Fairy Jokes

A little girl asked her father...

A little girl asked her father, Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with `Once Upon A Time`?
He replied, No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with `If elected I promise`.

Fairy tales

A father is tucking in his son at night. His son asks him if he can tell him a fairy tale.
"Of course," the father replies. He begins telling a story, "Once upon a time..."
The son interrupts him, asking "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"
The father says, "No, son. In fact, most fairy tales begin with the words, 'When I'm elected...'"

A man is in the desert..

and he hasn't drink or eat in a few days. Suddenly, this magical fairy appears, but she has no water or food. She gave him all she could. The man finishes the bottle of warm liquid quickly and asks for another bottle. The fairy gives him another bottle and the man finished it quickly. The man asks for a third bottle, but the fairy says,"Sorry, you'll have to wait until next month."

Men are greedy b**....

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.
The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.
Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful b**... should remember - fairies are female.

I believe in the Zodiac

I'm a Pisces, by far my favorite type of fairy. Something a bit tragic, my grandmother was a Cancer, and she was actually killed by a giant tumor.

Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...

Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"

Q: What do you call it when an honest politician rides a unicorn to victory in the Kentucky Derby? A: A Fairy Tale, there is no such thing as an honest politician

Who is the poorest in England?

The Tooth Fairy!

Lawyer Riddle

A high priced lawyer, a low priced lawyer and the tooth fairy are sitting at a table. There is a $20 bill in the middle of the table. All of a sudden, the lights in the room go off. When they come back on, the $20 bill is gone. Who took it?
The high priced lawyer, because the low priced lawyer and the tooth fairy are figments of your imagination.

My Favorite Fairy Tale

The dog who cried woof

I was playing Wind Waker the other day...

I found a fairy right before the boss and I realized
That was healthfull

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?

Taco Bell.

When is a fairy NOT a fairy?

When its down your pants; then its a goblin!

swimming pool wishes

At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"

man bun? or d**... Knot?

neither, it's a fairy tail.

Kid to his teacher

Kid to his teacher: Miss, where do children come from? Teacher: A fairy comes and gives a child to the one you marry. Kid: Alright, then who would I screw, fairy or the wife?

Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."

What do you call a 2D fairy?

Pixie-lated

I think beliefs are the core of humanity...

But really everyone needs to stop believing in silly things like: the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy, or communism.

How do all Mexican fairy tales begin?

Juan-ce upon a time...

Three guys are stranded on a desert island

Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".
The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.
The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.
The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"

What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?

A Diction Fairy

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.

When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

I'm a fairy.

My name's Nuff. Fair enough.

What do you call the slang of Fairy World?

Jorgen

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End

A Fairy Tale

After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"
"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer, and a drunk man are walking down a road. They see a coin on the floor. Who picks it up?

The drunk man. The other three are mythical creatures.

Who gets the money?

In a room there is a poor Nigerian man, a rich Nigerian man, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy. In the middle of the room there is a million dollars. Out of the 4 who gets the millions dollars?
Obviously the poor Nigerian man because the other 3 do not exist.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and a hobo are walking down the street when they simutaneously see a $100 bill. Who gets it?

The hobo. The rest are mythical creatures.

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says What is this, some kind of joke?

Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'?

No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise...'

"Religion is a fairy tale," one man said.

"That's harsh," I replied. "Fairy tales aren't a cause of war."

So I'm dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

Russian joke

Two peasants, Boris and Igor are poor. Boris has a goat. Igor does not. One day while walking thru the woods, Igor meets a fairy. "What do you wish for?" She ask.
"I wish" Igor says "that Boris's goat should die"

When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of b**..., like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

A young man is walking through the woods. Suddenly a grandmother comes out of the forest.

\- My dear, I'm enchanted princess, if you sleep with me, I will turn into a beautiful girl and execute your three wishes.
The young man, of course, is disgusted, but still three wishes ... He agrees, has s**... with his grandmother and says "come on, turn to a princess, here are my wishes..."
\- Wow, boy, you are so big and still believe in fairy tales

I think my parents might be m**... heads.

The tooth fairy keeps taking my money and leaving behind teeth.

A couple had been married for 35 years,

the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

Both of my parents died in a car c**... when I was a kid.

Not only did I lose my parents, but Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter bunny all forgot about me that year too.

What is the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A capitalist fairy tale begins with Once upon a time, there was.....
A Marxist fairy tale begins with Someday, there will be...

A man meets a fairy

"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" , the fairy asks.
"Another one of those"

A man was eating cookies at the park.

While eating his last cookie out of the bunch, he was approached by an old lady. She was putting her hands out, gesturing if she could have his last cookie. The man broke the cookie in two and gave the old lady half of the cookie.
With a single bite, a bright light flashed and the old lady turned out to be a fairy in disguise "For your selflessness, I shall grant you a single wish."
"I wish for a red sportscar!"
With a flick of a wand, half of a sportscar fell in front of the man.

The old, evil, bald king had three sons.

The youngest one shared his traits but the two older sons were not of an evil nature. In order to make sure the youngest one succeeded him, the king captured a fairy and promised it freedom in exchange for a wish.
"I wish for my youngest son to be my heir" said the king.
The son disappeared and the king was no longer bald.

A fairy once appeared and told a family couple

"For 25 years you were a wonderful family couple. I now shall grant each of you one wish."
The wife went first.
"I want to travel the world with my dearly beloved husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand, and instantly in the wife's hand appeared plane tickets and travel vouchers.
But unexpectedly the 50 year old husband said.
"This is really romantic and wonderful, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm sorry honey, but I want a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her magic wand once again, and immediately turned the guy into an 80 year old man.

What's the difference between a fairy tale and a r**... tale?

Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...", while r**... tales begin with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**......"