The Best 44 Faithful Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Faithful jokes. There are some faithful accompany jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these faithful god puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Faithful Jokes and Puns

A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in

Waiter: Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?

Jesus: Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.

Waiter: How did you... oh right, you're Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?

Jesus: Well done, good and faithful servant

Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head.

-- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis.

The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!

The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.

"What you mean 'we', white man?"

A Russian drunk in a streetcar

Another Russian joke. A drunk boards a streetcar, and says out loud:

"All the women to the left of me are idiots, and all the women to the right are whores."

A woman to the right stands up and says, "I've been married for 15 years, and I've always been faithful to my husband, so there."

"Then move to the left."

jokes about faithful

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?


A woman visits her hypnotherapist

A weeping woman visits her hypnotherapist and laments, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and slept with another man... The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"

To which the hypnotherapist replies, "Jesus Christ, not again!"

A old man goes into confession

"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"

"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"

"Well, why are you telling me then??"

"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"

Faithful joke, A old man goes into confession

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Sherlock says

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Watson?"

Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!

What did the dolphin king say at the funeral of his faithful servant?

You have served your porpoise.

A Muslim man went to China...

And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.

He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.

So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"

The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"

Watson, Sherlock Holmes's faithful assistant, asked, "What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?"

Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

You can explore faithful bedside reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean faithful lord dad jokes. There are also faithful puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."

I'm so faithful, I don't even have a girlfriend and I STILL don't sleep with other women!

The Catholic Church has decided to recruit an army of the faithful

They're going to use Mass Conscription.

Sherlock and Watson take a vacation

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday â€ĻI broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!

The hypnotherapist shakes his head. Not again â€Ķ

Faithful joke, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but

Faithfull

After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
Where is my husband?
He is lying on the sewing-machine table St.Pierre replied.

If you cheat on your girlfriend once a month

that's only 12/365 days. You're still 97% faithful, and that's an A+.

Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today.

First known instance of him being faithful.


Jesus at a restaurant in Heaven...

"Holy cow!"

"Yes, Lord. I am both you server and your steak. How would you like me cooked?"

"Well done, my good and faithful sirloin."

My girlfriend thinks I'm incapable of being faithful

My wife on the other hand... has a pretty hot sister

How is a translation like a woman?

It can be beautiful or faithful, but not both.

Why would Italians make a faithful spy?

Because they won't utter a word when their hands are tied.

Jesus was ordering steak at a restaurant and the waiter asked how would He like the steak

Jesus replied: "Well done, my good and faithful servant"

I'm a serial monogamist

I'm staying faithful to my corn flakes right now.

Renovation of Big Ben has started

After the modernization, the famous clock will be beat five times a day, calling the faithful to prayer.

Faithful joke, Renovation of Big Ben has started

A blind man walks into a convenience store with his service dog

He heads down an aisle and pauses, his faithful Golden Retriever by his side. With a grunt he picks the dog up by the leash and starts swinging him in circles over his head.

*Wooosh wooosh wooosh*

Bags of chips are flying around and candy bars are falling to the floor, along with a clamorous noise.

The frustrated store clerk yells at the man. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

"I'm just looking around."

Hey, God, how do you like your steak cooked?

"Well done, my good and faithful servant."

My girlfriend was faithful to the end

Unfortunately, I was the quarterback


Faithful dog for sale

Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.

- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.

- Shoot.

- He good with kids?

- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.

- yard dog or house dog?

- House trained but loves the yard as well.

- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?

- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.

Tell me why you wish to divorce your husband.

"He treats me like a dog!"

"You mean he abuses you physically? Verbally?"

"No, he wants me to be faithful!"

My girlfriend thinks i am incapable of being faithful

My wife on the other hand has a sister i wouldnt mind if you know what i mean

After many faithful years as a Christian, John's dedication finally paid off as he found himself the girl of his dreams.

At the wedding he walks over to his best friend for advice.
"Hey man! What is it that I'm supposed to do when I get her all alone after the wedding?"
"Ah, that's simple. You just take your most prized-possession and stick it in where she pees."
"Ah! Thanks dude!"
"No problem!"
Later that night, John took his bowling ball and put it in the toilet.

Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.

"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"

"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"


Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.

The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."

"Fine then, you're in," said God.

The collie said, "I was always faithful to my master and brought the family together when they were down."

"Sounds wonderful," said God. "Welcome."

Then it was the cat's turn. "Why should we let you in?" asked God.

"Well actually, I think you're in my chair."

Which animal is not faithful in a relationship?

Cheetah

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.

Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.

Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer

Bad spirits, replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?

Chemo, sabe

Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.

Bill was lying on his death bed

His faithful wife at his side, comforting him. Bill weakly lifts his head and says "Honey, if this is it for me, I don't want you to be alone. You should marry Jake, across the street"

"I can't even think of anything like that right now," she responds. "But, Jake? I thought you hated him."

"I do."

For 2021, I'm setting a goal for myself to find a girlfriend. One that is faithful and actually wants to be with me.

I just can't let the wife find out.

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office

"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.

"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"

The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."

Which fruit is the most faithful?

Cantaloupe, because it *cantaloupe*

A woman wants to divorce her husband, so she is talking to her lawyer.

Lawyer: "Well first we need a reason, is he not giving you money?"

Woman: "if he hides as much as a dollar from me, I'm not cooking for him for three days straight."

Lawyer: "Well is he beating you?"

Woman: "Him? I'd throw him through the window, with my left hand only"

Lawyer: "How about being faithful?"

Women: "That's where we get him! The second child is not from him."

The God of Thunder crossed the skies, astride his faithful filly.

"I'm Thor!" He cried. His horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly!"

Treating her like a dog

A woman walks into a bar and orders a Moscow mule. "Congratulate me, I just got divorced," the woman says. "He'll never treat me like a dog again." "What, did he hit or beat you," the bartender asks. "No," she replies. "He expected me to be faithful."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the faithful loyal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working faithful fidelity piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes