faith Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious faith puns

Science builds planes and skyscrapers

but faith brings them together.

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I'm not sure faith can move mountains...

But we all know what it can do to skyscrapers.

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I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.

Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.

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I never believed that faith could move mountains

But I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers

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There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.


2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.


3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

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Faith vs Science

I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

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There are three religious truths:

Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

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I'm not convinced faith can move mountain's

But ive seen what it can do to skyscrapers

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I'm not convinced faith can move mountains, but I know what it can do to skyscrapers.

(Come on, it's been 15 years.)

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"Science gives us airplanes and skyscrapers..."

"but it's faith that brings them together."

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Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night...

He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

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The Pope walks into a synagogue...

The rabbi says, "Why the wrong faith?"

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What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common?

Faith book

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The Lost Bible

One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

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The pope walks into a mosque

The imam says "Hey, why the wrong faith?"

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The Pope walks into a mosque

The Imam asks "Why the wrong faith?"

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The pope walks into a Mosque

A Muslim looks up and asks

"Why the wrong faith?"

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I'm so faithful, I don't even have a girlfriend and I STILL don't sleep with other women!

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A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.

A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.

Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.

A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.

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A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.

A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."

"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.

"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?"

He said, "Funny you should come to me..."

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A couple Mr and Mrs Wong are trying for a baby,

Mrs Wong eventually gets a positive pregnancy test, but Mr wong is suspicious as he did the maths and the dates didnt quite add up.

He doesnt question anything and has faith in his wife, Later as she gives birth they are both overcome with joy.

Until Mr wong looks at the baby and calls his wife a whore saying he knew she had slept around,
She questions 'What's the matter of course he is yours!'
He replied 'oh come on two Wongs dont make a white'

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Three nuns

Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car crash and all die tragically.

In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"

The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.

"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"

She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"

*Gong!*

The gates open and she enters.

Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"

"Eve!"

*Gong!*

The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.

St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"

Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."

*Gong!*

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The faithful Christian

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian, and now found himself in the hospital, near death. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, and then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.

He opened the note, and read, Asshole, you're standing on my oxygen tube!

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A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane when suddenly the engine brakes down

There are no parachutes on the plane, so the men must rely on their faith to save them from death.

The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off the plane and survives the fall, but dies later in a hospital.

The Jew says a prayer jumps off the plane, and survives the fall, but injures his spinal cord and is paralyzed from the waist down.

The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off the plane, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand.

The Buddhist, relieved to have been caught, says, "Thank God," and the hand drops him.

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Priest and Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,

"Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

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Faith is everything

A man is about to jump from a plane. Right before he jumps, he looks down and freezes in place.

"Don't worry," says the pilot, "If something goes wrong - start chanting 'Oh great Buddha, please save me'".

Skeptical but with renewed confidence, the man jumps. At the right height, he tries to open his parachute. Nothing happens.

He tries to open the spare parachute. Nothing happens.

Terrified, the man shouts: "OH GREAT BUDDHA, PLEASE SAVE ME!!"

Suddenly, the man stops falling. He looks down and finds a huge hand, safely carrying him to the ground. As soon as the hand reaches the ground, he jumps down.

"Phew, thank God!"

*smack*

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Faith healer visits a small town

And sets up a prayer meeting. All the faithful are there and are ready for a miracle.

One man hobbles up and says "I've been lame since I was a boy. Can I be healed?"

The preacher says "All who believe will be healed. Now go behind the curtain"

Another man walks up and says "C-c-can you c-c-c-cure a stuttttttter?"

Preacher says "all who believe will be healed. Now go behind the curtain"

The preacher starts praying then tells the lame man, "throw out your crutches". Two crutches come flying out from behind the curtain. The crowd goes wild!

Then the preacher asks the stutterer "tell us in a loud clear voice, what are you seeing?"

A voice comes from behind the curtain,

"the f-f-fucker f-f-fell flat on his f-f-face"

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I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god

Especially Star Wars fans

I find your lack of faith disturbing

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Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers,

Faith brings them together

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I believe in the vagina like other people believe in God

I've never seen one before, but I have faith.

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A priest gets into quicksand...

he notices he canΒ΄t get himself out of there, so he starts praying. Along comes a guy. The guy sees the priest and asks: "do you need help?" But the priest just answers: "No, god will help me." He sinks in deeper and deeper, is in to his hip, as antoher guy comes by and asks the priest wether he could help him. Again the priest turns him down: "My faith will safe me." By now the priest is in the quicksand up to his chin. A third guy comes by and offers his help, the priest turns him down yet again. Finally, the priest dies and goes to heaven. He walks up to god and complains: "Lord, iΒ΄ve prayed for you to save me, yet you let me die in the quicksand!" God just looks him in the eye and says: "I sent three guys, wasnΒ΄t that help enough you moron?"

~~I hope this is no repost.~~

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Two Nuns are driving through Transylvania.

Suddenly Satan himself jumps out in front of the car, gets on the bonnet and starts waving his genitals and twirling his tail, screaming obscenities.

One nun says to the other nun. "Sister, it's Satan, what shall we do?" The second nun says "Have faith in Jesus The Redeemer, show him your cross."

The nun gets out of the car approaches Satan and says "GET OFF THE FUCKING BONNET YOU COMPLETE TWAT".


(I'll get my coat)

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Three men were sitting in a life boat...

Three men were sitting in a life boat for 4 weeks after their boat had collapsed. On the start of the 5th week, one of the men said "We might as well kill ourselves, we'll never be saved!" The other man replied "No, my friend. I still have faith that the Lord will save us." That's when the third man stood up and revealed himself to be Jesus Christ, "Your faith has saved you brother." The two men stared in shock at the revelation when one of them said "You could have said something before we ate the fourth guy."

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Faith may not be able to move mountains

But I've seen the impact it has on buildings.

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A faithless nun and the father

Three nuns were taking a walk one day.
''I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some pornography magazines," said the first nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the second.
"I threw them away."
"I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some condoms," said the second nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the first.
"I punched holes in them." The third nun fainted.

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What are the most funny Faith jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Faith? Well, here are the best Faith dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Faith pick up lines to share with friends.

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