Guy: goes to get a drink out of the fridge, can falls and hits him on the head.
Friend: Dont worry man, it was a soft drink.
:v
A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree
He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas g**... and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."
A new patient arrives to the asylum...
and sees that the others are sitting around on chairs and telling each others numbers.
One of them goes - 65 - big laughter.
Then the next one: - 23 - Even more laughs from the crowd.
He asks the caretaker what's going on. - Oh, they are always telling the same jokes, so they numbered them and now just tell the numbers instead.
The new guy decides to try it and says the first number that comes to his mind - ...213.
Now the patients are laughing frantically, a few almost fall off their chairs. Finally he asks them: - Why are you laughing so hard?
\- We never heard this one before.
An American, a German, a Jew and a Chinese guy were walking through the woods...
A caterpillar falls on the American. The American throws it to the German, the German throws it to the Jew and the Jew throws it to the Chinese guy, who eats it. They walk a bit more and another caterpillar falls on the American. He throws to it the German, the German throws it to the Jew. The Jew turns the Chinese guy and tells him - "hey man, wanna buy a caterpillar?"
What's the difference between a little guy with a p**... o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off?
One's a leprechaun and the other's a l**...-con.
swimming pool wishes
At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"
Guy gets on a city bus...
and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great s**...! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have s**... with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!
Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.
They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"
If a blonde and an Asian guy fall off a cliff, who hits the ground first?
The Asian guy because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
A guy goes to his psychiatrist . . .
And he tells him, "doc, something is wrong with me. Every night I fall asleep and I am awakened by one of two alternating dreams; one night I'm a teepee, and the next night I'm a wigwam. You gotta help me, doc, it's driving me crazy!"
The doctor thinks for a minute, then looks up at the man and says, "you're two tents."
Two Scottish guys are playing with a potato launcher.
o**... accidentally fires at his friend's c**.... His friend falls to the ground and screams, "MY BANGERS ARE MASHED!"
2 Guys go Camping...
They both fall asleep in a tent. The first guy wakes up in the middle of the night, and wakes the second guy up.
Guy 1: "Hey, look up, what do you see?"
Guy 2: "I see stars"
Guy 1: "Yeah, and what do you think that means?"
Guy 2: "Well, considering how many stars I see, there is a good chance that somewhere out there in the world, there is some other life form for us to discover."
Guy 1: "No you idiot, it means someone stole our tent!"
I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...
... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.
The giraffe gets drunk and falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "ey, you can't just leave that lyin' there! and the man says, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Once in a bar, o**... says to another... "I slept with your mom last night."
The whole bar falls dead silent waiting for the second man's come back. After a while, he laughs and says... "let's go home, dad. You're drunk."
Alright so there's two guys sitting on a fence, Pete and RePete, and Pete falls off....Who's left?
Alright so there's two guys sitting on a fence, Pete and RePete, and Pete falls off....Who's left?
3 Irish brothers always get a pint together after work
2 of them moved away, and the 1 brother who stayed would order 3 pints so it would feel like any other night at the pub with his brothers
One day he orders 2 pints, the pub falls silent and the barkeep says they are on the house and offers his condolences. The barkeep then asks which brother had died and the guy says his brothers are both healthy. "But you only ordered 2 pints" to which he replied "oh, I quit drinking"
A Man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar one night, and he sees a tiny man sitting on the bar playing a piano, so he asks the guy sitting beside him "Wow that's so cool! Where did you get that?"
"There's a genie out back! He's giving out wishes!" So the man walks outside to find the genie.
He walks up to the genie, and the genie says "Hello there! Have you come for a wish?" And the man replied "Yes! I Want a million bucks to fall from the sky!" And just like that, A million DUCKS fall from the sky.
So the man walks back inside and says to the other guy "Hey man that genie is cool and all, but I think he might be hard of hearing."
And the man replied "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.
Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agreed.
"If you're happy and you know it..."
A story from a factory
One day, this guy's at work at a factory that makes glue and whiteout. These two substances are stored in these large vats. One day, the guy falls into one of the vats. His supervisor comes to help and the two start a conversation:
Guy: I'm okay. I just fell into the vat of glue.
Supervisor: You actually fell into the vat of whiteout. See, it says so right there.
Guy: I stand corrected.
A sewage worker has just started his first day on the job
He and his supervisor are standing over a manhole and the new guy begins to climb down.
Suddenly he looks up with a look of mild panic in his eyes and says,
"Wait, what happens if I fall in?"
His supervisor looks down and him and replies,
"Son, if you fall, u**... over you head."
Just trying to be nice...
I saw a guy at the bar, whom looked really drunk, so just trying to be nice, I offered to take him home.
We pulled up to his house, I walked around and opened his door. As I helped him out of the car, he just falls down on his face. I picked him back up and he falls down again. This happens all the way to the front door. Finally, I ring the doorbell. His wife comes to the door and I say, "Ma'am, I brought your husband home from the bar, and he seems to be really drunk". She says, "Thanks, but where is his wheel chair?"
What do you call it when a guy falls off his boyfriend during s**...?
A brodeo.
What do you get when a white guy, a black guy, and a hispanic guy all fall into a giant blender together?
A racial slurry.
I had a conversation with a guy from Scotland the other day.
And somehow we started talking about how many things we have shagged and and then he started falling asleep.
It was so embarrassing for me that my jokes always fall flat, that I finally asked a professional comedian for help.
The guy is a genius, I'm not embarrassed anymore.
A drunk guy falls down from the 2nd floor balcony.
People around gathers to ask him what happened!
He replied," I don't know!! I also came just now"!!
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?
An oldie my Dad constantly tells me
Two men walk into the the theatre to watch a charlie chaplin film. Guy 1 makes a bet: "I bet Chaplin gets bopped the moment he walks around the corner" and guy 2 accepts.
They watch the film and as predicted, Chaplin get hit on the head so guy 2 has to pay up.
The first guy returns the money saying: "It wasn't a fair bet, I had already watched it ahead of time" but guy 2 tells him to keep it: "I did too, but I didn't expect him to fall for the same trick twice".
Bazinga
Three guys - Steve, Bill and Charlie were working on a high rise building.
Steve falls off the rise and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says "Ok, I'm pretty good at handing such sensitive stuff; I'll do it."
2 hours later he comes back carrying a six pack of beer.
Charlie asks "Where did you get that Bill?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable. You told the lady that her husband is dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her 'You must be Steve's widow.
She said, "I'm not a widow.
and I said, "wanna bet me a six pack?
Have you heard of the mafioso who only works between September and December?
He's the fall guy.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs that falls out of a truck going down the highway?
Skip
[Slightly Offensive] A Jew and a black guy jump out of building, which hits the ground first?
The Jew, cuz pennies fall faster than basketballs.
A man is on trial for m**....
The judge asks him to give his version of the story, and how he pleads.
The defendant replies: "Innocent, your honor. I am not sure what exactly happened myself, I was sitting on a park bench, enjoying the nice weather, peeling an apple with my pocket knife, when suddenly this guy trips on the apple peel and falls right on top of my knife."
The judge inquires: " And all this happened 16 times?"
A plane is falling and will eventually c**...
A hot blonde stewardess is running to a handsome Italian guy.
The stewardess takes off her clothes and says If this is going to be my last day on earth, treat me like a women!
The Italian guy takes off his shirt and says Iron this