Fairly Jokes
71 fairly jokes and hilarious fairly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fairly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along with the best jokes from The Fairly Odd Parents! From unattractive changelings to residency at a fairy world—albeit a joke—you will love this collection of funny moments from the popular Nickelodeon show.
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Funniest Fairly Short Jokes
Short fairly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fairly humour may include short evenly jokes also.
- In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
- Why are white gangs the scariest in prisons? Because they had a fair trial and still ended up there.
- I saw a sign that said "watch for children". and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
- To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs. It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.
- My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole Fair enough it was her sister's but still...
- I have proof Jesus was a black man... He loved Gospel, he called everyone 'Brother', and he couldn't get a fair trial.
- I have an issue getting fair market value when I try to sell gravity. My wife thinks it's because it was mass-produced.
- If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware? I don't know but Alaska.
- I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them! to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on
- I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections.... But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.
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Fairly One Liners
Which fairly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fairly? I can suggest the ones about reasonable and understandably.
- Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend Fair trade if you ask me
- I read a sign today that said Watch for Children I thought it was a pretty fair trade
- A man just got a car for his wife. Now, thats what you call a fair trade.
- What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair
- "This is not fair!" said the Russian guy who got bad directions to the fair
- The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital.. He's in fair condition.
- My girlfriend asked if I was Happy to be fair, she always gets us dwarves confused
- I volunteer part time as a jouster at the renaissance fair. I'm a free lancer.
- I saw a sign that said "watch for kids"... Sounds like a fair trade.
- No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.
- The inventor of auto correct died today. His fun fair is next monkey
- Barman: "Would you like a beer for your wife?" "That sounds like a fair swap"
- Why was 6 mad at 7 for winning him a stuffed animal at the fair? Because 711492
- At a renaissance fair, a Royal Entertainer held a door open for me. It was a nice jester.
- Last Christmas i got a bottle of scotch for my wife. That was a fair trade.
Fairly Odd Parents Jokes
Here is a list of funny fairly odd parents jokes and even better fairly odd parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just read a fanfic about that kid from fairly odd parents having a sister It was a real paige turner
Quirky and Hilarious Fairly Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about fairly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nicely jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fairly pranks.
I have no problems with buying tampons...
I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.
(Jimmy Carr)
A Texan Visits Israel
A Texan visits Israel for vacation and spends several weeks travelling around to see the different sites. One day, while making his way through the countryside to a destination, he realizes he is quite thirsty and stops at a small farm to request a drink. The owner of the farm is quite friendly and provides the Texan with a drink of water. Israel is not a particularly large country and has a fairly large population, so the individual farmsteads are rather small. Noticing this, and feeling friendly, the Texan talks a bit.
'Back in a Texas, I'm a farmer too, although it's a bit different there. If I climb in my truck early in the morning and drive until noon across my property, I'm not even halfway across. If I keep driving until the sun sets, I'll have only reached the other end of my property, and I'll have to camp out and drive back the next day'
The Israeli farmer nods before responding
'I once had a truck like that'
So, Alex had two parrots named Bob and Jim.
Alex was an older gentlemen, retired and fairly religious with lots of time on his hands. He figured it'd be fun to pass his time teaching the parrots to pray the rosary.
Alex went to his church, got a two small sets of rosary beads, gave them to Bob and Jim and got to work. After months of patience and no small amount of personal spiritual meditation, Bob and Jim could work the beads and recite all the prayers of the rosary.
Now, Alex wasn't *that* religious, which is why the first place he took Bob and Jim was the bar to show his friends, but sure enough one thing lead to another, and soon Alex found himself going from church to church across the country introducing folks to his praying parrots.
Alex was having the time of his life! He was so pleased with his adventures that he decided to teach more birds to pray. He went shopping, and found the most beautiful, brightly colored female parrot he'd ever seen. No sooner did he bring the new parrot in the door did he hear Bob say "Hey Jim! Throw out them d**...' beads! We finally got what we was prayin' for!"
So I was playing Golf toady.
I was solo and decided just to get partnered up at the Club house. After a little bit I was partnered with this fairly lovely lady. We went out playing and started chatting it up. We were laughing and talking and finding out we have a lot in common. though all the fun though we were not actually playing very well. By the time we got to the 18th hole we both had pretty difficult putts ( I was 25 feet on a bad lie and she was slightly closer on the same lie )
I had been enjoying my time with her so much I made her a deal. I told her if I made the putt I would take her out to dinner ( if she didn't mind ) at one of the best restaurants on the island. I lined up and hit the ball after a tense moment the ball passed the cup but stopped and rolled back dropping in.
I guess she didn't want to be out done, so she turns to me and says. " If I make this putt, after dinner I will invite you back to my place for drinks. We can relax in my hot tub and drink Champagne and see what happens from there, but only if I make this putt."
Hearing her proposal I quickly walk up to her and ask her to let me help her line up the putt. She agrees. So I walk up to her ball bending down and pick it up, then handing it back to her. She looks at me and asks me what am I doing? I look back at her with a straight face and tell her " That's a gimmie if I ever saw one "
Broccoli.
An employee in a grocery store was stocking produce when a fairly old woman approached him. "Excuse me, young man?", she asked, "Can you tell me where I can find the broccoli?" The employee explained that they were fresh out but they will be in stock with more produce the following morning. The woman thanked him and walked off.
A few minutes later the employee heard the voice again, "Excuse me, sir? Where is the broccoli, I can't find the broccoli." It was the same woman, slightly more agitated. The employee responded, "Ma'am, I believe I told you already, we are out of broccoli right now, we'll have more in stock tomorrow." The woman gave him a dirty look and walked off.
Minutes later, the employee finished stocking the produce and turned to go back to the front of the store. He suddenly was confronted again by the same woman, now furious. "WHERE IS THE BROCCOLI? I CAN'T FIND IT!", She shouted. The employee took a deep breath and said,
"Ma'am. Humor me. Spell 'cat'...like in 'catastrophe'."
"C-A-T", she replied.
"Correct, now can you spell the 'dog', like in 'dogmatic'?"
"D-O-G", she said, exasperated.
"Perfect. Now spell the f**...', like in 'broccoli'."
The woman paused and shouted, "THERE IS NO f**...' IN 'BROCCOLI'!"
"*THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, LADY!*"
How does a guy prove he's tough?
He jogs home after his vasectomy.
.
Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.
p**... has s**... for the first time
After finding out p**... had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," p**... gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," p**... replied.
What do you call women who are faster than me?
Virgins.
Sorry if it's a repost, I'm fairly new here.
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
Not sure if this was already out there, but I just thought of it on my
Q: What dairy product makes the best kind of friend?
A: well, I hear cheese always has a 'grate' time
(I guarantee someone's thought of it before me)
And if that doesn't tickle your funny bone, try this one (fairly similar):
Q: how do you find the IQ level of dairy products?
A: a cheese grater
(Also probably not original)
Fairly Dry, Fairly Dark
I honestly don't think people should be covering up their bodies. I don't think people should hide their bodies away from society. No. I think that people need to dispose of their bodies safely, with Lye or perhaps some sort of Acid. Because really, any evidence is too much evidence these days.
As a feminist who's fairly critical of her own movement, this made me laugh:
Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's not funny.
I don't know why they call it the Oedipus Complex.
b**... your mom seems fairly simple.
I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me "Do you play basketball?"
My standard reply: "No, do you play miniature golf?"
Rorschach Test
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first appointment. After the initial interview, the shrink decides to ease the man into the process with a simple inkblot test. After a few minutes, however, the shrink calls a halt.
"I think its fairly clear at this point that we're dealing with an Oedipus Complex." says the shrink.
"*I'VE* got an Oedipus Complex?!?" the man bursts out, "*You're* the one with all these pictures of my parents having s**...!"
Tour guide in the mountain
A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."
There's an ISIS comedy night coming up...
I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb.
The first time I ever player lacrosse it was fairly stressful
every time after that was fairly re-laxing
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you need a fairly big lightbulb.
A hero named "Super Cal" suffers from a slight weakness that curses his own body. However, he does have a certain strength. It's, unfortunately, his bad breath that makes him fairly unattractive.
So, basically..."Super Cal is fragile-ish except for Halitosis"
This will make you groan..
I like to travel a lot, and last year I flew and visited Hiroshima, Japan. It was fairly cold that day so it wasn't the best day, but it wasn't the worst....
What do you call a Spanish matador who is not very good at his job?
I'd say he's fairly incapa**bull**.
why do you need to have a clean record in order to become a police officer?
So everyone starts off fairly.
I have huge gentiles.
My y**... are fairly average though.
Oedipus didn't want to sleep with his mother but she incested.
They call it an Oedipus Complex, though these jokes seem fairly simple to me.
An Atom walks into a drinking establishment
He sits down and orders a drink and then all of a sudden he starts crying. The bartender walks over and asks : "is everything okay?"
To which the Atom replies: " I lost an electron..". "Are you sure you lost it?" the bartender asks concerned. To which the atom replies:" I am fairly positive "
I have a friend who wears condoms while he masturbates...
I told him I'm fairly certain that you can't get her pregnant from across the room in her closet.
Who likes bananas?
A fairly good amount do. They have appeal.
I'd like to think I'm a fairly funny guy.
I mean I get mirrors to crack up without any effort. Just natural talent I guess
I approached a lesbian at a bar.
I wasn't aware she was a lesbian at the time, so I asked if she would like to go home with me.
"How rude!" she responded. "Did you just assume my sexuality? I'll have you know that I'm not interested in men!"
I'm a fairly progressive man, so I wasn't going to let her beat me at my own game.
"How rude!" I shouted, catching her attention as she walked away. "Did you just assume my gender?"
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
A man went swimming one day....
A man wanted to goswimming in the ocean. We walked down to the beach and he saw a fisherman. He asked the fisherman " are there any sharks in the water?" The fisherman said "well obviously, the ocean is huge! But in this particular area, no there are no sharks." The man asks again "you are absolutely certain that there are no sharks around here?". So the fisherman replies again "yes, I'm sure, there are no sharks in the water around here." So fairly convinced in his safety, the man takes of his shirt and runs into the water, I dives in and as soon as he surfaces the fisherman yells "there aren't any sharks because the gators got em all!"
Got diagnosed with insomnia last week
And I'm fairly tired of it now at this stage
Life is fairly hard for my wife, being married to someone with OCD.
Every Time she gets turned on, I turn her off again.
I Have No Problems Buying Tampons
For my girlfriend, I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" birthday present.
Did you hear about the store 50 Cent opened with his brother?
Dollar General has been fairly successful.
I can't seem to understand water polo
I always do fairly well but the horse always drowns in the end
It's fairly easy to get a lot of karma. All you have to do is upvote and comment on your post with a couple of alt accounts.
Just don't forget to switch before you do it 😉
Some call me racist, but I just can't help but look down on most Asians.
I mean, they are fairly short, on average...
Netflix has asked viewers to please stop referring to ted bundy as "Hot"
As he was electrocuted in 1989, they are fairly certain he has cooled off by now.
I gave my Japanese friend a Lacoste top as a gift.
He smiled and said 'Arigato'
I'm fairly certain their logo a crocodile...
The hot dog
So a traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look too good, either.
Deciding he'd better not take any chances, the guy orders two hamburgers and a hot dog.
The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.
The guy says, "Why are the hamburgers under your arms?"
The waitress says, "I'm keeping them warm."
And the guy says, "Cancel the hot dog."
What do horses eat?
Hay of course.
What do gay horses eat?
*Hayyyyyyyyy*
What do mad horses eat?
HEY!
*Disclaimer-I'm fairly certain I made the last line up, but have heard the previous two all through my childhood. It's much better told in person, especially if you really yell that last line. People think they already know the joke, the extra sentence gets them intrigued, then they're paying attention and super startled when you yell the final "hay".
Classical joke
I remember once in pre-virus times, I was standing in a fairly long line for a classical music concert. A dude on a skateboard rode up to me and asked what's all the excitement about? Who's playing? I told him Yo-Yo Ma. And he punched me in the face!
It's fairly normal if you talk to your dolls and toys.
It's totally not if they talk back.
The UK's response to COVID 19 is fairly confused after tonight's announcement.
We don't know our R's from our elbows
Opportunity mars rover is fairly similar to Anti-Vax child.
Life expectancy of 90 days, but lives to die 14 years later.
My friend asked me if I s**... all the toes or just the big one
I told him I treat all toes fairly, I just don't wanna start off on the wrong foot.
I didn't realize how bigoted my family was until I brought my gay black boyfriend home
My parents were fairly upset but my wife was absolutely livid.
a traveling salesman ...
So a traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look much better.
Deciding not to take any chances, the salesman orders two hamburgers and a hot dog.
The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.
The salesman says, "Why are the hamburgers under your arms?"
The waitress says, "I'm keeping them warm."
And the salesman says, "Cancel the hot dog."
Upstairs in our house is cleaned fairly well.
The basement is another story.
I was fairly confident that the German p**... was actually a man, but I hired them anyway in case I was wrong.
I was hoping for the breast but expecting the wurst.
I have no problem buying Tampons for my wife, I'm a fairly modern man
But apparently, they don't make a great birthday present.
Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.
He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his s**... and is refusing to wear any clothes.
As a family we are united in our decision not to play Monopoly with him ever again.
