Happy Faint Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke,
but that would be faint praise indeed.
One day a dad gets a call and is told his son has been using dirty language.
When he gets home that night, he sits down with his son.
"Son," he says, "You know this isn't acceptable behavior. Now I want you to tell me all the dirty words you know."
His son says "Well Dad, I know the S word, I know the B word, and I know the M word."
His dad asks "What's the S word?"
His son says "s**...."
The father is taken aback but pushes on. He asks "OK, what's the B word?"
His son says "Bad."
His father is starting to feel relieved and a faint smile is playing at his lips. With a kind, fatherly smile he asks "And what's the M word?"
His son says "MotherwhoringSpicnigger."
A f**... rerun . . .
A f**... service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another f**... for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
A joke from Pakistan: What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?
"I'm going to be the mother of your children."
I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...
A Nigerian man.
*A Nigerian man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, Give him some water, it will help. Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board… (Translation: Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)
During a f**......
The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another f**... for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
This will blow your mind!
If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
What do you call a song being played 100 yards away that makes people pass out?
Faint music.
As a kid I wanted to be a tree surgeon...
but the sight of sap makes me faint
Why did the console peasant faint at the art gallery
There were too many frames
You can explore faint feebly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean faint weaker dad jokes. There are also faint puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the console gamer faint when they visited the art gallery
There were too many frames
A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream...
Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."
Why did the console player faint at the museum?
Because there were so many frames!
Professors at a university stumbled upon a pile of dead crows.
Upon taking them in for examination, they noticed that most had faint paint stains on their bodies. It was determined 98% of the m**... of crows were hit by trucks and 2% by cars as the cause of death.
Why were there so many hit by trucks rather than cars?
The lookout crow could call out "Cah," but they couldn't call out "Truck."
An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater
"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"
The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.
"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"
Another faint mumble.
Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"
"The balcony"
With faint voice, crucified Jesus calls Petrus...
"Petrus, come closer, I have to tell you something important."
Petrus steps to the cross, looking up to Jesus: "Yes master, what is it?"
"Please come closer.", Jesus whispers.
Petrus takes a ladder and climbs up to Jesus. "Yes master, I'm here, what is it?"
Jesus: "From up here I can see our house."
I was extremely nervous meeting my blind date that I felt faint....
I became weak at Denise
Two men were hiking in the woods when one of the guys faint
His buddy calls 911 and says "My friend just died, what should I do?!"
The dispatcher says : " Stay calm and I am calling help right now. First we have to make sure your friend is dead." And the line suddenly becomes silent. The dispatcher continues to ask "Hello, are you still there?"
Then the guy that called 911 returns on the line and asks: " Ok, now what?"
Having s**... while camping is NOT for the faint of heart.
It's f**...' in tents
My doctor says that I faint all too often.
To be honest, I think he's job hgv
Does anyone ever clearly remember being breast fed?
No? Well I guess, then it's just a faint mammary.
A dog walks into a saloon
All the patrons go quiet as they look at the dog who's wearing spurs and a cowboy hat, with a gun on his hip.
The bartender says, now listen here partner, we don't want any trouble. What's your business?
The dog lets out a faint growl, lifts up his front right leg and replies, I'm looking for the man who shot my pa .
Hero Salman Khan went to see the girl.
The girl's mother fainted when she saw him. When he regained consciousness, everyone asked him, "
Everyone: Why are you unconscious?"
Daughter's mother: She came to see me 20 years ago.
I can't believe I was brave enough to skip taking my blood pressure medication.
Doing that is not for the faint of heart!
The man anticipated a night of ravenous l**... when the Russian woman entered wearing nothing but a bra and p**.... However, as she was walking, he heard a faint Hello! Hello! coming from her nether regions with each step she took...
Where's that sound coming from? the man asked with a confused look on his face.
She smiled and said, Don't worry, that's just my Privyet parts.
I rang my brothers house....
...and his six year old son, Billy, answered the phone.
"Hey Billy" I said "Is your Dad there?
"Yes" he answered is a whisper. "But he's busy."
"What about your Mum?" I said
"She's busy too", he replied, but again in a whisper I could barely hear.
"What are they doing?" I asked
"They're talking to the policemen" he replied, still in a very faint whisper.
"What are the policemen doing there?" I asked
"Looking for me" he whispered
A f**... service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
A f**... service is held for a lady who just passed away.
As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
They have another f**... for her.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, Watch out for the wall!
A f**... service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
They have another f**... for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
