Faintly Jokes

What are some Faintly jokes?

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater

"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"

The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.

"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"

Another faint mumble.

Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"

"The balcony"

So Jesus was in the midst of crucifixion...

and Peter was emotionally devastated over the events that had transpired. He felt completely helpless, but he faintly hears Jesus calling his name, "Peter....Peter.." He tries to respond but the centurion guards had built up quite a barricade. Again he hears the calls, "Peter... Peter..." So Peter tries to usher his way through to hear the last words of his master, only to pushed to the ground by the mob.

Jesus calls him one last time, "Peter... Peter.." So Peter musters all of his strength, bust through the guards, clambers up the hill to his master, bloodied and battered, "Master, I have reached you" Jesus looks down at him from the cross and says "Peter, I can see your house from here house from here."

Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?' No reply. 'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?' Faintly, came the answer ... 'A wee bit of yon boiled ham.' 'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the funeral.

Guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks

for a beer something to snack on. Bartender serves him + a bowl of peanuts. The guy takes a handful to his mouth and faintly hears, "hey great shoes pal". Confused, he ignores the voice. The guy grabs another handful and once again he hears faintly "you have the kindest eyes". The guy looks around, asks a few people, no one knows what he's talking about. He brushes it off, finishes his beer, and grabs one last handful of peanuts. One last time he hears "is that a new haircut? looks great" Fed up, the man pays his bill. $5 the bartender says, for the beer.


The man says, "what about the peanuts??"


Bartender says, "oh those? those peanuts are complimentary"

An old man faintly hears "super sex" one evening in his nursing home room.

There was an old man in his nursing home room playing checkers with his roommate. In the distance he hears one of the old lady residents yell.

"super sex!"

His eye brows raise a bit and he looks at his roomie confused. He hears it again, but it is louder this time.

"super sex!"

He then realizes that his roommates hearing aids are turned down. He says,

"George, turn up your hearing aids!"

At this George turns up his hearing aids. Just then the old woman jumps in the door way, lifts up her night gown exposing herself, and yells.

"super sex!"

George looks at his roommate and says,

"I reckon I'll have the soup."

Two olives are walking on a cliff

There's a big olive and a little one. The little olive falls off the edge. The big olive looks down in the ravine and shouts, "are you alright?" He hears the little olive faintly say, "olive."

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