Fair Jokes
155 fair jokes and hilarious fair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny jokes about fairs? Check out our collection of hilarious fair jokes that will have you laughing out loud.
Quick Jump To
- Short Fair Jokes
- Fair One Liners
- Fair Trade Jokes
- State Fair Jokes
- Fun Fair Jokes
- Fair Skin Jokes
- County Fair Jokes
- More Fair Jokes
Funniest Fair Short Jokes
Short fair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fair humour may include short reasonable jokes also.
- In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
- Why are white gangs the scariest in prisons? Because they had a fair trial and still ended up there.
- I saw a sign that said "watch for children". and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
- To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs. It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.
- My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole Fair enough it was her sister's but still...
- I have proof Jesus was a black man... He loved Gospel, he called everyone 'Brother', and he couldn't get a fair trial.
- I have an issue getting fair market value when I try to sell gravity. My wife thinks it's because it was mass-produced.
- If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware? I don't know but Alaska.
- I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them! to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on
- I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections.... But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.
Share These Fair Jokes With Friends
Fair One Liners
Which fair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fair? I can suggest the ones about fine and equality.
- Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend Fair trade if you ask me
- I read a sign today that said Watch for Children I thought it was a pretty fair trade
- A man just got a car for his wife. Now, thats what you call a fair trade.
- What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair
- "This is not fair!" said the Russian guy who got bad directions to the fair
- The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital.. He's in fair condition.
- My girlfriend asked if I was Happy to be fair, she always gets us dwarves confused
- I volunteer part time as a jouster at the renaissance fair. I'm a free lancer.
- I saw a sign that said "watch for kids"... Sounds like a fair trade.
- No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.
- The inventor of auto correct died today. His fun fair is next monkey
- Barman: "Would you like a beer for your wife?" "That sounds like a fair swap"
- Why was 6 mad at 7 for winning him a stuffed animal at the fair? Because 711492
- At a renaissance fair, a Royal Entertainer held a door open for me. It was a nice jester.
- Last Christmas i got a bottle of scotch for my wife. That was a fair trade.
Fair Trade Jokes
Here is a list of funny fair trade jokes and even better fair trade puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo." The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."
- Every time I see a street sign that says "Watch for Children" I can't help but wonder if that's a fair trade.
- I saw a sign that said, watch for children. I thought to myself... Thats a fair trade. - Demetri Martin.
- A person walks into an auto shop and says I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.
The car mechanic thinks for a few moments says, OK, that seems like a fair trade. - Guys walks in to a parts store. Can I get a new gas cap for my Yugo? The attendant replies, sounds like a fair trade to me.
- I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade... Banana for scale
- I went into the Auto Parts store I said:
"I want a new gas cap for my AMC Gremlin."
The owner said:
"Sounds like a fair trade." - My friend got a dog for his wife. I told him it was a fair trade.
- So i said to the guy in the Phone Shop "I'd like to get a new smartphone for my wife" He looked her up and down, then said
"Seems like a fair trade!" - Barkeeper: Do you want a beer for your wife? Me: Sounds like a fair trade!
State Fair Jokes
Here is a list of funny state fair jokes and even better state fair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.
- I won a contest at the state fair for growing the biggest pickle. It was kind of a big dill.
- What do science and deep fried food at the Texas State Fair have in common? At their core, both concepts ask if you could but not if you should
- I recently won 1st place at the state fair for having the largest pickle It was a pretty big dill
- After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest. Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.
- My wife won best in show in the crafts division But it turns out, it was an inside job.
Her friends and family stuffed the ballot box.
Deep State Fair.
Fun Fair Jokes
Here is a list of funny fun fair jokes and even better fun fair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Covid is canceling out all of these fun events like Circus's, rodeos, and concerts. In about a month, it will really be no Fair.
- Had a lot of fun the Renaissance fair last summer with the wife. I had a great time riding her in to battle!
- Eating my cooking is like going to the fair. It looks fun, but you'll probably just p**....
Fair Skin Jokes
Here is a list of funny fair skin jokes and even better fair skin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm fair-skinned. I have tattoos of ferris wheels, tilt-a-whirls and sno-cone.
- Fair Vs Unfair If someone is fair skinned does it imply if they are darker it's unfair?
- My wife has extremely fair skin, so she gets red marks very easily. Which makes it tough to go out in public because... ...I don't want people to think she doesn't listen.
- Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week... Took her to the fair last night and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
- I've got a gag about skin bleaching... ...but I'm not white, to be fair.
- Why do white people make the best judges? Because they have fair skin!
- A European's most prized possessions during the Holocaust Fair skin and f**...
County Fair Jokes
Here is a list of funny county fair jokes and even better county fair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the farmer's daughter who was sent home from the county fair? She couldn't keep her calves together.
- What is the most magnetic ride at the county fair? The ferrous wheel.
- Went to the County Fair with my SO, but the Tunnel of Love was closed Not sure what happened, the sign just said "Out of Ardor"
- What is a cannibal's favorite food at the county fair? Chili con Carny.
- Where do Republicans go to lose their virginity? The county fair
- I like my country like I like my county fairs. Full of unhealthy food and run by scary carnies.
- Why wouldn't the farmer let her prize winning cows smoke w**... before the county fair? The steaks were too high.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Fair Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about fair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fare jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fair pranks.
For every dollar a man makes....
For every dollar a man makes, a women makes 70 cents.
Thats not right
Thats not fair
The mans only left with 30!
-Bo Burnham
Fairy tales
A father is tucking in his son at night. His son asks him if he can tell him a fairy tale.
"Of course," the father replies. He begins telling a story, "Once upon a time..."
The son interrupts him, asking "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"
The father says, "No, son. In fact, most fairy tales begin with the words, 'When I'm elected...'"
A man comes home...
...and asks his wife, "What would you do if told you I just won the lottery?"
She says, "Well, I'd divorce you, take my half and move across the country."
He says, "Fair enough. Here's $10 of the $20 I won, now get out."
Plane Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
Paris Hilton recently did a signing for her new autobiography that lasted almost 4 hours.
To be fair she was a bit quicker with the second book.
An Irishman walks into a bar ....
An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says:
"Right, this looks like a fair fight."
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"
...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."
Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30?
Credit to Bo Burnham.
A Scottish Sargent knocks on a w**...-house door.
When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."
Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company h**...!"
Why don't fairies live under toadstools?
Because there's not mushroom!
Muslim Romance
A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.
Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?", she asked.
"Yes," he replied, but to be fair, you were only nine at the time!
A lifeguard blows his whistle at a little boy and asks him to come over...
He says to the boy, "Hey, you're not allowed to pee in the pool."
"That's not fair!" says the boy, "There must be dozens of people peeing in the pool every day! Why do you gotta pick on me?"
The lifeguard says, "Well most people don't do it off the diving board."
So we all know about Gandhi right?
Well Gandhi as well know was a very important person who in recent times has taken on a mystic quality to some. He often fasted for long periods of time making him rather weak and fragile, he went barefoot for long periods of time and so it's fair to assume he built up lots and lots of callouses and he was reported at one point to have very bad breath because of a gum disease. This all means he was a...
Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis
Why are programmers so good at poetry?
Well, all words rhyme in binary.
A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"
A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with m**... today.
To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.
A son asks his father
Son: Dad, what do I give my
girlfriend as a Christmas gift?
Dad : How does she look?
Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in complexion.
Dad : Give her my number.
There's a Russian gay couple...
One of them is called Vladislav, the other is called Karl. After happily loving each other for a fair few years, Karl discovers Vladislav is having an affair with Vladimir.
Devastated, Karl gets onto his knees in front of Vladislav and bellows:
"VLADISLAV? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"
Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.
The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."
Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.
Well, that and s**....
My friend and I were playing 'biggest number', and for my number I simply multiplied his number by itself.
I won fair and square.
It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to h**....
It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to h**.... h**... was a decorated war hero and qualified leader.
My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend...
His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.
I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions
it was fair to say, our opinions were divided
Three guys went out camping together
One morning, when they woke up, the man sleeping on the left told his friends "I just had the best dream. I got the most amazing h**..."
The man on the right, quite surprised, told him "No way! I also got a great h**... in my dream!"
"You guys have such great dreams, it's not fair!" complained the man in the middle, "All I dreamt of was skiiing!"
A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.
He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".
Life's just not fair. Aaron Hernandez had everything: talent, money, women...
And now I hear he's well-hung, too?
A boy caught his dad red handed having an affair with the maid.
The dad told the son, take this $10 and don't tell your mum please!"
The son answered, but dad this is not fair!! Mum gave me $50 when I caught her with the security Man.
The Promotion
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.
"Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly" she said "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have s**... with".
"That's fair enough" I replied "When can you start?"
I Won a fight, 3 against 1
To be fair, having two guys help you out makes it a really easy fight.
Women have been sleeping with me lately like it's going out of style.
Less frequently and with a fair amount of shame.
A man visits his 70th class reunion
He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Fair, a spokesman said
"We'll struggle to get another man of the same caliber."
It's not fair that procrastination gets such a bad rap.
It has literally kept me alive for years.
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Trump.
Although that isn't really fair to say, since any other corpse would be too.
I just lost an argument with a pencil.
To be fair, it had a point.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."
I like my women like I like my alcohol
Responsible for a fair majority of my terrible life choices
If a guy is addicted to m**... but then gets addicted to s**......
Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?
After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.
The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."
She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
If a guy is addicted to m**... but then gets addicted to s**...,
It's fair to say his addiction got out of hand.
My wife said I could only get a tattoo, if she gets a b**... job.
Seems only fair. t**... for tat.
My dad said It was Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius to create the terms used for thermometer scales
I replied: Don't you think it's egocentric to name everything after yourself?
He said: well, to be fair they both worked hard for their degrees!
two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.
A guy takes a g**... a date to the county fair...
When they get there, he asks her what she wants to do now. She says "I wanna get weighed." So he takes her to one of those guess your weight booths and she gets a prize. He asks her again what she wants to do. Again, "I wanna get weighed".
This goes on the whole night. Finally the guy gets fed up and takes her home. When she walks in the door, her mom asks "how was your date?"
She replies "*sigh* wousy"
Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:
"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some w**... eat that want it!"
She turns a puzzled face upon her doctor e**... and says "Is this the psychiatric ward, then?"
And he replies, "Och, no...
"It's the Burns Unit!"
I was fairly confident that the German p**... was actually a man, but I hired them anyway in case I was wrong.
I was hoping for the breast but expecting the wurst.
An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a d**... coincidence..."
two cannibals were eating a guy.
one says 'to be fair you start at the head I'll start at the feet." halfway through he says "how's it going?"
the other guy says "I'm having a ball."
first one says "you're eating too fast."
If there is Adam and Eve, or Adam and Steve. It only seems fair the Eve gets a turn with both...
...That would make it Eve 'n Steven.
