Fainted Jokes

46 fainted jokes and hilarious fainted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fainted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Fainted Short Jokes

Short fainted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fainted humour may include short fell asleep jokes also.

  1. At the airport today a man fainted and slumped over onto the luggage carousel. He slowly came around.
  2. A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream... Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
    Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."
  3. This will blow your mind! If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
  4. Husband: "Honey, at work I fainted, and Natalie took me to the doctor. He says I need a brain surgery in 72 hours and blood transfusion also." Wife: "Who is Natalie?"
  5. A woman is at the doctor's office, anxiously awaiting the results of a test. The doctor says, "You appear to have vasovagal syncope."
    She fainted.
  6. Went to the fair yesterday and my wife fainted on the ferris wheel! Don't worry, she's slowly coming around.
  7. I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke, but that would be faint praise indeed.
  8. A Spaniard is counting small green vegetables... "Uno pea, dos pea, tres pea, cuatro pea", and then he fainted.
  9. Why did the console gamer faint when they visited the art gallery There were too many frames
  10. A bunch of bats are hanging on a tree branch... BAT A: Hey look at Harry he's hanging the other way up!! (like a bird)
    BAT B: He's been having these fainting spells all week.

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Fainted One Liners

Which fainted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fainted? I can suggest the ones about asleep and dizzy.

  1. A man walks into the bar... The bartender: "Hi Dave!"
    The boss faints.
  2. Why did the console player faint at the museum? Because there were so many frames!
  3. Mary had a little lamb... Her gynecologist fainted.
  4. Mary had a little lamb And the midwife fainted
  5. Mary had a little lamb... And then the doctor fainted
  6. Mary had a little lamb The doctor fainted.
  7. Why did the console peasant faint at the art gallery There were too many frames
  8. What did Bob Ross do after eating a fair of fickled feffers? He fainted.
  9. Massive fall on Wall St today... Nope, wait, just Hillary fainting.
  10. As a kid I wanted to be a tree surgeon... but the sight of sap makes me faint
  11. What happens when a tomato faints? It becomes tomatose.
  12. How did the pharmacist know his drink was spiked? He fainted after the punch line.
  13. A guy walks into a bar..... He then fainted because of the hard blow on his head.
  14. My doctor says that I faint all too often. To be honest, I think he's job hgv
  15. A Wild Constant Appears! You used DIFFERENTIATE!
    Foe Constant fainted

Fainted joke, A Wild Constant Appears!

Fun-Filled Fainted Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about fainted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stunned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fainted pranks.

A man went skydiving...

A man went skydiving for the first time.
The pilot went to find the man's wife. I've got some bad news, some good news, some even worse news and some better news.
Oh, my gosh...what happened?
Your husband fell out of the plane. The good news is that he had a parachute on. The worse news is that the parachute didn't open.
The wife had nearly fainted from shock.
The better news is that we hadn't taken off yet.

Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.

Best Joke in the history of jokes, maybe ever

2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".
The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."
The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"
A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"

Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.

So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell...

So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell. He goes up to the chalkboard and draws a period. The teacher then asks "What is so special about a period?" Little Johnny replies "I don't know, but when my sister said she missed hers my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the neighbor shot himself!"

Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk.

The first one says "I found n**... pictures on his desk so I tore them".
The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".
The third nun fainted.

A woman in Atlantic city was losing at the roulette wheel...

When she was down to her last ten dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. "Why don't you play your age?" he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table. The next thing the fellow with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. "Did she win?" he asked. "No," replied the attendant. "She put ten dollars on 29 and 41 came in."

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.

My wife began reading 'The Exorcist'.

She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier.
I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in the night table drawer by her bed. That night was the first time she ever screamed and fainted.

A teacher asked her class "What is s**...?"

Johny got up and said:
"s**... is a *temptation*
Caused by a *sensation*
Where a boy sticks his *location*
Into a girls *destination*
To increase *population*
For the next *generation*
Did you get my *explanation*
Or so you need a *demonstration?*"
The teacher fainted then.

Paying forward

A signboard outside a restaurant read
"Eat as much as you can, your grand children will pay the Bill".
A man entered the restaurant and ate as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing. The waiter gave him the bill. He laughed and pointed to the signboard, don't you see, "only my grandchildren will pay" ! The waiter politely replied, " Sir, This is not your bill, it's your grandfather's Bill"........The man fainted....
Ideas are many to make Money.

Important Punctuation

So little Timmy is at school and for show and tell, he drew a dot on the board.
The teacher asks him, what's that?
Timmy then replies, it's a period!
Teacher, what's so special about it that you brought it in for show and tell?
Timmy, I don't know, but this morning, my sister said she missed hers. Mommy fainted, Daddy got a heart attack, and the man next door shot himself in the head.

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.
He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.
After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you would value 4 brazilian lives so much"
Trump responded "Just tell me, how many million is a Brazilian?"

There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a c**....

She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up. The pharmacist said "What brand of condoms do you prefer ma'am." She said "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels," at which point he fainted.

A Nigerian man.

*A Nigerian man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, Give him some water, it will help. Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board… (Translation: Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)

my son just told me he is a transgender

I literally fainted to the background and realized:

The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting.

When Little Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot.
"What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period." – "Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?" –
"Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one… Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."

An old carpenter was carrying a coffin on his head

An old man was carrying a coffin on his head in his bicycle during midnight. He saw a cop standing near a check post who stopped him. The cop asked him why he was carrying coffin on his head. Fearing he might have to bribe the cop he said It was so hot wherever I was buried. I am trying to move to a new burial ground with my coffin . The cop fainted.

So a boy went up for show and tell...

So a boy went up for show and tell. When he got to the front of the room he drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked what it was.
Boy: It's a period.
Teacher: And why did you bring it?
Boy: Well it's pretty important.
Teacher: How so?
Boy: Well, last night when my sister came home, said she missed it and my mom fainted and my dad shot the neighbor.

I had a lab rat who had a heart attack and fainted

Had to perform Mouth-to-Mouse resuscitation on him

Fainted joke, How did the pharmacist know his drink was spiked?