Faint Jokes

Following is our collection of feebly puns and leant one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Faint jokes for adults, dirty weaker jokes and clean magistrate dad gags for kids.

The Best Faint Puns

During a funeral...

The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Having sex while camping is NOT for the faint of heart.

It's fuckin' in tents

A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream...

Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."

This will blow your mind!

If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

A funeral rerun . . .

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Why did the console player faint at the museum?

Because there were so many frames!

Graveyard shortcut

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.

Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"

The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."

An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater

"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"

The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.

"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"

Another faint mumble.

Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"

"The balcony"

I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke,

but that would be faint praise indeed.

With faint voice, crucified Jesus calls Petrus...

"Petrus, come closer, I have to tell you something important."
Petrus steps to the cross, looking up to Jesus: "Yes master, what is it?"
"Please come closer.", Jesus whispers.
Petrus takes a ladder and climbs up to Jesus. "Yes master, I'm here, what is it?"
Jesus: "From up here I can see our house."

Why did the console gamer faint when they visited the art gallery

There were too many frames

Two men were hiking in the woods when one of the guys faint

His buddy calls 911 and says "My friend just died, what should I do?!"

The dispatcher says : " Stay calm and I am calling help right now. First we have to make sure your friend is dead." And the line suddenly becomes silent. The dispatcher continues to ask "Hello, are you still there?"

Then the guy that called 911 returns on the line and asks: " Ok, now what?"

A dog walks into a saloon

All the patrons go quiet as they look at the dog who's wearing spurs and a cowboy hat, with a gun on his hip.

The bartender says, now listen here partner, we don't want any trouble. What's your business?

The dog lets out a faint growl, lifts up his front right leg and replies, I'm looking for the man who shot my pa .

Why did the console peasant faint at the art gallery

There were too many frames

Professors at a university stumbled upon a pile of dead crows.

Upon taking them in for examination, they noticed that most had faint paint stains on their bodies. It was determined 98% of the murder of crows were hit by trucks and 2% by cars as the cause of death.

Why were there so many hit by trucks rather than cars?

The lookout crow could call out "Cah," but they couldn't call out "Truck."

A joke from Pakistan: What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

"I'm going to be the mother of your children."

I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Does anyone ever clearly remember being breast fed?

No? Well I guess, then it's just a faint mammary.

What do you call a song being played 100 yards away that makes people pass out?

Faint music.

As a kid I wanted to be a tree surgeon...

but the sight of sap makes me faint

I can't believe I was brave enough to skip taking my blood pressure medication.

Doing that is not for the faint of heart!

I was extremely nervous meeting my blind date that I felt faint....

I became weak at Denise

My doctor says that I faint all too often.

To be honest, I think he's job hgv

Hero Salman Khan went to see the girl.

The girl's mother fainted when she saw him. When he regained consciousness, everyone asked him, "
Everyone: Why are you unconscious?"
Daughter's mother: She came to see me 20 years ago.

A Nigerian man.

*A Nigerian man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, Give him some water, it will help. Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board… (Translation: Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)

There is an abundance of audible jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 24 funniest jokes and faint puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dim witze you can hear about faint.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes