The Best 66 Fair Jokes

Following is our collection of Fair jokes which are very funny. There are some fair fairground jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fair punishment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Fairy tales

A father is tucking in his son at night. His son asks him if he can tell him a fairy tale.

"Of course," the father replies. He begins telling a story, "Once upon a time..."

The son interrupts him, asking "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"

The father says, "No, son. In fact, most fairy tales begin with the words, 'When I'm elected...'"

A man comes home...

...and asks his wife, "What would you do if told you I just won the lottery?"
She says, "Well, I'd divorce you, take my half and move across the country."
He says, "Fair enough. Here's $10 of the $20 I won, now get out."

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

An Irishman walks into a bar ....

An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says:
"Right, this looks like a fair fight."

I saw a sign that said, watch for children. I thought to myself...

Thats a fair trade. - Demetri Martin.


"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"

...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."

Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

A man just got a car for his wife.

Now, thats what you call a fair trade.

Why don't fairies live under toadstools?

Because there's not mushroom!

Muslim Romance

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?", she asked.

"Yes," he replied, but to be fair, you were only nine at the time!

Why was 6 mad at 7 for winning him a stuffed animal at the fair?

Because 711492

Top Fair Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore fair victory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fair regional dad jokes. There are also fair puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy

"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.

After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"

"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"

The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital..

He's in fair condition.

I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them!

to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on

A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...

It read as follows:

---

*Michael*,

*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*

*Love, Elizabeth*

*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*

---

The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:

---

*Elizabeth,*

*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*

*Take care, Michael*

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.

At a renaissance fair, a Royal Entertainer held a door open for me.

It was a nice jester.

There's a Russian gay couple...

One of them is called Vladislav, the other is called Karl. After happily loving each other for a fair few years, Karl discovers Vladislav is having an affair with Vladimir.

Devastated, Karl gets onto his knees in front of Vladislav and bellows:

"VLADISLAV? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"


Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and sex.

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler.

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler. Hitler was a decorated war hero and qualified leader.

My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend...

His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.

I saw a sign that said "watch for kids"...

Sounds like a fair trade.

I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions

it was fair to say, our opinions were divided

My girlfriend asked if I was Happy

to be fair, she always gets us dwarves confused

Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend

Fair trade if you ask me

I saw a sign that said "watch for children".

and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"

Three guys went out camping together

One morning, when they woke up, the man sleeping on the left told his friends "I just had the best dream. I got the most amazing handjob"

The man on the right, quite surprised, told him "No way! I also got a great handjob in my dream!"

"You guys have such great dreams, it's not fair!" complained the man in the middle, "All I dreamt of was skiiing!"

A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.

He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".

A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo."

The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."

Every time I see a street sign that says "Watch for Children"

I can't help but wonder if that's a fair trade.

What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair

A boy caught his dad red handed having an affair with the maid.

The dad told the son, take this $10 and don't tell your mum please!"
The son answered, but dad this is not fair!! Mum gave me $50 when I caught her with the security Man.

The Promotion

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.

"Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly" she said "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with".

"That's fair enough" I replied "When can you start?"

No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke

To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.

I Won a fight, 3 against 1

To be fair, having two guys help you out makes it a really easy fight.

To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

Women have been sleeping with me lately like it's going out of style.

Less frequently and with a fair amount of shame.

A man visits his 70th class reunion

He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."

It's not fair that procrastination gets such a bad rap.

It has literally kept me alive for years.

Last Christmas i got a bottle of scotch for my wife.

That was a fair trade.

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Trump.

Although that isn't really fair to say, since any other corpse would be too.

I volunteer part time as a jouster at the renaissance fair.

I'm a free lancer.

I have proof Jesus was a black man...

He loved Gospel, he called everyone 'Brother', and he couldn't get a fair trial.

I read a sign today that said Watch for Children

I thought it was a pretty fair trade

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

I like my women like I like my alcohol

Responsible for a fair majority of my terrible life choices

Barman: "Would you like a beer for your wife?"

"That sounds like a fair swap"

"This is not fair!"

said the Russian guy who got bad directions to the fair

If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex...

Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?

After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.

The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."

She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."

My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole

Fair enough it was her sister's but still...

If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware?

I don't know but Alaska.

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"

'Oh f\*ck,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."

"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"

"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex,

It's fair to say his addiction got out of hand.

My wife said I could only get a tattoo, if she gets a boob job.

Seems only fair. Tit for tat.

A man has a booth at a fair with a talking cat...

A woman walks up and asks, "Can your cat really talk?"

The man turns to the cat and asks, "Which leader is attributed to the most deaths in human history?"

The cat says, "Mao."

The woman, who is annoyed by this ruse, walks away.

The cat turns to the man and asks, "Should I have said Genghis Khan?"

Why is this fair?

A guy in my class asked out a girl and he got a girlfriend. So I asked out a girl and lost my teachers licence. -\_-

After many years, I finally found my girlfriend's killer.

Nice guy, fair prices!

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.

I met a happy gay couple while passing through Mobile, AL

I asked if it was hard being gay here because I heard these jokes about how backwards Alabama is. They laughed and said it was a fair question, but all of their friends were really cool with it. I thought this was great news, so I asked how their families felt about it. I was shocked when they said everyone but their sister was also really supportive.

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.

A guy takes a girl on a date to the county fair...

When they get there, he asks her what she wants to do now. She says "I wanna get weighed." So he takes her to one of those guess your weight booths and she gets a prize. He asks her again what she wants to do. Again, "I wanna get weighed".

This goes on the whole night. Finally the guy gets fed up and takes her home. When she walks in the door, her mom asks "how was your date?"

She replies "*sigh* wousy"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fair unbiased jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fair award piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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